Silver and Bullets
by that1girl2
Summary: :: Something breaks between Remus and Sirius in their 5th year... but during the summer, something happens to Remus that changes everything... :: Hurt/Comfort/Romance :: Marauder Adventure plot-twist ::
1. Library Sessions

.:x:.

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><p><strong>:::Beginning Author's Note:::<strong>

**HAPPY ENDING GUARANTEED**

**Story Set-Up:**** This story begins in their 5th year when the boys are about to complete the Animagus transformation. It is meant as a canon-loyal love story set against the backdrop and danger of the First Wizarding War. **

**The Shmex:**** If you're not interested in reading the Marauder part of this story **_**whatsoever**_**, then here are the places to look for the steam: Chapters 3, 6, 9, 10, 12, 15, 16, 27, 28, 29 and 30. You're welcome, all you smut lovers ;P**

**Titles:**** The story title has no significance, just needed something to fill the slot. The chapter titles are the ones that really matter.**

**Disclaimer:**** It is I, J. K. Rowling, I totally wrote Harry Potter and I'm a kuhzillionaire. HA! syke.**

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><p><strong>:::Silver and Bullets:::<strong>

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><p>"So…what do we tell people if you die?"<p>

Remus wasn't so sure about this anymore. It was October, fifth year. The four of them were huddled in the library pouring over their stolen Restricted book that held the last remaining potion that would complete the Animagus transformation.

And James had just volunteered to go first.

"It says here," James said, frowning at the fading type, "that the last known person to have died was Boris the Batty in 1836 when he decided to add honey to the potion to make it less sour…"

Sirius snatched the book away from him and shoved his nose in it, leaning back in his chair.

"Uhg, what is this, dried vomit?"

"And how much longer is it going to take to brew?" Peter whined. "We've been at it all summer."

"You mean, _James and I_ have been at it all summer," Sirius' voice wafted from somewhere behind the book.

James laughed and shoved Peter in the shoulder.

Remus grinned at the two of them as he glanced around the library.

"Pince patrol is a negative for now," he noted. "So… have you thought of what animals you want to be?"

"Lion," said James immediately.

Sirius snorted and threw the book aside. "You sure are a daddy's boy…"

"Oh, and what, you're going to be a mommy's boy and become a snake are you?" he snapped.

"Nah… I think it'd be cool to be something that fly's…you know really have some freedom, just go wherever you feel like it any time you want."

He trailed off, staring dreamily out the window into the silver autumn skyline.

Remus looked around at them all as they sat daydreaming about their future Animagus'. James had grown almost a foot over the summer and was catching up to Sirius, whose hair was getting too long for McGonagall to keep quiet much longer. Remus stared at them for a second before looking at Peter, who hadn't grown much and was still as twitchy and nervous as ever. If anything was going to go wrong in the process— it would happen to Peter.

"Don't worry."

Remus looked around. Sirius had been watching him.

"We're not gonna let anything happen to Petey here," he threw an arm around the blonde's shoulders and grinned. "He's safe in our hands."

"Yeah…," Remus said, starting to smile, "but what if he…turns into a fish or something…"

Everyone burst out laughing except for Peter, who looked genuinely worried now.

"I did hear that your Patronus would be the same as your Animagus," James said after a while. "_Almost _always anyway."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Well then how long would it take to learn a Patronus?"

"Longer than it's gonna take to finish the potion," Remus quipped. "Corporeal Patronus' are a right pain in the arse."

"Damn… I'd like to just have a heads up, you know?" Sirius sighed.

James picked up the book and flicked through it again.

"Pince patrol," he muttered absentmindedly.

The other three looked around.

"_Shit!_" Peter hissed, spotting the Librarian coming around the far corner of the History section with her head hidden behind a large stack of books.

There was sudden rush as the legs of four wooden chairs scraped across the stone floor, and several things happened all at once: James slammed the book together, Sirius stood up grabbing both their bags, Peter overturned his ink bottle in his haste to snatch it up along with his essay, Remus swung his messenger bag over his head and pushed Sirius down the Transfiguration isle to escape, and James and Peter went the opposite way to the Restricted section to return the book.

They crept along the F through K listings, breaking into a run towards the door when they heard Madam Pince exclaiming over the spilled ink.

Sirius burst out laughing in the clear corridor. Remus had to pull him, doubled over laughing and "shhh"ing, until they had rounded the far corner to wait for the other two.

"You think they made it?" he panted, completely winded.

"Oh, sure," Sirius sighed, peaking around the corner. He turned back to Remus and grinned at him, letting his breathing return to normal before leaning against the wall and folding his arms.

"You know I'm really gonna miss this," he said after a while.

"Miss what?" said Remus, hopping up to sit on the ledge of a large window. There was snow falling outside now and he leaned his back against the glass, feeling the freezing cold seep through his robes.

"Sneaking around like this… it's almost all over."

Remus stared at him. He knew exactly what he was talking about.

Sirius, James, and Peter had been plotting this transformation since they were in second year. Three years of planning, plotting, sneaking, and brewing of potions, practicing the various stages of spells… for Sirius it had all been great fun. His mischievous nature was born for this kind of thing. They had had three years of a brilliant secret, something totally illegal hidden from the teachers and preformed right under Albus Dumbledore's nose. It had become so much a part of their lives at Hogwarts…

What would they do now? Three years of madness and exhilaration… it _was_ almost all over.

"You'll find something else to sneak out for," Remus said because Sirius' face had lost all its laughter now. "You'll be out at least once a month with me anyway."

Sirius peaked around the corner again before speaking.

"You sound pretty optimistic about it now."

"_Now_?" Remus said, leaning away from the cold glass and more against the side of the castle wall.

"Well….I've just noticed you haven't seemed too happy about it lately…"

Remus looked up and caught him studying his face closely for signs of reaction.

"I…I just…," he started defensively, but couldn't think of what to say. "It's just that…."

Those damn grey eyes were singeing his skin.

He was feeling extremely uncomfortable and knew he must be blushing from the heat in his cheeks. He just wished Sirius would look _away._

"What is it? You can tell me," Sirius was grinning mischievously as if it would be hilarious and nothing at all to be concerned about.

Remus stared at his knees, swinging his feet back and forth off the window sill. He shook his head, gnawing on his lower lip.

"Is it 'cos you're afraid something'll go wrong?" Sirius crooned, hopping up to sit next to Remus.

"No."

"Is it 'cos you're afraid of Peter turning into a fish?"

"….No."

"Look, mate, whatever it is you know you can tell me right?" said Sirius impatiently.

Remus looked up and stared at the opposite wall. Fine. He took a huge inhaling breath, opened his mouth and—

"OY!"

They started.

James and Peter materialized as they whipped the cloak off mid-run and came to halt in front of them, panting.

"You still have it?" Remus exclaimed, staring at the large book in Peters arms.

"Yeah, Pince was in the way so we gave up and booked it..." Peter trailed off clutching a stitch in his side.

"Sort of literally and figuratively…" James panted.

Remus and Sirius snorted. James began rambling about Pince shrieking to the other students over the spilled ink and that she went storming around the Restricted section in a fit, but Sirius glanced sideways at Remus, not paying much attention.

"Look, tell me tonight when they've all gone to bed," he muttered quietly. "I'll come visit you."

Remus caught his eye as James stopped talking.

"What are you two on about?" he blurted out rudely.

"About how you two are such cissys you couldn't get past a lousy _librarian_," Sirius snapped, and both he and Remus hopped off the window sill to head toward the common room with the other two trailing behind.

"Yeah, how are you supposed to get past the Whomping Willow? I'm not sure I trust you now…" Remus called over his shoulder.

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><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~ <strong>


	2. Half Past 1 in the Morning

Remus stared up at the canopy of his four poster bed listening to the tick-tock of the brass alarm clock on his nightstand. It was pitch dark and the others were breathing softly. He knew Sirius was awake too because they kept glancing at each other from across the room, waiting for the other Gryffindors, Jacob and Pallas, to fall asleep.

His mind was racing. A guilty, shamefull feeling was pooling in his gut. He didn't know why it had never occurred to him before this year, but the sudden realization that his friends would be with him during his transformations was... well... unsettling to say the least.

All these years he put his foreboding toward the back of his mind because he knew the day was so far off… it would be years before they would get it right, he could tell them later...

But the year had come. They would be Animagus before Christmas and if he didn't speak up now then they'd be going into it all unprepared. All the blood, the rage, the violence— how could he have led them on so long without speaking up? What would they even _think_ of him when he told them?

Remus sighed and glanced at the clock. Half past one in the morning. Lifting his head, he made eye contact with Sirius who nodded and pulled his sheets back, tip toeing quietly across the room. Remus sat up, reached around and began pulling the curtains closed as Sirius slid onto the end of the bed.

Once they were all shut, Sirius pointed his wand at them and whispered, "_Silencio Totalus... — ...__Lumos Confindus!" _

The small, rectangular cocoon of their four poster bed was filled with a soft golden light that had no distinguishable source.

"Here," Sirius threw him a handful of chocolate frogs and tore open a wrapper of his own.

Remus grinned and propped his pillows on the headboard, getting comfortable. He unwrapped a frog and bit into it.

"Thanks mate," he said, sighing deeply.

Sirius made a small show of flipping his wand into the air to get Remus to smile again, and grinned back. "No problem. So... I've already gathered that this isn't about Peter turning into a jellyfish…"

"No," Remus let out a reluctant laugh. "I'm not sure where to start…"

There was a pause.

"Is it about— in case something tragic happens to us?"

"No…"

Pause.

"It's about," Remus said finally, "what you asked me in third year. During exams… do you remember?"

Sirius frowned at him. And then he remembered…

"Oh… I asked you what it was like when you transformed… and what it felt like. But you refused to tell any of us..."

Remus bit into the frog again. "Yeah… and I didn't answer you because it's really…"

There was a long pause. A minute passed as Remus fought for the words, opening his mouth and hesitating again and again.

"Think I'm old enough to stomach it, yeah?" Sirius said quietly. He wasn't eating the frogs anymore but leaning against the footboard, watching him closely.

Remus sighed again.

"Okay…"

He screwed up his face, looked at his knees, and began slowly.

"Well, it starts with my whole body seizing up. I go into some sort of rigorous fit, my limbs start vibrating and my blood speeds up in my veins. Then slowly, my blood starts _heating _up, until it's at boiling temperature. And I can _feel_ it burning, like my whole insides are plunged into scalding water. And then... and then my bones start to break. I feel everything with this — _heightened_ sense of being… it's like some giant hand is reaching into me and snapping me to bits… and they break through my skin and it's just a bloody mess— my muscles slice open, my organs get punctured. My nerves go completely on fire… my skin stretches itself around the wounds and it feels like hot wax is molding it back together. The bones that don't break crumble or elongate. Then, as soon as all that stops, I start snapping back together in the form of a wolf, and hair starts growing all over me. It feels like icey needles stabbing _every_ pore of my body. My teeth are pushed out of my gums as my fangs grow in. That's why I have to make sure I'm face down 'cos if I'm on my back I can suffocate. And it's right after that… when my fangs form properly… that I lose my mind. I become— _angry_, I hate everything, I hate _myself_, I become a mad, diseased _thing_. The rest is always a blur… but it's almost over at that point, not much left except the tail and claws… they can't be much more painful so it's probably why I don't ever remember them much."

There was a short pause.

"The transformation back feels the same," Remus whispered. "… but in reverse."

He glanced up at Sirius. His lips had parted slightly in shock, and his eyes were wide and full of—

"I don't need your pity," Remus snapped.

Sirius let out a shaky, disgusted breath, looking away from Remus. His eyes didn't change their expression though.

"Why haven't you ever told anyone?" Sirius asked, his voice extremely hoarse.

"You mean why haven't I ever told _you_."

Sirius looked back at him.

"I had no idea," and his voice was so full of emotion it startled Remus. "I mean I knew it was painful but… Merlin… I never knew…"

They were silent for a while.

"So that's why I'm not so keen about this whole thing coming to an end. All these years…" Remus stared upwards at the roof of the four poster bed now "I've been such a fool. I kept thinking… I'll tell them later, I'll _deal _with it later… but now it's 'later' and I'm just so… so scared."

Sirius shifted on the bed but Remus went on.

"It's so _humiliating_. All the blood, and teeth, and screaming. And I'm naked…" his voice dropped into a helpless whimper as he said. "I… I…"

"I know."

Remus looked at him.

"I mean I don't _know_… I just know that… you wouldn't want us to ever see that. I wouldn't, if it were me."

His voice was getting stronger, returning to normal, but his face was still extremely disturbed.

"Yeah," Remus whispered.

They fell silent for a moment.

"We just won't… look at you."

Remus couldn't help it. He burst out laughing.

"Oh, Sirius… everything is so simple to you," he laughed, shaking his head at his knees.

Sirius smiled back. The tension left by Remus' horrific speech was suddenly broken.

"Okay, okay… but we'll try," Sirius said conversationally. "It's too late for us to go back now. And I know _you_ can't, but for Animagi our clothes transform along with us. One of us'll just put on an extra cloak before morphing, that's all. _I'll_ do it. And I'll make _sure_ you're covered up before you've even turned back all the way."

Remus looked him sadly, then dropped his eyes to his knees again.

"Okay," he whispered.

Sirius opened another frog and threw it to Remus who smiled weakly and ate it in silence.

"Thanks for telling me," Sirius said.

It seemed odd to say 'you're welcome' back, so Remus just looked at him.

"You know, we're the closest, you and I— besides me and James. So thanks for trusting me… is all…," he trailed off awkwardly.

"Thanks for not freaking out or blubbering," Remus muttered.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"I would never _blubber_ the way Peter does," he said grinning.

"Hence why I would never _tell_ Peter," Remus said laughing.

They paused again, just soaking in each other's company in silence.

"What's the time?" Sirius said after all the chocolate was gone.

Remus reached out of the curtain, felt around for his clock, and then pulled it inside with them.

"Two… seventeen," he said, squinting at it.

"U'kay."

Remus reached for his wand and muttered _Nox_.

Both he and Sirius parted the curtains on each side of the bed and the one at the footboard. Moonlight streamed in. Sirius swung his feet over the edge and gathered up the frog wrappers slowly, trying to keep the crinkling as silent as possible. He sat there letting his eyes adjust as Remus wriggled under the covers again and pulled the pillows flat.

"Remus…" he whispered. "What kind of Animagus do you think I'll be?"

There was something stiff about his pillow so Remus turned onto his side, smiling.

"I like to picture you as one of those great big friendly dogs…" he whispered softly in the general direction of Sirius' dark silhouette. "You know, the kind with the big beady eyes and the droopy, floppy ears… and long hair… and a tail that never stops wagging."

A soft breath told him Sirius had burst into a smile.

"That'd be wicked…"

Remus smiled wider, but wasn't sure Sirius could see.

"Where are you?" Sirius whispered.

Remus reached out and his hand ran into Sirius' arm. Sirius's left hand felt its way up Remus' arm to his shoulder, then to his neck— and then straight into his hair.

Remus stiffened. What the bloody hell was he doing?

Sirius shifted on the bed, and then Remus felt warm breath on the side of his neck.

"Sirius!" he hissed, completely frozen.

Sirius laughed softly, his hot, wet breath causing shivers to erupt all over Remus' body, and he whispered, "Remus…you're lying on my wand. Move."

His hand had indeed moved past Remus' hair and onto the pillow beyond it. Remus, completely unnerved, shifted his head forward and felt the strangely stiff part of his pillow become soft and squishy again as the wand was removed. The body on top of him moved off and went back to its original seat.

He could tell Sirius was amused by his reaction.

"You ponce, I thought you we're making a bloody move on me," Remus scolded before Sirius could laugh at him about it.

He did anyways.

"You wish, Moony…"

"_Moony_? What the hell is _that_?" Remus whispered, laughing.

"Nickname I just made up," Sirius sniggered.

"Sirius, go to _bed_," Remus shoved him in the shoulder.

Sirius laughed again and padded over to his bed.

"Goodnight, _Moony_," he whispered from across the room.

"Goodnight, _ponce_," Remus whispered back, and they both laughed into the darkness.

But as Remus turned onto his other side and began to fall asleep, he felt his skin tingling where Sirius' hand had brushed it. His hair was prickling where Sirius' fingers had run through it. His neck tingled where Sirius' breath has misted it.

Remus frowned, and felt something strange and warm shoot it's way through middle of his abdomen. He lifted his hand to rake his fingers through his hair in an effort to normalize his nerve endings, but they still prickled tantalizingly.

There was an empty sort of ache in his chest, and for the split second before sleep claimed him, his memory drifted back to the moment when Sirius had breathed hotly on his neck and whispered his name…


	3. Of Dreams and Muffins

Remus' whole body was quivering.

"You like that?"

_"Oh god… yes…"_

Drenched in sweat, Remus threw his head back against the pillows in ecstasy.

The hands were everywhere… sliding up his thighs, down his sticky back, pulling his hips upward in a rhythmic motion. Soft, silky hair fell onto his cheeks, and the girl on top of him kept moaning filthy things into his ear, pushing him closer to the edge… he heard the voice, he clutched at the body, but…

He couldn't lift his head to look her straight in her eyes.

Wait, no it wasn't that…he couldn't even _open_ his eyes. He just felt her warm body pinning him down. He had no control; he just lay there, writhing like something wanton.

Refocusing, he concentrated on her voice… it was so _sexy_, so full of lust… but he couldn't place it to a face. Was he really hearing it or was he imagining it? It was impossible to open his eyes and his arms were too heavy to lift.

In the back of his mind he knew it wasn't possible to look at her without ending this, but the front of his mind didn't yet know he was dreaming.

He wanted to reach up and suck on her tits, pull her down on top of him and cum inside her. He was _so_ close, but his orgasm wasn't crashing even though her words got filthier, hotter, her hips rutted faster, his legs parted wider and his entire body was aching, more aroused than he could ever remember being in his life…

"Uuhng…"

"I'm gonna _suck _you off," she breathed sinfully, "and I want your eyes on me as I slip your limp cock out of my lips and look up at you and swallow all your cum… _uuhng_, I want you…"

He couldn't take it anymore. Why wasn't he cuming? This was torture, complete hell and ecstasy entwined together. He was so close, but unable to reach release…

One hand was missing from his body. What was she doing with it? He heard a moan and realized she must have slipped her hand down to rub herself off. It was making wet, slippery, indecent sounds as it worked her dripping pussy…

He knew that if he saw that, opened his eyes and saw it for himself, he would cum… he just needed that visual to push him over the edge… he needed to…

He opened his eyes. _Finally_… he reached up to grab her hips and push his swollen erection inside her… but…wait… something wasn't right… he was so turned on, so close, he couldn't think… why didn't she have…?... he didn't understand…

And then he really _did _open his eyes.

Panting, bewildered, he stared upwards. Reality crashed down on him.

_"Remus John Lupin, fifth year at Hogwarts, and last night was the full moon, which is why I'm looking up at the white ceiling of the hospital wing instead of the red canopy of my four poster bed," _he recited in his head.

Remus steadied his breathing and sat up to pull the flimsy privacy curtains around him.

"_Oh shit…_ ," he thought, laying back and pushing his pajamas down to his ankles. He grasped his hard member. It was leaking from the tip and ready to burst.

"_Fuck_…" Remus whispered aloud, stroking himself, his breathing labored. He bucked his hips and finally felt the release hit him, spilling all over his stomach, milking his dick over and over until he the ache inside him had ebbed away.

He shook his head. It wasn't enough.

He reached over and grabbed his wand, muttering one of his very private spells, the kind that wizard boys only used in secrecy. His arousal was returned, just as sensitive and as aching as before, and his balls filled with semen again.

Remus turned face down in the bed, spread his legs wide, and fucked his hand against the soft mattress, his other hand propping his chest up. He thrust his hips forward and backward, moaning, lost in his arousal.

He needed this _so much_—he'd never been so horny after a full moon before… every nerve and muscle in his body was hyper-sensitive. The slightest brush of his nipples against the sheets as he thrust sent blood racing into his cock and hammering in his ears. Sweat glistened on his neck and thighs. As he thrust harder, a single salty drop slid out of his hair, down his flushed cheek and across his parted lower lip.

Then all at once, his toes curled, his legs spread wider as he fucked _hard_ into the soft mattress, his back arched, and his neck contracted. He came violently, eyes screwed tight, lips wide, gasping for oxygen. It was so far beyond moaning or _screaming_, he couldn't have processed a sound even if he'd wanted to. His arm shook uncontrollably and he collapsed, trembling against the bed, soaked in sweat and cum.

Remus pressed his forehead into the pillow, finished stroking, then rolled over shaking his head clear.

Where the _hell _did that come from?

He sat up and blushed to himself at the amount of semen that was splattered all over him and the bed sheets. He felt something turning cold under his chin and realized he'd came so hard it had spurted up his body and landed there. He licked his lips, tasting his own sweat and his cock gave another ache.

_"Maybe later…I think I've had enough for one hour…"_ he thought to himself.

He used his wand to clean up the dreadful mess and pulled the curtains back. The others would be visiting around lunchtime.

Laying down again with his pajamas back on, he crossed his arms behind his head on the pillow and thought hard… he'd been having an erotic dream… he remembered being weighted down, like he couldn't move… and a few words. He snatched at the memories… whoever he had been fantasizing about had whispered they wanted to—

BANG

Remus didn't even start. He was so used to his friends bursting through those wooden doors like they owned the place that he'd have been mildly surprised if they had politely let themselves in without a fuss.

The three of them had learned long ago that Remus was sometimes asleep even at noon. By blasting the doors open, they would not only gain entrance, but wake Remus as well. _Two birds, one spell_, James had so adequately put it.

"Sweet Merlin, what the _hell_ is that," Remus moaned as the smell of freshly baked blueberry muffins wafted over him.

"We brought you some sausage links and some tea also." Peter grinned, setting the jug and food parcel on the bedside table.

James and Sirius climbed onto the foot of the bed and pulled out a chess board.

"How were lessons?" Remus asked as they all settled in.

He felt slightly perverted as he stared down at the sheets they were sitting on… if they'd known what he was doing on them not twenty minutes ago…

"Potions was great," said James, moving his castle forward six squares. "Sirius got a Dungbomb in Snivillus's potion from halfway across the room, _without magic. _Just chucked it and scored… you'd be a damn good Chaser if you'd just try out for the team," he added to Sirius.

Sirius smiled broadly, obviously enjoying himself.

"It _was_ one of my finer shots."

"Oh, and we started _our_ potion, it's been brewing since five this morning," Peter piped in.

Sirius gave Remus a swift look. Remus raised his eyebrows and Sirius went back to his game.

"Really?" Remus said to Peter. "You've uh… quite got that last spell mastered?"

"Yes," said Peter defiantly. "That's why we started the potion so early— I stayed up late last night practicing and by the time I was going to go to bed it was a little more logical to just stay up at that point…"

"Whoa, Peter you did something _logical?_" James teased.

Peter chucked his book at him.

"Hey, hey, watch the game please," said Sirius, in mock concentration.

Remus split open a muffin and took a large bite.

"Ouch!" he yelped. The blueberries burned the roof of his mouth and he choked.

"Oh sorry!" James said. "Should have told you we got them from the kitchens so they were justbaked a few minutes ago."

"Yeah, thanks." Remus grumbled, trying to swallow. His throat blistered and he took a swig of tea.

"Aaahh!" Remus clapped a hand over his mouth, reached for the napkin and got rid of the searing hot food.

"What?" yelped Sirius and Peter.

"Uhg…" he gasped, stretching his mouth. "Boiling hot tea is _what_… Merlin, what are you three trying to do, kill off all my taste buds?"

Remus scowled as the others snorted with laughter. He put a cooling charm on the food and went back to eating, trying his best to give them all the silent treatment.

For the rest of the break James squashed everyone spectacularly at chess and Peter recited the remaining components of the Potion, some of which they would need to steal from Hogsmead as the Hogwarts pantry didn't even store them.

"We'll figure out how to sneak out when you get back tonight," James said excitedly, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

Peter and Sirius gathered up the chess set and food wrappings as the bell rang.

Remus sighed. Madam Pomfrey would be out shortly to fuss over him and tell him to get another eight hours sleep before leaving. It was always the same routine.

He thought he had heard everyone leave but jumped slightly at the sound of oncoming footsteps.

It was Sirius.

"Hey," Remus said, cocking his head questioningly.

"Uhm…" Sirius stopped at the side of the bed and dropped his school bag. "I know Pomfrey's gonna give you that Pepper-Up potion so I wanted to heal those burns real quick in case they sting."

He pulled his wand out and then said quickly, "I usually cool the food if it's hot like that, but I just… forgot."

"Oh. Yeah… okay," Remus sat up. He grinned despite himself. That was the closest he had ever heard Sirius come to apologizing for anything.

"You're only doing this cos I told you what it's like to transform," Remus said bluntly, but still smiling.

Sirius smiled back.

"Yeah, you're right," he admitted. "I can't help it though."

"Going soft?"

"Shut it."

Remus grinned and waited for him to point the wand at his face, but he didn't. He frowned.

"Oh," Sirius started. "I can't just point it at you, you have to open your mouth… uh…here."

He reached out, placed his thumb on Remus' lower lip and hooked the rest of his hand under Remus' chin, easing his jaw open.

The second Sirius' thumb touched his lip he felt a jolt in his stomach and blood pooling in his groin.

_"Great… I'm so horny now blokes are turning me on…"_ Remus thought exasperatedly.

Sirius settled down in front of him on the edge of the bed and started muttering a healing spell, maneuvering his wand around. He slowed down when the last red patch was healing, and it was his turn to frown.

He stopped staring into Remus' mouth and glanced up. Amber eyes met grey as Remus closed his jaw slightly but Sirius didn't remove the thumb from his lip.

Remus turned his head away, looking down to the left of the nightstand so Sirius wasn't even in his peripheral vision anymore.

"Uh… right…okay, I'll see you after dinner then," Sirius said unnaturally loud. He cleared his throat in a disturbed kind of way and stood up.

Remus looked around at him before Sirius could leave. Neither of them was smiling. They just stared at each other, expressionless. Then Sirius tore his gaze away and left the hospital wing.

Remus threw himself back on his pillows.

A minute passed and the second bell rang to signal the start of class. They had Charms now and there was no way Sirius had made it across the castle in time, which meant he was probably getting another detention for tardiness. Remus grinned.

"Ponce," he whispered to the ceiling.

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><p><strong>Please Review! :)<strong>


	4. Broken

The plan was almost set. It was past midnight and the common room was empty. James, Sirius and Peter had pulled up chairs around the bulletin board, where Remus had tacked a very large white piece of parchment and was scribbling on it as they threw suggestions at him.

Remus finished writing _Mirror on fourth floor_.

"Okay and then it takes about fifteen minutes to get to the hollowed out oak tree behind the Three Broomsticks from there—," Sirius was saying.

"No it doesn't, it takes twenty minutes," Remus cut in.

"No, it takes fifteen—," Sirius argued back.

"It takes twenty if we're trying to stay quiet at 1:30 in the morning—,"

"What the bloody hell are you trying to be quiet for, you think people are gonna be camping out in sleeping bags—,"

"That corridor passes right under Flitwicks sleeping chambers—,"

"Oh and, what, we're taking an extra five minutes to pass across an area three yards wide—,"

"That's not the point—,"

"Just write fifteen minutes on the fuckin' time schedule Moony—,"

"_Moony_?" Peter and James chimmed together.

"Stop calling me that!" Remus shot at Sirius.

"Yeah, that's the weirdest insult you've thrown out in years, mate," James said grinning.

"It's not an _insult_, it's a nickname. You know, in case we're talking about each other and we don't want the people around us to know who we're referring to—,"

"When would you _ever_ need to do that?" James said laughing.

"Can we get back to the plan please?" Remus said writing _twenty minutes_ on the time schedule very clearly so that Sirius wouldn't miss it. He heard him growl and curse at him under his breath.

"I heard that." Remus said over his shoulder.

Another hour passed before Remus stepped back and read the finalized plan.

The sneak into Hogsmead to break into _Wizardry Brewing Supplies _would take place on the second of November, which was a Sunday, and as Peter pointed out, the night when teachers would least suspect students to roam the halls.

They would use the large passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor which would take them to the hollow tree behind the Three Broomsticks. From there they would sneak behind the shops until they hit the fork in the road on Main Street. Peter would stand watch from the alleyway next to Zonko's, and Remus, James, and Sirius would sneak out under the invisibility cloak to the shop in the center of the road.

Sirius had a knife that could untie knots and unlock any door. They would use this to get in the side supply door, and as Sirius and Remus waited next to the doorway keeping an eye on the road, James would sneak in and find the ingredients.

"We should still pay for them though… just leave the gold on the counter with a note," Remus said after he was finished reading the plot to get back in.

Everyone burst out laughing.

"You know, if you weren't with us we'd be the baddest criminals in England," Sirius said, shaking his head.

"Yeah Remus, stop messing up our style, people won't take us seriously," chuckled James.

"Oh, shut up," Remus said, taking the poster down and rolling it up. "You can sign it _Moony_ if you don't want anyone to know who you're bloody referring to."

"Ha HA!" Sirius yelled at James. "You _see_ the shoe is on the other table now…which has… turned…?"

James fell on the floor laughing and Sirius kicked him.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>So one week later they were all lying wide awake in their beds waiting for the clock to chime 1:15.<p>

Remus was having a hard time staying awake. He'd been in bed since ten and had had plenty of time to warm it up. It was strange how comfortable and soft his bed was when he least wanted to leave it.

He lifted his head. James had abandoned the pretense of sleeping and had just sat up in the dark, staring around. Remus grinned and sat up too.

James smirked wickedly at him and looked over at Jacob and Pallas who slept on either side of his four poster. He made a loud snoring sound at Jacob, who grunted but didn't wake up. Remus pressed his fist to his mouth trying not to laugh. James did it again, this time at Pallas. He sounded ridiculous. Sirius and Peter began squirming with silent laughter at his sheer absurdity.

"_James, shut the fuck up!"_ Sirius hissed at him.

James made another long snore and then let it out by flapping his lips together in an absurd raspberry sound.

Remus' had a sharp stitch in his side from trying not to laugh out loud.

Ten minutes later they were all creeping out the door, ready to pull it closed. James stuck his head in one last time to make a particularly loud gurgling snort and Remus closed the door on his face.

"You deserve it you _git_," Remus said as James rubbed his injured nose and the other two finally released their laughter.

It did indeed take them twenty minutes to get to the hollowed out oak tree once they had gotten into the passageway. But Remus held his "I told you so" for later.

Sirius and James were at their worst. Both of them were cracking jokes and trembling in a frenzied excitement. In a rush of bittersweet emotion, Remus realized that they both knew this was the last time they'd be sneaking out for anything related to the Animagus transformation, and they were fully appreciating the suspense and danger of it. They were clinging desperately to their last night of mischief as if their lives depended on it.

Remus caught Peters' eye in the alley behind Zonko's as they prepared to split up. They grinned at each other. Both of them felt like third wheels.

There was no one on the dark windy street as Remus and Sirius slipped out of the invisibility cloak and James entered the shop. It became unusually quiet with Sirius and James separated from each other.

Remus chanced a glance at Sirius who was staring hungrily around in the dark, as if _wanting_ someone to come catch them and make the situation that much more dangerous. He was positively beaming, his eyes glittering with mischief.

Remus shook his head, smiling to himself and looked around. He heard a door open and close somewhere. He stopped leaning against the shop and looked around, trying to find the source and if anyone was in view of them.

"Sirius, pay attention, I think someone's out here," Remus whispered to him.

Wind blew softly and the eerie creaking of a sign reached them. Somewhere in the distance, an owl hooted twice into the night.

And then he heard it— the crunching of footsteps in the snow. He looked around at Sirius in a panic, but it was clear that the other boy didn't find this as unnerving as Remus did. If anything, he stepped toward the light of a street lamp as if to make himself _more_ visible.

The increased speed of footsteps spurred him into action. Remus stepped forward and grabbed Sirius by the shoulders, steering him backward into the extremely cramped alley next to the potions shop and Madam Pudifoots, and clamped a hand over the other boys' mouth. The crunching was getting louder.

Remus looked at Sirius who had lowered his eyes to stare at the hand over his mouth. Their chests were pressed together and Remus was squished so close against him that he had to put his right foot in between both of Sirius'.

And then something broke.

Remus' eyes widened. It was not that something had physically broken. It was perceptual, and from the way Sirius' eyes widened too, he knew that it had broken for Sirius at the exact same time.

It was suddenly and intensely inappropriate to be this close to each other. Remus' hand over Sirius' mouth should _not_ be there because the atmosphere was different now.

Had Remus been pressed against James, they would be shaking with silent laughter. Had Sirius been silenced by Peter, he would be trying to jokingly put the moves on him just to freak him out.

But they were not with James or Peter. They were with each other, and for a reason that only the universe now knew, this was _not_ safe territory anymore.

Remus panicked. The hand over Sirius' mouth felt dirty and unbearable. He wrenched it off as if it had burned.

_Immediately_ he knew it was the worst action he could have possibly done. Sirius' face was fully in view now and what was more, their lips were a mere two inches apart. Both of their heads flew away from each other, hit the opposite walls of the shops, and then bounced back.

"Ouch!" they both hissed as their foreheads collided sharply. They were wincing from the pain and struggling in vain to keep their chests from touching.

A dark figure in a cloak passed through view but neither of them noticed. Blood was hammering in Remus' ears and he couldn't hear anything, even the subsiding sounds of the crunching footsteps.

Sirius stopped moving and took a deep breath.

"It's tight in here, yeah?" he said in a horribly forced conversational voice.

"Yeah," Remus echoed, staring around wildly, anywhere except Sirius' face.

Misted breath shot out from their mouths as if they had both just ran a marathon. Then Remus had an idea. He reached up and covered his own mouth with his hand as if warming it.

It worked.

The tension broke, both of their shoulders relaxed, and sanity started to pour back into Remus' head. It was no longer so awkward for their chests to be touching. They made eye contact and it didn't feel so painfully intimate anymore.

Remus frowned. Why had they both reacted like that?

"_Guys_?" they heard James whisper from around the corner.

Sirius shoved past Remus at lightning speed. Remus could tell he was also completely unnerved at what had just happened.

"What were you doing over there?" James grinned.

Remus felt like he had missed a step going downstairs.

When James said _"What were you doing over there?"_ in that tone, Sirius would always, _always,_ joke that he had been snogging whoever he was with. It never failed to make James roar with laughter.

Only this time, Sirius didn't. He opened his mouth to respond as if his reaction was on auto-pilot. But then he seemed to choke on his words and a weird sound erupted before he shut his mouth again.

James' eyes widened in shock. Sirius had _never _missed out on that joke before.

"This is when you say you've been snogging," he prompted bluntly, surveying at his best friend in alarm.

Both of them stared at James with wide eyes as if trying to telepathically shut him up.

James grinned again, obviously thinking Sirius was about to crack a new joke.

"You weren't _actually_ snogging were you—?"

"NO!"

James jumped and made to take a step back.

Both Remus and Sirius had said the word with such force and immediacy that they had almost yelled it.

They looked at each other, startled, before tearing their eyes away. Their gaze seemed unable to hold now, as if it burned to look at the other in the eyes.

They just stood there now, looking at James for a very long awkward amount of time.

James wasn't grinning anymore. Cautiously, he attempted one more half-hearted joke, but Sirius didn't respond. His jaw was set and his eyes were full of tension.

"Uhm…okay, well let's go find Peter and get the hell out of here shall we?" James said, utterly crestfallen.

They got under the cloak again and crept back to Peter. The journey into the castle was sickeningly silent. Peter had no idea what was going on and ended up assuming the issue was between Sirius and James.

"What are they mad at each other about?" Peter muttered to Remus as they crept through the stone passageway again. "What the hell happened?"

Remus didn't know how to answer him so he whispered "Nothing" and kept on. James continued prompting jokes but Sirius was relentlessly sulky. He didn't smile or grin once.

They reached the common room and James rounded on Sirius, face furious.

Sirius cut him off and said "Look, you three go on up, I'm just gonna stay down here for a while."

"What happened?" Peter said immediately.

"Nothing, Peter," Sirius said exasperatedly.

He threw himself into the armchair by the fire and stared into the gleaming coals.

Remus didn't wait for the other two. He turned on his heel and headed up to the dormitory. James and Peter followed him silently. James caught Remus' eye and steered him, with a vice-like grip on his arm, into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them.

He threw him a furious look and snarled, "What the _fuck_ happened while I was in there? What did you do?"

"What did _I_ do? _Me?" _Remus shot back him indignantly.

"Fine, what did either of you do? You're telling me now or I'm cursing you so bad even your _ears_'ll be bleeding," he spat, aiming his wand at Remus' face.

"He told me how much he's going to miss sneaking out like this," Remus invented wildly. "He said it wasn't ever going to be the same after you finally pull off the transformation, and then he got depressed and he's been sulking ever since."

James blinked. After a long moment he lowered his wand and stared at the floor, looking ridiculously sad and helpless.

"Oh," he said simply. "I thought I was only one who felt like that."

Remus smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm going to bed," he whispered. "Just leave Sirius to himself tonight. See you in the morning, mate."

"Yeah…"

Remus shut the door and slipped into bed, his mind racing with what had happened in that cramped alleyway…

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus didn't sleep well at all. He was the last to fall asleep and the first to wake up. Frustrated, he jumped into the shower, eye's lidded and head groggy. It was only when he came out twenty minutes later that he realized Sirius wasn't in bed.<p>

He frowned. Grabbing his clothes, he shoved them on and left the dormitory, creeping downstairs barefoot.

Sirius was fast asleep in the armchair by the fire. He had his feet propped up on the low coffee table, head falling forward and sideways onto his shoulder. Remus looked down at him for a moment. His hair was getting ridiculous…

Rolling his eyes, he sat next to the chair on the squishy loveseat. He picked up a huge brown leather book, took aim, and casually tossed it at the right angle so that the wide part of the cover made an immensely loud slapping, banging sound against the hardwood.

Sirius jumped, startled awake. His eyes swiveled around and latched onto Remus, his shoulders stiffening.

"Hey," Remus whispered in his direction, sitting back and staring into the fire pit. "It's six thirty."

Sirius just looked at him sleepily. His eyes were drooping but he shifted upwards so he didn't slouch so much.

"I fell asleep," he grumbled.

"Observation of the century," Remus drawled.

There was a startled pause as Sirius processed the joke, and then laughed.

Remus looked around at him. Sirius was smiling widely. It seemed no matter how many jokes James cracked, the person he had needed to joke with most was Remus.

Remus realized this immediately. It hit him like a ton of bricks. Why the hell hadn't he thought of it last night? Anytime Sirius had been mad with someone, or gotten into an argument, the only way to recover was to make him laugh. Jokes were his way of apologizing, and the only way a friendship with him could ever be repaired.

That undistinguishable _thing_ that broke last night... Remus had to repair it.

He grinned, basking in the relief of this discovery. He had one hour before the others would wake up and start trailing down to breakfast. And damn if he couldn't make Sirius Black laugh for the whole hour of it.

He starting forming jokes in his mind, turned toward Sirius, and, like a good student, went to work.

* * *

><p><strong>Please Review! Pretty please? *batts eyelashes*<strong>


	5. The Marauders

"This _can't_ be real."

It was November 28th and the four of them were standing in the Room of Requirement. It was a crisp Saturday afternoon and the room had changed into a friendly circular chamber with huge mirrors covering the walls and cushions littering the floor. It had one very long rectangular table directly in the middle, and on that table were three identical groups of potions.

Each cluster had exactly 17 glass bottles. Some were big, containing several cups of liquid, while others were extremely tiny, containing only a few drops. They were all different colors and had been set in a particular order from front to back as if they needed to be drunk in a specific order.

And the four of them stood in front of the table, trying to get their nerves together.

Sirius seemed to be losing his cool.

"Three years… oh Merlin, this can't be real…" he actually reached up and yanked his hands through his hair.

Remus opened his mouth, hesitated, and then closed it. His throat was too dry to speak.

None of them were talking sensibly or even looking at each other. They just stood there, shoulder to shoulder, facing the table, staring terrified at what could very well be their doom.

"I said I would go first, Sirius," James reminded him hoarsely.

They all looked around at him. James was unusually green and seemed unable to open his mouth, like he would throw up if he did. He didn't look back at them but continued to stare at his cluster of potions. His eyes roamed them up and down, slightly glazed, wide-eyed and terrified.

They all knew the risks. If even one of those seventeen potions was brewed incorrectly, they could be in mortal peril. The consequences included everything from being stuck permanently in between transformation, being brain damaged beyond repair, and dying.

All four of them had seen the gruesome pictures in the Restricted books. They had all had nightmares about it, those images haunting them cruelly during cold winter nights when all their fears took over, paralyzing them as the darkness sank skin deep.

And now the time had come. This was the moment of truth.

Along with the potions, there were spell components as well. After potions three, four, seven, nine, thirteen, fifteen, and sixteen, they had to perform seven unique spells which _had_ to be preformed properly and could not be inflicted by anyone else. They needed to have mastered the spells on their own.

Throughout the history of the Animagus transformation, there had been previous wizards who had simply lost their heads and preformed the spells wrong even though their potions were brewed perfectly. The consequences for performing the spells wrong or out of order were equally as incapacitating.

Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. Then twenty.

No one moved, no one spoke.

They glanced at each other a few times but no one dared to look at James. They were all terrified that James would catch the other's eye and decided to begin. If anything happened to him… they wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of being the one who finally pushed him into it.

Twenty five minutes. Half past noon…

"It's time."

James whispered it. His face was pale but set. He looked almost defiant, as if mentally telling all his fears to just fuck off.

They looked at him again and then moved silently to the other side of the table, now facing James. He looked lonely, standing by himself with nothing but his demons for company.

He looked at them all and smiled weakly. They grinned back as his eyes roamed hungrily over each of their faces. Then he walked forward, picked up the first bottle and threw it back.

He paused, capped it and set it down. He picked up the second one, which was a rather large bottle full of dark purple potion. It took several drinks to get it all down and he gulped deeply, shivering in disgust when he had finally finished it. He took a huge shaky breath, picked up the next bottle and took two swigs to get it down.

Sirius had clutched at his hair again, breathing fast. He was staring wide eyed at James as if terrified he would drop dead at any second.

James pointed his wand at his chest and muttered the enchantment. He immediately started coughing as though someone had punched him hard in the lungs.

"Oh Merlin… that didn't feel too great…" he groaned.

He took another huge breath and threw back the smallest bottle, potion number four.

Pointing his wand at his temple, he spoke the second spell with the air of pulling the trigger of a gun.

His eyes screwed shut and he shook his head.

"Wow…"

"What happened?" Peter whimpered.

James just glanced at Peter, jerked his head once, and then picked up the next bottle. He didn't seem affected by it at all. But when he gulped down the sixth potion, his knees buckled and his hands flew up to catch himself from falling face forward. He groaned loudly.

Remus and Sirius had started to run forward immediately but then—

"No!" James yelled to the floor, his head hanging. "It's fine… I'm fine…"

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and Sirius nodded. They walked carefully back to their places on either side of Peter.

James hoisted himself up using the table. His hand trembled violently as he uncorked the seventh potion and drank.

He coughed on it, spluttering before he had even finished.

"Uhg… uhhhkkk…," he spluttered between coughs, his face twisted in agony.

He grabbed his wand and pointed at his temple again, choking the spell out.

He instantly stopped coughing and his trembling subsided. He breathed steadily, a little alarmed at the sudden change in his condition. He looked at the others and grinned. They all let out simultaneous breaths they hadn't realized they'd been holding.

Potions eight and nine were taken together, having to be mixed together in the mouth before swallowing. James cocked his head curiously to the side as he swished them with his tongue and gulped. Then he lifted his wand and preformed the next spell on his abdomen.

He gasped, but instead of clutching his gut he dropped his wand and put both hands on either side of his head as if trying to keep it from falling off. He looked remarkably like Nearly Headless Nick.

"Whewww…," he whispered, eyes wide. He let go of it gingerly and nodded, then picked his wand up again.

Potions ten through thirteen didn't cause any side effects. He waved his wand in an "X" over his chest while murmuring the incantation after potion thirteen. The spell swooped over him, forcing him backward a few steps and ruffling his hair.

He looked visibly disturbed after potion fourteen, and fifteen caused him to gasp, clutching his throat. He spit on the floor before casting the next spell to his face. It paled and he winced, feeling his cheeks gingerly.

He swung the sixteenth potion back, pointing his wand at his stomach at the same time. It was a nonverbal spell to be cast as the potion entered his throat. There was a very loud, audible snapping sound that emanated from his chest and he contracted at the same time.

"AAAAAaaaaaaaaa… uhg…oh _shit_ that hurt…" he moaned, clutching his chest. "Uhg… that wasn't nice…"

There was one potion left. He chucked his wand aside, staggered to the table and, leaning hard on it, uncorked the bottle, trembling violently, and gulped it down.

James paused, breathing haggardly.

Then something happened. He doubled over, falling to the floor and began morphing.

His hair was elongating… or was it his hair? No, it was something else…

Sirius and Remus and Peter were paralyzed in fear and awe.

James' skin was no longer skin, it was hair. His clothes were dissolving into his body. Instead of falling off they changed along with him. Something clattered on the floor and then it stopped. It was over.

The creature stumbled to its feet and they stared, relief and exhilaration sweeping over them. Where James had been doubled over in agony not ten seconds ago, there now stood a tall— unnervingly tall—stag.

Its antlers were shockingly sharp and impressive. Its face was beautiful, thin and innocent looking with rather curious black marks around the eyes. The coat was extremely shiny, a deep chestnut red color with white spots sprayed all over. It stumbled back nervously, hooves clattering on the stone floor, and one of the back legs tripping over a small cushion. It moved its head back and forth, staring at the three of them with soft, kind, glittering hazel eyes.

Then its beautiful head turned and stared into the nearest mirror. It edged closer and stopped in front of it. Its body turned and the head moved up and down, getting a better look at its impressive antlers.

Remus and Sirius had joined him. They grinned, reaching up to stroke the neck and face. Words failed them.

Remus smiled and touched the antlers, then cupped the face and stroked the flat of his hand down the snout. It was so soft. He smiled into those big innocent eyes and the stag tossed its head in a friendly way. Remus and Sirius laughed.

Remus looked over at Peter.

"Pete, James isn't going to charge at you. Get over here."

Sirius laughed.

Peter walked cautiously toward the stag. He stood as far away from it as he possibly could while brushing the top of the black nose with the very ends of his fingers.

It tossed its head menacingly and stomped its front hoof into the ground, huffing out of its nose. Peter yelled and ran behind the table again.

Remus and Sirius fell over laughing, clutching the walls and the stag for support. The deer moved weirdly out of the corner of Remus' eye and suddenly, James was there, head thrown back, roaring with laughter and falling backward onto his rear as he lost his balance from the transformation. Sirius, who had been leaning on the stags back, was pushed down too.

James sprawled himself out languidly and stared up at the ceiling. They had never seen him so wildly happy before.

"That was _amazing_," he laughed, shaking his head.

Sirius stood up and offered his arm to help James to his feet. James shook his head.

"No…no I need to lie here for a second," he breathed, smiling widely.

Remus grinned down at him.

"No lion, hu?" he said.

James shook his head.

"No, I'm a stag! A _stag_!" he shook his head bemusedly at the ceiling again. "I thought I was going to die a few times in though… we at least brewed all the potions right, now you two just need to pull those spells off… some of them were a right pain in the arse, it's hard to keep a straight head after some of them… literally, one of them made me feel like my head was going to fall off my shoulders…"

"What does it feel like when you're transformed?" Remus said eagerly.

"It feels like…like I'm not myself…I can't really process language correctly…I sensed these… emotions, and I knew what you were saying but it wasn't because I heard you, it was because I could sense you… I mean, okay, I did _hear_ you but my brain wasn't able to understand it… even though I did… oh fuck it, I can't describe it," he said shaking his head again and throwing his hands a little in a resigned sort of way.

They laughed and then fell silent.

"So… who's going next?" Remus said finally.

Sirius looked over at Peter who was white and trembling. He laughed.

"Petey should go."

Peter yelped and shook his head violently, eyes bulging.

"No! No _please_," he begged.

"C'mon Pete, if you go last the suspense is just going to be worse for you," Sirius reasoned. "I mean… at this point we all know that if _James_ can pull it off then I damn well can."

Peter shook his head again pleadingly.

"Pete, I think Sirius is right," Remus said kindly. He moved forward and gripped his shoulder. "Come on, it's time. Now or never."

Peter was sweating profusely, but the hand on his shoulder steadied him.

He whimpered and said, " 'kay."

James stood up and he and Sirius joined the other two. For ten minutes they threw encouragements at Peter, building up his confidence as much as possible. James even listed off all the side effects of each potion.

"So now you know," he finished finally. "You've got _nothing_ to be scared of 'cos you know exactly what to expect. None of the sensations are too much to bear, their just _strange_ and uncomfortable, and the potions aren't exactly pumpkin juice, but I _promise_ you it's nothing you can't handle. And most importantly: you're a goddamn Gryffindor for Merlin's sake! You can do this!"

He yelled the last two lines proudly and clapped Peter on his back.

And so it happened. For twenty minutes in which Remus, Sirius, and James watched painfully, Peter threw each potion back and preformed each spell with great effort.

Each time Peter lifted his wand they winced and prepared to rush forward to… well they weren't sure what exactly they _would_ do. Catch him? Run for Madam Pomfry? Prepare to sob their good-byes as Peter tragically died in their arms?

Unlike with James, they had to keep encouraging him on, reminding him of the order of the spells and their proper movements.

"_Concentrate!_" they yelled at him so many times they lost count.

James was even more anxious. He obviously knew which parts Peter would find difficult to handle so he fidgeted nervously when he knew they were about to kick in. Remus reached out more than once to grab the back of his robes and warn him to stay put.

Peter wasn't doing well at all by the time he picked up the sixteenth potion. He was chalk-white and seemed to sway as if about to pass out from pure fear.

"You can do this, you're almost there!" Sirius yelled at him.

"Peter, you've practiced these spells for years, you _know_ you can do this!" James yelled.

"You've got _one_ spell left and then you're done, the next potion is brewed correctly and you won't have to worry about a thing after this. Just _concentrate_!" Remus urged.

Peter nodded once, lifted the sixteenth potion to his lips, pointed his wand at the same time and—

They all sighed. He'd done it. And Peter knew it too.

His eyes widened. He grabbed the last bottle and gulped.

He shrank, morphing towards the floor at lightning speed until he was… gone.

Silence.

They looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

"Peter?" Remus said nervously, standing on his toes to look over the table.

They walked carefully around it and looked down. There was nothing there.

They frowned at each other.

"What—where—?" James spluttered.

"How—?" Sirius whispered.

Remus was bewildered. "He did everything right… I don't get it…"

Struck by a sudden idea, he made wide eyes at the other two and stretched his arms out, feeling the air.

"What if he's a thestral or one of those invisible Llamas from Brazil?" he whispered.

They all raised their arms and started walking around until—

"OY!" Sirius yelled.

They jumped and ran over to him. He was staring at a large red cushion that was bulging slightly on one side. And poking its tiny brown head out from under it was—

"Peter?" Remus whispered, crouching down and reaching his cupped hand down to the little creature. It trembled, sniffed at his hand, and then crawled lightly into it.

Remus smiled and stood up, holding Peter-the-rat in front of them.

It was rather cute. It had very fluffy light brown hair, and an adorable little face with round pink ears and watery eyes. The wispy white whiskers twitched as it sniffed the air with a wet pink nose.

James and Sirius cocked their heads and leaned forward, grinning at it. They looked very much like two brothers cooing at a newborn baby. James held his pinky up to it and the rat gripped it affectionately with its tiny cold paws.

"Well, shit, Peter, you're bloody adorable," he joked.

It squeaked and looked downward at the floor. Remus realized it must be very high up for a rat so he set it gingerly on the stone and, before he could stand up again, Peter had sprouted at his feet looking utterly shocked at his achievement.

They all laughed and helped him to him up, thumping his back and beaming with pride.

"Peter, do you know what this means?" Sirius said suddenly. "You can get to the stump at the base of the Whomping Willow!"

"Yeah!" James said triumphantly. "We don't even have to transform back just to aim a spell at it as long as you're with us!"

"You did really great Peter, bloody brilliant," Remus said smiling.

Then they all stiffened and looked around. It was Sirius' turn.

"Pfft, don't fuckin' look at me like that, I got this shit…" he walked over—no, _swaggered_ over— and started throwing back potions without even waiting for the other three to get into place.

They scrambled around the table to observe Sirius with excitement.

He was incredible to watch. His had mastered the spells like an expert and, compared to the other two, Remus felt like he was watching an artist at work.

"Stop _smirking_ you bastard, you didn't have the balls to go first, you don't have any right looking smug," said James crossing his arms, but he was grinning nonetheless.

Even for Sirius, it still wasn't a walk in the park. Sirius doubled over and gasped when the effects of the potions hit him. But he never trembled in fear or started sweating. And he never lost his nerve. He even started casually conversing with the others around the thirteenth potion.

"Damn I'm hungry, can't wait for some steak tonight. You think they'll serve steak or chicken?" he pointed his wand and muttered the spell. "Cos I could really go for some steak…"

Remus laughed. Sirius glanced at him and toasted the next potion in his direction.

"Cheers, Moony," he said before gulping it down. He slammed the bottle down as if finishing a shot.

"Can't wait to start running around in a few weeks. When's the next full moon?" he said casually over the rim of the fifteenth potion before taking a swig.

"December eighteenth."

Sirius caught his eye and grinned. Remus stared at him, now smiling curiously. There was something strange glinting behind those grey eyes of his…

Sirius murmured the spell and picked up the sixteenth bottle. He locked eyes with Remus again before combining the spell and potion.

Remus narrowed his eye's questioningly at Sirius. They'd been struggling to regain their natural friendship ever since that night just three weeks ago when they had been pressed so close together in the alley. What was Sirius playing at, looking at him like this, in the middle of the Animagus transformation of all places?

"This is it," Sirius breathed when it was done. He picked up the final bottle. Hesitating, he looked up at Remus again.

He had no eyes for anyone else. The intensity of his gaze grew. Remus felt his stomach swoop and he stared back, not smiling anymore. It was like Sirius was trying hard to read something. His eyes were boring into Remus' in a way that said…

Remus felt himself blushing.

That bloody _thing_… that thing he worked so hard to repair these last few weeks. It was broken again.

He caught himself staring at his friends face, taking in those deep stormy eyes, the way his silky hair caressed his cheeks, and the way his lips moved against the edge of the glass potion bottle as he whispered—

"This's for you, Remus," and drank.

He doubled over, and everything became darker.

He was shrinking, black hair sprouting and draping around him.

Remus stared, frozen in shock.

Sirius had transformed into the exact dog that Remus had jokingly predicted last month. Everything, down to the breed he had imagined, had come true. The length of the hair, the shiny eyes, the shape of the face… even the wagging tail. It was precisely the animal that had formed spontaneously in his sleepy head at two seventeen in the morning all those nights ago.

There was noise going on around him but he couldn't process it. The other two had run forward in elation. The dog had jumped around in excitement, staring at itself in the mirror. But his own world had come to an abrupt halt.

"Remus?" James said, realizing he hadn't moved. "Remus, what's wrong?"

Remus didn't hear or answer him. He just stared at the dog. He couldn't move.

The large creature padded almost cautiously over to him. Remus looked down at it in disbelief. It walked closer, nudged a cold wet nose at his hand, and licked it. Then it wagged its tail, stepped back and barked cheerfully up at him.

Remus smiled weakly.

He gave in and knelt down. He stared into its eyes. The candle light was reflecting in them, making them sparkle.

Remus reached up and cupped the face, rubbing behind both ears. He grinned. This was a million times harder than cupping the stags face. The dogs hair was silky soft and shiny. James and Peter were patting its back and scratching its head, talking about who knew what. Neither of them noticed when the dog leaned forward and licked Remus directly on the mouth.

His smile vanished. He had a sudden, incredibly strong desire to have Sirius-the-human in front of him _now_, with his very human eyes gazing at him and his very human lips so close to his.

The dog moved upwards strangely and, a second later, Sirius was kneeling there.

James cleared his throat.

Remus jumped. He had forgotten to move his hands away. They were wrapped around either side of Sirius' neck, palms resting on the jaw and thumbs on the creamy skin in front of his ears.

Sirius grinned at him, his eyes full of... _something._

Remus snatched his hands away and stood up. But Sirius stayed kneeling in front of him for a moment, gazing up, grinning wickedly, and Remus realized forcefully how his face should _not_ be so close to his crotch…

He stood up slowly, never breaking eye contact.

"Is something wrong?" James' voice cut in.

Sirius ignored him.

"Well…that _was_ pretty wicked…," he whispered, his voice deeper than usual.

Remus smiled weakly. He couldn't think of anything to say.

Sirius stood back and caught each of the others' eyes. They all stepped back too until the four of them formed a circle. Then, smiling at Remus, they all morphed simultaneously into a magnificent stag, a large shiny dog, and a tiny brown rat.

He couldn't help himself. He roared with laughter and gazed at them all hungrily, more proud than he could ever remember being in his entire life.

They had done it.

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~ :)<strong>


	6. December

Remus was fidgeting a little, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to fasten her cloak.

"You look a little peaky dear, did you want to eat something before heading down?" she asked kindly.

"Uhm…" Remus was staring out the hospital window at the sunset. He was actually very hungry but didn't trust himself to keep anything down.

"Or maybe something to drink?" she pressed him. "I made some hot chocolate out of those Honeydukes slabs. Why don't I slip a nausea reducing potion into it and you can drink it before we leave? There's really no hurry."

She clipped the last button into place and headed into her office.

Remus turned to grin at the corner to the left of the entrance door. A soft scuffling sound, two muffled sniggers, and a high pitched mocking voice emanated from it.

"_You look peaky Remus, let me drug you and have my way with you_," it said and there were more muffled snorts.

Remus shook his head, smiling despite it all.

James' disembodied head popped into view, followed closely by the heads of Sirius and Peter.

"Are you nervous?" James said, ignoring Sirius. He had been hit over the head by bludgers too many times to make fun of Pomfrey the way the other two did.

"I'm always a…bit… nervous," he said. He lowered his eyes to the floor sadly.

"Well you'll have us this time for company," James reassured him.

Remus glanced at the office before answering.

"Look, you three go ahead actually, I could really use something to calm me down right now."

"But—," Peter started.

"No, really. There're plenty of places you can hide in the shack, you've been in there once before. Pomfrey never goes in either of the bathrooms or any of the upstairs rooms besides mine. But she does sometimes go about the living room on the first floor to tidy it up, and sometimes into the kitchen too, she has some potions in there as backups. And don't hide in my closet either, she stores extra robes and blankets there. Just shut yourselves up in any of the other bedrooms and wait for her to leave."

Sirius looked at the other two.

"Yeah, c'mon, let's go," he agreed and they left.

A minute later Madam Pomfrey came out with a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

"It might taste a little nutty from the potion, but…," she trailed off, not bothering to finish.

Remus drank for a while.

"Any news about Doctor Leibrock?" he asked casually, trying to sound as if the question had no real importance to him.

Doctor Leibrock was a very gifted and celebrated Potioneer that lived in Québec. After his youngest daughter had been raped and impregnated by a vicious werewolf a decade ago, he had resigned his entire life's mission to brewing a cure for his now nine-year-old werewolf grandson. His findings were published every so often in _Transfiguration Today, _of which Pomfrey kept a close eye on. While he had yet to discover anything close to a cure, his research had already broken through many boundaries in modern science. Before his experiments, very little was known about the components of lycanthropy, or about the precise power of the moonlight that caused the body of a werewolf to react in such a way. The doctor had quit his job at a Canadian hospital years ago and founded an entire research laboratory specifically for the continued search of a cure. It had garnered the reputation as one of the most prestigious potions labs, employing only the very best students from around the world, and he had even named it after his grandson. Aside from Albus Dumbledore, Remus had no higher respect for anyone else in the entire world.

"_No_, but he's still making _very impressive_ headway on that potion we spoke about last time. He's named it the Wolfsbane potion now, but that's all I've learned. There haven't been anymore articles, if that's what you're asking."

"The Wolfsbane potion? Have they said anything about when it would be published?"

"They've been testing it for quite some time but keep running into problems. All I know is that they've changed it from _Experiment Number 439_ to Wolfsbane. They haven't released any other statements or I'd be telling you, now wouldn't I?" she finished a little forcefully as if he didn't trust her.

"No—no, of course, I know that," he drained his mug. "Okay, I'm ready. Thanks for that."

She led him out of the castle through a secret side door instead of the main entrance and then down the grounds toward the Whomping Willow. When she reached her wand arm out to cast a spell at the root that would freeze it, she stopped, frowning at the snow. Remus followed her gaze and saw what she was looking at.

He burst out laughing.

There were two sets of prints in the snow. One was a trail of squishy looking padded dog paws and the other were the unmistakable outlines of cloven hooves. While these prints were scattered around in a wide circle that indicated the animals had leaped around for a bit, even ran around the trunk of the tree as they frolicked, there was another strange trail in the snow. It was a tiny sort of canyon rather than footprints and it led directly to the root of the tree instead of around it.

She looked at him in alarm. He choked a little on his laughter.

"Er—it looks like Razor's been out here chasing a centaur around, doesn't it?" he suggested.

"Don't be absurd," she snapped. "Hagrids dog chasing a centaur… ridiculous concept…"

Remus scowled at her as she muttered a million incorrect scenarios to explain the tracks. Eventually she composed herself and moved forward, leading him the rest of the way down the tunnel.

Remus looked around when they had entered the shack. He wondered where the others were hiding.

"Go on upstairs, dear. I'll be up in a moment," Madam Pomfrey called as she dashed into the kitchen storage cupboard.

The furniture had been repaired in his absence but some shredded wallpaper still hung around the outlines of enormous claw marks. Here and there in the upstairs hallway leading to the master bedroom were dark splotches of dried blood and broken wooden planks.

The doorway of the bedroom had a huge chunk bitten out of it, splintering and jagged. The door itself hung on one hinge, threatening to fall off at any moment. He stepped inside.

The sheets and blankets had been repaired as well but Madam Pomfrey had missed a bit. Even though the cushions had sealed up, there were still a number of goose feathers scattered around the floor from the last time they'd been split open.

He went over to the bed and flopped himself down on it, staring glassy-eyed at the ceiling. He felt the powerful surge of fear he always felt. It was almost time again… all the pain, all the anger and insanity. He shivered, closing his eyes, wishing desperately right now to be anyone, _anyone_ in the entire world other than himself.

She came in a moment later with a tall glass of water.

"Hydrate," she said, handing it to him. "Will you be alright from here? I still don't know why you wanted to come so early, the sun hasn't even gone down yet."

"I just—wanted some time to myself, I guess," he murmured, sipping the water.

"Oh, well fine then," she said crisply.

He grinned to himself. It was so easy to offend her and sometimes it definitely worked to his advantage. She was gone within five minutes without so much as saying goodbye.

He listened to the quiet that pressed in on him.

"You can come out now!" he called loudly to the house.

Somewhere in the distance he felt a faint rumbling of footsteps and then open conversation rent the air as the others opened a bedroom door and came down the hall towards him. James and Sirius were laughing openly about something by the time they entered the room, with Peter trailing behind.

"She saw your foot prints," Remus said as they fell into the armchairs around the room. He slid down to sit on the edge of the bed. The footboard had long been taken away from being broken beyond repair.

The other two laughed.

"Excellent," James said proudly.

"So what happens now?" Peter asked, twitching slightly.

"Uhm…well…" he looked over at Sirius who had stiffened, watching him carefully."We have a little while before the moon rises."

"What's going to happen then? Doesn't it hurt a lot?" James asked.

"Er—," Sirius started, uncomfortably. They all looked at him. "Look, Remus, why don't you clear out and I'll tell them for you."

"What are you planning on telling them?" he said nervously.

"Just—just the basics and like, what we should do. And I brought an extra cloak like I said I would."

James' eyes roved between them incredulously at being left out of "the know" with the likes of Peter, who was also looking at them questioningly.

Remus grabbed his water glass off the side table and left. He sat in the living room for a while listening to the muffled conversation above him. They had gone into a bloody conversation about him...

Maybe they had thought this whole night would be as fun for him as it'd be for them?

He snorted at their stupidity but then stopped. It was _he_, after all, who hadn't told them what it really meant to transform. And was he even up there right now telling them? No. He was cowering down here letting Sirius do his dirty work.

Sirius…

The past few weeks with the boy had been painful to say the least. Every time they'd caught themselves alone with each other they would hastily find an excuse to separate or latch onto other people. It was as if they were both terrified of what they might do if they were left alone together. The tension of it all was getting too much to bear.

Remus sighed. He could really use a _best_ friend right now. He had always been so envious of the innate connection that James and Sirius had. They could read each other's emotions without having to talk about anything. He really needed something like that right now…

Eventually he heard them all shuffling downstairs.

He looked up. How long had they been talking? From the way the lamps had lit themselves he knew the sun had finally set.

He _hated _the looks of pity on James and Peters face. They were standing at the foot of the stairs waiting for him to speak first.

He could feel the transformation beginning and his eyes widened.

"It's happening," he said. The others tensed, panicking slightly. "What did you all agree to do?"

"Uhm, we'll turn around or go into another room as you morph," James said hoarsely.

Remus felt his blood speeding up. He took a gulp of water and set his glass down gingerly on the table. He didn't want to shatter it and get glass in his skin so he took his wand out of his pocket and transfigured it into a cup holder.

His blood was heating up now. He turned his head and tossed his wand to Peter.

"Keep an eye on that will you?" he said. Peter nodded and pocketed it.

They all hesitated. Remus started wincing at the heat.

"I thought you all said you were going into the other room?" he groaned.

He heard the scuffle of them leaving and then— it began.

Pain—_agony_—fear—anger—

His mind was splitting, plunged into boiling pain, tears spilling, coughing on teeth and blood and vomit—he was moaning and screaming, begging the universe to end his life—nothing was worse than this, nothing could _ever_ be worse…

Light years passed. Time swirled around him, trapping him in the whirlwind of anger and insanity.

Remus Lupin was gone. All hope was lost, there was nothing and no one that could save him from this unavoidable hell.

Dark fog pressed into his mind. He tore at his surroundings, wanting desperately to escape.

He needed to sink his teeth into those disgusting, foul, vile creatures that walked on two legs. They needed to be torn, bitten, shredded, he needed to thrash them into the next world, their pain would become his pleasure…

Somewhere in the fog, he sensed the presence of other creatures. Were they going to help him find his enemies? Would he help him destroy them? What were these animals doing here?

He sensed something strong and powerful coming from their minds. They weren't frightened of him… they were so familiar…had he met them before? How did they find him? He did not hate them like he hated those humans.

No! He couldn't be distracted.

He had to bite, destroy… he lunged at the couch and sank his teeth into it.

No bones splintered between his teeth and no blood poured into his mouth. It was so unsatisfying… he needed more, he needed that flesh, he needed to feel their pain and hear their screams… he reached around and clawed at his sides, feeling blood gush down his own ribs.

Something tackled him and pinned him down…it was stopping…it was fading…

The night went by as if in a dream… a violent and angry dream, penetrated by brief periods of calmness until, hours, days, years, centuries later—

Remus was wrenched back into the world cruelly. His fangs pushed out of his gums, replaced by newly growing teeth that were excruciatingly painful to put pressure on. He spat the fangs out, the blood choking him. The hair, the bones, the blood— it was unbearable.

He was moaning, almost screaming. His bones snapped and shredded his skin… the hair was receding, a million frozen needles pressing mercilessly into him…but then… something soft and warm was covering him. There were gentle hands on his shoulders. Someone was saying a name…

"_Remus,_" the voice said.

Remus was _his_ name. It belonged to him.

He opened his streaming eyes and wretched bile on the floor in front of him where it splattered over the teeth. Someone was steadying him.

"Oh my god…" a voice whispered."How the hell does he handle this?"

"Remus…"

Someone had dropped to their knees beside him. It was Sirius.

"Sirius?" he whispered.

"Yeah, it's me mate. Here, give me your arm, I'll lift you onto the bed."

His left arm was pulled around Sirius' neck. They had moved upstairs during the night. The bed was shredded as usual but not so bad that the mattress wouldn't support him. He collapsed on top of it and curled inwards on his side into a ball. Someone lifted his head and pushed a pillow under it and a blanket was pulled over him.

He opened his eyes. His mind came completely back to him, refreshingly clear.

"What happened?" he asked.

They had all dropped to their knees beside the bed.

"Well…you didn't seem to understand why we were there at first…but then you got used to us after a while," James said.

"Yeah, and Sirius kept tackling you so you wouldn't scratch yourself," said Peter.

"Hu…I was wondering why I only had the one scratch…" he whispered. He was so exhausted.

"How many do you usually have?" Sirius said his voice thicker and deeper than usual.

"Hmm…about…ten or twelve. Pomfrey's gonna be suspicious," he added casually, grinning at their shocked faces. "Oh c'mon guys, I feel great compared to how I usually am. Stop looking like I'm gonna burst into bloody flames or something."

They smiled weakly but didn't answer.

"Did you all have fun?" he tried to keep it casual even though his voice was gravelly with fatigue.

"Yeah, actually…" James said, grinning at the others. "I just wish we could have moved around a bit more. Really stretched our legs."

They all laughed at him.

"What?" he said, affronted.

"James, you're _legs_ are gonna take the length of a Quidditch field to stretch out on," Sirius laughed.

"Yeah, Jamie, I'm _so sorry_ my little shack wasn't good enough for you," Remus sniggered.

"What time is it?" Peter said suddenly.

"It's…." James looked at his watch and jumped. "Six twenty two, we need to leave—"

"_Shit_!" Peter curse, lunging for the invisibility cloak.

Sirius stared at Remus for a moment longer. James hissed at him. He stood up, crossed to the other two, and in a whirl of the silver cloak, vanished from sight.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus faded into consciousness in the hospital wing hours later. His wounds stung faintly but they weren't as bad as they usually were.<p>

"Mmm…"

He was lying on his side and he could feel an ache in his groin. Why did he always get this way after the full moon? There couldn't possibly be a more inappropriate time for his raging hormones to kick in than the night after a gut wrenching transformation.

His body tingled deliciously… he kept his eyes closed, sighing sleepily. The ache in his groin was building. His sleepy mind drifted to his usual fantasy, the one with the girl on top of him whispering indecent things into his neck…

He heard a noise next to him and frowned. He opened his eyes.

A huge, black, long haired dog was curled up on top of the sheets.

Remus blinked at it. Its head was resting on its paws, looking away. Remus shifted slightly and the dogs nearest ear turned, then its head followed. It paused for a second before shifting onto its own side and looking at Remus curiously.

He smiled at it and reached one hand out to scratch the ears.

" 'Lo Sirius," he whispered.

The dog just blinked at him, quite expressionless.

He moved beyond the ears and ran its long silky hair between his fingers. The dog closed its eyes appreciatively.

He reached back up to stroke its face, tracing the tips of his fingers in the same direction of the hair. The little eyes, the cheek bones, the eye brows. It whimpered slightly and he ran his hand up to stroke the top of its head.

His arm ached a little from keeping it up at such an angle so he slid it down and rested it in the fur of the neck. The dog lifted its paw and placed it on top of Remus' lower arm, keeping it there.

Remus, snuggling his cheek deeper into the pillow, closed his eyes and prepared to fall back asleep.

His mind drifted back and forth and before he knew he hadn't been paying attention, he realized the paw on his arm had turned into a hand. His own hand was no longer tangled in soft hair. It was resting against skin…soft skin…

He felt Sirius shift next to him and then long, warm fingers were plunging into his hair. Nails raked lightly across his scalp, stroking through his hair over and over again. It sent shivers down his entire body. It just felt incredible…no one had ever stroked his hair like this.

He gasped slightly and then sighed. His eyes were heavy and groggy and he really didn't feel like opening them.

Sirius shifted closer to him on the bed. His body was under the covers now. When had that happened?

Their legs brushed and then Sirius was pushing one between his.

_What the hell?_

Oh, he was dreaming.

Remus thought this made sense. So when he opened his eyes, he reasoned, this wouldn't be happening anymore.

A warm— _very warm_— body was pressing into him. Bare skin collided as chest met chest. Unbelievably soft hands slid down his back and into the crook of his neck, tangling in his hair again. The hand on the base of his back pulled him closer.

"Mmm…," he whimpered.

Silky hair tickled his cheeks. Feet slid together as their bodies lined up.

It was intoxicating.

"_Remus…_"

Shivers raked across his skin. He pressed his forehead closer, burying his face into the nape of the neck. Fingers were caressing his hair again. Blood was rushing into his groin, pooling there. He was painfully hard.

Remus lifted his arms and slithered them unconsciously around the body.

His hands explored, savoring the delicious feel of creamy skin sliding across his palms and fingers. The body writhed under his touch, shivering, the ribs rising as it panted…

They were wrapped around each other so tightly, so intimately. Good God, had he ever been so hard in his entire life? Each breath on his neck, each brush of those sinful hands sent electric shocks of arousal shooting through his body.

A face pressed into his neck and he was surrounded by long soft hair. Then something else was brushing his neck… wet lips… they touched him lightly, hesitating. Encouragingly, Remus clutched at the torso, sliding his hands upward and pulling it closer at the same time.

Taking the permission, the lips latched onto his skin and parted. A hot wet tongue stroked him, pressed against his skin, and then the mouth was _sucking _and moaning at the same time.

"_Oh_…"

Remus realized he was being pressed deeper into the mattress and the tension building in his groin was becoming too much… he let out a desperate whimpering moan, burying his face against the shoulder, inhaling deeply.

The hand gripped in his hair, pulling lightly and exposing his neck further as the hot sticky mouth assaulted him again, sucking deliciously, breathing heavily, making soft wet sounds and moaning as their bodies slid together.

Something extremely hard pressed against Remus' hip and then there was an intense needy thrust against his erection that nearly undid him. He was about to cum so hard, rutting and moaning when he realized, with a jolt, what that jabbing uncomfortable thing was that kept hitting him—

He gasped violently, eyes snapping open, throwing Sirius off him with as much force as he could muster.

He panted, staring at Sirius who scrambled back away from him across the bed.

Sirius' beautiful face was flushed, his lips wet and swollen. There was so much fear and lust in his eyes as he gasped for air and stared at Remus in anxiety.

"What—?" Remus breathed at him.

"I thought—," Sirius panted. "I didn't mean to—it was just—I—."

Sirius shook his head trying to regain his composure.

"_Get out!_" Remus choked desperately. It wasn't really a command… he was _begging_ him to leave.

Sirius' nodded vigorously. He seemed to be crashing back to reality himself.

He launched himself off the bed, shoved his robes over his head and grabbed his book. Reaching for his wand, he paused, staring down at Remus who had buried his face in his knees and grabbed fistfuls of hair in the agony of his embarrassment.

Remus heard Sirius murmur something and then a strange sensation hit him. He was so startled that he accidentally pulled some of his own hair out as he snapped his head up and looked at Sirius in shock.

Sirius was just looking at him, searchingly. The slightest ghost of a smile swept his features and he breathed—

"That's in case you change your mind."

Then he turned on his heel and left.

Remus' eyes bulged, staring at the door.

What did Sirius do? Curse him? What the hell did he mean, _in case you change your mind_?

And how on earth had he lost control like that? He had been so sleepy he thought it wasn't real… but there was _no way_ he'd be dreaming about a bloke like that… Sirius' erection rutting against him had brought him crashing back to his senses.

But that wasn't right… he screwed up his face trying to remember— he _had_ dreamed about a bloke before, just the once… in this very bed…

"_No,_" Remus told himself firmly.

He moaned pathetically at his unbelievably hard cock that was still leaking in his trousers. He was _straight_ and he was going to bloody prove it to himself—

He snapped the curtains shut and defiantly grasped his member, thinking forcefully of soft curves and long blonde hair.

A girl with swollen lips was touching herself and moaning as she looked up at him, choking on his cock…

Another girl slid underneath the first, on her back, latching her mouth onto her pussy, slurping and sucking. The first girl rutted into her mouth and sucked harder on his dick…

"_Yes," _he seethed, almost triumphantly, through clenched teeth. It was working… he was definitely getting off on _girls_, not _boys_…

The girl that was shoving him down her throat clutched at both of her tits, moaning loudly around him as she squeezed herself and rolled her hips against the girl eating her out. The girl licking her reached down and started fingering herself, plunging her wet fingers in and out, _fucking _herself for him…

Remus kept his imagination focused on her supple breasts as he jerked faster. Precum oozed out and created the same slick slurping sounds he was imagining…

"_Oh…" _

He parted his legs and his arousal heightened, his member curving upward into his stomach as his hand flew back and forth around it.

But then, quite suddenly, his imagination was forced sideways.

The scene vanished and he wasn't standing over two birds anymore… his body was being shoved back into a mattress, pinned down and assaulted roughly, a hot mouth latching over his earlobe and raking teeth harshly over it.

His mind came undone. His back arched, and his eyes rolled beneath his eyelids as blood poured fast into his groin.

Long black hair was falling over him, lips crashed into his mouth and their tongues slid together. The mouth sucked on his tongue and slid both hands down to pull Remus' hips upwards, grinding together, rutting and humping and _fucking_ into each other like animals in heat.

"_Remus…_"

"_Harder… unhg…"_

It was over. _Nothing_ was better than this… nothing could make him utterly melt and lose control and writhe uncontrollably for just _more_…

"_Oh god… fuck me…" _he whispered

"_You want it?"_

"_Yes…"_

A finger ran down his cheek and then pressed against his gasping mouth.

"_Suck,_" a deep voice growled at him, squeezing and pumping his aching cock fast and rough.

Remus unconsciously reached his own hand up and sucked on his own finger. His legs spread open wide, knees bent, fisting his dick…

"Oh guh…_god_…uhnnnggg…." Remus moaned, wrapped up in his fantasy. He reached down and fingered himself with his slippery finger.

"_You like that?"_

"_Oh yeah_…"

"You wanna _fuck_ my throat?"

"_Yes…please_…"

"_Fuck _my throat…make me _gag _on it…"

Remus screwed his eyes shut tighter.

He was there, in his mind… Sirius' was _there_, his flushed lips grinning wickedly, staring up at him with lust and fire in his eyes, engulfing his leaking cock with his mouth… he choked and moaned, forcing himself downward onto his throbbing member.

Two drops of creamy white precum had slid down Remus' pulsing shaft and Sirius slurped hungrily on them, eyes glazed, lips closing as he _sucked _hard and swallowed around the sensitive head…

"_Oh, yes…_" Remus breathed desperately and his hand flew fast over himself as he entered his orgasm…

And then realization hit him. He knew what spell Sirius had hit him with before leaving the hospital wing… it was a spell that was used during intercourse between two lovers, connecting their arousal to each other… it bonded their sexual nerves and made one persons pleasure mirror the others… as long as they were aroused by each _other_, the other one felt everything at the exact same moment, even when they—

He came intensely, spurting onto his chest, and knowing that wherever Sirius was in the castle right now, he was cuming too, feeling the force of Remus' orgasm at the exact same time.

Through his hazy mind, Remus thought of where he might be now—just a corridor away in an empty classroom, doubled over an unused desk, moaning wantonly as he came fiercely into his robes? The thought of Sirius Black coming undone because of _him_ made him ache with pleasure… and his cheeks burned in shame at the same time.

The very second his fantasy about Sirius had began, the moment it had switched from those girls and onto Sirius pinning him down and accosting him… he knew Sirius had felt it.

Had he heard Remus begging as well? Had he seen the same fantasy that had played out his head? How far did that spell take it? Had he felt himself sucking and fingering himself?

Remus laid there, in the aftershocks of his orgasm, jolts of panic stabbing at him.

He had _never _wanted this. He did _not_ want this.

He sat up, cleaning himself off. He needed to talk with Sirius…this could not continue; they could not act on this ridiculous, this _stupid_, situation.

He was scared to death of letting Sirius know how much he turned him on…he didn't _want_ to want him so bad and he couldn't stand the way this tension was just going to get worse now that Sirius knew he'd been thinking of him as he got off…

Remus growled to himself.

_Gods_, he was so angry at Sirius. He _knew_ Remus still had an erection and that he'd be left alone for a while— of course Remus was going to bring himself off, he was teenage boy with raging hormones— how _dare_ he use that against him?

It was like he had no respect, he didn't fucking care about anyone else as long as Sirius Black got what he wanted. He breathed vehemently, fuming as the frustration boiled inside him.

BANG

Remus jumped, panicking. Footsteps were running toward him. He snatched at the bed sheets and covered himself as the person came to an abrupt halt outside the curtain and began wrenching at them forcefully. They were torn entirely from their rings and half of the iron rack fell broken to the floor.

It was Sirius.

He stumbled forward, staring terrified at Remus, grabbed his startled face and crashed their lips together violently.

He didn't have time to react—Sirius was wrenching himself off Remus almost instantly, eyes bulging as he backed away from the bed, let out a guttural sob as he moaned "_I'm sorry!_" and then ran from the room.

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


	7. Aftershocks

Remus sat on the edge of his hospital bed, staring at his feet.

It was almost eight o'clock… almost time to leave and go back up to Gryffindor tower. The Christmas holidays officially began tomorrow. What could he do to keep himself occupied? Wrap Christmas presents? He had already bought them but hadn't wrapped any…there was even one for Sirius…

The fact that he would have to face Sirius tonight was gut-wrenchingly unbearable. They'd have to share a bedroom tonight. They'd have to share friends tonight.

Remus felt a jolt in his abdomen… they'd have to share friends… because they themselves were not friends anymore…

The emotion building in his lungs was painful.

If someone had told him in September that he and Sirius would become like this… he would have laughed enormously, told Sirius, and then they would have laughed _together_ while throwing the sappiest pick-up lines at each other for the entire trip to Hogwarts.

He let out a breathy laugh, thinking about the memories that never happened.

_"Sooo, Sirius, are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?"_

_"Did you think platform 9 and ¾ was a little crowded this year, Remus? You know… I can think of something else with the exact same measurements..."_

_"Hmmm, we should hit the Shrieking Shack when we get there and do some shrieking of our own..."_

He shook his head, laughing openly. What was wrong with him?

Pomfrey came in with the last potion and a huge slab of chocolate. She looked sideways at him in curiosity.

"What's so funny?" she said, handing both to him.

"Nothing," he said truthfully.

It wasn't until he had shuffled slowly upstairs to the dormitory and stopped outside the Fat Lady that his panic returned to him.

The faint rumbling of two hundred Gryffindors emanated from the other side. Somewhere in that crowd was Sirius. Only a few yards and the thin canvas of a portrait separated them.

Here, standing out of sight and earshot, he was safe. It was lonely and quiet and isolated… but it was safe…

"Acconite," he said finally to the Fat Lady. He was a Gryffindor for Merlin's sake, he wasn't going to stand in front of his own house and cower in fear.

Loud conversation swept over him. He stepped into the room, looking around until he spotted them sitting with Jacob and Pallas and three members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Sirius and James were talking, their hands animatedly forming expressions that coincided with the conversation.

He hesitated, neck starting to burn, and then worked his way through the crowded room to join them.

"REMUS!" James roared, throwing both his arms up in jubilation. He was still wearing his scarlet Quidditch robes from their last practice of the term. "How is your Aunt Mimsy, old chap?"

Remus grinned at him, flopping himself down on an ottoman and trying to ignore the fact that Sirius was sitting next to him in the circle.

"She's not doing so great actually. Might have to see her again next month."

James and Peter donned looks of mock consolation and Peter patted his back comfortingly, barely concealing a grin.

As James launched head first into Quidditch strategy again, Remus chanced the quickest of side glances at Sirius who had stiffened and was looking away from him. Then, startled, he did a double take.

The words burst from his lips before he could stop himself—

"You cut your hair!"

Everyone in the circle roared with laughter at the surprise in Remus' voice. Sirius actually grinned and took another swig of butterbeer but didn't look up at him.

"Uh… yeah… I did…" he said hoarsely.

Remus stared at him, his mouth slightly parted in amazement. Sirius hadn't had a haircut in over a year, and before tonight, it had easily been long enough to surpass his shoulders or pull back into a ponytail.

He'd been able to pull it off well enough, but the absurdity of the length had added an air of silliness to his character. It was an ongoing joke, a way of irking both his relatives and headmistress without having to actually break any rules.

"It was a shock for us too," James laughed. "He just showed up at the pitch after practice with all his hair gone. I walked right past before I realized it was him waiting for me."

"It's not _all gone_." Sirius grinned back at him.

It certainly wasn't. It was still about five inches at the longest locks, splaying inward so that it was framing his face gracefully and sweeping into his eyes with an effortless sort of elegance. His handsome features were thrown into painful effect, no longer overshadowed by the long iron-straight curtain of black hair.

"Well… it looks…" Remus' voice thinned and fell away.

Sirius turned his head slightly and looked at him sideways. Remus' breath caught for a moment… _shit_ he was handsome…Sirius was definitely growing up. He was no longer the adorable sidekick of James Potter... he was almost a _man_… when did that _happen?_...

Sirius let out a soft breath of laughter.

"Thanks," he murmured, looking downcast again at his bottle.

Remus reached for an unopened bottle of butterbeer and popped it. Sirius fell quite for a long while, even when James prompted him. Remus grimaced. If he kept acting like this the others were going to start asking questions.

Remus fidgeted, starting to become very aware of the situation in which they'd last seen each other, and the way Sirius had kissed him so passionately before fleeing…

Did he run away because he was taking it back? What was he expecting of him? And what was this stunt of his, cutting his hair? Not that he minded it though…

He just didn't know what Sirius meant by it all. He needed to speak to him so he could erase any trace from his mind… they were friends, _just _friends, and come hell or high water they were going to _stay_ that way goddamn it...

"So who's staying for the holidays?" Pallas asked after the Quidditch strategy had wound down a bit.

"None of us." Peter said. "Sirius is going with James and we're all leaving for home tomorrow."

"Damn," said Pallas. "I'm going to have the whole bloody house to myself, I think."

They guffawed sympathetically at him and started suggesting things he could do to keep himself occupied.

"Build one of those jungle traps for a house elf and see if you catch one!"

"Sneak into the first year's dorm and stuff water-light fireworks into the shower drains!"

"I heard Lola, that pretty little blonde thing from Hufflepuff is staying too… maybe she can keep you… _occupied_."

Sirius stood up suddenly as the others made catcalls at Pallas and he blushed furiously.

"I'm making a trip down to the kitchens, who's with me?" he said.

"Uhck, take them, I'm too sore," James moaned clutching his biceps.

Peter shook his head. He never went anywhere without James' invisibility cloak.

Remus caught Sirius' eye and stared back defiantly.

"Yeah, I'll go," he said standing up.

Sirius seemed unnerved for a moment and looked like he was going to object.

"Hey, get some pumpkin pasties, will you?" James' voice cut in.

Remus took the distraction as an opportunity to slip past Sirius and head towards the portrait hole.

_Don't do anything stupid— don't do anything stupid— don't do anything stupid…_

The portrait had swung almost closed before he saw Sirius' hand pushing it back open again and stepping into the corridor.

They stared at each other for a moment before Sirius looked past him and they began walking along the hall in silence with a rather large space between them.

_Say something._

Remus grimaced again at the tension of it all.

They were coming up on the first corner. Remus glanced sideways and caught Sirius looking hastily away from him. He sped up a little in frustration, turning and slipping quickly down the first flight of stairs.

"Remus."

He stopped and looked around. Sirius stopped at the foot of the staircase and sat down on the second to last step, resting his elbows forward on his knees.

"Can we er… talk?" He looked extremely uncomfortable.

Remus leaned against the opposite wall and tried— rather successfully actually— to keep his expression blank.

"Uhm… about this morning…" Sirius started.

"You had no right hitting me with that spell," Remus spat at him. Something ignited in his chest and he didn't know where his anger was coming from all of a sudden.

Sirius stared up at him warily.

"Yeah, I know…"

There was an awkward pause.

"How far, exactly, does that spell go? What did you— hear?" Remus changed the phrasing of his question, trying to get the answer he most needed.

It worked. Relief crashed into him as Sirius frowned.

"I didn't hear anything… the only thing that spell does is link nerve endings… it doesn't show what you're saying or thinking or anything like that…" he said. He was telling the truth.

Remus sighed deeply.

"I don't understand why this is happening," he said, not looking Sirius in the eye. "I'm not sure what you meant by that little stunt of yours earlier but I don't _want _anything with you… I just want to stop being so bloody awkward around each other."

He heard Sirius sigh.

"You shouldn't have told me what it was like when you transformed," he said.

Remus looked up in shock, completely confused.

"When I…_what?_ What'd'you mean?"

"In October." Sirius went on. "When I visited you in your bed and you told me about what you go through. The only reason any of this happened is because you—,"

"—But," Remus cut in, frowning. "It has _nothing_ to do with that!"

"It has _everything_ to do with that!" Sirius shot back, visibly frustrated now.

"How the hell do you work that out?"

"Look, something just…changed in me… I haven't been able to look at you the same way since." Sirius looked away from him again as he said this. "I never imagined it was so bad… when I think about what you have to deal with... it's just made me feel like I need to protect you…and that the rest of us are _nothing_ compared to you…"

Remus' mind was racing.

"I told you I don't want or need your pity, or your bloody _protection_—"

"But _why_," Sirius said, firing up again. "did you act that way in the alley behind the potions shop? And why did you… this morning…"

"I thought I was dreaming!" Remus shouted at him, furious. "I was _tired,_ I didn't realize it was you—"

"Okay fine, but what about the ally?" Sirius stood up. "And this morning after I left, why the hell did you—?"

No.

Remus was not going to answer that question just so Sirius could revel in it.

"Why did YOU?" he shouted at him. "Why am _I_ always the one who has to answer for you? Why the hell did YOU act that way? After the ally, James thought we'd had a row or something—way to fucking compose yourself, you sulked for the entire trip back in and then you wouldn't even sleep in our dorm! What are you going to do tonight, pitch a tent in the common room? You can't keep _acting_ like this!"

Sirius blinked rapidly, turning his head as if looking for answers in the air.

"I know—I just—uhm—," he shook his head, eyes darting around at nothing in particular.

Remus sighed and leaned against the wall again, clutching his head in his hands.

Sirius seemed to catch his composure before speaking.

"Back in November, when I had to heal your mouth in the hospital wing, I just got to thinking like… _I could do that_, you know, I could help you after your transformations, and I really _wanted_ to all of a sudden because I hadn't ever realized how much you went through each month… " he started pacing back and forth. "And then later on, in that ally by the potions shop, it just felt strange…. like something had just changed between us all of a sudden. Like it—,"

"Broke."

Sirius stopped pacing and Remus lowered his hands, looking up.

"Yeah, I know," Remus said.

Sirius sat down on the second step again.

"I got carried away, earlier. I thought that spell would be funny, not… mess everything up. But after I left was when I realized what a huge mistake I'd made… as it was happening… I realized this stupid thing between us isn't even funny anymore. And I kind of lost my mind. I _shouldn't_ have kissed you and… I'm sorry."

Remus shook his head in disbelief.

"Sirius, you didn't exactly slip on a banana peel. You ran back and destroyed the curtains around my bed trying to get at me."

Sirius' pale face reddened.

"I'd never…kissed anyone before… I just…really needed to, I guess…"

Remus stared at him.

"I'd never kissed anyone before either," he said softly.

Sirius didn't say anything. They weren't looking at each other anymore. There was very long pause.

The silence of the dark castle pressed in on them. There was ringing— no, it was buzzing… the buzzing of silence that grew and grew… it was suffocating them…

"This'll go away, right?" Remus whispered. His voice was shaking and desperate.

Sirius turned his head. They just looked at each other for a moment, both wearing sad, defeated expressions on their faces.

Then Sirius straightened and stood up.

"This morning, when we were lying together… you really didn't know it was me?"

Remus swallowed and shook his head.

"I didn't look up. I just… didn't… look up…" he broke off lamely.

Sirius searched his face for a moment before taking a cautious step forward.

Remus didn't see it. But he did see the second one.

His eyes widened.

They were much too close to each other now… Remus couldn't see anything except the way his raven hair now swept gracefully forward onto his porcelain skin… he wondered what it would feel like to run his fingers through it the same way Sirius had been caressing him just that morning… he couldn't focus on anything but Sirius' lips and the way they trembled slightly as he took another step closer, his face tilting as he leaned in, completely invading Remus' space…

Remus' breath caught and his eyes fluttered shut, closing the small gap between them and brushing their dry lips together. It was soft and warm and exactly what a textbook kiss should be… Sirius kept his hands in his pockets, not pushing Remus or grabbing him… this was just an experiment.

After what felt like an extremely too-short period of time, their heads were moving away from each other and Sirius' smoldering eyes were searching his again.

Remus was completely defeated. He knew his wretched eyes gave him away… he _wanted_ this so much more than he could ever admit to…but he didn't understand…

"Why did you do that?" he whispered.

Sirius grinned, eyes glittering. He leaned in again, cocking his head to the side, and whispered into Remus' ear—

"Look up."

He did.

A cluster of mistletoe with a bright red Christmas ribbon was hanging directly above him.

Sirius stepped away from him, laughing softly at the expression on Remus' face.

He just looked at Sirius in disbelief, shaking his head resignedly before pushing past him and continuing downstairs to the kitchens.

"You bloody _ponce_…"

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~ <strong>


	8. Their First Defying

Tap, tap, tap….tap, tap, tap….

Remus moaned and tossed over in bed, wrapping his blanket tighter around himself.

Tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap—

"Oh-KAYY!" he yelled groggily, sitting up and rubbing his hand against his face.

Groaning, he squinted at the frosted window. A large brown owl was rapping sharply on the glass, fluttering in agitation.

He slithered out of bed, gasped at the biting cold and dashed to the window. The owl soared in—or rather fumbled in before collapsing on the bed under the immense weight of three brightly wrapped packages. He smiled, untying them and placing the owl on his footboard.

"What was that noise?" his mothers' voice came down the hall and into his open bedroom.

"Just my Christmas parcels, mum."

He pulled his robe on over his pajamas and snatched up the only letter within the packages.

_Remus,_

_We're all going out tonight. Be there at eight._

_-J. & S._

He smiled at the note, feeling a curious flutter as he looked at the letter _S._, and gathered up his presents.

"Mum?" he called as he reached the ground floor and stuffed his presents under the tree.

He heard her call from inside the kitchen.

He was going to start asking her permission to go out that night when at that moment there was a soft scuffle and a three year old girl came dashing in, face pink with excitement. The house had been full since the second day of holidays as his aunt and uncle and two younger cousins were staying with them.

But his mother was tense when she came into the living room with a steaming platter of coffee cake. He frowned, distracted.

"What is it?" he said, eyes narrowing at her.

Remus' cousin Charles came downstairs after his sister and his mother pursed her lips, glancing ever so swiftly into the dining hall. He took the hint. Whatever was going on was not for children's ears… but therefore couldn't possibly be good news…

Edging through the kitchen into the table room, he saw his dad pouring over the Daily Prophet. Stress was hanging badly on his face, emphasizing the sags and lines.

"Dad?" he said cautiously. "What's happened, what is it?"

His father sighed and handed him the paper.

_5 FOUND DEAD Christmas Eve: Death Eaters Suspected_

Remus stared in shock and sat down to read. It was a group of international students, two girls and three boys traveling from Italy to visit one of their relatives… they were all young…_very _young, only eighteen and nineteen… two had been recently engaged…they had only just graduated last spring...

Hot anger licked his lungs, burning. Five young lives wasted… they were just a group of friends visiting for the holidays and this was the welcome they got from his country… a bunch of pureblood maniacs who tortured and slaughtered them. He wondered who had been the last person killed, feeling a huge wave of compassion for whoever it was… to see all their friends murdered before the wand was turned toward them… the horror they must have felt in that final moment…

He finished the article and realized how his face was screwed up in disbelieving agony. He gulped, frowning, trying to pull himself together… how could he possibly ask to go out with James and Sirius _now?_

"Remus come in here, we're about to open presents!" he heard his Aunt calling in the living room.

His father stood up and sighed.

"C'mon, son," he said gruffly. "Try not to dwell on it… not today, anyway."

The presents had been sorted out and they started ripping them open. Remus grinned as his little cousin unwrapped a toy broomstick, eyes brimming with excitement. How wonderful would it be to still be a child…

He finished opening Sirius' present and cocked his head curiously at it. It was a…journal? It was a rather large leather bound book. The cover had quotation marks around— nothing. There was no title where there should have been. He flipped it open. The pages were blank, but a note fell out of it, just a folded piece of spare parchment.

_This is an instant letter carrier. I have one too. Just write me a letter and tap it with your wand and think Aparecium Rescendio. It'll vanish from yours and appear in mine. The cover turns red when you have a new letter and you can rip the pages out to save them, they replenish themselves._

Remus grinned. It was brilliant. He reached for one of the new quills his uncle had given him and began to scribble in it.

_Sirius- Can't go tonight. See you January 5th? –Remus_

He tapped it with his wand and cast the nonverbal spell. It vanished.

Grinning, he looked up in time to see his three year old cousin Gabby crawling into his lap with the new porcelain doll he had given her.

"Thanks Freenus for my doh-lly." She said.

He laughed, putting his arms around her and spent a minute trying to get her to say his name right.

"Reenus!"

"Re-mmm-uhs."

"Reeeeeeeeeee-nus"

"No, you _have_ the first part right, it's the 'n', not 'm'…I mean, wait, no, it _is '_m', not 'n'…er…"

He looked around flustered as she said "Reeee-mas!"

The leather on his book had just turned red. Opening it, he saw Sirius' handwriting scribbled rather quickly—

_Remus- that's what you think._

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>At seven thirty that night he was tip toeing out of Gabby's guest bedroom after reading her to sleep from a new picture book. He didn't feel like saying goodnight to the grown-ups— they'd been popping champagne and drinking eggnog for a while now and were probably good and drunk. His aunt and mother were horrid when buzzed—pulling out old naked baby pictures of him, pinching his cheeks, cooing over how much he looked like his grandfather. He subconsciously lifted his hand to rub his cheek and decided that heading to bed quietly was the best thing to do at this point.<p>

He stepped inside, closed the door behind him, turned on the light, and nearly had a heart attack.

Sirius Black was sitting on the edge of his bed clutching two broomsticks and a red Gryffindor scarf. He grinned at the way Remus started.

"Boo." he said.

Remus snatched up a towel and chucked it at him.

"_You scared the shit out of me!_ What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"What, didn't you get my note?" he stood up and handed him one of the broomsticks.

"You _know_ I did, I sent you three more asking what you meant by it." Remus reached for his own scarf and pulled it around his neck. "Where are we heading to?"

"The Christmas lights in New Sarum."

Remus felt a swoop of excitement. He'd only ever heard about the light show there and it was supposed to be spectacular. He crossed to his dresser and pulled out his wholly socks and traveling cloak. Then, once he had stomped on his boots and pulled on his gloves, he crossed to the window and slung a knee outside of it, ready to slide onto his broomstick.

"You ready?" he said, looking round.

Sirius had turned the light off and was hovering extremely close above Remus, looking down on him as he straddled the window sill. He grinned.

"I was born ready."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>The Christmas lights in New Sarum were nowhere near the kind of stationary decorations that Muggles used. Instead of lights on strings, they moved and flitted free of wires, glittering around the cathedral and surrounding wizard cabins. For the entire length of the boulevard, each quaint hut was lit up spectacularly in alternating dancing lights, some of them synchronized to Christmas music sung by a live choir of wood nymphs. The illumination swelled with their voices, emphasizing the emotion of each song.<p>

Remus was awestruck. He'd never seen anything so beautiful in his life. Even the stars seemed to sparkle brighter in the onyx sky.

The owners hadn't just light up their walls either. With some very skilled magic they had managed to make scarlet roses bloom in full glory even amidst the chilling cold, and then with another spell, glow as bright as jewels, making each flower bed shimmer.

Every once in a while a firework with a muting enchantment on it would burst over the neighborhood in bright gold and silver stars. Strands of rhinestones strung the white picket fences and the snow had been bewitched to dazzle with equal intensity. Tiny live fairies floated through the air, their iridescent butterfly wings glinting, and each of them hugging a bright ball of light to their bodies that appeared to be keeping them warm.

They walked on in silence, unable to conceal the broad smiles on their faces. They kept bumping into their fellow students who were visiting with their families, some of them introducing their younger siblings for the first time. They even ran into James' old Quidditch captain who was clutching the hand of a very tall, very wind burned, Irish lad and messaging her rather obvious pregnant belly. Remus felt so content here, surrounded by so much good news and Christmas cheer. He wondered, thinking of the article he had read in the Daily Prophet that morning, if those students had planned on visiting this famous landmark on their trip… if he would perhaps have met them and welcomed them with enthusiasm to his country… if they would have been as moved as he was at the spectacle around them…

The smell of mulled apple cider wafted over them as they reached a round rose garden where a small crowd was huddled. They were watching a glossy round wooden stage in the middle where three ballerinas were in the act of pirouetting. From the record playing, it seemed to be a dance out of the Nutcracker.

Remus recognized two of the girls dancing as Lily and Mary, their fellow Gryffindors. They looked extremely pretty, dressed in white rhinestoned tutu's with their hair pulled up and lips painted crimson. He noticed that their wands were strapped to their forearms with a silk buckled and they were casting spells as they danced, making beautiful swirling streamers and lights erupt around them. Remus wondered when they had had time to learn such advanced ballet at Hogwarts. He turned to James to ask this aloud but received a shock.

James was staring at the stage, eye's wide with fascination. Remus followed his gaze.

"Er—Lily sure can dance, can't she James?" he said grinning and nudging Sirius in the ribs. Sirius turned to look too.

"Oy, James? You looking up Lily's tutu isn't very nice."

James blinked and looked around at them.

"What do you mean, Lily? Who are you talking about?"

Remus raised his eyebrows at him.

"Uh…James, that's Lily. _Lily Evans_. "

James' eyes bulged and then squinted at the stage, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"It can't be… Lily's scrawnier and she's not that…" he trailed off, eyes latching on to her as she arabesqued.

"Not that what?" Peter sniggered.

"Steady on her feet?" said Remus.

"_Flexible?_" said Sirius.

Remus shoved James in the shoulder and the other three fell over laughing. James looked utterly unnerved.

"Let's get some cider, yeah?" Sirius said, amused.

James didn't seem to hear him. He kept staring at Lily as she swirled and glided gracefully around with alarming precision. Then all of a sudden, the music swelled and died with a triumphant air and the dancers lifted their arms in emphasis. James didn't applaud with the rest of them. He just kept frowning at Lily as if he was seeing her clearly for the first time in his life.

They got four piping hot mugs of cider from a stand at the south end of the rose garden. It magically smoothed their goose bumps and warmed their frosted faces and ears. They all sighed as the effects hit them.

"Oh, hey Remus!"

Remus turned and saw Lily coming over to buy a mug too. They had both been announced Prefects that year and had formed a small friendship during their shared corridor patrols.

"Hi. Er— Lily, aren't you freezing?" he said eyeing her bare shoulders and sheer tights. Her tutu jabbed almost straight outward from the waist so it was clear she wasn't hiding any leg warmers.

"Oh, the costume has a built in warming charm." she said, breast heaving as she caught her breath.

"Hello you three." she added to the others, her voice slightly harder and more formal.

"Hey, Evans." James said, his hand jumping to his hair, messing it up nervously. "Are you uh… having a nice...er… New Years?"

Lily stared at him.

"It's Christmas, Potter."

"Oh!" James said, laughing stupidly. "Uh… yeah, I meant Christmas."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yes, I am, thanks." she winced confusedly at James before turning to Remus. "So did you like the dance?"

"Yeah, it was brilliant!" Remus said.

Sirius scoffed. "Evans, stop fishing for compliments."

Lily glared at him. "I was only making conversation, and I wasn't even _speaking _to you, Black."

"Ooooh, _pardon-ay-mio_." Sirius mocked.

"_Sirius!_" Remus hissed at him. Sirius just smirked.

"You should put some clothes on, Evans, your arse is showing."

Lily shot him a disgusted look and turned on her heel, storming off.

"See you at school, Remus!" she called back to him.

"Sirius, why did you—?"

"You looking at her arse, are you?" Sirius cut in.

Remus blinked.

"_Excuse you?"_

"Evans is a right flirt, don't pretend—,"

"_Flirt?_ I was just _talking_ to her, you know like how _normal _people do—,"

"Yeah, I'm sure she can't wait until you two are back doing patrols so you can _converse_ with each other some more—"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Sirius cocked his head with a skeptical expression on his face. Remus just stared in disbelief. He'd never seen him act that way before. Was Sirius actually _jealous?_

Something bright lit up the right side of Sirius' face. They turned, expecting to see fireworks or synchronized fairies, but no… it was something else. Someone had shot a bright strand of green vapor into the air… it was twisting now, morphing itself until it became… the distinct outline of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth—

The crowd erupted in screams. Extremely loud cracks rent the air as two thirds of the crowd grabbed their children and disapparated in panic. The ones who were left were starting to run in fear, knocking into each other and falling over benches and bushes in their scurry.

The four of them jumped onto their broomsticks and pulled out their wands as jets of red and green light shot through the rose garden towards them.

"_Protego!_"

"_Stupefy!"_

Remus was swirling his wand as fast as he could while keeping his broom steady. He tried his hardest but knew they had to get out of here soon— as brilliant as James and Sirius were, they were only fifteen and no match for the likes of Voldemort. He saw a thick black mass moving slowly into the garden below— dozens of cloaked figures in white masks, wands at the ready, willing to strike—

And there, looking cornered and helpless and beautiful, standing in the center of the raised mahogany platform, was Lily Evans. She was sparkling as her body whipped and ducked, her wand still buckled to her forearm, charms flying fast against the oncoming army.

"JAMES!" he roared.

James had shot forward on his broom. Remus exchanged one terrified glance with Sirius and both of them stop dueling to cast a shield charm around the stage. There was nothing protecting either of them anymore… with their wands focused on the plinth, if anyone had shot a spell towards them they would both be goners—

Remus stared transfixed as James landed beside Lily and took over the battle, gesturing her towards the broom.

"Take it!" they heard him yell at her.

"Potter, I'm not going to just leave you here!"

"Evans, take it and GO!"

And then Remus and Sirius watched in horror as a single swirling figure dressed in black apparated in front of the stage, it's gaunt face and red eye's gleaming amongst the surrounding the snow. It held up one long skeletal finger and the Death Eaters ceased firing at James and Lily, moving instead towards the boulevard beyond.

In the haze of their terror, they heard him speak.

"James Potter," Voldemort said in a high cold voice. "Damsels in distress are only worth rescuing if they are pure of blood… this vile piece of filth may look appeasing to you but beneath her fallacies of glamour she is nothing but a worthless mudblood. Her place is in the sewers amongst the rats and sewage…but _you_, on the other hand… you are a pureblood, aren't you boy? And you have shown extreme bravery as well… join me, and your life will be spared. Join me now, and you can have your pick of any pureblood damsels you wish… "

"NEVER!" James roared at him, shielding Lily with his arms wide.

Voldemort laughed mercilessly.

"Have it your way then. Goodbye, James Potter."

He raised his wand, red eyes flashing in excitement, and focused it directly on James' heart.

But James, seeing this coming, had directed his wand at the stage below their feet and yelled "_Wingardium Leviosa_!"

There was an almighty crack as it splintered from its posts and spun upwards like a strange sort of flying saucer. Lily screamed as Voldemort aimed his spell instead at the rising underbelly of the stage, which cracked in half and began falling to the ground, but not before James had snatched up his broom and pulled Lily onto the handle in front of him.

Remus and Sirius and Peter were aiming stunning spells at Voldemort, keeping him distracted.

"GO!" James yelled at them as he finally caught up, Lily struggling in front of him. She reached back and with a loud shredding noise, ripped the skirt off her tutu and threw it below. It fell twirling like a ghost until it was swallowed by the sea of black.

They didn't need telling twice. Remus had just narrowly dodged a jet of green light aimed at him by the shrinking figure of Voldemort. He felt the coldness and force of it as it missed him by less than two inches.

They rose, plunging into the sky. The stars brightened as the lights below became faint. Darkness surrounded them. Screams became echoes. _Somehow_, with sheer luck and happenstance, they had escaped.

After twenty minutes of flying in the same direction they saw James put out his arm. They stopped mid air and Remus looked around. He had never flown this high before. They were almost two hundred feet above the dark countryside. A Muggle city glowed on the northern horizon.

"My house is somewhere around here!" James yelled at them, the wind blowing deafeningly.

They searched the ground desperately for the faint glow of lights in windows. They needed to find it soon—Lily had obviously lost her warming enchantment when she ripped the skirt off her tutu. She was pale and shivering, her lips turning purple and her fingers becoming darker, blacker…

Remus took out his wand and gripped it loosely in his fingers, directing it downward.

"Point Me!" he yelled at it. It twirled a little and aimed leftward.

They dived, James taking a little more time as Lily slipped in and out of consciousness until they landed.

"Lily!"

Remus ran forward. Lily had fallen forwards, limp in the snow, weak and shivering.

James bent down and picked her up. Her hair fell out of the bun and was cascading down in waves of golden red around her chalk white shoulders.

"Get her inside!" Remus said immediately, pulling off his cloak. Sirius had done the same and they wrapped them around her.

"James?" a woman's voice rang out and the sound of a door slamming rent the air. "JAMES?"

"Mum!"

"Oh my god! What happened?" his mother ran forward.

"We were attacked, an entire crowd of Death Eaters and Voldemort showed up—this is Lily Evans, she goes to school with us—,"

They were hurrying over the threshold now and James ran into the living room, laying Lily down on the sofa as the other two started casting warming spells at her. Peter started a roaring fire as James' father came running downstairs.

"What's happened?"

"Mr. Potter, do you have any hypothermia potion?" Remus said quickly.

"Yes, but—,"

"We need it _now_, please!"

Lily groaned a little on the sofa and James kneeled down next to her.

"Hey, Evans… it's okay, you're safe—"

She grumbled and let out a little whimper before moaning, "Oh no, not you…"

There was a startled silence before Remus and Sirius and Peter burst out laughing.

"Well at least she's still in her mind, Jamie." Sirius chuckled, clapping his shoulder. James glowered at him.

Ten minutes later and Lily was doing much better. The hypothermia potion had turned her lips and fingers back to normal, and with a steaming mug of hot chocolate from Mrs. Potter, her coloring was returning as well. She was sitting up now, her corset leotard torn and sooty, with Remus and Sirius' cloaks pooled in her lap and her feet tucked sideways under her.

It was a rather odd scene… before tonight, Lily Evans had never quite paid them much attention. She had a rather odd friendship with Snape, their worst enemy, and she was constantly snitching on them when James and Sirius jinxed students in the corridors. But right now she was clutching her mug of chocolate and chatting animatedly with the other three about her Muggle parents and who the Beatles were.

Remus had crept sideways into the small study room and was writing a letter to his parents explaining everything. He had been, for the last hour, hoping that he would still be able to creep inside his bedroom without his parents ever knowing he had left. But the Potters insistence that they all stay the night and take the Floo in the morning was hard to turn down. He re-read his letter, making sure it didn't sound too frightening, and bent down to sign it.

He didn't hear the door click closed behind him.

"Remus?"

Remus straightened up.

"Yeah?"

Sirius was staring at him, looking pale and disheveled. He still had soot on his face and a small cut on his eyebrow that was scabbing.

"Sirius, what's—,"

The word 'up' was swallowed from him as Sirius crossed the room in two strides, fisted the front of Remus' robes, shoved him against the opposite wall and covered his mouth with his own.

Remus started, contracting in surprise. Sirius was catching his bottom lip between his own, forcing his mouth open. That split second as Sirius' lips pressed harder and Remus' mouth had room to part was, Remus knew, the time to back out. It was fleeting, a mere one thousandth of a second maybe, but it encompassed the eternity that it took Remus to make up his mind.

_Push him, shove him, yell at him, punch him, get him off, this is wrong, you can't do this, this isn't right, this isn't normal, this isn't—_

Remus sighed and opened his mouth, his eyes closing, right hand coming up and sliding into hair at the back of the neck. It was wet— Sirius tangled his tongue around Remus' as he kissed hungrily. His fists turned into palms that pulled Remus' head closer and guided him as they moved. Remus caught Sirius' lower lip in his own and sucked tenderly on it.

Sirius pressed his mouth harder against Remus', kissing him again, greedier, needier, plunging his tongue in each time their mouths parted. When Remus finally, hesitantly, pressed his tongue forward into Sirius' mouth, Sirius sucked possessively on it between his own tongue and upper teeth. Remus moaned, pulling his body closer, Sirius almost flattening him against the wall now, hands sliding around their bodies, gripping, pulling, exploring…

Remus gasped as he felt Sirius thrust a rather obvious hard-on against his hip. Sirius took the opportunity to attack his neck, his mouth latching onto the sensitive skin below Remus' earlobe. Remus' lips parted, eyes burned closed in lust, head tucking in to slide his wet lips upward along Sirius' neck. He could feel his erection harden in his trousers, pressure building at each thrust…

Remus moaned and grunted blearily at Sirius.

"Sirius! Uunhg, get…get off me…"

Sirius sucked his mouth off Remus' skin and sighed intentionally hot against his neck. Remus' body shivered in arousal, jolts of pleasure welling up inside him.

"_Please_ Sirius just… can we back up?"

Sirius took a step back and then stumbled for another, one hand jumping into his hair and the other coming up to caress his mouth in surprise.

Remus doubled over slightly against the wall and stared at him.

"Uhmm… what just happened?"

Sirius looked utterly tormented, eyes cringing at what he'd just done.

"I'm sorry—I couldn't help—uhm…" Sirius gulped for air. "You almost died tonight. I saw that jet of green light almost hit you when we were leaving. I only wanted to—to come in here and give you a proper hug—I didn't really mean to… I don't know what the hell came over me…"

Remus pressed his palms into his eye sockets. The kiss was still buzzing through him like some sort of drug, making him dizzy.

"We _cannot_ keep doing this."

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><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~<strong>


	9. Just Do It

Remus tossed over and stared up at the canopy of his four poster bed. As usual, he was awake first, but kept tucked under the warmth of his covers. He looked out at the sunrise and saw owls swooping through the purple tinted horizon.

They had been back at school for three weeks and he was more confused now than ever. He'd had another dream last night… not anything intense, but it definitely wasn't the kind of dream that normal, straight, teenage boys had… because normal, straight, teenage boys didn't have dreams about shoving their best friend against the bookcases in the library and snogging him senseless…

He closed his eyes again, thinking. He'd now had three kisses in his entire life and they had all been with Sirius. What did that _mean_? That he was… bisexual? Because he knew, he was absolutely certain, that he was not a flaming queen. Or maybe he wasn't even bisexual… he had certainly never thought of boys before this year and even now it never occurred to him to be even remotely interested in any other boy besides Sirius.

It was probably because Sirius was so handsome… this made sense. This _totally_ made sense. Attractive, beautiful people probably turned everyone queer if they stuck around long enough. And Remus had just finished puberty—his hormones were racing on overdrive. This probably happened to a lot of boys, questioning their sexuality, experimenting. And like him, it probably took literally the most drop dead gorgeous boy in the entire school to even make them think _slightly_ of wavering from girls.

He opened his eyes again, a little taken aback by how much more light had poured in as the sun rose higher. He had to snap out of this phase and get on with finding a girlfriend… he'd never worried much about it before, but it was time. He was almost sixteen and if his hormones were resorting to going after boys, he'd give them something to reconsider. He needed a proper snog with a proper girl, and it was the perfect time to do it too… there were only two and half weeks left until Valentine's Day… desperate single girls were everywhere, flirting up a storm every chance they got.

Remus grinned at the red drapes above him. This was going to be easy…

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>"…so then, I was just about to tell her that the mushroom had slipped off the stem and into the potion when Slughorn came over and docked us five points for not paying attention, even though I knew I could have fixed it by just adding another—,"<p>

"Lily, will you go out with me?"

Lily stopped in the middle of the corridor they were patrolling and stared at him.

"Uhm… Remus… I _have_ a boyfriend." she said cautiously.

Remus ' shoulders fell a little.

"Damn," he said leaning against the wall.

Lily was blushing furiously.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lead you on or anything—,"

"No it's not that, it's just…" he winced, considering her. They were _sort _of friends, him and Lily, but they weren't great friends. How much could he tell her? Would she actually care about his stupid issues or would she laugh it off awkwardly and then talk rumors about it behind his back? No, no…she wasn't that kind of girl… he could trust her.

"It's just that I'm almost sixteen and haven't had a girlfriend yet. I'm trying to find one by Valentine's Day."

Lily's mouth fell open a little in comprehension.

"Oh…_oh," _she added more menacingly as her eyes narrowed and she put both hands on her hips "So I was what, just the first bird you ran into? Are you spitting that line out at all the girls?"

"No!" Remus said defensively, cottoning on. "No, it's just… well we're kind of friends aren't we? And I don't know that many girls… and uhm… look, I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't have asked."

Lily's suspicious face melted into a sheepish awkward look.

"Okay… well…you know Mary might be interested in a date… Josh dumped her before Christmas and she's been disgusting lately trying to find someone for Valentine's Day."

Remus considered for a moment… she had looked very pretty in her tutu that night over break, and she was also a Gryffindor which just made everything easier…

Lily made a stuttering noise and he looked at her.

"Well… look, I know you're the most sensible of the four but…"

Remus didn't need her to finish to understand what she was getting at. He, James, Sirius, and Peter were notorious for their pranks and troublemaking… she being Mary's best friend was obviously worried Remus might treat her with the same respect as he treated his detention record.

"I'm not going to do anything stupid, Lily," he said, raising an eyebrow. "But I think I need to get a girl, and soon… "

He trailed off and she narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.

"Okay well… if you want to talk to Mary, she loves it when boys notice her school bag is made out of dragons hide. And she's really into politics and Care of Magical Creatures and anything to do with pre-Hogwarts education reform for young witches and wizards."

"Er…" Remus said, trying to remember everything. "Right… thanks Lils…"

Lily laughed a little at his struggling expression.

"What's so funny?"

They both looked around. Mary had just walked around the corner clutching her books. She had a small ink smudge on her cheek.

"Er…nothing…" Remus said.

Mary looked at him, obviously surprised he had spoken to her. Remus jumped on her attention and stepped away from the wall.

"You have an ink smudge on your cheek, Mary." He lifted his hand and rubbed it off with his thumb. Her skin was really soft and his hand brushed against her hair as he pulled it back.

"Thanks." she was looking at him curiously, a suspicious little grin tugging the corner of her mouth.

Remus grinned at her. "Nice dragon hide bag, by the way."

And he turned away, walking back to the Gryffindor common room, confidence soaring through him. He smirked to himself… damn if Mary wasn't his girl by the end of the week…

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>"So we'll need two new bags of dungbombs, a new package of the water-light fireworks, and I think we should try out those biting tea-cups too, they just got them in from Norway."<p>

They were lined up outside of Charms class and James, Sirius, and Peter were listing all the supplies they were going to be getting on the Hogsmead trip Valentines weekend.

"Hey, I have another idea." Sirius said, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "You know that creepy pub at the end of the road, The Hogs Head?"

Peter shook his head vigorously.

"No, no, I heard ogres and hags are in there all the time—,"

"Well then us going with a werewolf, we'll fit right in won't we?" James said, an excited glint in his eyes.

Remus cleared his throat gruffly and said, "Uh… well, I won't actually be… going with you three."

They stared at him like he had just announced his run for Minister of Magic.

Then James laughed.

"Oh, _right_, very funny, haha—,"

"I'm not joking." Remus said frowning. "I have a…er…date."

They stared.

"With a girl?" Peter said, dumbstruck.

"No, with a blast-ended skrewt, Peter."

"But—" James spluttered.

"With who?" Sirius said, eyes narrowed.

"With er…Mary? Lily's friend?"

They all blinked.

"When did this happen? Why didn't you tell us?" James rounded on him.

"I don't know…" he said throwing his hands a little, but he half glanced at Sirius despite himself. "I guess I just…forgot or something. It only just happened yesterday. We've been kind of… talking to each other since the end of January."

He chanced another glance at Sirius and almost stepped back. Even his skin and iris' seemed darker in the force of his glare. Remus' heart skipped a beat and he trembled a little, unnerved by his reaction.

The door to Charms class opened and Professor Flitwick squeaked at them to enter and get their homework essays out. Remus sighed in relief, preparing to file in and sit on the opposite side of Peter when he felt a painfully hard grip seize him by the bicep and pull him roughly away.

"_Ouch!_" he yelped furiously. "Sirius, what the—?"

Sirius was hauling him backwards as James and Peter were carried into class by the swarm of students. He turned and pulled Remus behind the nearest corner and threw him angrily against the wall. Remus yelled in surprise and caught himself, almost falling over.

"_What the fuck is this, you have a date?_" Sirius growled at him. "Why the hell haven't you told me, how the hell did this happen? Did you ask her or did she ask you?"

Remus gaped at him.

"What the hell are you on about? It doesn't even have anything to do with you!"

"She asked you, didn't she? Mary's always been a stupid little slut—,"

"Hey!" Remus yelled, scowling. "She did _not_ ask me, I asked her!"

Sirius blinked. He looked like he'd just been slapped in the face.

"You—? But—," his eyes were bulging. "But you—but—but we—"

Remus' eyebrows shot nearly halfway up his forehead.

"We _what_, Sirius?"

Sirius hesitated and opened his mouth to speak but Remus didn't want to hear it. He shoved past Sirius and walked back around the corner to Charms class. James' head poked around the doorway as he got there.

"Oh, hey, we were wondering—"

Remus shoved past him with a small growl and threw himself into a seat beside Peter.

He had felt slightly guilty about not telling Sirius, but he had never imagined that Sirius would react this way. What on earth had gotten into him? It wasn't as if they had ever talked about being exclusive or even being _anything. _And as far as he knew, they had both been trying their hardest to return to normal since the beginning of term.

Granted, he had caught Sirius staring at him a few times, but beyond that Sirius hadn't even hinted at anything between them. Sirius had a lot of nerve, expecting him to just wait around like some patient little lap dog while he got up the nerve to say anything. In fact, Remus had gotten quite comfortable with the idea that they would just continue on like that forever, never mentioning it again and pretending it never happened.

He could hear James accosting Sirius for information but didn't look around. He unbuckled his bag and pulled out his essay about silencing charms when he felt James drop into the seat next to him.

"James, do you have an extra quill, I left mine—"

His voice died in his throat. Sirius was sitting next to him, looking at him sideways, unsmiling.

_Fuck._

Remus blinked.

"Er…do you—?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and threw an extra quill on the table in front of him.

"Thanks." Remus mumbled.

He had never been so excruciatingly uncomfortable. Every cell in his body was screaming at him to run as far away from Sirius as possible. It was too awkward for him to bear.

Sighing in agitation, he bent over his parchment and started taking notes on their boiling charm and the elements of certain liquids. If he just kept busy, then neither of them would have to pretend like nothing was wrong…

After thirty minutes he straightened up to listen to Flitwicks lecture without notes. He felt himself giving in, and despite himself, glanced sideways at Sirius.

Sirius was leaning away from him, his head propped against his hand, staring at Remus. His eyes flicked away when he saw him look around.

Every nerve in Remus' body lit on fire. He fidgeted his legs uncomfortably and bent over his parchment again, scribbling relentlessly.

He heard the legs on Sirius' chair scratch slightly against the floor and felt him shifting. Remus ignored him and continued writing.

_For liquid elements that have less than two neurons, the charm should be performed with an extra flick towards the end and cannot be preformed nonverbally_—

He felt something crawling on his leg and reached down to swipe it off. His hand brushed sideways across his knee and came into contact with—

Remus' quill scratched through his parchment in surprise. He reeled back away from the desk and caught sight of Sirius' hand swatting at his own before sliding further onto his knee.

He stiffened, eyes widening as he looked around at everyone except Sirius. Peter hadn't noticed. James hadn't noticed. No one else was paying them any attention.

He bent over his parchment again and heard Sirius let out a breathy laugh.

Remus still didn't look at him. The hand on his knee was clutching him gently over and over… and then…it was sliding upward, up his thigh, closer to—

Remus gasped inaudibly. His toes curled in his shoes and he blinked rapidly, forcing his eyes not to glaze over. Sirius' hand lingered on his inner thigh, moving backward and forward, thumb caressing him. Remus wasn't writing anymore, but he was still bent over his parchment, hands shaking, trying his best not to become noticeable. The hand on his thigh was warm, the heat from it seeping through his robes. He could feel blood pooling in his groin again, cursing to himself when he felt his trousers becoming uncomfortably tight around his hard-on.

Then—nothing could have prepared him for it— Sirius' hand suddenly clenched, frighteningly tight and possessively, and Remus doubled over on the desk, breathing out through his clenched teeth, gripping his quill like a knife jabbed into the desk, looking around desperately to see if anyone was looking. When he saw they weren't, he gulped, straightening up, and tried to compose himself.

Sirius' hand was still clenched, trying to pull his thighs open. Remus panted and pursed his lips, cursing to himself before giving in and allowing is legs to spread apart from each other.

Wrong move. _Very_ wrong move.

Sirius' hand slid forward and cupped his throbbing erection, pressing his palm rhythmically into it.

Remus gasped audibly, eyes closing, face screwed up in arousal.

"_Remus?_" James whispered, leaning forward over the table to look at him from Sirius' right side.

He felt the hand on his crotch lift immediately and he cleared his throat, eyes flying open. A few others had looked around at him when he'd gasped, including Mary, who was in the row in front of them.

"Er—headache" he invented hastily.

It must have been convincing because the others turned back to face Flitwick. Remus bent back over his parchment, re-tracing the last sentence he'd written. Half way through, he tilted his head and finally chanced another look at Sirius.

Sirius was writing notes again, a satisfied smirk splayed across his face, chin lifted and head cocked so he was looking down on his notes with a haughty expression. Remus stared at him in disbelief… and then, Sirius' eyes flicked up and spotted Remus out of his peripheral vision… he turned to look back, the smirk sliding from his face.

Remus held his gaze, watching his eyes closely for any sign of emotion, but there wasn't any… except maybe a tiny amount of longing…and then quite suddenly, Sirius' eyes darted down, resting on Remus' lips—

The bell rang and there was a great rush as chairs scraped the stone floor and Flitwick squeaked their homework instructions at them. Remus turned, clutching his messenger bag rather closer to the front of his body than usual, and walked quickly to the door without waiting for any of the others.

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>It was nighttime again and not everyone had come up to bed yet. Remus had crawled into bed with his pajamas, leaning against his headboard, knees bent with his book propped against them. Pallas had already crawled into bed and was reading too as Jacob took his shower.<p>

Remus reached a particularly tedious section of the mystery novel he was reading and looked up. Pallas was cleaning his glasses off.

"Hey, what did you end up doing over break?" Remus called over to him.

Pallas put his glasses back on and grinned sheepishly.

"Well…you know Lola… from Hufflepuff?"

Remus smiled broadly.

"Catch her under the mistletoe, did you?"

"Well… _something_ like that."

"Are you two going out then?"

Pallas lifted his book again, trying to conceal his burning cheeks.

"I'm not sure…but she keeps cornering me in the halls and pulling me into the broom closets to snog me. We spent the whole lunch hour behind the tapestry on the second floor yesterday."

Remus laughed at him.

"What about you?" Pallas said. "I heard you were going out with Mary now."

Remus' smile fell off his face.

"Uhm… it's kind of complicated…"

Pallas looked up at him, frowning bemusedly.

"What do you mean? You're not seeing anyone else are you?"

Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"No," he said. "No, I'm not."

He went back to his book, ready to forget himself in the fictional world, when he heard the door close.

Sirius was standing there, looking coolly down his majestic face at Remus.

"_Oh, shit." _Remus thought to himself.

Sirius looked over at Pallas.

"Jacob in the showers?"

"Yeah, he just went in like five minutes ago so you've got a while." Pallas grinned apologetically at him. His best friend had a bad habit of using up all the hot water.

Remus tried to ignore Sirius as the other boy pulled his robes off and put on his pajamas. He was terrified that Sirius would look up and catch him staring at his half-naked body… that was the last thing he needed right now…

But Sirius didn't seem to pay him any attention either. He pulled the curtains around the foot of his bed and grabbed a book for himself before closing the ones on either side of him. Remus felt a little easier when Sirius was hidden from view. Their beds were opposite each other in the round dormitory and they probably would have just kept catching each other's eye awkwardly until the lights were extinguished…

Remus scratched his nose and flipped the page. He saw something move out of the corner of his eye and looked over to his nightstand…

It wasn't anything that moved, he found out. His letter carrier, the one Sirius shared with him, had suddenly turned bright red.

He glanced over to Sirius' bed before reaching out and opening it.

_Don't go out with Mary. Please._

Remus stared at it. Again, he looked up at Sirius' curtains. Snatching up his quill, he scribbled a quick response.

_Why do you care who I go out with?_

He waited. Sirius must have cast a silencing spell at his curtain because he never heard the scratch of a quill before the response was appearing in his own book.

_I don't like Mary. Don't go out with her._

Remus frowned. Two could play this game…

_Good, because I'm going out with Lily, I only said Mary so James wouldn't get mad at me._

Remus smiled vengefully. The response was scribbled messily.

_I don't like Lily either, she's a stupid flirt. Don't go out with her._

Remus laughed cruelly.

_I'm not going out with her, you arse, I was just testing to see if you would say that to any girl and you proved me right. I'm going out with Mary and there's nothing you can say that's going to stop me._

He waited. And waited. Remus checked the time, drumming his fingers against the cover. Finally, just when he was getting ready to close it and go back to his book, a short message appeared.

_But what about me?_

Remus felt something swelling in his throat. What the hell was wrong with him? He heaved a few emotional breaths and then pressed his lips together, jaw set as he wrote back.

_What about you? I don't want anything with you. Go find yourself a girl if you want to grope anyone from now on._

He held his breath. But the response wasn't what he expected.

_Close your curtains. _

Remus blinked at it.

_Why?_

He waited.

_Just do it._

Remus frowned and looked over at Pallas who had slid down in bed and was completely absorbed in his own book.

Okay. Remus reached down and pulled the curtains shut at the base of his bed. Putting his novel on the night stand, he pulled the other two around and stretched out in the empty enclosed space. He muttered a silencing and illumination spell for good measure… better safe than sorry.

_Okay, now what?_

He fidgeted…this wasn't a good idea. He should open his curtains.

_Put your palm on the front cover between the quotation marks._

Remus frowned and closed the book. He held his palm above it, hovering, hesitating, before pressing against it.

There was a sudden warmth that surged through his fingertips and an invisible force pushed him backward against the headboard as Sirius appeared in front of him, his own palm pressed against the cover of the other journal.

Remus' eyes widened in shock.

"How did you do that?" he whispered.

Sirius grinned, tossing the journal aside.

"They came with that little charm built in."

Remus put his book down too. They looked at each other for a second before Sirius shuffled and moved forward. Remus backed up when he realized Sirius had started to crawl towards him.

"Sirius stop it!" he scolded, cheeks turning red.

"Or what?" Sirius whispered dangerously.

Remus' back hit the mattress and suddenly Sirius was on top of him, hands on either side of his head, staring down at him.

"We can't…you need to _go_, just get out of here."

Sirius smirked down at him.

"Make me."

Remus' eyes slanted in defeat. He was never able to stand up to any of them, not really…

"What are we doing?" he said instead, buying time.

Sirius frowned.

"I don't know."

Remus just looked up at him helplessly.

"You don't know? You're just, what, crawling into my bed for god knows what—,"

"_I_ know what." Sirius said, grinning wickedly.

Remus turned his head to the side, lips pressed defiantly together.

"I don't know what the hell you're playing at anymore, Sirius."

Sirius leaned forward and breathed hotly against his ear.

"I was going to finish what I started earlier in Charms class, if you don't mind."

Remus gasped, eyes glazing as his tried to look back at Sirius.

"Don't—I don't—,"

"Do you have _any_ idea," Sirius interrupted, whispering against his ear. "how hot you looked, bent over the desk, gasping for me..."

Remus moaned. Sirius buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck and reached down with both hands to grip Remus' hips. Before he could object, Remus felt hips and a very obvious erection thrust into him.

He was completely undone. Moaning, he reached up to pull Sirius down on top of him. Their pajamas slid over them, causing a soft sort of friction as they rutted against each other.

Sirius moaned into his neck.

"Unnhg…_Remus_…_shit_, Remus…"

He gasped, choking on his words. Remus had never done anything like this before… he wasn't really sure what he was doing or if they were doing it right… all he knew was that it felt amazing and from the pressure building in his pajamas, he was far too close to last much longer…

He realized, as Sirius moaned again, that he was just lying there as Sirius thrust against him. He opened his thighs slightly, bent his knees and tried rolling his hips to thrust back.

Sirius felt it and his fingers dug into Remus' sides as he realized he was responding. They both gasped as their cocks lined up and rubbed against each other, side by side, thrusting and sliding as they became harder and started leaking—

Remus' fantasies had been a lot smoother than this. Everything he had ever imagined when he was jerking himself off had been choreographed in perfect sequence, effortlessly preformed. But this was something else— his muscles were aching, both of them were fumbling in the surge of their arousal, but it was somehow so much more exciting and intoxicating… if this had been a fantasy, he wouldn't be so close to cuming just yet, he'd be going for much longer…but right now, his balls were seizing, his cock hardening, the pressure building as pleasure shot through him with each thrust—

"Sirius… I'm too…" he whimpered, eye screwed shut, arms clutching at Sirius' body. He couldn't finish his sentence, couldn't admit to his _friend_ just how much he was turned on.

Sirius moaned, thrusting harder.

"_Just cum for me," _he growled.

Remus came completely undone and felt an unstoppable surge of arousal push him into his orgasm. He moaned wantonly against Sirius' neck, raking his nails harshly down his back as hot semen shot from his convulsing cock. His muscles contracted, making him tremble against Sirius' body.

Sirius thrust two more times, feeling Remus below him, and shuddered into his own orgasm, collapsing inwards and rutting until he was completely spent.

Remus was panting, the ache in his groin subsiding. He let his head fall back onto the pillow as Sirius lifted his head to look at him.

"Don't—," Remus started. "Don't kiss me… _please_… just…"

Sirius hovered over him for a moment, lips so close that they almost touched.

"Okay," he whispered softly.

Remus groaned as Sirius climbed off him and sat up. Both of their pajamas were soaked. Sirius avoided his eyes, looking down and grabbing up his journal again.

Remus hesitated.

"We'll, er—," he whispered. "we'll talk tomorrow, okay? It'll be…it'll be fine, this'll work out."

Sirius looked up at him, eyes smoldering, before looking down again and placing his hand on the cover.

Remus reached his hand over to do the same on his own cover.

"Goodnight, Sirius," he whispered before he pressed downward and Sirius vanished, leaving him alone in the dark.


	10. Practice Sessions

It was seven in the morning and Remus was staring into the bathroom mirror at his own reflection. He'd just brushed his teeth and was about to run a comb through his hair but stopped, studying his face.

The closer to the full moon he was, the brighter his eyes became. The next full moon was tomorrow night, so his irises were a bright brown streaked with autumn colors of honey and metallic gold… they looked intriguing but they were still the eyes of the werewolf. He smiled bemusedly to himself… if only he'd been born so interesting…

He bit his lip and studied the rest of his face. He looked as normal as he ever did… he couldn't understand what the hell Sirius saw in him. Okay, sure, he didn't have any acne issues, but he did have two scratch scars across his left cheekbone. And try as might, it had proved biologically impossible for him to grow a beard or mustache… while the others had broken out razors years ago, his jaw line and upper lip remained defiantly pre-pubescent.

He heard a shuffling outside the door and then a light knocking sound.

"_Remus?_"

"Come in."

The door cracked open and Sirius slipped inside, muttering a silencing spell at it when it was closed again, and then turned to face him.

Remus cringed at the awkwardness.

"You wanted to…talk?" Sirius said, leaning up against the door with his hands behind his back. He looked like a child in time-out.

Remus sat down on the toilet lid, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. He chewed on his lower lip for a second, looking downcast.

"Last night…" he started.

Remus waited for Sirius to say something, but he didn't.

"I'm not… I'm not queer, Sirius."

"I'm not either."

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Aren't you?"

Sirius shook his head.

"I thought we were just… experimenting at this point."

Remus blinked.

"Experimenting," he repeated. It wasn't a question— he was testing the idea out loud.

Sirius hesitated.

"I told you I'd never kissed anyone before. I thought…after we kissed over break… we were still going to be trying things with each other."

He paused.

"And when I heard you were going out with Mary, I kept thinking about all the things you were probably going to do with each other and I sort of just wanted to… beat her to the punch or something."

Remus frowned at him.

"I thought you were jealous."

"I'm not _jealous_." Sirius spat.

Remus laughed.

"I don't believe you."

"I am NOT jealous!"

"Oh, sure, you shoving me against the wall and groping me, yeah, that was pure _experimenting_—"

"Well, why is that so bad?" Sirius blurted out. "Why can't we just… practice with each other?"

Remus cocked his head, frowning.

"Practice _what_ with each other?"

Sirius' eyes darted around sheepishly. He fidgeted against the door.

"Well, you're going out with Mary soon… we could just practice what you'd do with her so… so you know what you're doing when you…you know… because it wouldn't hurt to build up some… stamina. Right?"

He trailed off.

Remus stared at the bathroom wall, thinking. Mary had already had at least one boyfriend before… she probably knew a hell of a lot more about snogging than he did. What else had she done with Josh from Ravenclaw? Had she slept with him? He was a seventh year… it was hard to compete with experience like that.

"But… you're a boy," he said finally. "Doesn't that bother you?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I guess, but…. I just love how… _wrong_ it is. And the risk of being caught. It's like a rush, you know?"

Remus stared at him.

"And anyways," Sirius added hurriedly. "I don't even like boys… just you."

Remus snorted.

"You _like_ me?"

Sirius' casual attitude fell from his being so fast Remus had to do a double take. He suddenly looked extremely vulnerable.

"You—you don't like me?"

Remus gazed at him for a moment. Sirius was the most handsome boy in school, by far. Even now, wearing his plaid pajamas and hair ruffled from sleeping, he looked ludicrously attractive.

The words slipped from his lips before Remus realized he was speaking—

"What the _hell_ do you see in me?"

Sirius blinked. Then the corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

"Well, you're— you're always so surprised by everything I do… and you always just go along with it. It's so easy to play with you." Sirius finished, grinning.

"I'm easy…" Remus repeated blandly. "… to play with."

He surveyed Sirius in disbelief as the other boy doubled over against the door, shaking with laughter.

"Well…it's true." Sirius said tremulously. "You always try to object to everything and then you end up just giving in. It's… cute."

Remus' eyebrows shot up his forehead.

"You think I'm _cute_?"

"Bloody adorable."

Remus scoffed.

"Piss off."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"You wanted to know what I saw in you—"

"Yeah, well," Remus said, standing up and gesturing he wanted Sirius to move. "I figured you would say something a little more macho… I turn into a fully grown raging monster once a month, the word 'cute' isn't _exactly_ the first conclusion I thought of."

Sirius didn't move.

"So… what did we decide to do?"

Remus searched his face for a moment.

"I suppose we can… practice. But I don't _want _anything with you. I'm not queer so I don't want to hear any shit when I have a date. And I don't—"

Remus was cut off as Sirius launched himself away from the door, grabbed his face, and leaned in to kiss him tenderly.

He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Sirius just held him there, didn't push him, didn't pull him. Their lips were sticky for some reason, and both of them sighed in irritation when they parted.

"Sorry… you didn't let me kiss you last night." Sirius whispered against his mouth.

"Because… this is getting weird. It shouldn't _be_ like this…I shouldn't be kissing you like this." Remus whispered back. His head was spinning. It was like his sanity was drowning in lust.

"You've never kissed me." Sirius said, kissing the corner of his mouth gently.

Remus frowned.

"What the hell are you on about? This is the fourth time I've kissed you—"

"No." Sirius said firmly. "This is the fourth time _I've_ kissed _you_."

Remus stared at him. He was right. Every time they had kissed, Sirius had been the one to make the first move. He had never, not even once, moved in first.

"You're right." Remus said in surprise.

Sirius grinned.

"Can I get that in writing?"

Remus reached up and pulled Sirius towards him, smashing their lips together fiercely. Sirius' body shivered in reaction, responding with so much passion he nearly tripped Remus backwards over the bathtub.

BANG BANG BANG

They both jumped violently. James was shouting through the door at them and pounding on it hard with his fist.

"Oy, who's in there? Stop hogging the mirror you pansy, some of us need to shower!"

Sirius took his wand out and got rid of the silencing charm before opening the door.

James blinked groggily at them.

"What were two you doing in there?"

Sirius grinned.

"Snogging," he said promptly, striding out the door as James roared with laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Mary's hand was soft under his own… she had a little golden ring on her pinky finger that kept glinting when it caught the light… it looked like it might be goblin made, the way the filigree was molded…<p>

Remus couldn't quite believe he was on a real, honest-to-god date with a girl. A real, living, breathing girl.

"What are you staring at?" Mary's voice wafted into his day dreaming.

"Nothing." Remus said, smiling at her. "You."

Mary blushed and continued on with her conversation about political activism.

They were in Hogsmead, passing through the crowded streets, window shopping further into the village than he had ever been before. All of the shops were lit up in bright colors of pinks and reds and silver. Little cupids fluttered around some of them and wires of decorative heart ornaments were strung across the cobblestone streets. It was breezy outside and slushy snow was sloshing under their feet as they walked on, but the sky was bright blue and the sun was shining for the first time in weeks. Almost everyone had stripped off their cloaks and scarves, enjoying the first glimpses of spring.

Remus had taken Mary to all of his favorite spots. To his surprise, hanging out with a girl all day wasn't actually that bad. He'd never been quite as adventurous or rambunctious as James and Sirius were. It was a relief to speak with someone who wasn't constantly casting around for some sort of loud illegal activity to pursue. She had listened to all of his opinions about Ministry prejudice towards half-breeds and half-bloods, and she not only agreed with him, but she also had several well-formed opinions of her own. It was much easier to talk to her than it was to talk with Lily, who only ever spoke about Potions and Quidditch and rock bands he had never heard of before.

They strolled on aimlessly for hours, past glowing frosted shops and other hand-holding couples.

"…So that's really why I want to work with children so badly, or at least on the Board of Education for the Ministry, there hasn't been any real reform in the department for centuries and I think I can really make a difference in it." Mary paused in her speech, catching her breath. Her cheeks were a little flushed from the passion she poured into it, and the hand that wasn't clutching Remus' dropped back down to her side from the gesturing she had been using it for.

They had been drawing closer and closer down the street toward a seventh year couple who were lip-locked outside Madam Pudifoots tea house. Remus eyed them and looked around at Mary. She hadn't noticed them and was staring curiously into an apothecary shop window. There was nothing for it… they had been holding hands all day and were getting along tremendously. He needed to figure out if this was for real, if she was really someone he could be with—

"Mary." Remus said, dropping his voice lower and pulling her to the side of the road under the branches of a blooming cherry tree.

"C'ome here," he whispered, pulling her in and locking his lips onto hers.

She let out a little whimper of surprise and reached up to pull him closer. She was about a head shorter than him. It was a completely different angle than when he had kissed Sirius, but he liked it. A lot. Her lips tasted like strawberries and the smell of her vanilla perfume filled his nostrils. She was so much… softer. So much smaller, so much sweeter. He had his hands cupping her head, maneuvering her as they kissed— no, they weren't even kissing anymore, this was _snogging_.

Eventually he realized that as the bloke in the situation, he was probably supposed to instigate any tongue-action. Hesitantly, he plunged his tongue into her mouth and then they were both pulling each other closer. His head was getting extremely dizzy and he realized his lungs were screaming for oxygen. He pulled back as politely as he could, gulping for air.

She fluttered her long lashes as she opened her eyes. Their arms were still around each other… her eyes were so blue, deep indigo streaked with brilliant cerulean around the pupil.

Remus smiled at her.

"Well… happy Valentine's Day," he whispered.

She smiled.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Remus."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Five hours later, Remus was bidding Mary farewell outside the great hall. They kissed one last time before she departed for her study group and he headed into the hall for dinner.<p>

His head was reeling. He had needed this date to prove to himself that he liked girls. After the chaos with Sirius these last few months, he hadn't been sure of who he was exactly. He'd told Sirius defiantly he liked girls, even though he hadn't actually known one hundred percent if it was true. But now he did. And he knew, one hundred million percent, that he was _not _queer.

He spotted the three of them sitting all the way at the front of the table. There was a spot saved next to Peter and a plate in front of it with rare steak, his favorite. They were deep in conversation, their heads tilted towards each other, laughing and nodding occasionally.

"Hi, guys," he said grinning, plopping down next to Peter. "You three scheming already?"

"No." James said immediately. "No, no, no, no, _no_, you are not getting off that easily. What happened on your date?"

"Yeah, was she horrid?" Sirius said, sitting back and taking a large swig of pumpkin juice.

"No, actually, it's sort of refreshing to have a conversation with someone who actually listens and responds to what I'm—"

"So we're thinking about sneaking into the grounds tomorrow during the full moon." Peter burst out.

"Yeah, we were thinking, after last month when we ran around the tunnel, we could totally pull off getting around the Quidditch pitch, especially around two in the morning because Filch always patrols the opposite side of the castle at that time, you know?" James added hurriedly.

Remus sighed and reached for his own pumpkin juice.

"Did you snog her?" Sirius said, undistracted.

Remus coughed a little on his juice, hesitated, and then nodded.

"Whoa." James said, obviously impressed. "Good on'you, mate."

Remus grinned sheepishly, avoiding Sirius' eye.

"So are two… official?" Sirius pressed him.

Remus shrugged.

"I guess, we didn't actually talk about it though—."

"So that's a 'no'." Sirius said immediately.

Remus frowned at him.

"No it's not, it's not a 'yes' or a 'no'."

"No, it's a 'no'." Sirius said firmly.

James and Peter, who obviously thought Sirius was joking about Remus' lack of confidence in asking a girl out, were laughing at him and shoving his shoulder. Remus, however, narrowed his eyes at Sirius before going back to his dinner.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus fell forward, retching again as his bones snapped back together.<p>

"Uhhhck," he coughed, choking and heaving.

It was Monday, the morning after February's full moon. He tried to breathe steadily, willing himself not to vomit anymore. Somewhere in the back of his hazy mind he felt a warm cloak being laid over him. And then, before he was about to sit up again, he realized something was different. He wasn't on all fours over wooden floorboards. He was staring down on frozen grass and patches of snow. His limbs were shivering and his skin was prickly like he'd just been plunged into ice water.

"Where are we?" he croaked.

"Uhh…" he heard James' voice over him. "We weren't expecting you to transform so soon… we're only halfway back to the Whomping Willow from the Quidditch pitch."

Remus shuddered and pulled the cloak around his body before stumbling to his feet. He swayed and Sirius put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're not going to faint are you?"

"No… no but my feet are freezing… I'm _freezing_."

James checked his watch and glanced around nervously.

"What time is it?" Remus said, watching his reaction.

"Got ten minutes till Pomfrey comes down."

"Shit!" Remus exclaimed, teeth and limbs chattering uncontrollably in the bitter wind.

Sirius looked around instinctively.

"Look, James, give me your cloak and head back with Peter, I'll get Remus back in time."

James hesitated.

"Oh come on, we don't really have time to think about this. And we're not all going to fit under that thing anymore, we're both too tall."

James nodded and Sirius caught the cloak as James tossed it to him.

"Okay, well… we'll see you at breakfast." James said hurriedly to Sirius. "And see you at lunch," he added to Remus.

"Go!"

"Yeah, yeah, 'kay bye." James lifted his hand and he and Peter hurried back to the castle as the other two walked briskly toward the tree.

Remus' limbs were aching and he couldn't feel his feet. It was a relief when they stumbled down into the tunnel, the soft dirt a much more welcoming platform than slushy snow and frozen mud.

They paused below the trap door and Sirius climbed up first, turned around, and helped Remus from under his arms as he struggled to push himself up.

The cloak Remus was wearing caught on the edge of the latch and they fell backward, Remus catching himself with his hands as he fell hard into Sirius. The black cloak had slipped off his front and shoulders, resting around his upper back. He gasped. His naked body was pressed into Sirius', whose hands had come up to steady him but lingered there longer than necessary.

"I gotch-you," he whispered, grinning.

Remus groaned, closing his eyes. Sirius' hands slid up his back and pushed the cloak back over him, but his chest was still exposed, his bare pelvis pressed against Sirius'.

Sirius sat up slightly, pulling the collar of the cloak forward as he did. Then, looking into his eyes, he reached up and caressed his fingers through Remus' hair, from his temple to the base of his neck. Remus sighed, leaning his head into the touch, whimpering slightly.

"I need to get into the bedroom," he whispered.

"Yeah, c'mon." Sirius whispered back.

Together they stumbled upstairs and Remus collapsed gratefully into the soft, un-shredded mattress. He sunk down into it on his side, the bed springs hardly working anymore.

Sirius sat down next to him, pulling a blanket over his shivering body.

"Are you—do you—"

Remus opened his eyes to look at him.

"What?"

Sirius was chewing on his bottom lip.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do you want to stay?"

Sirius grinned and reached up to run his fingers through Remus' hair again. Remus closed his eyes, savoring the delicious sensation.

"It feels amazing when you do this."

Then he frowned a little.

"Why do you do this?"

Sirius shrugged even though Remus couldn't see it.

"Your hair's really soft. And it feels good when you do it to me when I'm the dog."

Remus sighed as those sinful fingers raked across his scalp, each follicle tingling. A thought suddenly occurred to him.

"Why did you cut your hair?"

Sirius stopped and sat back.

"I thought maybe I'd become a little too feminine. I thought I'd snap back into myself if I cut my hair and looked more like a boy again."

Remus laughed but stopped when one of his ribs seared with pain. It felt broken.

"Well, it didn't work much, did it?"

Sirius laughed too. "No, I guess not."

"I like it though. A lot. It makes you look…"

He cracked his eyes open but didn't finish. Sirius grinned expectantly at him.

"Look _what_?"

"Oh just shut up, you wanker, you know what you look like."

Sirius frowned.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

Remus closed his eyes, sighing resignedly. He was too tired to play games with Sirius and he certainly wasn't going to embarrass himself with sappy retorts right now.

He felt Sirius shift and then warm breath engulfed his ear. He shivered in arousal… his ears and neck were probably the most erotic places on his body apart from his crotch. He leaned his head closer to Sirius', their cheeks ghosting across each other. Sirius laughed softly.

"You want to practice something?"

Remus tensed up. "We don't have time."

"Yeah," Sirius whispered hotly, shifting closer to him. "We might get caught…"

Remus let out a little moan as Sirius slipped under the blanket next to him and slid his hands under the cloak around Remus' body.

"Don't— Pomfrey could come in any minute now…"

"Except that I changed James' watch half an hour late last night before he put it on."

Remus' eyes widened.

"You didn't," he breathed, now genuinely afraid of Sirius being under the covers with him.

Sirius grinned appreciatively.

"How else was I supposed to get you on your own? If you aren't with us you're with Mary now."

Remus frowned.

"She's my girlfriend… I shouldn't be sneaking around to fool with a bloke… practicing is one thing but this isn't right… we shouldn't be… this is just… too wrong."

If Remus had meant this rambling statement to dissuade Sirius, it had the complete opposite effect. He felt a shiver run through his body and the hands around him clenched slightly, moving lower, gripping into the soft skin around his pelvis. Sirius took a deep quivering breath.

Remus hesitated uncomfortably. If Mary could see him now… naked and wrapped around Sirius, their mutual arousals rubbing into each other… he obviously wasn't playing the part of boyfriend very well so far...

But he was still a little taken aback by the reaction to his words. Sirius was apparently excited by the danger of it. He noted this response curiously and mused to himself before deciding to test something.

"We could still get caught at any time," he whispered.

Sirius moaned, pulling his hips closer.

Remus smirked a little. Fuck it… they'd come this far. And this was only practicing for when he was with Mary anyways...

"We'd be in so much trouble if we got caught…" he continued, breathing the words into Sirius' neck. "It's too…dangerous."

Sirius choked out a small groan and thrust his hips forward.

"And we shouldn't be doing this anyways…" Remus went on, pressing sticky kisses against the sweaty skin under his earlobe. "It's not right… it's too…_dirty_…"

Sirius moaned loudly and pressed Remus backwards, climbing on top of him and claiming his lips with his own. One of his hands slipped down into the small of Remus' back, pulling him forward, and the other one wrapped around the base of his dick, squeezing lightly before stroking once, twice.

Remus gasped into his mouth. Pre-cum was leaking out of the tip already, slicking Sirius' silky hand as he pumped him relentlessly. He parted his thighs again, one hand fisting in Sirius' hair, the other sliding up to rub his own nipple with his palm.

"Fuck, Remus…" Sirius whispered, forehead pressed against Remus' shoulder as he looked down their bodies to watch himself jerking at Remus' cock.

Remus moaned, pressing his open mouth against the top of Sirius' head.

"Harder… _please_… harder…" he choked.

Sirius bit into his shoulder with a moan and sucked hard on his skin as his hand squeezed him and sped up. He was too close, way too close, but his body was screaming at him not to stop. Remus writhed under Sirius' body, clenching up in the surge of his arousal.

"Oh _god_ yes…"

And then his body was shuddering as he spilled his cum over his stomach, gasping for air, heels digging into the mattress in pure undiluted need.

"Remus—I need…" Sirius moaned and thrust his hips forward.

Remus looked down and whispered against his neck.

"What do you want?"

He started to unfasten Sirius' belt, popping open the buttons of his pants and sliding down the zipper. Sirius choked on his own breath.

"Just—just fist me and I'll fuck into you."

Remus had to force his mind to remain sane. The husky need in Sirius' voice was making his cock ache in arousal again, half-hardening all over again.

He freed Sirius' erection and closed his fingers around the base of it. It felt weird, having another boy's length in his hand. It was thicker than his own but about the same length and the head was already glistening.

Sirius cursed into his shoulder and snapped his hips backward and forward, thrusting into his grip.

"Shit…" he moaned.

"You like that?" Remus whispered hotly against his temple.

"Oh _fuck_, Remus—I'm too close…,"

Remus clenched his fist tighter, squeezing him. "Show me how wrong this is—."

A small scream was wrenched out of Sirius' throat as he came hard at those words, his body heaving in the force of his orgasm. Remus felt the hot semen hit his nipples and dribble onto his stomach.

Remus actually felt a little relieved and his cheeks stopped burning from the shame of cumming so fast. Sirius hadn't even lasted thrirty seconds... forget about being virgins, they both seemed to have the stamina of twelve year olds.

Sirius pressed down and rubbed the head of his cock against Remus' pelvis as he finished spilling on him, moaning in completion. The heads of their dicks brushed against each other and a string of milky cum glistened between them as Sirius massaged his balls in the aftershocks.

Remus was already painfully hard again.

Sirius' pupils were almost pure black with lust as he looked up from seeing this, a small smirk tugging the corner of his mouth before his tongue slid out and licked his lips wickedly.

"Remus?"

They both jumped. Madam Pomfrey was calling from downstairs, her footsteps coming closer and closer. They launched away from each other and Sirius threw the invisibility cloak on. Remus grabbed a cloth from the night stand and wiped himself clean hurriedly, but the smell of musk and sex still lingered sinfully in the air.

He heard her coming down the hall and panicked slightly, clutching the blanket around him. Then he heard the sound of Sirius' footsteps draw closer to his bed and Sirius' head appeared as he swung the hood off.

"Kiss me," Sirius breathed, cupping Remus around the back of the head and pulling him in.

Remus blindly closed his eyes and leaned in but then stopped. With a jolt, he realized this wasn't practicing anymore. This, this right here, this _really_ wasn't right. They didn't need to practice stolen kisses. Stolen kisses had absolutely no practical use in their experimenting. What Sirius was doing right now… this was what lovers did…

Disgusted with himself he flinched, reaching up and shoving Sirius away with as much force as he could muster.

It was lucky Madam Pomfrey was studying a clipboard when she finally edged into the room or she would have seen Sirius' head floating in the air, a look of utter surprise and hurt on his handsome features. Then his head whipped sideways, noticing her presence, before he reached up to pull the hood back over him. And in the split second before he disappeared, his eyes flicked back toward Remus, eyes burning with longing and his face tortured with rejection…


	11. Need

"Okay, fresh blueberry muffins _with_ the cooling charm on them, so no worries." Peter said, dropping the food parcel on the nightstand and falling back into his usual seat.

"Thanks, Pete." Remus croaked, sitting up as James and Sirius crawled onto the foot of the mattress to play gobstones. It was lunchtime and they were on their usual hospital visit.

Sirius was avoiding his eyes. Remus felt a hard knot of guilt in his abdomen for shoving him away that morning, but he had panicked and couldn't properly explain at the time why he didn't want to kiss him. And he certainly hadn't expected _that_ look to cross his face. Where the _hell_ had that look come from?

He'd never seen Sirius' face look like that before. He'd expected maybe a little joking laugh and for him to whisper something along the lines of "Okay, okay, too far, you're right." The last thing he'd ever expected was for Sirius to actually look rejected.

Sirius' eyes flicked up at him as James arranged the game. Remus tried slanting his eyes apologetically. Sirius just stared at him so Remus' eyes fell back and he hesitated before giving him a small grin.

Sirius blinked. His eyes roamed over Remus' face before, shoulders falling reluctantly, his lips curved back into a nervous little smile.

Remus couldn't help himself. Completely beyond his control his grin widened until he was positively beaming. Sirius saw it and let out a bark of laughter.

"Uhh…" James said, utterly bewildered as they doubled over laughing stupidly. "Did I miss something?"

Sirius coughed gruffly, trying to compose himself. Remus shook his head clear and reached out to grab a muffin.

"Inside joke, Jamie." Remus chuckled.

James frowned.

"Sure, _inside joke_. For all I know you two've been sneaking behind our backs and shagging each other—"

Remus choked violently on his muffin.

"So we're sneaking out Friday night!" Sirius said distractedly, almost yelling at him.

"Re-heally?" Remus coughed, his windpipe burning in protest.

"Yeah, so we're going to need you to draw up another plan tonight once everyone's gone to bed." Peter said. "We're sneaking a bunch of booz out of the Three Broomsticks for your birthdays next month."

Remus nodded. He, Sirius, and James all had March birthdays. Sirius' was the 2nd, his was the 10th, and James' was the 27th.

"Whe-hen's the party thi-his year?" he sputtered.

"We were thinking the first Saturday," James said. "'Cos everyone'll be celebrating Saint Patrick's day the next weekend and Easter's coming early this year."

"_Why_," Remus said after gulping down some pumpkin juice. "didn't you just get it all on Saturday when you were already there?"

James and Sirius blinked at him.

"You know," Remus said pointedly. "when you wouldn't have been breaking any _rules?_"

James frowned in confusion.

"I don't understand your point."

Remus laughed at him, shaking his head resignedly and kicking James from under the covers.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>"Remus, the corridor on the fifth floor of the northern corner isn't wide enough to hold that statue, you're thinking of the second floor on the south end—"<p>

"_No_, you're thinking of the statue of the hag with the dreadlocks on the fourth floor, this isn't _that one_, this is the goblin with the warts on its nose—"

"Oh, wow, well then that is the ugliest goblin I've ever seen in my—"

"It's _supposed_ to be ugly you complete arse—"

"Yeah, well then that's the _ugliest_ ugly goblin I've ever—"

"Oh, shut up you two." James snapped, standing up and walking over to fix the warts on the nose.

"Happy?" he said after a few seconds. Sirius scoffed at him.

Remus turned back to the parchment and drew another corridor that was supposed to represent the tunnel leading out of the witches hump and into the cellar under Huneydukes.

"Okay, so we need to get in to stock up on toffee's and chocolates which should take us about twenty minutes to get there and another twenty to get back, and if you count the ten minutes inside and the ten minutes back to Gryffindor tower then it's going to take us an hour, and from there we can go out the tunnel behind the mirror—" he drew a large right-angled corner, some curves to represent the staircase leading one floor down, and then three corridors away another passageway to mark the tunnel behind the mirror, "—and that's another twenty into Hogsmead but this time we'll need to get into the locked cellar which is going to take longer than Honeydukes, so I figure that trip total will take probablyyyy… hmm… an hour and a half?"

He heard a murmur of agreement and wrote it down on the time slot. Then he stepped back and threw himself into an ottoman to admire his work.

"Merlin, I wish I didn't have to draw up a bloody map each time."

"It looks good though." Sirius said from behind him on the sofa.

"Yeah, but still… it's getting old."

"Well then draw up a map that we can use each time." Peter said.

"Oh, okay, I'll get right to that in my abundant spare time—"

James and Sirius laughed.

"Actually, that might not be a bad idea." James said after a while.

"It's illegal to draw a map of Hogwarts." Remus said. "Haven't you ever read _Hogwarts A History_?"

"No." James, Sirius, and Peter said in unison.

"Drawing a map," he said, rolling his eyes, "especially with the war going on could help someone plot an attack on the school which is _why_ it's forbidden in the first place."

"How the hell would they know if we did or not?"

"There's an enchanted blueprint of the school locked in a vault under the lake. It can sense when it's been copied and if there ever is one made the enchantment sets fire to the parchment it's drawn on."

Silence met the end of his speech.

"And if they ever found out who drew it we'd be expelled." Remus finished.

"Well, you wouldn't sign it with your bloody name." Sirius said. "Haven't we been signing all our payment notes with 'Moony'? Just do the same thing."

Remus scoffed at him.

"What if you drew it over summer?" James said. "Then you could finish it and we could cast concealing charms on it before it caught fire in the castle."

"I doubt it's that simple." Remus said. "And anyways, I don't know everything about Hogwarts yet. How would we even know I've drawn it properly?"

"We'll help." Sirius said, grinning. "It'll give us more reasons to sneak out. And we're going to be sneaking into the grounds each month now so we'll know we've got that accurate."

"And what are _you_ going to sign it as?" Remus laughed at him. "Moony's lapdog?"

James and Peter roared with laughter.

"Nah, we'll think of some nick-names of our own." Sirius stood up and clapped him on the shoulder. "Almost sixteen, mates! Time flies when you're prepping an Animagus transformation illegally."

Remus laughed and stood up too, unclipping the parchment and rolling it up.

"Yeah, and I can tell it's really humbled you too. Sixteen going on eleven, you three…"

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus was strolling down a corridor with Lily on their usual patrols. It was another Wednesday night and he still had a lot of studying to do once he got back in. Lily was chatting enthusiastically at him. He sighed, thinking about his date with Mary and wondering exasperatedly why Lily had been made a prefect instead of her. Lily was going on about her favorite Quidditch team and his mind was drifting away from the conversation in boredom. He'd never really been a fan of the sport, even though James was one of his best friends. He smirked a little thinking about James' newfound obsession with her… they might actually make a good match if he would just deflate his head a little.<p>

He sighed as they rounded a corner and without paying attention almost ran head first into— Mary.

"Hi!" he said, rather loudly.

Mary giggled a little and blushed.

"Er…" Lily said, grinning at her friend. "I'll just…leave you two alone, shall I?"

She turned and walked away, glancing back over her shoulder before turning to go downstairs.

"How've you been?" Mary said smiling.

"Good," he breathed. "How were your… er… classes?"

Mary laughed.

"Remus, we had the exact same classes today—"

"Oh!" he said, laughing too. "Right, sorry."

She giggled again and glanced around.

"Come 'ere, you." she said, grabbing hold of his collar and steering him gently into a secret passageway behind a large tapestry.

Remus grinned and pulled her closer to him. Their lips met… she tasted like strawberry lip balm again… her mouth moved against his softly, gently. She moaned a little when he sucked lightly on her bottom lip and he pulled her closer, steering her head with one hand and the other on the small of her back.

His stomach swooped a little when he felt her breasts pressing against him. She was so small and warm… her body was so soft… she had _so_ many curves. He'd never realized just how much a girl's body curved inward and outward. There didn't seem to be single angular part on her body. Her soft hair fell around her shoulders, smelling strongly of shampoo and vanilla.

His lips were getting numb from the friction. How much time had passed? They were getting used to taking breaths every so often but his lungs were still seizing for oxygen, and his hair was rumpled from her hands running through it. He moaned into her mouth and she sighed, whispering his name into his lips before their tongues slid against each other again.

He fumbled a little when she pressed her wet lips against the corner of his mouth, steering him towards her neck. He fidgeted… he'd never been in control before. It felt strange and awkward. He moved his lips along her jaw line and then sucked lightly on the skin below her ear.

He felt her giggle a little and pull back.

"What?"

"It just tickles a little… and now I'm all wet and messy." she laughed, reaching up to wipe the saliva off her neck.

His ears burned.

"Uhm…" he said. He wasn't sure what to do with her now.

She blinked up at him expectantly and he felt a jolt of panic stab him in the gut. His chest felt very hot and the back of his neck started to perspire.

"I have to go!" he said suddenly. "I, uh… I forgot, I have a uhm… a thing that I promised… that I have to—"

He stumbled away from her apologizing and then turned, running back up the stairs. He cringed in shame, panting as he drew nearer to the Fat Lady's portrait.

How could he have just frozen like that? His mind had gone blank. He should have pressed her against the wall and snogged her some more. He should have whispered in her ear and told her how beautiful she was. He should have… he should have done a _million_ things. He'd never been so embarrassed in his entire life.

He spat the password at the Fat Lady and ran up the stairs to the dorm without even looking around for the other three, slamming the door behind him. The room was empty. He cursed into the silence, seizing fistfuls of hair.

_Why _hadn't he been able to get a grip on himself? One little fumble and suddenly it was like he had never snogged before, like he was as inexperienced as a bloody third year. What the hell would she think of him now? After Josh he probably looked like the biggest joke in the school. Maybe she would go running back to him now for a proper kiss… he'd obviously proven he wasn't up to par with her previous boyfriends anyways.

_God_… he'd have to see her tomorrow in class…

He stood, face screwed up in misery, savoring his isolation when he heard something— it was a soft squeaking sound.

Lifting his head, he looked around. Was Peter in his rat form, snooping through the dormitory?

He heard it again and turned. Walking forward, he realized the door to the bathroom was closed and light was shining out of the crack at the bottom. The squeaking must have come from the metal shower faucets because the slapping sound of water and swiveling steam resonated from the base of the door.

He sighed and flopped down on his bed. It was probably Jacob… he always hogged the hot water which meant he wasn't going to get any. Irritated, he flipped onto his side, staring around. He squinted at the bed next to him where Jacob slept. It didn't seem to be disturbed at all.

He sat up again and looked around the dorm. Sirius' shoes and robes were thrown haphazardly on his bedspread and a single black sock lay crumpled slightly between his bed and the bathroom door.

Something snapped inside him.

He launched himself away from the bed, crossed the room and burst through the door, slamming it loudly behind him.

Hot fog assaulted him and he couldn't see even six inches in front of him.

"Whoa! Who the hell's out there?" he heard Sirius call.

Remus strode forward, something of a growl escaping from his throat, and wrenched the shower curtain aside. Sirius stood there gaping at him, completely naked and steaming, soapy suds sliding down his lithe body. Droplets fell from his wet locks and his parted lips glistened from the hot water.

"_Remus?_ What are you—?"

Remus stepped forward, the shower pouring over him as he slammed Sirius into the tile wall and breathed achingly against his mouth.

"I just… need you."

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><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~ Ego boosts keep me going :)<strong>


	12. Things Unsaid

Sirius reached up to caress Remus' chest, the other arm sliding around his robed waist which was getting heavier as the water soaked into the cloth.

"_You_ need _me?_" Sirius repeated rather harshly against his mouth.

Remus' eyes flicked up worriedly. Sirius' face twisted in frustration and Remus felt himself being shoved away, his own back hitting the opposite tile. Sirius reached over and shut the shower faucet off as Remus stared at him with wide eyes.

"So let me get this straight." Sirius said, hand still lingering on the metal handle, not even bothering to cover up his rather obvious nakedness. "whatever we've got going on here… you're allowed to just… waltz in any time you damn well please and have your bloody way with me, but if I want _one kiss_ after we've gone at it, you can just shove me away and treat me like some fucking… some stupid, worthless… like I'm just there as your toy or something that doesn't have any feelings. Is that how this works?"

Remus blinked at him.

"I didn't mean to treat you like you were…" he gaped at him. "I thought we had… I thought in the hospital wing, we'd gotten past that… when I looked at you and we were laughing."

"Yeah, well excuse the fuck out of me if I can't get over it that easily." Sirius spat at him. "Why did you do it anyways? Are you really that disgusted by me?"

Remus felt shame boiling in his gut.

"No," he said shakily.

Silence resonated around them as Sirius waited for him to go on but Remus couldn't think of anything else to say.

Sirius sighed.

"We need to stop this. Now. I can't keep… I can't do this…"

Remus felt an odd sort of panic burst inside him.

"But—wait!—why—"

Sirius walked past him and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist.

"I can't just… _do_ that with someone and then not _feel _anything," he said in anguish. "I can't just shut off all my emotions like _you_ can, apparently. I've never done _anything_ like this before. At least you have Mary, but I've never kissed anyone else, never had a girlfriend, never done anything. And sure, when we say it's just for practicing it sounds good and harmless but then it happens and I can't just pretend it doesn't mean anything to me."

He sat down on the edge of the bathtub that was next to the shower and leaned forward, pressing his face into his hands.

Remus stepped out of the shower and sat next to him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Maybe I have been a complete selfish arse about this. But—" Remus hesitated when Sirius stood up and crossed the room to sit on the counter of the vanity, facing him. "But I never meant for it to get out of hand. I mean—you're _Sirius_. You've always gone out of your way to make sure people know you don't care about rules or your reputation… I really did think you didn't care what we did together. Especially because of Mary."

Sirius was staring into his lap at the white towel, listening quietly. A long moment passed and he didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry." Remus whispered again. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we shouldn't be doing any of this."

There was another long silence. Remus didn't know what else to say and was about to get up to leave when he heard Sirius mumble something.

"What?" Remus said.

Sirius hesitated.

"You do… want this, don't you?"

Remus paused before nodding.

Sirius threw his hands a little.

"Sometimes it's like… I just feel like we wouldn't even be doing any of it if it were up to you."

Remus' eyes fell to the floor.

"Well… I came in here this time. So I've got one on you now."

There was another pause.

"I do want this." Remus said. "If you want to keep it up, then… then I still want to."

Sirius digested his words before frowning.

"What the hell made you anyways?"

"Made me what?

"Come in here this time. What made you?"

"Oh…I, uh…sort of screwed things up with Mary."

Sirius' head snapped up.

"You broke up with her?"

"No, not quite… well, maybe actually. I don't know, but it's messed up and it might be over."

Sirius stared at him for a moment before smiling.

"And you came running to me, did you?"

Remus fidgeted.

"I didn't intend to. You were in here and I just snapped or something…"

Sirius laughed at him but then stopped, looking a little sheepish.

"Do you want to…"

Remus looked at him, realizing what he was talking about.

"We shouldn't" he said immediately.

"Well, it kind of seemed like you were going to."

"I don't know what I was going to do," he said immediately. "I think I just wanted to kiss you."

Sirius stood up, walking back toward the shower.

"Then come and kiss me."

Sirius grinned as he turned the shower back on hot and stepped in, casting the towel aside.

Remus stared at him, taking deep steadying breaths. He watched the water running and sliding down the angles of his pelvis, down his thighs, splashing on his broad shoulders. Sirius was not a boy anymore… there was nothing on him that was soft or girlish. If he got in that shower with him, there was nothing he could use to justify being turned on by those muscles, or that scar-less lithe body of his…

Remus' eyes flicked up and he caught Sirius watching him, head cocked upwards smugly.

"Come here," he said.

Remus gulped and stood up. He used a hand to steady himself against the wall as he pulled off his shoes and socks and then continued walking cautiously over. Sirius reached out once he was within arm's reach and, reminding Remus forcefully of Mary, pulled him into the shower by his collar.

The faucet streamed over him, soaking his hair and robes in searing water. Sirius was staring at his face as he unbuttoned his black school robes and slid them off his shoulders. They fell with a heavy slapping sound over the drain and water started pooling at their feet.

Remus stood there wearing nothing but his black brief shorts, feeling completely incomparable to the other boy. Scars swooped around his ribs and arms, and a large bite mark from the attack on him as a child was unhide-able on his left hipbone. He winced a little as the other boys hands rested on his waist.

Sirius' eyes raked over his body, darkening as they took in all the damage.

"I know it's bad." Remus whispered.

"No." Sirius said. "You're…"

He trailed off and their eye's flicked up to meet. Remus thought back to all those times he had caught Sirius staring at him and felt a fluttering ache in his chest.

Abandoning all pretense, Remus leaned in and pressed their lips together. Their breath caught and Sirius pulled him closer, their mouths melting into each other. Sirius tasted nothing like strawberry lip balm… he tasted like mint and something else, something strong. And he smelled nothing like vanilla, but of soap and grass and musk.

Head spinning, Remus pulled Sirius completely against him and felt the hot wall of the shower hit his back. Sirius placed one hand on his shoulder and kept him there as his mouth moved down his neck.

Remus could feel his soaked boxers pulling tight around his groin. Long fingers slid down his abs and teased the skin just under the elastic band.

"Sirius," he breathed. "…please."

Sirius moaned into his neck and thrust his hips forward. Remus looked down and saw Sirius' cock jutting out from his body, curving upwards in attention. The steam and heat around them was intoxicating, pressing in on them.

Remus reached up and, hesitating, ran the edge of his fingers along the hard flesh. He saw the balls clench in response and it quivered, Sirius' muscles contracting.

"Remus…"

His name was whispered into his neck. Both of them were panting. Remus wasn't sure if Sirius was as frightened as he was… it felt like his heart was beating so loud it was echoing.

He kept staring at Sirius' cock as his fingertips ran back down, just barely touching, and a stream of creamy white precum surged suddenly from the engorged head.

Remus knew what felt good when he touched himself. He knew which parts of his cock were sensitive and how much he ached sometimes for someone else to touch him there, suck him there, how sometimes he felt like he was being driven mad with the need to thrust into someone and the fuck them relentlessly until he'd came over and over again… so he knew what would make Sirius cum, he just wasn't sure if he had the courage to do it.

"Tell me what you want." Remus whispered.

Sirius slid the boxers off his hips and he felt his own cock twitch in arousal as it was freed, blood rushing through it, throbbing in need. It was leaking too, gathering more moisture as the shower poured around them.

"Well," Sirius whispered back. "You said you wanted to practice things… has she, uh…

Remus looked up, their eyes meeting. Sirius' were smoldering, one corner of his mouth hitched up mischievously.

"Has she gone down on you yet?"

Remus' knees almost gave in.

He wouldn't… he couldn't…

Remus opened his mouth and tried to say 'no' but no sound came out. He choked on air, his throat too dry to speak despite the humidity.

Sirius pushed forward and kissed him, fiercely this time. He sucked greedily on Remus' tongue and raked his teeth aggressively along the lower lip, passion pouring out of his entire being. His hands slid all over Remus' now drenched body, messaging him, exploring every inch of his torso. One hand gripped his shoulder from behind and then dug nails in, raking roughly down his back.

Remus moaned in surprise, head arching back from the sudden pain, but it was fleeting. A sensual tingling sensation burst from his skin as the pain subsided. He stopped arching back and leaned in to kiss Sirius again but realized he wasn't standing anymore.

He looked down. Sirius had dropped to his knees and, with a small look up at Remus, started to press hot, wet, open-mouthed kisses on the sensitive flesh around his pulsing cock, teasing him. His mouth was so close to being on him and around him, his cheek even brushed the tip of his wet member as he moved up to lick hungrily at his belly button.

Remus' knees trembled. His whole body was aching for that mouth, he was blind with lust and need… the head of his cock was oozing a continuous stream of precum now, sliding down his rock-hard shaft and dripping off his swollen balls.

"Sirius," he choked out suddenly. "You haven't told me what you want... I don't want to just… and I'm too close…"

He whimpered as he saw Sirius grin against his skin and reach down to stroke his own glistening erection. Remus stared mesmerized as Sirius ran his bottom lip across the wet head of his cock, finally making contact.

"It's okay." Sirius murmured against the tip, both lips touching him now, the vibrations from his voice shivering through Remus' aching dick. "I've got this one. I just want you to…" and his voice turned into a low, dark, dangerous growl when he said, "say my name when you cum."

Sirius' lips parted and engulfed his entire cock in his mouth, sliding down until the sensitive head hit the back of his throat and Sirius closed his lips, _sucking_ and swallowing around him.

"Uuuhnng," Remus moaned loudly, his muscles convulsing in pleasure. His hips bucked forward, blood rushing into his groin so fast his head was spinning.

Sirius bobbed his head up and down but kept his lips sealed, the suction building with Remus' arousal. He pulled back a little and rubbed his hot, wet tongue into the slit at the tip before plunging it into the back of his throat again to swallow around it, delicious friction making the nerve endings there ache for release.

Remus felt his balls tightening; the pleasure was building too much too soon, boiling in him, rushing into his cock with the force of a tidal wave—

He reached down and plunged his hand into Sirius' hair, feeling it bobbing back and forth. He fisted the wet locks and felt Sirius moan around him, shivers pushing him even closer—

"_Sirius_," he moaned. "Uuunnhhhg _god_, Sirius I'm… I'm gonna cum…"

Sirius pushed forward and sucked hard around him, moaning, tongue slithering around the throbbing vein underneath the shaft as Remus' knees shook violently and he came, semen shooting into Sirius' eager throat, muscles contracting spastically, his eyes screwed shut in the force of his orgasm. Waves of pleasure crashed over him at each throb. His lungs deflated and hitched, forgetting how to breath properly. His free palm gripped the tile wall for support as Sirius drank him down, the hardness eventually ebbing away as his dick became limp and spent.

Remus finally took one deep breath, his brain savoring the oxygen. He let his knees give way, the flat of his back sliding down the tiles until he was sitting down in the flooded base of the shower with his knees bent over each side of Sirius' kneeling frame.

He was spread wide open in front Sirius, hands propping him up a little from the floor on either side of him, watching. Sirius' hand was flying over his own cock, milking the last spurts of cum out of it until he stopped to swish his hand clean in the gathering water and look up at Remus.

They both sat there, stunned, panting as the hot water continued to rain down around them.

"You should have… let me do that." Remus whispered finally, gesturing at his subsiding erection.

Sirius just blinked at him for a moment.

"Next time," he breathed before leaning in to suck at the water in the crook of Remus' neck. Remus sighed, closing his eyes and resting his wet head gently against Sirius', savoring his company and the feel of his soft lips until the shower overflowed and all the hot water ran out.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>"Yes, Mr. Lupin?"<p>

"Isn't it because snakes only see in inferred?"

"Correct, take ten points for Gryffindor. Now, the basilisk has several enemies as well, one of which…"

Remus went back to doodling on his spare piece of parchment, trying to accurately draw a giant serpent with gleaming eyes. It was Friday afternoon in Defense Against the Dar Arts and the last class of the day. Everyone in the room was fidgeting in anticipation for the weekend. He glanced around, listening only half-heartedly, and noticed Mary scribbling on her notes a few rows in front of him.

They hadn't spoken to each other since Wednesday night. Every time he saw her coming down a corridor he would find a short cut to avoid her through or start talking loudly with James and Sirius and Peter. And while he hadn't noticed her getting upset about it personally, Lily her best friend had cut him off rather coldly that morning when they had to pass out new schedules to the third years.

He glanced sideways at Sirius who was passing notes with James under the table and sniggering at each message.

Remus bent over a new sheet of parchment ad scribbled on it.

_Mary—I'm sorry about Wednesday. I know I should have talked to you but I haven't been able to think of the right words. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? -Remus_

He folded it up and wrote her name on it, passing it to the Ravenclaw boy in front of them who read the name and passed it on.

Remus watched it's progression from student to student with his insides twisted up in anxiety. Finally, with a jolt of panic, he saw her turn and frown curiously, accepting the note and unfolding it. She seemed to tense as she read it. She glanced up at the professor before bending over and scratching a response.

Remus seemed to hold his breath the entire time the note was traveling across the room back to him and his palms were sweating when he finally unfolded it.

_Remus— Forget about it. Want to go to the Quidditch game with each other tomorrow? I can't stand listening to Lily's game jargon the whole time._

Remus smiled and looked up. Mary was grinning at him from over her shoulder and he nodded at her. She smiled and turned back to the lecture just as the bell rang.

James and Sirius were quivering in excitement as they sat down for dinner twenty minutes later.

"Oh stop it, you two," Remus said, laughing at them. "The teachers are going to start cottoning on to our nighttime escapades."

"I can't help it!" James said, upsetting his pumpkin juice. "We've got the trip tonight and the game tomorrow, this is going to be the best weekend _ever_."

"That's only if we're not caught tonight and you win tomorrow." Remus reminded him. "It could very well be the worst weekend ever."

"Right little ray of sunshine, aren't you Moony?" Sirius said, helping himself to some potatoes.

"Stop calling me that!" Remus shot at him as the other three laughed. "Or I'm gonna come up with some stupid nickname to call you."

"So do it." James said. "Personally I liked 'lapdog' but if you were thinking of something a little more discreet…"

Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, considering him.

"How about… Harley? 'Cos of your growl?"

Sirius started in approval.

"And I do love motorcycles."

"Noooo," Peter said from behind his goblet. "Harley's a girl's name, you can't go prancing around calling him that."

"It's a _motorcycle brand_, Pete, it's not a girl's name."

"It sounds like a girl's name…"

James grinned sheepishly at Sirius.

"Yeah, actually it kinda does, mate."

"Fine. What would you call me?"

They sat for a moment, thinking.

"Fluffy?" James cracked into the silence. They all doubled over laughing.

"No, no, okay I've got it." Remus said. "You have those enormous padded paws, right? We could call you Padfoot."

Sirius thought for a moment before grinning.

"Padfoot. Yeah, I like it," he said beaming. "What about them two?"

"Why do I have to think of theirs? I just thought of yours."

"Cos they're both creatively retarded, that's why—"

"Hey!" James and Peter said as Remus roared with laughter.

"Well think of your own goddamn nicknames then, we've already done each other."

Remus caught the double-entendre and kicked him hard under the table. Sirius smirked.

James squinted at Peter, thinking.

"Whiskers," he said finally.

Sirius snorted.

"Like I said, creatively retarded—"

James huffed in frustration.

"Wet…nose?"

Remus grinned bemusedly.

"You like your double-u's, don't you?"

James paused again. They could almost see the gears working in his head.

"Wormtail," he said. Then he looked at Remus. "And yes, I do like my double-u's, thank you very much."

Remus laughed.

"Well, I vote for Wormtail. Wetnose and Wiskers could both apply to Sirius as well."

"Yeah, Wormtail's good." Sirius said. "You like it Pete?"

Peter thought for a bit and shrugged.

"It's okay. I can't think of anything else."

Remus grinned.

"So what about James'—?"

"Prongs." Peter said immediately.

They all raised their eyebrows and Sirius frowned his lips into an impressed sort of expression.

"Well, that's settled then," he said and the three of them doubled over laughing.

"What, it's no good?" Peter said, reddening.

"No, it's just… oh nevermind." James said. "Prongs is good. I like it."

Sirius nodded in agreement and toasted his goblet a little before drinking.

"So tonight's the first adventure of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs! Let's try not to fuck it up, shall we?"

* * *

><p><strong>Please Review :)<strong>


	13. Unwilling

Remus was frowning at his toast.

Sirius and James were sitting next to him, talking animatedly about the game that was just under an hour away. A few Slytherins passed by them and James called out mockingly, egging them on, then roaring with laughter when all they did was sulk out of the Great Hall.

Then, as if the situation couldn't have been more rivalry, Sirius aimed a spell at Snape who was bending over the breakfast table with his nose in a book, and made an entire platter of eggs hover and flip over on top of his head. Three tables exploded with laughter as Snape jumped up, scrambled eggs bouncing everywhere, and looked around for the culprits. James and Sirius ducked down, trying to conceal themselves behind the Ravenclaws who sat opposite the Gryffindor table.

Remus sighed. Peter was roaring with laughter, a hungry expression on his face. A minute later the captain of the Gryffindor team called James over and they threw good luck sentiments at him before he departed.

"So!" Sirius said, as if noticing Peter and Remus' presence for the first time. "Last night went swimmingly, huh?"

"If by 'swimmingly' you mean almost getting caught three times and not even paying for the Honeydukes candy you _stole,_ then sure—"

"We'll pay them back later." Sirius said, waving his hand with the air of swatting an annoying fly.

Remus frowned at him again. Sirius raised his eyebrows, grinning surreptitiously over a forkful of hash browns.

"What are you so grumpy about? We just pulled off our first heist and James is about to crush Slytherin into the ground!" Sirius threw his free arm around Remus' shoulder, shaking him. "Cheer up!"

Remus jerked his head irritably and caught sight of Snape sneaking back out of the Hall to his dormitory, no doubt to change his clothes and clean all of his books off. He felt a twinge of pity for his unpopular enemy.

Turning back, he saw that both Sirius and Peter had stood up and were getting their things together, ready to head out onto the grounds to get early seats.

Remus cleared his throat dryly.

"Look, you two go down to the pitch by yourselves. I'll follow you in a minute, just wanted to talk with Flitwick about a paper."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at him curiously and opened his mouth to say something when Jacob and Pallas popped into view at his side.

"The serpents are goin' DOWN!" Jacob roared joyously at him, hooking an arm around Peters head and punching Sirius in the shoulder.

Sirius started laughing as Pallas booed some exiting Slytherins out of the Great Hall.

Rolling his eyes, Remus made use of the distraction to look around for Mary. Spotting her close to the head table, he glanced back one more time at Sirius and Peter before working his way over to her through the excited students.

Game days were rare in that almost everyone would mingle at other tables to wish the playing teams good luck. Today was no exception, and Mary was standing around with Lily helping face paint some supporting Huffelpuff girls with the Gryffindor colors.

Mary caught sight of him over the shoulder of Lola, who turned around to look at Remus before falling into a fit of giggles and whispering something to Mary. Mary raised an eyebrow at her warily and smirked a little, shaking her head bemusedly.

"Hi Remus," Lily said as she looked in the reflection of a spoon to dab gold glitter on her painted cheeks.

"Hey Lils," he said sitting down next to her. Mary was having a difficult time trying to finish the face paint now that Lola kept fidgeting and bursting into fresh giggles. "I heard you were doing the commentary today?"

"Yep!" she said beaming. "I'm all nervous though, what if they boo me?"

"The Slytherins will." Remus admitted. "Except Snape, of course."

Lily grinned slightly, looking uncomfortable.

"I don't understand why you still hang out with him Lily," Mary muttered to her, holding Lola firmly by her chin in an effort to still her. "I mean, it was one thing when we were little but you can't keep covering for his sicko obsession with the Dark Arts."

Lily was looking into her lap with a calculating expression on her face and didn't answer.

"Okay, there you are," Mary said finally, straightening up and shaking gold glitter into Lola's blonde hair. Then she turned to Remus. "Hey, come 'ere, where's your stripes?"

Remus grinned.

"I don't usually do the paint like the others do. Not really into it much."

Mary laughed. "Yeah, that's actually why I do it, face painting is the only thing I like about these games."

She swiped her index finger in the red paint and brushed two horizontal lines on each of his cheeks, then repeated this with the metallic gold paint right under the first two. She then picked up the glitter bottle and shook it jokingly in his directly.

"Ha! No thanks, I'm good," he took it from her and shook it over her brown hair as she tied her scarf around her neck and got ready to leave.

She grinned and let Lily go ahead of them before reaching over and intertwining their fingers. Remus gave her a small smile.

"Thanks for this," he muttered. "I made a fool of myself the other day and thought we were over."

She gave him a searching look. "I thought you'd just gotten sick of me and ran out. What happened, anyways?"

Remus shook his head. "I don't know, I just froze up. I didn't know what else to do."

She looked at him for a moment before giving his hand a small squeeze.

"Well don't run out on me again. It's funny, if you talk to me, I do this thing where I _listen_ and _respond_."

Remus hesitated.

"I guess I just thought it would be so easy, like the way I always imagined snogging a girl would be."

Mary gave him a skeptical look. "And so when it didn't go as planned, you thought I'd reject you the way you imagined? Please just tell me it doesn't involve me dumping you dramatically, swaggering out, and professing my love to my ex-boyfriend whilst confessing how much better he is than you."

Remus started laughing. It was so true it was hilarious.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>The Quidditch game was one of the longest Remus ever sat through. James was spectacular, scoring goal after goal with tremendous skill, swooping and diving around the other team effortlessly. Neither of the seekers had managed to find the snitch yet but this didn't seem to bother James at all. He kept diving and tricking the other team for the crowds' amusement. Remus grinned at his friend. He knew that if it were up to James the match would go on forever.<p>

Lily was actually quite good at the commentary. She wasn't too judgmental of the Slytherins as she knew Snape was listening in, and even though she would have had a natural bias towards Gryffindor because it was her house, her disapproval of James' antics kept the commentary from going off-topic. Remus shook his head in amusement as James skirted around a Slytherin and skidded sideways to an abrupt halt in midair in front of Lily's podium to ask her out over the megaphone.

"Hey, why is Potter so interested in Lily all of a sudden?" Mary asked as McGonagall shrieked at him to get back in the game.

Remus shrugged. "He saw you two dancing over Christmas break and realized she was a girl for the first time. He hasn't always been like this."

Mary smiled a little.

"You know… Lily's always had a bit of a crush on Sirius Black. But then again, who doesn't."

Remus looked at her in surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah but she'll never admit to it. She's too proud."

Remus had a strange feeling in his stomach and wasn't sure what it was.

"Well they'd be a match made in hell, those two," he said. "I've actually thought she and James might be good for each other. Sometimes when I'm talking with Lily she'll say something that sounds so familiar and I'll realize it's 'cos I've heard James say the exact same thing. Like about a Quidditch team or a rock band or whatnot… I don't think either of them realize how much they have in common."

Mary smiled sappily. "Aww that's so sweet," she then glanced at her watch. "Uhck, this has been going for a two and a half hours? These seekers need to get their acts together, especially ours."

"Actually we're over two hundred points ahead so it doesn't really matter who gets it at this point."

The Gryffindor's in the crowd seemed to sense this as well, beaming with victory before the match was even over.

"Hey, let's get out of here," Remus murmured. "We can get some food before the others and the good seats by the fireplace."

"Agreed," Mary said eagerly.

It took them ten minutes to get back to the common room from the Quidditch pitch. Remus realized they were probably the only people left in the entire castle. It was strange how deserted it was. They could have done anything in the world, run through the halls screaming, set off fireworks, flood the bathrooms, anything at all and not have to worry about being caught.

Mary seemed to realize this too. She grinned at him as they stepped into the empty common room. Remus stepped over to get a plate of sweets to share as she threw herself into the squishy loveseat.

When he returned he had just barely had time to set the plate down on the coffee table before she had swung herself over and straddled him, her arms wrapping around his neck.

"Mary—," he was cut off as she kissed him sensually, whimpering and rubbing her breast against his chest.

She pulled back.

"Yes, you wanted to tell me something?" she breathed jokingly.

He smiled and held her around the waist. It dipped in so smoothly, her little ribs expanding as she breathed.

"I haven't… had much experience with this sort of thing."

She grinned and leaned in again.

"Well…" she whispered slowly. "If you don't run off again… maybe I can get you up to speed…"

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>The match didn't end until four hours later, at which point the Slytherin seeker finally caught the snitch but Gryffindor won anyways. At this point it looked like Ravenclaw would be going against them for the Quidditch cup in May, unless Huffelpuff somehow managed to beat Ravenclaw in April, which was unlikely.<p>

And Remus knew all of this because despite sneaking out and avoiding the rest of the match, he still had to endure James and Sirius' game talk until the wee hours of the morning.

Everyone in Gryffindor house stayed up past midnight. Some flickered in and out of the dorms to change into their pajamas or to re-stock the food from the kitchens. At around one in the morning he and Mary were lounging in the loveseat watching James and Sirius crack jokes and set off fireworks.

One of the bludgers was zooming around the common room destroying things and whacking first years over the head. It had a slowing charm on it at first but it was starting to wear off, finally smashing through one of the windows and disappearing into the night. Mary turned and kissed Remus goodnight after laughing about it and wondering where it would go.

"If it comes back and smashes into your dorm, just come get me."

"Mmmm, my hero," she smirked before following Lily up the spiral staircase.

Remus turned back to the other two as James leaped on him and slung an arm around his neck.

"Blimey, you two are getting serious! I saw you lovebirds sneaking back in 'ere during the match. Couldn't keep your bloody hands off each other, eh?"

Remus noticed Sirius had stiffened a little and avoided his eyes.

"Yeah… well… she's not really into Quidditch either so…"

"Hey, what did you say to get her to go out with you?" James interrupted. "Lily's being such a stubborn pain in the arse—"

"Or she just genuinely doesn't like you," Sirius suggested. James chucked a firework at him.

"Of course she likes me, didn't you hear her commentary?"

"Which part?" Remus laughed. "The part where she ignored three of your goals or the time when she wondered how your broom could lift off the ground with that fat head on it—?"

Sirius roared with laughter and Peter seemed torn between laughing as well or coming to James' defense.

"Nah, sticks and stones," James said confidently. "Have to read in between the lines, mate. She's been secretively longing for me since I saved her over Christmas. She wants me bad, you'll see."

Remus shook his head, grinning at the other two.

"Well, as impressive as you were escaping from You-Know-Who and everything, it _was_ one of the stupidest things I've ever seen you do. You only escaped by pure luck, you know."

James' face fell a little.

"Yeah, I know," he admitted. "But you'd think since we almost died together she'd be warming up to me. She did right afterwards, remember?"

"_Well_, you weren't breaking any school rules or showing off at the time, remember? You were acting responsible for once in your life. Maybe you should try that more often, what could possibly go wrong…"

James frowned.

"Your advice sucks."

Remus laughed. "Okay, well in the meantime, I'm gonna go plan something for tomorrow with _my_ girlfriend. Have fun sulking, mate."

Remus stood up and headed for the boys dorms as James scowled into the fireplace.

Sirius copied Remus and followed him up the stairs, turning his head to glance at him every so often. Remus caught this out of the corner of his eye and started to feel uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted right now was another argument about their weird friends-with-benefits situation. But Sirius didn't say anything as they climbed upstairs and to Remus' surprise, when they drew closer to the door Sirius stepped forward and pulled it open for him.

Remus blanched at him in confusion.

"What are you doing?"

Sirius shrugged.

"I'm trying to… be responsible and... mature, or... whatnot."

Remus laughed.

"Uhm… okay, thanks… "

He walked into the dorm and went over to his bed to put on his pajamas. His fingers fumbled in the coldness as his bare chest touched frigid air. He stuffed his in to legs his grey fleece pants and dashed to the furnace to crank it up.

Remus crouched down and squinted at the thermos dial. It sprang to life, warm air gushing out across his face, and he stood up and turned away.

Remus gasped.

Sirius had crept up behind him. His eyes were fixated on Remus' bare chest which he had forgotten to cover in his haste.

"Sirius!" Remus gasped. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry," Sirius whispered, not removing his smoldering eyes from Remus' chest. One of his hands reached forward tentatively and the tips of his fingers ghosted along the smaller boys abs just above the waistband of his pajamas.

Remus shivered from the touch.

"I'm too tired to practice anything tonight, Pads."

Sirius frowned in confusion.

"Pads?"

"Padfoot."

Sirius burst into a smile.

"Oh, right," he laughed.

Remus walked around him and pulled a t-shirt on.

"Wait," Sirius said, shuffling closer. "What if I just… you know. What if I did everything?"

Remus looked at him.

"Didn't you do everything last time?"

They both stiffened awkwardly remembering how intimate they had gotten in their last "practice session" or whatever the hell it was they were doing. Sirius cleared his throat gruffly as if trying to prove he still had some manliness left in him.

"Yeah but I'm… all wound up tonight."

_"Well, that's _one_ way of saying you're horny,"_ Remus thought to himself.

He climbed into bed and yanked the covers up to his waist, turning back to Sirius. He was standing there looking dumbstruck.

"What?" Remus said.

Then he realized—

"Oh shit… I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

Sirius glared at him.

"I'm sorry!" Remus said quickly. "I didn't mean to—"

"Have you two shagged yet?" Sirius interrupted rudely. "You and Mary. You've been up here since noon according to James. What were you doing?"

Remus' ears burned hot. He knew he was turning scarlet.

"We just…hung out. And talked and stuff," he stammered.

"Anything else?"

Remus frowned. "Why should you care?"

"I want to know." Sirius said, ignoring the question.

Remus drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them.

"Uhm… you know that… question that you asked me… in the shower… last Wednesday?"

Sirius' face drained of color.

"Well…" Remus said, staring defiantly away from him, "...the answer would be yes, now."

A long silence stretched between them. Eventually, he looked back at Sirius.

He was green. Like he was going to throw up.

_Oh, shit—_

Remus felt terrible all of a sudden. He felt dirty and ashamed, but he didn't know why.

"If it's any consolation," he burst out, almost panicking, "it wasn't very good. Or at least… not as good as yours anyway."

Sirius' face relaxed a little. He didn't look happy but he at least didn't look close to vomiting anymore.

"She… she wasn't very good at it?" he repeated faintly.

"No…" Remus said reluctantly. "But then her mouth is a lot smaller than yours and her teeth kept hurting me. So it kind of took a while and when I finished she didn't… _you know_… like you did."

Remus cringed. He couldn't say it out loud, that Sirius had swallowed when he had cum. The words felt too shameful to speak.

Sirius understood though and his cheeks turned pink, remembering it too. They both stared at each other for a long moment.

"If I…" Sirius said suddenly.

Remus waited for him to go on. But he didn't.

"If you what?"

Sirius blinked.

"Nevermind."

"No, wait!" Remus called out. Sirius had turned away to go over to his bed. "_Ask_ me, what is it?"

Sirius pulled his scarf off before looking back over.

"If I deflated my head a little… and started acting responsibly or whatever… would you… would you leave her for me?"

Remus felt his heart speed up, hammering in his veins.

"And what exactly would that mean?"

Sirius shrugged.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

Remus gaped at him.

"But… what do you want from me?"

Sirius shrugged again but something in his face told Remus that he knew exactly what he wanted from him, there was just no way he'd ever say it.

"I'm not going to dump Mary for you, especially if you can't even tell me what it is you want from me."

Sirius frowned.

"Why do I have to tell you? Why can't you just go with it? Especially if I put out some effort and try not to break so many rules or whatever the hell you want."

Remus laughed bitterly which just made Sirius scowl more in anger.

"You don't have a clue what it means to act responsibly, Pads."

"Well I can try!" Sirius spat at him.

"Just tell me what you want, then! I mean would we be the same as we are right now or…"

"…_boyfriends?"_ Remus thought in his head. He double checked his lips to make sure they didn't move this time. If that word slipped out he might just die from humiliation.

"I don't know what I want," Sirius growled at him, sensing the presence of that unspoken word. "I'm not a flaming queer, I just… I just want to…"

"Want to _what_?"

"I don't know!" Sirius yelled out at him.

"Then what do you want right now?" Remus said quickly. "Like right now, tonight. Forget about me and Mary and forget about whatever happens tomorrow. What do you want from me right now?"

"I don't kn—!"

"Yes you do!" Remus shouted, officially irritated now. "You _do_ know, you just don't want to tell me—!"

"No I don't—!"

"You can't just—!"

"HEY!"

Remus jumped and looked around. James and Peter were standing in the doorway.

"What on earth—? What are you two fighting about?" James said weakly. He'd never seen them fight or shout at each other before and looked rather helpless.

Sirius turned away quickly. Remus wondered if he'd started sweating in blind panic as well.

"We… we're not… it's fine," Remus stuttered, heart racing.

"You two were fighting!"

"It was over the Quidditch game, Prongs," Sirius said, suddenly extremely composed. "I didn't like him sneaking back here with his girlfriend while you were playing."

James seemed to relax instantly.

"Oh Merlin, Sirius, I don't care about that," James laughed a little. "_Whew!_ I thought it was something important."

There was some exchanging of fake smiles and unneeded back-thumps before the atmosphere was back to normal. Sirius waited until James was pulling his Quidditch robes off to throw Remus another glare. He yanked the curtains around his bed and disappeared from view.

Remus felt a jolt of anger burn through him and flopped back on his pillows, fuming.

He did not _belong_ to Sirius. He was not going to give up a good relationship just to fool around. What he had with Mary was real. If Sirius wanted anything from him, it wasn't going to be as simple as dumping her and moving on. Sirius had said it himself; you can't just shut your emotions off and pretend it doesn't mean anything.

Sure, Mary might not be his soul mate but the world wasn't split into sluts and soul mates. There was a lot of in-between and she was one of those girls. She was nice and smart and talented and unique. She deserved so much better than him… so much better than a werewolf… but if James and the others had accepted him for who he was, who's to say she wouldn't?

Remus glanced over to switch his lamp off and paused. His letter carrier was bright red again.

_Damnit._

Remus took a deep breath. Could he really handle any more arguments tonight? This couldn't be good...

He picked it up and shifted into a sitting position against his headboard. Then, holding his breath, he opened it and read:

_Remus— you want to know what I want from you? Fine, here it is. I want you to get the fuck out of my dreams. I don't want to ravage you all night long and then wake up to find none of it ever happened. I hate that the only thing that gets me off anymore is the thought of fucking you into the mattress. And I want you to mutilate your face so I can stop staring at it. And I want you to say something to me that will make me hate you and be repulsed by you. And I want to forget the smell of you and the taste of you and the sound of your voice when you're cuming. If I think of anything else I'll write you a fucking letter._

_Oh yeah, and I want you to stop tasting like chocolate every time we kiss. I can't eat a single goddamn chocolate frog anymore without getting hard._

* * *

><p><strong>~*~Please Review!~*~<strong>


	14. Checkmate

Remus stared at the page with wide eyes.

… _fucking you into the mattress… the sound of your voice when you're cuming…_

There was something wrong with his lungs. They weren't breathing properly. Lust and adrenaline was buzzing through his veins.

He looked up. James was talking with Pallas who had just come up from the common room as well. Sirius' curtains were still shut, unmoving.

He gulped… his throat was painfully dry all of a sudden. His fingers trembled and before he realized he was doing it, he had picked up a quill from his nightstand and pressed it to the page.

_Sirius—_

And that's where he stopped.

What could he possibly say to him? This was the boy who he had grown up with for five years. He'd known Sirius since before either of them had ever thought about girls or sexuality, before the Animagus transformation, before Sirius had known about his lycanthropy. They were best friends. He was one of the only friends Remus had ever known. What if he screwed that up?

No. It was already screwed up. The time to play it safe had come and gone a long time ago. They had kissed. They had snogged. They had jerked each other off. He had practically assaulted Sirius in the shower, thrusting into his mouth and cuming down his throat…

Remus gasped inaudibly, head spinning with the memories of their time together. He forced his hand to stay steady as he pressed the quill against the journal again.

_You get off by thinking about fucking me? Are you getting off right now?_

He paused, face burning with his own nerve. His ears felt fuzzy and hot. He couldn't believe those words had come out of him, written in his own handwriting.

He reached for his wand, sighed, cringed a little, and cast the enchantment.

He instantly looked up at Sirius' curtains as if expecting him to throw them back and stride over to him. Maybe Sirius would ravage him the way he dreamed of…

Remus' closed his eyes. They were burning with desire. He couldn't stand it…

He stayed like that for a long time. Five minutes passed… ten minutes. He sensed there was a reply but he was afraid of what it might say… or what it might make him do…

Finally, he opened his eyes. And there it was.

_Remus-Not yet, but I will. All I can think of is the way you look when you're naked and spread open under me. I love it when you say my name. You almost never do, but I love it. It makes me lose my fucking mind how hot you are. And the way you taste… I could spend hours doing filthy things to you and not be even close to satisfied. But more than anything, I want you to want me as much as I want you. And I'm going to jerk off now pretending it is you because we both know my last sentence won't ever be true. But I can live with it._

Remus blinked.

This was getting so far out of control. He could just imagine Sirius right now, hidden behind those curtains, solitary and in the throes of ecstasy.

He groaned to himself.

This was happening too fast. He could no longer keep up with this raging hormonal mess he'd gotten himself into. Someone was going to get hurt, or more than someone. _He_ could get hurt.

This realization hit Remus suddenly with the force of a blugder.

He was in the worst position of anyone. Sirius could leave him and cut off his friendship. Mary could ruin him if she found out what was going on. He'd be friendless and rejected if this situation blew up in his face. The shame and guilt would be on his shoulders alone.

Suddenly, those words Sirius had spoken to him earlier echoed in his head.

_"…would you leave her for me?"_

Remus stared down at the journal again. Sirius had looked so vulnerable as he said that… this was so real to him in a way that it was never real for Remus.

He closed the journal and sat back into his pillows again.

The only way to mend this was to pick one of them. Maybe not tomorrow morning, but soon. Very soon, before catastrophe could leap on such a tantalizing opportunity.

_Two weeks. _

Remus nodded. He would choose who he wanted to be with in two weeks time, no matter what the consequences. Because the consequences of _not_ choosing would be much worse.

He glanced over at his calendar— two weeks would put him on the seventh of March.

He could do that… he wondered if the time would fly by or drag on, because he honestly couldn't figure out how he felt about this. If he was dreading it, the time would fly by. If he was looking forward to it, it would seem like an eternity.

_I guess I'll find out._

Remus sighed again and flipped over in his bed, ready to fall asleep. He glanced one more time at the curtains drawn around Sirius' bed.

They'd talk it out in the morning. Like they always did. They'd talk and patch things up until the next argument or practice session. That was their whole relationship so far… one earth shattering event after another.

Remus frowned. If he was going to give this a fair shot, things between them needed to calm down…

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>"Uh… what the hell was that?"<p>

Remus grinned and stepped around Sirius' frozen posture to get his toothbrush.

"Nothing."

Sirius' hand was still lifted, pressing his razor against his jaw line mid-swipe. He turned to stare at Remus who began brushing his teeth absentmindedly.

In an effort to not make a huge event out of responding to the journal entry, Remus had decided a much more casual way of showing recognition of it was to simply waltz into the bathroom as Sirius was shaving and shove him against the counter to kiss him breathless.

He glanced into the mirror at Sirius. His lips were flushed red and he was panting, eyes slightly glazed over, and his pajama pants pulled a little too tightly over his groin. Remus bent over and washed his mouth out, reaching for the towel.

"See you at breakfast," he murmured and threw the towel over Sirius' face before sliding out.

Or trying to…

Remus felt himself jerked backward. Sirius had snatched the towel off and reached out to grab Remus' forearm to pull him back inside.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Sirius growled at him, snapping the door shut a little too loudly.

Remus gulped. His cool was gone all of a sudden.

"What's to talk about?"

Sirius stared at him as he used the towel to wipe the last bits of shaving cream from his jaw.

"Did you get my last—"

"Yeah, I got it." Remus interrupted, his face turning red. "But… I need some time."

Remus' brown eyes connected with those stormy grey ones. Sirius' animosity slid away, the anger in his face turning swiftly into anxiety.

Remus winced and reached up to brush back a stray lock of black hair. He _hated_ Sirius looking vulnerable like this. It almost scared him because it was so far out of his character— Sirius was brave and impulsive and aggressive. Anything else was just unnerving.

He felt Sirius shiver under his touch and straighten up a little. Remus grinned and clapped him on the shoulder before turning to leave again. Sometimes, with Sirius, words were just so unnecessary…

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Mary frowned down at the chess board. Her brown hair swung forward and the sun's rays hit it, turning the strands into speckling golden colors.<p>

Finally she reached out and picked up her Queen, slid it all the way across the board, and snatched up Remus' knight.

"Damn! I was hoping you wouldn't see that."

Mary laughed and added the knight to her much larger collection of figures.

"I'm much more perceptive than you think I am." she said faking an air of mystery.

Remus laughed and reached out to slide one of his pawns forward.

It was Thursday afternoon during their free period before Ancient Runes. James and Sirius, the math boys, had a double Arithmancy on their schedule today. Peter, who had signed up for Arithmancy at first but had long since flunked out of the class, was snoozing on the couch next to them after eating too much at lunchtime.

"So your birthday is coming up, isn't it?" Mary said as she studied the board again.

"Yeah," Remus said surprised. "How do you know that?"

He felt a little jolt in his chest as he tried desperately to remember when her birthday was. He could vaguely remember wishing her a happy birthday a few years back, but not what month it was in.

"I just know it's in March because of the party." Mary grinned at his panic. "Mine's in June by the way."

"Oh." Remus sighed in relief. "Sorry, not very good on memory. Yeah, mine's the tenth. The party's gonna be on the first Saturday"

Remus felt his heart drop though. Like some cruel joke from the universe, the full moon fell on the same night as his birthday this year. Sirius and James had only just realized this the day before, even though Remus had been dreading it for months.

"So I was thinking…," Mary continued, smiling slyly, "that since you three celebrate your birthdays together on the party day… that maybe you could save the tenth just for us?"

Mary bit her lip, her eyes flashing as she tried to communicate to him non-verbally what her intentions were.

Remus' eyes widened. Mary threw her head laughing, obviously taking his nervousness as some sort of adorable show of excitement. But he was far from anticipating anything.

_Oh, shit…_

There were two things wrong with that day. The biggest problem wasn't even that he'd be faking a trip to his sick Aunt Mimsy… it was that his birthday happened to be three days after his mental cutoff date to choose between Sirius and Mary. How could he promise her something when he wasn't sure they would even be together at that point?

Hell, he wasn't even sure he'd be with _anyone_ at that point. Remus had already decided that if it was too hard to choose between either of them, that he'd simply break it off with both until he could figure out what was going on with his hormones.

"Mary…" he started to say but his voice cracked. He cleared it and started over. "Mary… I er… I won't actually be here on the 10th."

Mary looked up at him and frowned.

"You can't go see your sick Aunt any other day but your birthday?" Mary said incredulously. Like the rest of the fifth years she knew the story of his monthly disappearances as well as anyone.

Remus' heart sped up. Behind Mary, Peter had woken up and realized where the conversation was going. He quietly climbed over the back of the couch and started tip-toeing out of the common room, giving Remus a _good luck!_ look as he went.

"Look— she uh, wants to give me a present and all that, so that's why she wants to see me on my birthday." Remus invented.

"Why can't you just tell her that you have a party scheduled or something?"

Remus opened his mouth and hesitated.

"Well… it's just that… she knows about the other party so she'll think it's weird that… ehm… we're having another."

Mary frowned.

"And," Remus pressed on. "I would miss class if I did it any later."

"But…" Mary said skeptically. "The tenth isn't on a weekend. It's in the middle of the week. I just finished my Astronomy homework, it's the same day as the full moon and that's a Thursday, not the weekend."

Remus felt his head spin. Just the mention of the full moon crossing Mary's lips was sending him into a blind panic. The subject was too close to the surface…

"Oh, right, well—" Remus clenched his hands. His palms were sweating and clammy. "Well, it's just that she'd really like to see me on my birthday is all. So… we could maybe… what about that weekend then?"

"But the whole point of the tenth is that it's your birthday night." Mary said, visibly frustrated now. "What use is the next weekend, I might as well be with you on the party night or any other!"

"I'm not—,"

Mary narrowed her eyes at him as she waited for his response.

"I- uhm… I'm sorry, I'd change it if I could, I just can't."

"Yes you can! She's your Aunt, not your mother or father, she can wait until the weekend to see you if you'd just tell her!"

"She uhm…" Remus couldn't control his panic anymore. It was obvious how nervous he was and Mary saw it.

Her beautiful eyes took in his labored breathing, his brown hair plastered to his forehead from sweating, and his wide terrified eyes as he stumbled for a new explanation.

She frowned and her gaze wandered over to her book bag where her Astronomy homework lay open on top of it.

"Remus…" she murmured, staring at the lunar chart."Didn't you last visit your Aunt on the 16th?"

Something broke inside him. Not even looking around to see if anyone else was watching him, he reacted blindly, plunging his hand inside his robes, pulling out his wand and aiming it directly at Mary.

"_Obliviate!"_

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Darkness was falling inside the castle. The faint hooting of an owl drifted in through the open windows. Rectangular shadows danced around Remus as the candles flickered on in their posts.<p>

Hours had passed since he had run from the common room without a backward glance. He hadn't known where to go at first but somehow he ended up in the library. Walking straight to the back where the oldest history books where kept, he'd slid down to the floor with his back against the dusty bookshelves and stayed there ever since in quiet solitude.

Even Madam Pince didn't come back here— these books were never checked out so there was no reason to re-organize or replace them. They were about the least interesting history to wizards— Muggle history.

Remus checked his watch. Dinner was wrapping up. He'd missed Ancient Runes and Potions as well.

He drew his knees up and buried his face in his arms again. Maybe he could just sleep here.

Somewhere in the distance, he heard Madam Pince's boots along the stone floor as she re-filed her novels.

There were no other students in here except for him now… he closed his eyes, the memory of his reaction swimming through his mind again…

He'd never reacted so impulsively in his life. He hadn't even given her the _chance_ to accept him for who he was— what if she had found out and been perfectly fine with it? He hadn't trusted her enough to do that.

And he hadn't even trusted himself to let her work it out… she'd been so close, a mere minute or two separated them from that moment of epiphany when she would connect all his sick-aunt-visits with the exact dates of the full moon.

What was he afraid of? If she rejected him, it would just make his decision of choosing between her and Sirius that much easier.

But it went deeper than that…

Remus was so afraid of being rejected at all. Of knowing _finally_ just how rare it was for people like James and Sirius and Peter to accept him. Finally knowing how common it is to be treated with horror and disgust in the real world… outside his little bubble of illusion … outside the protection of Albus Dumbledore…

He couldn't stand it. That rejection… that realization… it would have crushed him.

He just hated how easily she could have done so… with one look, she could have shattered his sense of equality… his sense of belonging… it would have been gone, with just one look.

Remus lifted his head, gulping for air and wiping his nose on the back of his wrist as hot tears slid down his cheeks. It was a lot darker now. The only illumination was coming from a single dripping candle stick in the center of the isle. He sighed and stood up, trying to compose himself before shuffling out of the library to rejoin reality.

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>"Remus!"<p>

Remus blinked wearily at Sirius over his bowl of soup.

"Yeah, what's up?"

Sirius strode over to him, staring in disbelief.

Remus was swinging his legs off one of the long wooden cutting tables in the kitchens while the house elves scurried around Sirius offering platters of tea and crumpets.

"We've been looking for you since two o'clock." Sirius stated simply as if Remus hadn't realized his own absence.

Remus sniffed.

"Yeah… I know."

Sirius waved the house elves away and jumped up to sit next to him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." Remus said softly, taking another sip of food.

Sirius studied his face closely. Could he tell he'd been crying? He hadn't bothered splashing water on his face yet. But if Sirius could tell, he didn't comment on it before continuing.

"Peter said Mary was talking about your birthday… which is on the full moon. But when we asked her where you were, she said she hadn't even spoken to you today… that she just found your chess set and your book bag in the common room during break."

Remus stared into space as he took another sip. He didn't respond.

"And you missed class." Sirius finished. It was an accusation in and of itself.

Remus set the bowl down and sighed.

"She… almost found out. So… I erased her memory."

Sirius stiffened.

"I'm sorry." Remus whispered, staring at the floor. "I just needed to be alone."

Sirius hesitated and reached out to grip his shoulder.

"It's okay, mate."

Sirius looked around at the house elves.

"Can we get some of those apple dumplings? We're heading out."

Remus looked up at him.

"C'mon, you've been hiding for over seven hours now. It's time to go back."

Remus looked sadly at the floor again as he hopped down from the table.

"Where are James and Peter?"

"Ah, well, James went to the shack with his cloak and Pete's searching the Quidditch stands." Sirius said, accepting the dumplings and handing one to Remus.

"Thanks," he said as they climbed back out of the portrait.

They walked on in silence for a while.

"So… she didn't actually find out?" Sirius said finally. "She only _almost_ did?"

Remus swallowed some of his dumpling.

"Yeah… I just panicked. I knew she was about to so… I just… didn't know what else to do."

Sirius nodded. "How did it come up? What were you talking about?"

"Er…" he hesitated. "About her wanting to spend my birthday night together, actually."

Sirius made a funny gasping sound and started coughing as he choked on his pastry.

Remus sighed, staring wearily at him.

"Before you can breathe enough to start shouting at me, you should know that I turned her down and there's no reason to get up in my face about it. I haven't promised her anything."

Sirius stopped and steadied himself against the wall as he tried to clear his windpipe.

"It just— took me off guard. I wasn't going to shout at you," he said finally. Then he grinned. "Besides, I'll be spending your birthday night with you, as it is."

Remus laughed.

"Yeah, as _Padfoot_, not in bed with me."

Sirius was struck silent by this and they walked on for a little while. Remus saw his head turn towards him out of the corner of his eye. And then quite suddenly, he was gone.

Remus stopped and turned around. Sirius was looking at him anxiously, biting his lip.

"What?"

Sirius' eyes darted around nervously.

"What about… my birthday?"

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"What about it?"

"Well… have you gotten me anything yet?"

Remus grinned.

"You're not supposed to _ask_ for a birthday present, Sirius," he laughed. "But no, not yet, I've got time though so don't worry."

"No!" Sirius said, flustered. "I… I don't want a present."

Remus frowned at him.

"Then why are you asking?"

"Because… I don't want a present but… I still want something."

Remus stared. And then it clicked.

His mouth was extremely dry all of a sudden and he swallowed hard.

"Oh…" he whispered. "I'll…think about it, okay?"

Sirius blinked at him.

"You will?"

Remus nodded curtly.

"I will."

Sirius took a deep breath and walked past him. Remus was hit suddenly with his scent— the smell of apples and musk and shaving cream— and couldn't stop himself from reaching out and pulling Sirius back as he closed the space between them.

Sirius moaned and pushed his tongue into Remus' mouth as he was pressed backward into the stone wall. Their pelvises ground into each other as their mouths melted into one, kissing hungrily. The tension slid out of them… both of them _needed_ this too much…

Remus pulled back only when his lungs were almost screaming for oxygen and Sirius leaned heavily against him as he caught his own breath.

"Okay," Remus whispered. "I'll give you that night."

Sirius pulled back a little and cupped Remus' face with one hand, tracing his bottom lip with his thumb.

"Are there any rules?"

Remus thought for a moment.

"Don't… don't hurt me?"

Sirius' eyes flicked up to meet his.

"How many hours do I have?" he breathed, his voice darker and needier than usual.

Remus licked his kiss-flushed lips.

"The whole night."

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><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~ <strong>


	15. Sweet Sixteen

Remus stared at the blank stone wall in front of him. He cast a nervous look around before taking a deep breath and begun pacing.

Thinking hard of what he needed, he stopped at the end of the corridor, turned on his heel and paced back.

Two more…

Remus halted again at the opposite end of the corridor, glanced sideways at the wall, and walked back.

One more…

He remembered a few more finishing touches and added the details to his concentration. Reaching the end of the corridor again, he turned and looked expectantly at the wall.

It was blank.

Remus frowned. Was someone already using it? Had the Room of Requirement become unplottable?

But as he walked back, frowning at the wall, his eye caught something out-of-place on one of the bricks. He looked closer and saw a small mark etched into the corner. It was the silhouette of a half crescent moon.

He reached out and pushed at it. The gravely sound of scraping concrete rent the air as a hidden doorway appeared, leading into a dark chamber beyond.

Remus grinned and entered.

The room was no bigger than his bedroom back home, but it was missing excess furniture. Other than one four poster in the center (that was twice as wide as their beds in the dormitories) there was only one nightstand and a trunk by the footboard. The room was round with a crimson rug rolled over the stone floor and the ceiling was low, lit by candlesticks around the walls. There was a large radius-top window to the left of the bed and a small wooden door to the right.

Remus walked over to it and poked his head inside. It was a bright little bathroom with an unusually large tub. Remus raised his eyebrows at it. If there was one thing they wouldn't need, it was that. He'd been so self-conscious about the idea of tonight that he'd spent almost an hour in the shower after dinner, meticulously cleaning every millimeter of his skin twice and shampooing his hair five times. He wondered if he'd ever been so ridiculously clean in his entire life.

Remus closed the door to the bathroom and stared at the four-poster. The bedding was the same as their sheets in the dorms and so was the frame, besides being twice as large. He couldn't help but think of it as the kind of bed a Gryffindor Head boy or girl would sleep in.

There was no noise except for the shuffling of his feet and the soft flow of air as the wind blew outside the window. Remus sighed and sat down on the trunk, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and staring at the floor. There was nothing to do now but wait.

He couldn't believe what he'd gotten himself into. It was finally the 2nd of March, the night of Sirius' sixteenth birthday, and he had no idea what to brace himself for. He'd promised Sirius the whole night but wasn't really sure what his full intentions were. A part of him could imagine them doing nothing but snogging before drifting off to sleep. Another part could imagine… well… a whole slew of things he didn't want to focus on right now.

Remus was so lost in his daydream that he didn't hear Sirius enter until the stone wall scraped shut again. His head snapped up.

Sirius smirked at him and looked around, studying the room.

"I like it," he smiled.

Remus sat up off his elbows and felt his shoulders tense up.

"I thought you'd never figure out how to get in, that I'd have to come get you or something."

"Nah, I just followed the clue," he said, walking to see what the wooden door led to. "And I'm more near-sighted than you think."

"Pads, I know _exactly_ how short-sighted you are."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and closed the bathroom door again. He leaned up against it with his hands behind his back.

"Tonight…" he started.

Remus tensed even further and kept his eyes firmly on the floor.

"… can we not have the nicknames?" Sirius finished. "No Moony or Padfoot. You're Remus and I'm Sirius. Okay?"

Remus sighed, relieved, and felt every muscle unclench. His head turned and they linked eyes.

"Yeah, of course," he breathed.

Sirius frowned at him.

"You're nervous."

"Well—yeah, a little."

Sirius blinked at him for a moment.

"You can still say 'no' whenever you feel like it. It's not like I'd want to be with you if you hated it anyway."

"I don't _hate_ being with you." Remus snapped. "But I'm allowed to be a little scared, alright?"

Sirius fell silent for a moment and then murmured "Alright."

The six or seven feet between them suddenly felt like miles.

"What's that you're sitting on, anyways?" he piped in after a while.

Remus tore his eyes from one of the flickering candles on the wall and looked down.

"I dunno. Maybe it's a seat for deep contemplation?" he said trying to get Sirius to smile again. It worked.

"_Well_," Sirius said, pushing off the wall and moving closer, "unless you're contemplating something deeply, then move."

Remus grinned and stood up, moving over to the window to get some space between them again. He looked out at the fading sunset and the stars starting to shine in the sky. He glanced momentarily at the growing surface of the moon before turning back to the room.

Sirius slammed the trunk shut and stood up entirely too fast. His cheeks were stained pink.

"What is it?" Remus said, bewildered.

Sirius cleared his throat.

"What exactly did you ask the room for when you were pacing back and forth?"

It was Remus' turn to blush.

"I… I asked for an unplottable room… and for… other things."

Sirius cocked his head downwards, giving him a searching look.

"_What_ other things?"

"Uhm… I asked for… a room that would have everything two people would need for their…you know… their first…"

Sirius tore his eyes from Remus' dear-in-the-headlight expression and down to the trunk again before bursting out laughing.

"What?" Remus said, frustrated.

Sirius walked around to the right side of the four poster and threw himself onto it, laughing up at the ceiling.

"Why don't you come look in the trunk and find out?" he said, smirking upside down at him.

Remus glared at him and strode over, pulling the lid up and crouching onto his knees.

There were about five large bottles of potion, some folded linens and a stack of books. Remus was about to throw a "So what?" at Sirius before his eye caught on something and, startled, he did a double-take.

The stack of books had the most shameful titles he'd ever read in his life. They included _101 Sex Positions, All-Night Orgasm, _and _Wand-Play: A Guide to Every Sexual Enchantment_. He frowned, eyes darting to the potion bottles. They weren't potions at all… the labels read that they were different flavors of lubricant, all of them claiming to induce heightened pleasure. And those cloths that Remus had mistaken for linens were actually silk sashes and blindfolds.

Remus felt his ears burn and the sound of Sirius roaring with laughter rent the air.

"Oh shut up, you ponce." Remus shot at him. "I didn't ask for any of this rubbish."

Sirius shook his head again and laughed up at the ceiling, temporarily incapable of forming words.

Remus cracked a smile though as he watched him and shut the lid of the trunk. He reached for his leather book bag on the floor next to it and pulled out a box of chocolate frogs.

"Here, you git," he said, tossing one onto Sirius' stomach and sitting up against the headboard with his legs stretched out. "Just like old times, yeah?"

Sirius hiccupped and moved to sit against the headboard next to Remus.

"That was only like… five months ago now," he grinned, biting into his chocolate.

"Yeah." Remus whispered.

Sirius glanced sideways at him before down at their feet again.

"You know… if someone had told me we'd be like this…_ever_…"

Remus grinned.

"I know, I've thought about that too. It would have been such a joke."

Sirius let out another bark of laughter.

"_That's_ an understatement."

Remus fell silent as they both nibbled on their candy. They were sitting next to each other fully clothed and talking casually. How the hell was Sirius going to start this? Remus wondered this in exasperation and made a mental note refusing to make the first move.

His whole body was too warm and the little frog slid between his fingers as it melted. He finished it and then stuck the tip of his pinky in his mouth to lick it off.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he had the funny feeling he was being watched. Looking sideways, he caught Sirius staring at him for what felt like the millionth time. But unlike the other million, this time he didn't look away.

Remus realized he was still sucking on his finger and slid it out of his mouth.

"Stop it," he scolded.

Sirius grinned and moved closer, climbing on top of him to straddle his legs and reaching for another frog.

"Stop what?" Sirius whispered darkly. He broke a small piece of chocolate off and lifted it to Remus' mouth, ghosting it across his bottom lip.

Remus was already panting, his body responding beyond his control to the feel of Sirius on top of him. He leaned forward and sucked the chocolate out of Sirius' fingers.

Almost instantly Sirius' mouth was on his. That sinful tongue was delving deep into Remus' mouth, rubbing against his as they dissolved the chocolate between each other, sucking and exploring long after it was gone. Remus reached up and pulled Sirius in by the neck, his other hand pressing into the small of his back to pull their chests closer.

They were rutting their arousals against each other before they broke away, both moaning in agony as their lips separated. Remus felt his head spinning from the lack of oxygen and glanced down at Sirius' neck. The chocolate that had melted on his fingers was now all over the creamy skin below his ear and jaw line.

Remus fisted his other hand in Sirius' black locks, pulling his head back to expose his neck as he leaned in to suck hungrily on the skin.

He felt Sirius shiver on top of him, a strangled moan wrenched from the throat beneath his mouth.

"Oh _fuck_, Remus.."

Remus licked the remaining chocolate from his skin before biting down gently at the base of the neck. Sirius bucked his hips wantonly into his own.

He slid his hand out of Sirius' silky hair and rested his head back against the headboard, looking up at the other boy. Sirius pressed their foreheads together and breathed against his mouth. The smell of chocolate and arousal was intoxicating.

"I'm too close." Sirius whispered.

"I know." Remus breathed back. "Your legs tremble when you're about to cum."

Sirius pulled back a little and stared at him.

"It is _so_ fucking wrong that you know that."

Remus laughed at him.

"It's okay though… I mean, if you want to, I know a spell that can… you know… make you hard again."

Sirius blinked.

"Yeah, I know that one too. And some others…"

Sirius leaned forward and whispered the last line into Remus' neck.

"What others?" Remus moaned as their cocks brushed against each other through their trousers.

"You know…" Sirius' steaming breath almost burned against Remus' earlobe. "The kind that stops my gag reflex so I can swallow your whole dick down my throat..."

Remus gasped as Sirius started rutting _hard _against him again.

"…or the kind that makes me taste like honey if I cum in your mouth..."

Remus' eyes burned shut in lust as he ground his hips against Sirius with abandon.

"…or…or the kind that turns pain nerves into pleasure if I _fuck_ you too hard…"

A desperate little screamed tore through Remus' throat as he came forcefully, hot semen pooling in his lap as Sirius shook on top of him and fell, moaning, into his own orgasm. They clutched desperately at each other as waves of pleasure rushed through them, breathing heavily. Remus pressed his damp forehead against Sirius' white uniform shirt and laughed softly. They hadn't even so much as unbuttoned their shirts or taken their shoes off yet.

"_Fuck_, I love it when you talk dirty." Remus growled.

Sirius leaned down and sucked Remus' bottom lip between his teeth before kissing him again.

"I love it when you say 'fuck' with that bossy prefect mouth of yours." Sirius whispered hoarsely.

Remus grinned and pushed Sirius off him, sliding his shoes off and throwing the box of chocolates on the floor before starting to undress.

Remus had turned his back to the bed and stripped down to his shirt and boxer briefs when he felt Sirius yank him backwards onto the mattress again by his shirt.

He blinked up at the other boy. Sirius hadn't turned himself around yet. He was kneeling with one leg on either side of Remus' head.

"What do I do now?" he said, utterly confused.

Sirius licked his lips. His body was quivering a little.

"Have you ever… heard of sixty-nine?"

"Uh, yeah, it comes right before seventy."

Remus lifted his wand and cast the nonverbal incantation at both of them. Their arousals returned at full-force.

"I don't mean the number." Sirius moaned as blood rushed into his groin. "I mean, the position."

Remus frowned.

"Have you read that sex position book already?"

"That's not the poi—,"

Remus tried to sit up and turn around to face him but Sirius planted both hands on his shoulders and forced him down.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"Sixty-nine…" Sirius breathed. "…is where you suck each other off at the same time. So… you have to be upside down from each other."

Remus gazed up at him, is cheeks burning scarlet.

"But… but I haven't even done that right side up yet. How will I know I'm doing it right?

Sirius reached over and picked his own wand up and pointed it at Remus. He felt three spells hit him before Sirius cast it aside.

"What'd you do?"

"Just some things to make it easier on you. You'll figure it out," he smirked wickedly down at him, tracing a thumb along the curve of Remus' flushed mouth. Their eyes connected again and lust built steadily in the air between them. Remus felt his cock twitch as he imagined that smirking mouth wrapped around him again as he plunged up into that slick sucking heat—

Sirius broke first and leaned forward to start undoing Remus' shirt buttons, licking sensually at his nipples as he went. Remus reached up and slid his arms around the already bare torso. He just needed him closer, so much closer…

Remus gasped when he felt Sirius finish unbuttoning his shirt and latch his mouth onto the fabric around his shaft, puffing warm breath through the damp cotton.

Then, quite suddenly, Remus smelled a stronger scent of musk and sex than he had before. He closed his eyes as the effects hit him, blood pooling in his cock, his entire body writhing in undiluted pleasure.

Looking up, he realized with a jolt that Sirius' black boxer-brief clad groin was hovering over him. His eyes glazed over as he reached up, every ounce of control snapping within him, and pulled Sirius' body down, pressing his face against the hard, throbbing erection and inhaling deeply.

Sirius whimpered and bucked against him.

"_Oh god_, don't stop..."

Remus pressed closer and moaned against Sirius' cock.

"Uuungh, _Sirius_…"

The body above him shivered and Remus felt it against his cheek when Sirius' balls clenched up tight in arousal. Somewhere down his own body where he couldn't see, he felt his briefs shoved aggressively over his hips as Sirius sucked his entire length into his mouth.

Remus gaped into the cloth in front of him as the pleasure lit him on fire. His hips snapped up, plunging the leaking head of his cock in and out of Sirius' swallowing throat.

He _needed_ more. Fingers fumbling, he laid back down and tried with glazed eyes to pull Sirius' damned briefs off. But Sirius took that moment to pull back and rub his tongue into the leaking slit of his dick. Remus' head was thrown back in ecstasy, moaning uncontrollably.

Sirius seemed to sense his struggle though and sucked his mouth off Remus' shaft, licking the flat of his tongue up to his swollen balls instead.

Remus took a deep breath and steadied himself before reaching for the nearest wand.

"_Diffindo!"_

He felt a puff of laughter from Sirius as the briefs split and fell off his pelvis. But he didn't care… Merlin knows they were ruined from earlier anyways…

Remus breathed achingly against the bobbing erecting in front of him. There was so much precum leaking from it already. Remus leaned up before it could dribble off and tasted Sirius for the first time.

_"Okay, that's one spell figured out."_Remus thought as he tasted honey instead of the salty spunk he could smell despite the charm. He reached his arms up and pulled Sirius' body down to slide the swollen head into his lips and suck around it.

"Oh yeah…" Sirius moaned, panting hard. "…_please_…suck me..."

Remus squirmed in pleasure from the need in Sirius' voice. He pulled harder at Sirius' hips, sliding his mouth further up his cock, inhaling the smell of semen through his nose. Sirius started rutting his hips until Remus felt the head of his dick slipping in and out of his throat, the taste of honey becoming stronger, and the legs on either side of him trembling…

Remus pulled back suddenly and gasped for air.

"Sirius… I need to cum so bad…" he whimpered. Sirius had forgotten to continue on him after pulling back the last time.

"Oh shit…" Sirius breathed. "It just felt so…uungh…"

"It's fine…" Remus moaned, his voice turning low and gravely. "…now, fuck my throat."

Remus pulled Sirius down hard, swallowing hungrily around the pulsing cock as his own erection was engulfed. His back arched, toes curling, trying to fuck deeper into the slippery wetness as jots of pleasure welled unbearably and he was sucked into mind-blowing completion. Sirius followed only a few seconds later, his whole body trembling, jerking his hips as semen flooded Remus' mouth and throat, choking on the amount until he swallowed it down.

Sirius let go first and pulled himself out of Remus' mouth. He let out a desperate little moan of surrender before falling onto his back next to Remus, panting. They both laid there staring up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to process what just happened.

_I just had the hardest orgasm of my life, is what just happened._

Remus pushed himself off the mattress with much more effort than he usually needed and pulled one of the soft sheets around his lap.

"Are… are you okay?" he asked, sliding forward to sit on the edge of the bed next to Sirius' head. Sirius hadn't said anything or bothered to cover himself up.

He reached down and stroked the raven hair back, caressing Sirius' temple and cheek with his thumb as he did. Sirius closed his eyes and leaned into his palm for a second.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he whispered, gazing back up at Remus. There was a sad longing expression in his eyes.

"Are you tired?"

"No… just a little winded I think. But I didn't get much sleep last night, so maybe I'm tired, I dunno."

Remus knew what he meant. The anticipation had made it almost impossible to get any sleep the night before.

"Are we going to sleep at all tonight?"

Sirius screwed up his face at the very idea. "Why? We can sleep when we're dead."

Remus looked around the covers for the watch he'd taken off.

"It's almostone-thirty in the morning." Remus said, after he'd found it..

Sirius seemed to reconsider something.

"Okay, maybe we can get some sleep later… after… everything."

Remus caught his eye again. They were blazing with some unspoken knowledge.

Remus shivered and leaned forward to get one of the chocolate frogs out of the box on the floor. He broke part of it off and fed it to Sirius who still seemed unable to move.

Remus stared down at him for a moment. The moonlight had shifted through the window, casting a silvery glow around where they sat and illuminating the contrasts of Sirius' hair and lips and skin.

_"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"_

Remus thought for a moment about how sappy those words would sound out loud and started laughing.

"What?" Sirius said, bewildered.

Remus shook his head, shoulders still shaking with laughter as he popped some more chocolate in his mouth.

"Are you laughing at me?"

Remus snorted.

"I _think_ so."

Sirius started laughing too.

"Well _that's_ reassuring," he snickered sarcastically.

Remus sniffed and fed another piece of chocolate to him. Sirius bent his arm up and caressed the curve of Remus' shoulder absentmindedly with the back of his fingers.

"So once tonight is over… will we still… practice together?" Sirius asked softly. "Or is it over after this?"

Remus sighed as Sirius' knuckles brushed over his skin.

"Yeah, it's over," he said. "No more practicing."

He looked up as he said it. Sirius' eyes had been staring past him into space, anxious and expectant. But as soon as Remus finished speaking, they became… blank. Empty. A dead hollowness consumed the light that usually sparkled in them.

If Remus hadn't already planned to keep speaking, this would have scared the shit out of him. But he continued on, unfazed.

"Because I'm breaking it off with Mary. And if you and I are together, it wouldn't really be called 'practicing' anymore, now would it?"

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review! My Ego neeeeds them lol ~*~<strong>


	16. Things That Go Bump In the Night

Sirius' eyes widened and he sat bolt upright. Remus looked back at him over his shoulder and grinned uncertainly.

"If you'll have me, that is."

Sirius just stared at him for a moment. Silence rang around them.

"Come here," he said finally, his voice breaking into a whisper. "_Now_."

Remus turned around and slid closer to him on the bed, still unsure of how Sirius was responding. There was so much hidden behind those stormy eyes of his…

Before he could sit back in front of him though, Sirius lunged forward and turned them right-way-up on the bed. He pinned him down to the mattress by his shoulders, leaning in, and muffling Remus' cry of shock in a breath-stealing kiss.

Remus' head was spinning. They'd _never_ kissed like this before. It had always been rough or impulsive or needy. It had never been so… possessive… sensual… tender…

Sirius sucked in all the places he usually bit. Instead of thrusting their hips together in desperate need of friction, Sirius' hands slipped over his hip bones, sliding around his waist and coasting back up his body, caressing his flesh instead of pulling on him.

Remus reached up to slide his hands into Sirius' hair, clutching him desperately closer to his face. The slow rhythmic movement of their mouths and the taste of sperm between their sliding tongues was clouding his mind.

Their lips were sticky and searing when they finally pulled apart to peer at each other again. Sirius pressed their foreheads together again and sighed.

"Sirius…," Remus whispered against the other boy's mouth.

A shiver ran through his body.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

Remus leaned up and bit his lower lip gently before pressing a soft kiss into it and whispering, "I want you to fuck me."

Sirius moaned, mouth gaping slightly, and closed his eyes. It seemed like they had rolled beyond his control.

Remus spread his legs and tightened his grip in Sirius' hair, growling against his lips.

"I want you _so _bad."

"Remus…"

Sirius blinked rapidly, his glazed eyes struggling to focus.

"Shit… uhm… give me a second…" He struggled and pressed his face into the nape of Remus' neck.

Remus bucked his hips against Sirius and then cast the arousal charm on them both.

"Oh _fuck_… I was already hard!" he moaned defensively.

"I want you harder," Remus breathed against his earlobe.

Sirius reached down and spread Remus' legs wider by wedging hands behind his bent knees and shoving them apart. Remus bit his bottom lip deliriously, crying out in pleasure. He hadn't been this exposed in front of Sirius since they had finished in the shower weeks ago. All he knew was that he needed Sirius inside him, or to be inside Sirius… He _needed_ that connection more than anything.

Sirius raked his darkened eyes down the length of Remus' body and back up again. His breath hitched before he whispered, "I won't hurt you. I promise."

Remus loosened the grip on his hair and let his hands slide gently around Sirius' neck.

"Please…," he whispered.

Sirius trembled and bent down to kiss him gently.

"Touch yourself for me," he murmured and reached for his wand.

Remus sighed and slid his palms over his own hardened nipples, arching into the touch. His cock throbbed and oozed a droplet of precum onto his stomach. Writhing under Sirius' gaze, he reached down and massaged himself, grasping his balls and kneading them before stroking his leaking shaft and moaning the other boys name.

Sirius was panting in desire as he watched. He dropped his wand on accident and whimpered desperately when he heard his name, reaching down quickly to squeeze his own cock and stave off ejaculating.

Remus felt the tip of Sirius' wand press against his hole and heard him cast two spells. The first resembled a tingling sensation dancing through his nerves. The second felt like something was coating him in warmness.

"Was that the… lubricant?" Remus panted.

Sirius had dropped down, moving his face closer to his pulsing opening.

"Oh, no, I forgot about the lube… That was just cleaning…"

Sirius sat up and summoned one of the lubricants from the trunk.

"At least _this_ comes in handy," he smirked before lowering himself down again.

"I don't understand…" Remus breathed as Sirius uncorked the bottle and poured it upside down over Remus' cock and pucker. The pleasure enhancer washed over him deliciously and he gasped in shock. "Why did you need to clean inside… why…"

Sirius moaned at the huskiness in Remus' voice.

"This is why," he rasped and latched his mouth onto the now slippery entrance, plunging his tongue in and out as he _sucked_ around it.

"_Uungh_... I'm gonna… Sirius!" Remus couldn't have staved off his orgasm if he'd tried. His cock seared with pleasure at the suctioning, fucking, thrusting sensation of Sirius' mouth on him combined with whatever the hell was in the lubricant. Droplets of sweat slid down his thighs as they shook violently, his head thrown back in ecstasy and semen shooting forcefully from his aching shaft.

Sirius watched as Remus squirmed under him, and he continuing licking him until the last bit of cum had slipped out of his prick. Remus reached past his shaft and tangled his fingers in silky black hair, pulling him closer.

Sirius lifted his wand from where he was and returned the other boy relentlessly back to full arousal. Remus almost screamed in frustration.

Sirius kept reaching down to calm himself from climax, like his dick was going to burst from being so hard. Finally, he seethed through his teeth and wrenched his mouth away reluctantly, shoved Remus' legs back again and thrust the dripping head of his cock against Remus' opening.

They both leaned in and gasped against each other's lips.

"Please... I _need _you," Remus begged.

Sirius felt his control snap. He braced himself, eyes squeezed shut, as he plunged in with one swift thrust.

They both contracted inwards, loud moans wrenched from their lungs.

"Remus… you're so… Oh my god, you're too tight…I can't…"

"_Please_… Oh _fuck_, don't stop…"

Sirius surveyed him with hooded eyes. The first spell he'd used turned any pain nerves into blinding, throbbing sexual pleasure. It was one of the reasons Sirius hadn't bothered with fingering… the more it would have hurt, the better it felt after the charm.

"I'm too close Remus."

"I don't _care_, just _move_." Remus moaned wantonly, clutching at Sirius' shoulders.

Sirius let out a thick, struggling growl of surrender and bucked into his impossibly tight ass not even five times before he came completely undone, spilling a thick stream inside him.

Remus arched up into him and intertwined the fingers of one of their hands, coasting the other to a wand next to them. Sirius looked at it, back at Remus' pleading face, and grabbed it up.

He threw the wand aside when he'd finished the spell and locked eyes with Remus.

"I... I can feel you harden inside me," Remus breathed achingly.

Their smoldering connection could have scorched the air around them. Sirius reached down and intertwined their other hands before bringing both up and pinning them to the mattress over Remus' head.

"Tell me you want me," he whispered, thrusting once.

"I want you," Remus moaned, eyes fluttering shut.

"Tell me you're mine." He thrust again, harder.

"I'm yours."

Sirius pounded into him, slapping his dripping balls against his ass.

"Tell me… what you… want."

"Uh…please… _fuck_ me."

Sirius snapped his hips, thrusting in abandoned need. The cum from his first orgasm had dribbled around his cock and sweat slid down their thighs as pure heat emanated from them. Remus was losing his control... with every thrust, his muscles were tightening, his breathing more restricted. Sirius angled his hips differently until the other boy arched up and clenched their hands tighter, nails digging in desperately to Sirius' knuckles.

Sirius felt his peak building and pushed himself up to let go of one of Remus' sweaty palms and grasp the other boy's prick.

"Cum for me," he begged. He fisted the weeping shaft, hand flying as he pumped him over the edge. "Cum with me, baby."

Remus fought for breath and reached his unpinned hand around Sirius' head to crash their lips together as they came, shuddering against each other. Their cocks convulsed and drenched their already soaked bodies in semen, squirting from Remus' entrance as Sirius rode out his ejaculation. A pool of sweat and cum glistened on Remus' chest as he finished shooting all over himself and Sirius' hand. His balls clenching up tight against his body, toes curling in the force of a full-bodied orgasm he'd never known before.

They panted themselves into calmness, sliding their sticky lips together in exhaustion. They were so far beyond kissing anymore and the need for oxygen was too overpowering.

Sirius closed his eyes and tried to lean up. They both moaned as he slid his limp member out. A pool of semen spilled as soon as the tip was clear. Remus gasped at the feeling and Sirius bent down to kiss the creamy tender skin on the inside of his thigh before closing his legs and crawling up his body to lie next to him.

They laid in silence for a while, feeling the ache in their muscles relax. Finally, Remus pulled the blanket over them and pressed closer into Sirius' body as strong arms wrapped around him. He reached up and brushed back a damp lock of raven hair, fingers lingering on his temple.

"Sirius...," he whispered. "I just want to let you know… if we're going to be together…"

Sirius looked down at him through his lashes and tensed hopefully.

Remus managed to smirk in spite of his fatigue.

"…don't _ever_ call me 'baby' again."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>The following morning felt like the longest three classes of Remus' life. He wasn't able to catch up with Mary in between breaks because their first and third classes were different than each other's. When he did finally catch her eye and signal to her he wanted to speak at lunchtime, she smiled radiantly and blew him a kiss before hurrying after Lily.<p>

He knew he was doing what was best but he still couldn't help but feel sad they would no longer be together. It would be great if they could still be friends, but deep down he knew it wouldn't happen. Mary wouldn't be able to speak with him and even if she did Sirius would be too jealous to allow it. But he'd miss their conversations and how different she was than his almost _constant_ company of other boys.

And another thing was troubling him too… this thing he had with Sirius… they had both so defensively reassured themselves just weeks ago that they weren't queers. Sirius spat the very name out as if it was the worst insult anyone could call him. And yet here they were…

Remus frowned and tried not to let it bother him that he was about to break up with his steady _girlfriend_ to be with a boy. After all, he told himself, every childhood crush of his had been on girls… he had wanked off for the better part of three years thinking about girls… and even though Mary hadn't bewitched him quite like Sirius had, she still excited something inside him that was definitely _not_ strictly platonic.

He glanced around the Ancient Runes class and caught sight of Lola. She was by far the most drooled-after girl in their year. Blonde, curvy, busty, and easy to get. His eyes drifted down her black school robes where she had unbuttoned the collar, cleavage peeking through the opening. He felt a strong twinge of attraction deep inside and it became extremely hard to look away.

Sirius must be the exception; he knew it. No other boy on the planet could have the same effect on him. It was some weird combination of their friendship, history together, and Sirius' insanely good looks that drew Remus to him. And safety… Remus didn't have to worry about being rejected for his lycanthropy… There was safety with Sirius, and that was what tipped the scales in his favor when it came down to choosing between them. Aside from their mind-blowing chemistry, Remus' fear of rejection still ruled his decisions. He didn't want to hide who he was… not from a companion.

The bell finally rang for lunch and, taking a deep steadying breath, Remus stood up and walked out bravely to meet his fate.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>"Well… it could have been worse, mate," James said sympathetically, hours later. "But I still don't understand <em>why<em> you broke up with her anyways. You two were great together!"

Remus shot Sirius a dark look under the invisibility cloak before whispering back. The black haired boy was lucky the other two couldn't see his face— he looked far too smug to appear natural about this.

"O.W.L.'s are coming up, and _fast_. I need time to study and it's been too distracting with her around all the time. She needs to study too so… it's for her own good, really."

James snorted.

"At least she didn't slap you or anything."

"Yeah, but it made me feel like shit when she started crying. I felt like the biggest arse on the planet."

"Will you two shut up and _focus_ or we'll never get this over with."

They had all snuck out after dinner to creep up to Filches office. The caretaker had confiscated their entire sack of Zonko's products at the front gates after the last Hogsmead visit, so James and Sirius were anxious to get them back before the birthday party on Saturday.

The only problem was that the invisibility cloak, while still quite large, could no longer adequately cover all four of them anymore. Their plan had been drawn out to accommodate ten minutes, complete in-and-out time.

So far it had taken them fifteen just to sneak upstairs fully covered and get into Filches office to start searching for the bag.

"James, it's no use, we can't search for anything under here, it's too hard to _move_," Peter whined.

Remus nudged James in the ribs.

"Pete's right, Prongs. We should split up."

"If the git kept his office cleaner then this would have worked." Sirius growled in frustration and knocked over a stack of boxes he'd searched through.

James nodded in defeat and slipped out of the cloak. Peter glanced nervously at the doorway before following.

"So what's the plan? If he catches us, only half the group is gonna get detentions?" Remus called out. The other three laughed.

"_Something _like that," James said airily as he pulled open the desk drawers.

Remus and Sirius, still hidden under the cloak, walked over to a trunk by the window and tried to open it. It was locked.

"Hold on." Sirius muttered and pulled his knife tool out.

Peter's voice wafted over to them from near the storage room.

"If we are caught… what'll he do to us?"

James laughed.

"I can just imagine his ugly mug if he caught us in here… He'd look so bloody surprised. As if it was _so hard_ to get in here anyways… Nah, he'd probably give us the usual detention, Pete; stop worrying."

"But... wouldn't they be worse than usual? How many detentions would we get for _this_?"

Sirius had fitted the key into the lock and had almost thrown it open when a wheezing voice suddenly cracked through the air like lightning.

"How about an entire _week's_ detention, Pettigrew? And you as well, Potter!"

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus sipped his hot chocolate, leaning against the steel footboard of a hospital bed. The other two were going to be sneaking into the shack later on after finishing up their detentions and Sirius was waiting for them in the courtyard outside.<p>

Filch had them cleaning the bathroom floors with chlorine and nothing but hand scrubbers— no magic allowed. Their March birthday bash, which would have taken place last Saturday, had been postponed to the 12th to accommodate James and Peter's week-long detention sentence. This announcement had been met with much eye-rolling from the girls and raucous laughter from the boys.

This was the first time in months Remus would be alone to transform. The very idea of not having animals there to calm his mind was sparking fear in his abdomen. He sighed before taking a larger gulp of the cocoa. At least they would be with him for the rest of the night… and the sooner they arrived, the better.

"Are you ready, yet?" Madame Pomfrey said, sliding out of her office.

Remus shook his head, indicating his half-full mug.

"Not yet. Is there…anything new with Dr. Leibrock?"

Madam Pomfrey sighed and cast him an exasperated look.

"No, dear, nothing. But I did see something rather interesting in yesterday's _Evening Prophet_."

She turned around and picked one of her used papers out of a cork basket.

"Here—I wasn't sure if you'd be willing to…"

Remus took the paper from her and saw a glowing blue advertisement in the bottom corner. It was from Dr. Leibrocks laboratories in Quebec, seeking test subjects to try out the latest _Wolfsbane_ potion.

"You want me to be a lab rat?" he laughed.

Madam Pomfrey narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'll have you know, _young man_, that the revitalizing potion in that cocoa of yours took over two hundred years to brew properly and required countless hours of sacrifice on behalf of wizards all over Asia! Every breakthrough in modern maladies comes at the price of those _brave_ enough to test them, for the interest and betterment of future generations!"

And with that she turned on her heel and stormed back into her office, slamming the door behind her.

Remus realized his mouth was open and shut it hastily. He glanced around awkwardly before clearing his throat and calling towards the door.

"Er… Madam Pomfrey? It's time to leave…"

There was a scuffling sound before she was pulling the door open again, fussing over the front of her robes and looking flustered.

"Oh, yes, of course—of course, off we go then!"

Remus grinned sheepishly at her and followed her out of the infirmary. There was an odd tension in the air as if Remus had just had a row with his mother.

"Madam Pomfrey…," he said finally, as they crossed the windy slopes of lawn towards the Whomping Willow. "I shouldn't have made fun of the add. It _is_ serious work… and… well, I'll think about it."

She turned to look at him and gave him a warm smile.

"Good lad."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>It was one of the worst nights Remus had experienced in a long time. He'd roamed the shack for an hour before the moon rose, waiting hopefully for the other three to arrive. But it was in vain. He felt his blood speeding up before there was any sign of them, so he shut himself up in the bedroom and tried to be brave as he faced the inevitable.<p>

Not only did he have to endure the brutal transformation alone, but his thoughts never calmed down. For the entire night, his monster counterpart had no comfort in other animals, and the werewolf reverted back to its old methods of tearing apart its own flesh. It thrashed around feeling rejection and abandonment alongside the usual insanity and violence.

The house took in even more damage than his own body. The door to the bedroom was finally and irreversibly destroyed and scattered down the length of the hallway.

Remus was lying in the middle of its mess when he changed back and realized, outside of the usual pain, that a large splintered steak of it was thrust into his upper thigh. He screamed and pulled it out, trying to put pressure on the blood flow and crawling down the hall into the bedroom.

He pulled some of the shredded linens over himself, shivering in the cold without enough energy to get up on the bed. His face screwed up from the pain and realization that he was still by himself. The others hadn't bothered to come down after their detentions…

"_Maybe they decided to have a peaceful night of slumber_," Remus thought bitterly as blood seeped into the floorboards under his injured leg. He stared depressingly at his pathetic state and loneliness and whispered a tiny sob into the air.

"Happy Birthday to me."

He sniffed and increased the pressure on his wound. It stung and ached like fire.

Remus heard a clattering noise downstairs and expected Madam Pomfreys voice to call out instead of—

"Moony?"

Remus frowned and called back.

"_Peter?_ I'm up here."

He glanced around perplexedly. There was only one set of footsteps echoing through the house as Peter made his way towards him. He was alone…

"Hey," Remus panted in agony when Peter finally slid into the doorframe. "Er… where were you three? And why are you alone?"

Peter took a shaking breath.

"Ehm…," he said in a higher pitched voice than usual. "Sirius and James are in Professor Dumbledore's office right now… with Snape."

Peter paused as the other boy froze in shock. He gulped nervously before going on.

"Remus… something happened last night."

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review! ~*~<strong>


	17. Enough

Remus woke up groggily sometime around noon. His head was aching but the wound on his leg seemed to be healed. The others had not yet arrived for their lunchtime visit. He frowned as he thought about them, wondering why he felt so shitty.

And then it all came back. Crashing cruelly into him without pity or regard for feelings, the truth came back to him with the force of a thunder bolt.

Peter's voice echoed in his head.

_"Sometime during our detentions last night…er… Sirius was outside in the quad waiting for us when Snape came snooping around. And they, er… got into a fight and Sirius thought it would be funny if… if… oh, god… if he told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow. ….…..Don't look like that, please! You didn't attack him, so don't freak out! I'm so sorry! We weren't there when he told him, we only found out what happened when we left detention! James took off as soon as he heard and ran down here and pulled Snape back. It was a close call— James didn't transform so he was still human— and you seemed to be able to smell them because you came downstairs trying to attack, but couldn't find them under the trap door… but… Remus… he…Snape…he saw you… he knows..."_

Remus pressed his eyelids closed and tried to fall back into the blissful unknowing realm of sleep. He wanted to sink into it again… that dark void where nothing could hurt him. Nothing could judge him or reject him or betray him…

But sleep didn't come. It stayed at bay, taunting him as his mind raced with worry.

The worst person who could have possibly discovered his secret now knew what he was.

What the hell was he going to do? Snape had promised Dumbledore that he would never give his secret away but… but how long would that last? Until they graduated? Snape was connected with the worst sort of Dark Arts worshipers… The second they left school, everyone would know what he was… How could this get any worse?

Oh, that's right…it had been Sirius… This had happened because of Sirius.

God… how could he have been so stupid? He'd thought he could trust Sirius with anything in the world, his own life if need be… Turns out he couldn't even be trusted with something as sacred as his place in school.

If Snape had been injured— Remus would have been expelled immediately. No arguing, no second chances, no explanations. Five years of his life… all gone to waste in an instant.

The tiny space of fate that separated him from that alternate reality was about as thick as a grain of sand… Had James been even thirty seconds slower, Snape would either be dead, injured, or a werewolf right now. And he, Remus, would be packing his bags for home… or for a lifetime sentence in Azkaban.

Remus mulled in this realization and took a moment to thanked God, Zeus, Merlin and the universe that he was in _this_ reality, not that worst possible one.

But Sirius… This past week with Sirius had been everything to him. He'd felt more alive than he could ever remember feeling in his life. It was like something released inside him, some deep innate passion for life that he never knew existed.

The thrill of their secret was exhilarating… Sneaking behind James and Peter to dash into the broom cupboards and snog each other senseless until neither could breathe properly… Tangling their fingers together beneath the dining tables… Writing the dirtiest notes to each other through the linked journals and jerking off over the words on the pages…

They hadn't been able to be together properly since that night on Sirius' birthday. The other boys had been too loud or intrusive and the privacy they needed had just never been given to them. But those words in the letter carrier held enough promises for their second time together… Remus had shuddered into several powerful orgasms thinking of what Sirius would do to him the next chance he got his hands on him…

Remus thought past those sex-driven messages for a moment and lingered on a different one Sirius had sent to him during History of Magic just last Monday…

_Remus- I know summer is three months away, but what if we took off together in July? Just you and me for a month. We could go anywhere, we could travel around Ireland or France or Spain. Or we could track down the name of the werewolf who bit you. I know you said you always wanted to know who it was and let him know you're alive and alright. I'll go with you for that— fuck the world and everything in it, just come away with me._

Remus sighed and shifted into a sitting position on the hospital bed as he remembered.

He hadn't bothered responding with a 'yes'— he'd instead opted for the much more classy response of shoving Sirius into an empty bathroom stall the second the bell rang and sucking his whole cock down his throat as a way of accepting the invitation.

Since that first night, he hadn't thought for a _second_ that he might have made the wrong decision… Any doubt that would have crossed his mind was swept away the moment he caught Sirius staring at him again. Over their homework papers, during Astronomy lessons under the twinkling starlight, every time Remus started nibbling on a chocolate frog… As soon as those sinful eyes met his, he knew intuitively he had made the right decision…

Until now.

Sirius was, no matter how tall or grown-up he looked, still the reckless schoolboy who had ruled Hogwarts alongside James for half a decade. He was unpredictable, careless, and self-centered… And while that was fine for a fifteen year old boy, it wasn't fine for their situation anymore… this was dangerous territory and if Remus didn't learn from what happened last night, he'd just be playing with fire from here on out. The next time he was hurt, he'd have no one to blame but himself.

"Remus?"

He looked around. For a moment he couldn't make out who had whispered his name from the other end of the hospital ward— the boy had only his head and one shoulder through the door. The long golden rays of sunlight streaming through the windows did nothing to help— they were glowing off dust and pollen particles that were drifting lazily in the afternoon air. But then the boy stepped the rest of the way into the room and Remus felt his body crumble inwards as he realized it was Sirius.

Staring back down at his knees, Remus listened to the soft crunching noise of shoes against the ancient stone floors until they halted at the foot of his bed.

" 'Lo, Sirius," he said softly.

"Hey..."

He continued staring miserably down at his knees. This was Sirius' stage for now.

"Look— I'm sorry," the other boy started. "I know what you're thinking. I don't know what you've heard but… it was never meant to be anything more than a joke. It wasn't meant to get you in trouble and I didn't think—."

Remus burst out laughing and looked up. Sirius stopped talking and was struck dumbfounded.

The laughter slid off Remus' face as he stared up at the other boy. The sunlight hit his face and shoulders from behind, glowing around him. He looked so much… softer. And younger. For a moment, an eleven year old child was staring down at him with worried eyes, as if they'd just been caught sneaking out of the dorms the first time.

Remus blinked and sighed again.

"This isn't working, Sirius. We've been together for a week and you're already pulling this shit."

"But—,"

"Do you even realize what you were playing with? You weren't just playing with my heart or our friendship. This is my _life_ you threw around. My freedom."

"I know that—,"

"No," Remus interrupted, his voice cold and emotionless. He opened his legs Indian style and hooked his elbows around his knees, surveying the other boy with narrowed eyes. "You know that _now_. You didn't think about it then. When it mattered the most, you thought of no one but yourself."

Sirius' grey eyes widened in fear and his lips trembled as he struggled for words. He leaned forward and gripped the metal footboard of the bed with white knuckles.

"Please…," he whispered. "Please, I will do _anything_ to make this up to you. If I could take it back I would, but I can't. I know how stupid I was but I don't want to… I can't… I _can't_ lose you… Please…"

"You lost me around 9:30 last night, so I wouldn't bother begging if I were you," Remus said coldly. "I didn't—,"

"No!" Sirius shook his head, panic stricken, almost shouting at him. "You can't just leave me, it was one mistake!"

"You haven't—,"

"STOP!" Sirius slammed the footboard with his grip and then threw his hands up to clutch his hair. "I said I was sorry, I'll do whatever else you want me to!"

"It's not about that!" Remus threw the sheet back and stood up. Sirius was still shaking his head with a defiant expression on his face. "You think it's so easy to grow up but you still don't want to deal with the hard things! Like responsibility or the consequences of your actions!"

"I'll deal with anything then!" Sirius was panting now, looking helpless and desperate. "Just tell me what it is and I'll do it. I'll go to the end of the fucking universe and back again if I have to!"

"I already told you—,"

"NO!" Sirius shouted. "You can't leave me, you don't know what you mean to me!"

"You think I'm doing this because I don't _love_ you?" Remus yelled.

Sirius stared at him, eyes bulging.

"You— you love me too?"

"Oh, just shut up." Remus spat at him and started pacing between his bed and the opposite one. "Look, I need to just keep my distance from you. I can get over this stupid… stunt… of yours, but I _can't_ do it when we're trying to be together. I need to study for exams and… and no matter what you think, you aren't going to grow up in the space of one night."

"But I'll do that!" Sirius gripped the footboard again. "I'll stop pranking or sneaking out for fun or hexing everyone and I'll—,"

"Do you even hear yourself?" Remus laughed at him. "So you're telling me you'd give up everything you share with James and Peter and stop being everything that makes you Sirius Black just to keep me from leaving you?"

"I'll—," Sirius hesitated, backtracking. "I… I…"

Remus raised his eyebrows at him.

"If you say 'yes' then I don't even want you anymore. I would have thought you had more self-respect than that. And if you really think you need to stop being yourself in order to grow up then you obviously don't have a clue what it means."

"But— but we have plans! I thought we were going to be together and go away in the summer. What about July?"

"I'm still leaving for the summer but I'm not going with you anymore." Remus sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I can't believe how careless you were, Sirius," he added in a whisper. "You could have ruined my entire life."

Sirius walked over and sat on the edge of the opposite bed, facing him.

"Remus…I'm so sorry. Really, I am."

"I know. I just wish that was enough."

They both stared at the floor for a while, leaning forward with their elbows resting on their knees. The last time they had been this close they had been kissing fiercely in the hidden corridor behind the third floor tapestry. This both seemed to hit them at the same time and they tensed up, Remus in anger and Sirius in caution.

"So… we're still friends though… right?" Sirius said carefully.

Remus looked up and caught his eye.

"We'll always be friends. Even if I don't like you."

Sirius' shoulders fell from the tension and he managed a small smile.

"Someday… when you aren't mad at me anymore… could we still—."

"Maybe." Remus cut in. "I thought you said you weren't queer, though?"

"I… I'm not."

Sirius frowned at him in confusion before looking out the window across the room.

"It's only ever been you," he said softly. He continued staring pointlessly into the distance outside.

They were silent for a long while after that. The bell hadn't rung yet but Remus knew it would soon.

"Where will you go?" Sirius said finally. "You said you would leave without me in the summer… Where are you going?"

Remus shrugged.

"I was thinking about— Quebec."

Sirius blinked at him.

"Why would you… Oh." A dawning realization came over him. "You're going to see Dr. Leibrock."

"Yeah." Remus stared at the floor again. "They need test subjects for a new potion and… Well, here I am. Ready made. It could be my little contribution to science."

"But— I thought you wanted to find out who the werewolf was that bit you," Sirius said.

"I do," said Remus. "They have records there at the lab… I could look through them. It would be a good starting place. I just hope they're still out there somewhere… I mean, it couldn't have possibly been on purpose… Who would bite an eight year old knowing what they were doing?"

Sirius looked at him for a moment.

"Werewolves don't get their bad reputation from nowhere, Remus."

"So what are you saying?" he said bitterly. "You don't want to see me hurt or something?"

He let out a cruel laugh at the irony but Sirius didn't react.

"Yeah," Sirius said sadly. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus sat down on his bed and started folding up some spare rolls of parchment. His window overlooking the garden was open and the hazy afternoon breeze drifted into his bedroom. Birds chirped in the orchard trees and a hummingbird hovered around the window frame, sipping the nectar from the ivy flowers that covered the back wall of his parent's cottage.<p>

Leaning forward off his bed, he squeezed the parchments into the already-packed corner of his travel bag. There were a few more books he needed to fit into it but for the most part he was already done packing for his trip.

The last few months had gone by in a blur of studying and testing. He, James, Sirius, and Peter had been so burnt out by the end of term that they hadn't even bothered meeting up outside of school. Remus had the distinct impression they had all been hibernating inside their houses in a sort of post-O.W.L. comatose state. He suspected this because he'd done the same thing himself for his entire first week home.

But during his second week of summer break he'd finally received the owl he'd been waiting for— not his exam grades, those would come later. He'd woken up three days ago to find his official letter of welcome from Dr. Leibrock's laboratory, inviting him to stay with them until August while they tested their latest lycanthropy potions on him.

Remus stood up and walked over to his closet, pulled out some brown robes he hadn't worn since Christmas and threw them on the bed. He stripped off his black school robes and pulled the others on.

"What the—," he whispered, staring down at his feet.

He stumbled around his bed, looked at himself in the mirror and let out a burst of laughter.

"What's so funny?"

Remus spun around. His mother was bending over his laundry basket by the door and sorting through it.

"Look at my robes! They've got to be at least three inches too short!"

His mother sighed.

"Oh, how wonderful," she said bleakly as she separated the whites from the colors. "Another growth spurt… just what I need right now…"

Remus cast her a begrudging look before grabbing up a quill from his desk and walking over to the doorframe.

"You know," he said, reaching above his head and scratching a horizontal line into the wood, "it might be the last time I _ever_ grow. You should be happy for me! I was already as tall as dad over winter break."

He stepped back to admire the doorframe. It had several other marks on it labeling his growth from the time he could stand until now. He reached up and marked the date next to the line he'd just drawn, admiring the three-and-a-half inch distance between it and the previous one.

"Yes, very good, honey." she said absentmindedly, straightening up and levitating three baskets with her wand. "Oh, can you get those black robes from your bed, I can—."

She paused, frowning. Her eyes roamed over his unusually tidy room, his travel cloak tossed over his footboard, and the leather duffle bag packed to the brim.

"Are you leaving _today_?" she said, her eyes wide.

"Well… yeah," Remus said, bracing himself for a storm. "It's Friday. The Portkey office is packed on weekends and the prices are higher too. I didn't want to spend all morning waiting in a line."

"But—," she shook her head, affronted. "You can't just— I mean— why can't you just go on—."

"Mum, it's fine," he cut in. "I can go to Diagon Alley for robes and then come back for dinner before I leave. There's plenty of time."

He looked at her again. She had a wide-eyed, struggling expression on her face and kept opening her mouth as if trying to come up with a good stall tactic.

Remus grinned and leaned over to kiss her smartly on the cheek. It seemed to pull her back into her senses because she heaved a sigh of defeat and left the room.

Still smirking, he walked over to his satchel and pulled a few Galleons out. The robe shop had a fireplace in it he could Floo right into and he was about to turn around to go downstairs when he noticed something had changed on his bed. The stack of books he hadn't packed yet had his letter carrier journal underneath— and it had just turned a bright scarlet red.

He lunged for it and flipped through to the right page.

After four-and-a-half months of back-and-forth letters with Sirius, it was almost half full. Remus had gone through them during his hibernation last week— they exposed their entire relationship from March 3rd until two weeks ago when things were finally starting to go back to normal between them. They'd been friends for the sake of James and Peter, but the forgiveness hadn't quite settled in until the end of term when the stress from exams had lifted off Remus' shoulders.

He finally found the latest message and his eyes grew wider as they flew across the page. By the time he'd gotten to the bottom line, he realized his mouth was hanging open slightly and snapped it shut.

Jumping into action as if shocked with electricity, he reached for the other two volumes and stuffed them into his bag before zipping it shut. His black travel cloak was thrown over his shoulders and fastened around the neck. Within seconds he was dashing out the door with the strap of his school satchel over his shoulders and his luggage in hand.

"Mum! Dad! Change of plans, I won't be home for dinner!" Remus called to the house as he stopped in front of the fireplace and grabbed a handful of Floo powder.

He paused, listening into the silence. His mother was in the washroom and his father must have gone outside to tend to his garden of potion ingredients.

Neither of them had heard his words of goodbye… but he'd see them again at the end of summer… and he'd write to them anyways… They needed to learn how to survive without him, after all… he was sixteen now and almost grown… He'd be leaving the nest after next year, so maybe the lack of mushy goodbyes was for the best…

He stopped hesitating and straightened up, throwing the Floo into the fire pit and calling, _"Potter's Place!"_

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus stumbled out of the fireplace and into the same cozy living room he'd visited so many times before.<p>

"James?" he called into the house.

There was a faint clunking sound of footsteps on hardwood floors and then a voice called back to him.

"Remus? We're all up here!"

He dropped his travel bag and ran upstairs where James was standing at the top, looking pale and wary.

"Where is he?"

"He's in my room… He's not doing so well."

Remus walked past James and poked his head into the doorframe around the corner.

Sirius was sitting on the foot of James' bed looking sick. Peter was in the corner organizing a large number of spell books into James' already packed bookshelves.

Remus gave James a sideways glance and walked over to sit cautiously next to Sirius. The other boy didn't look up, just kept staring at the floor as if not really seeing it.

"Sooo…," Remus started. "You ran away from home."

* * *

><p><strong>~*~Please Review! :) ~*~<strong>


	18. Trace

Sirius swallowed dryly.

"Yeah," he whispered.

Remus nodded.

"And you live with James now?"

Sirius nodded back.

Remus looked up and caught James' eye. They glanced at Sirius and then back at each other. From the look in his eyes, it was clear Sirius hadn't told James what had actually happened yet.

"Do you… want to talk about it?" Remus said carefully.

Peter stopped organizing books and came over to sit on the bed too, listening. Sirius took a deep shaky breath and reluctantly started speaking.

"We just got into this huge fight… My mum… she was going on and on about… about what a disgrace I was and how much better Regulus was and how it was all James' fault I was in Gryffindor, how I would have been in Slytherin if I just hadn't made friends with him… About how I'd gotten worse over the years and how… how she doesn't want me to be friends with any of you, especially you, Remus, because of your Dad's articles in the Daily Prophet… She's been reading them and thinks he's a blood-traitor… And she told me if I didn't start showing respect to my heritage that she'd disown me and never speak to me again… And I just cursed at her and shouted at her and then I just…packed my bags and left… I didn't even… I didn't even say goodbye to them…"

Remus reached up and gripped his shoulder tightly, trying to steady him as his voice cracked.

"But, look mate," James said, sitting on his other side. "She was rotten anyway, haven't you hated her for years?"

Sirius nodded again.

"But… but it wasn't always like that. I was just like them when I was a child… I had a family and… we all loved each other once…"

"This isn't your fault." Remus cut in sharply. "It's on your parents to love you for who you are, and they don't. They failed and you're better off without them. You _have_ to know that."

Sirius stared blankly at the floor again.

"I just can't help but remember all those years… before I left for school… before I messed everything up… It was never the same after I was sorted into Gryffindor… That was the end of it… The beginning of the end. She never told me she loved me after that; my dad never spoke more than a few words to me again. My brother stopped looking me in the eye... Even my house elf seemed to hate me… That first summer back, I just felt like everything in my home was trying to spit me back out onto the curb… And I never heard the end of how horribly you influenced me, how you three corrupted me and turned me into a traitor… This last argument… it was horrible… I couldn't take it anymore - all their shit about purebloods and loyalty and nobility… I couldn't take it anymore…"

Remus and James looked at each other over Sirius' lowered head.

Sirius had never spoken about his family this much. They'd had the distinct impression he hated the lot of them; the most he spoke of them was in complaints or to reference them in cruel jokes. But he had never talked about the good times or about his childhood before now.

"It's weird… leaving home. When I walked out of the door for the last time… it was like, seven or seven thirty in the morning… It was still cold outside and I just… looked up at my home… It was weird. I just felt like my childhood was hundreds of years behind me… like I lost it, it just left me and it died or something… I can't believe how happy I used to be in that home, with my mum and dad and brother… I was so happy and young and… and it just all came back to me as I looked back up at it for the last time… And then I just turned and walked away… just like that. I just fuckin'… walked away from my entire life, my entire family, everything that made me; I just walked away from it like it was nothing… And there were these Muggles walking by and I kept thinking, 'they have no idea what I just did, what I'm going through' and how I'd give anything to just be someone going about his life, not doing anything huge or monumental… But just doing something ordinary, instead of walking away from my entire life…"

Remus lowered his hand from his shoulder when it became clear he was done talking. They all sat in silence for a moment. Sirius' head was still bent and his hair had flowed gracefully into his eyes. Remus couldn't tell if he was crying or not. His voice was thick and shaky, but otherwise he didn't seem to be falling apart too badly, as far as he could see.

"You did the right thing," Peter said from the top of the bed. "We're your family now. We have been for five years, in case you hadn't noticed…"

Remus and James smiled, turning back to Sirius. He sniffed but they were a little relieved to see that his cheeks were dry.

James nudged Sirius in the arm.

"Hey… I get it, there were the good times. It'd be hard to walk away for anyone."

"Pete's right, you did the right thing," Remus said.

Sirius sniffed again and then let out a tiny laugh.

"Pete's never right."

Peter crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey! It's known to happen…"

The other three bent over laughing at the indignation in Peter's voice. Sirius jerked his head to toss the hair out of his eyes. They were a little bloodshot but full of laughter again.

"Something tells me you wouldn't be so open to this if I'd showed up on _your_ doorstep at ten in the morning and asked to live with you," he shot back at Peter.

"You did that?" Remus said. "It's almost two now, why didn't you write earlier?"

"Ah… well, we were still figuring out if I'd even be living here. I had to contact my Uncle's estate; it seems he left me some money when he died last year—."

"And also 'cos he was a royal mess when he showed up," James interrupted, messing up Sirius' raven hair. "Hardly even knew who I was looking at. You look like some bloody phantom when you're not yourself."

There was knock on the door and it creaked open.

"James?"

"Yeah, mum?"

It was Mrs. Potter. She stuck her head in the door and looked around, spotting Remus.

"Oh, hello, dear. I found this next to the fireplace... I wasn't sure who it belonged to."

James stood up and pulled the door open the rest of the way. She was holding Remus' travel bag.

"Oh! I forgot about that, sorry." He jumped up and crossed the room to take it off her hands.

James raised his eyebrows at him.

"Were you planning on staying for the weekend or something?"

"No, I was actually… ehm… packing for Quebec when I got the letter."

"_What?" _

Remus shrunk back slightly at the force of all three exclamations.

"I was going to tell you…," he said weakly.

Sirius had stood up and was staring at him disbelievingly.

"How— how long will you be gone?"

Remus found it extremely hard to look him in the eye.

"Er… until the end of August?"

"_All summer?"_ Peter gaped at him.

"What if I hadn't contacted you?" said Sirius who looked like he'd just been slapped. "Would you have even told any of us?"

"_Yes_, I would have, but I just figured this was something I needed to do alone. I didn't want any long drawn out good byes, alright?"

There was a soft cough by the door. Remus looked over and saw Mrs. Potter still standing there, looking anxious.

"Ehm,... I was just thinking dear, seeing as you're here now... you'd be welcome to stay for dinner. Charlus can take you with him to the office afterwards; it's right around the corner from the Portkey distributary."

James looked around at him and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well— it's just that I needed to get new robes before I left, these are too short."

"You can have mine," said Sirius. "They're two inches shorter than me, but so are you."

"It's settled then!" Mrs. Potter chirped, clapping her hands once with the air of pounding a gavel.

Remus stared at her as she left, then turned back to the other three.

"So much for no long drawn-out goodbyes." James grinned. "Uh, look, we're still getting his room ready if you want to help."

"Yeah, sure," he said, kicking his travel bag into the corner while taking off his satchel and traveling cloak. Peter walked past James with a stack of books.

"Hold on, Moony." Sirius said when Remus tried following him. "You can see if my robes fit you."

Remus doubled back and shut the door behind James.

"Are your robes really my size or did you just say that to get me to stay? Because—."

His breath hitched and he stopped talking when he turned back to Sirius and found him inches away, hovering over him.

"Yeah," Sirius said, raking his eyes down Remus' body and back up again. "You're just about two inches shorter, so they'll fit."

Remus suppressed a shiver and stepped back.

"Don't mess with me, Pads," he whispered.

The other boy tossed a set of dark navy blue robes at him and surveyed him impassively.

"It's been almost five months. My restraint is breaking down." He smirked wickedly and threw himself down onto the bed again to watch as Remus pulled the shorter brown robes off and put the others on.

"_Damn_." Remus thought, looking at himself in the mirror on the back of the door. They fit perfectly.

"You look good in blue," Sirius said smugly. Remus cocked an eyebrow at him.

"They're soft but… they have little serpents embroidered around the cuff…"

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and crossed the room to him.

"Yeah, those are on all of my robes. I've learnt how to get them off though, come 'ere."

He grabbed Remus by one of his wrists and held him in place as he moved his wand around, muttering a strange spell as the serpents melted back into the fabric.

"You're not supposed to be doing magic." Remus said hoarsely, trying to distract from how gently Sirius was holding him… how warm his hand was… how his fingers cupped around his wrist tenderly…

Sirius glanced up at him and grinned again.

"That's the good thing about having a prominent family infiltrating the ministry— they see any of their surnames on the bad lists and just scratch them off."

Remus shook his head but couldn't help smiling also.

"You know…," Sirius went on. "I was wondering if maybe… in September… if you'd be up for going back to what we were, before…you know..."

"Before you used me to almost murder a student and nearly got kicked out of school?" Remus finished for him.

Sirius huffed out of his nose in irritation.

"I thought you were getting past it." He finished his spell and let go of Remus' wrist, not quite as gently as he had been before.

Remus looked up into his beautiful face.

"Oh, to bloody hell with it—," he whispered and reached up to grab Sirius by the back of his neck, stepping forward and cocking his head to the side to press a kiss into his lips.

Sirius seemed to tremble before reaching up and grabbing Remus by the head, pulling him even closer.

Remus sighed. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to kiss Sirius… How silky his lips felt over his… How mind-numbing the soft sucking of his mouth was… How every cell in his body would tingle and the blood would rush beneath his skin in arousal…

He stumbled backward as Sirius pressed him into the wall and moaned into his mouth when their tongues slid together. His scent and taste was all around him. His hands had become gentle again as they cupped his face, sliding around, plunging in and out of his hair and across his jaw and neck as they maneuvered him.

Remus moaned and pulled back, licking his lips.

"_God,_ I missed you," he whispered in defeat.

Sirius stroked a thumb over his cheekbone.

"Promise me you'll write while you're gone. I can't take an entire summer without you," he murmured.

Remus nodded, his head still spinning.

"Of course. Every week."

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ *Sirius' Point of View* ~*~<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Padfoot,<em>

_The last potion experiment went better than any of the previous ones. My transformation was so painless, I couldn't believe it. Everything happened the same way but I only felt maybe one tenth of the pain. And even though I couldn't keep all of my sanity like I could for my July transformation, I still felt more like myself than without it. _

_I'm going to miss this place so much. My roommates are all French so I've started learning a few phrases; I wish we had the study of foreign and magical languages at Hogwarts like they do here in Canada. I don't know why they offer crack-pot class like Divination instead of something useful like Mermish and Gobbledegook. _

_They have another wizard sport here too, it's called Zigmander and it's played with magic carpets. I'll have to explain the rules to you when I see you on the train because I won't be getting back until the night before term starts. Mum's getting all my school supplies for me. I would have come home sooner but I've just been so busy and I hate the thought of leaving here. I'm going to miss everything about this place. But I can't wait to see you. I had some time to do research into their history logs as well and I need to talk with you about the werewolf who bit me. I don't know who else to talk to about it and I need to tell someone. I'll try to get out of the Prefect meeting on the train as soon as I can. See you in two days._

_Yours, Moony_

"Sirius, put the damn journal down and make your move."

He looked up at James and grinned. He had only two black chess pieces left and James was still dead-serious on the game as if he was actually in danger of losing.

"What does it matter? You're only three moves away from checkmate anyways."

"Gryffindors never surrender!" James said, pounding his fist on the edge of the board. The little pieces stumbled around as they were disturbed, then wobbled back to their squares while glaring up at him.

Sirius, James, and Peter were all lounging in their compartment on the Hogwarts Express. It was September 1st already and a rolling green countryside was moving swiftly past them under a cloudy sky.

Sirius reached out and moved his King in the direction of danger, wanting the inevitable to be over with sooner rather than later. James made a calculating noise and leaned forward with interest.

Shaking his head, Sirius turned back to the journal and flipped through it. He found a cheerful letter from July and started to re-read it, trying to imagine the adorable look of concentration on Remus' face as he'd written it. He loved everything about the other boy's face… Everything from his soft brown lashes to the freckles on the tip of his nose… He'd lost track of so much time just by staring at him, only snapping back to his senses when those bright brown eyes flicked up and caught him at it…

"So I was looking through my Dad's old spell books when we were packing yesterday," James said absentmindedly. "I think I found one that can counter-act the parchment burning charm on the Hogwarts blue-prints. I want to test it out next weekend if we can get Moony to draw up a rough Map."

"Where is he anyways?" Peter said suddenly, checking his watch. "It's almost five-thirty."

Sirius frowned. The Prefects' meetings usually ended shortly after the lunch trolley rolled by.

"Maybe they have heightened security measures this year?" he said. "What with the Death Eaters getting stronger and everything."

He glanced up and locked eyes with James. He could tell they were both thinking about his parents… James had hugged and kissed them goodbye with a little more emotion than he had over the previous years. It was like no one knew anymore when it was the last time they'd see each other alive…

There was a soft scraping noise as the compartment door slid open. Sirius moved to hide the journal as Remus entered but stopped suddenly. It wasn't Remus at the door. It was—

"Evans!" James exclaimed, his hand jumping nervously into his hair. "Oh, uh, just hold on _one second_… Checkmate!"

He reached over and grabbed up his queen, placed it next to Sirius' king and then watched as it smashed the other into rubble. He grinned impressively and turned back to Lily with a cocky expression on his face.

"Uh, yes, Evans, what can we do for you?" he smirked. "You know, a little birdie told me you were single again…"

"In your _dreams_, Potter," she glared at him. "I was coming in here to find Remus, actually. Now, where is he?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. Her freakishly green eyes were hypnotizing to look at, especially with the light from the window shining directly at her.

"You lost him already?" he accused. "We haven't seen him since he left the Prefect meeting."

Lily raised an eyebrow at him, her hands on her hips.

"Do you really expect me to believe that rubbish Black? He's already in enough trouble, but I can add you to the list too if you're in the mood to test me—."

"What the fuck are you _talking_ about?" he spat at her.

Lily stopped glaring at him. Her eyes softened but a small frown still lingered on her brow.

"You— you really don't know where he is?"

Sirius shook his head, thinking crudely of how thick Lily could be sometimes. But then he saw her hands drop from her waist and a dark shadow crossed over her face.

He stared at her. She was looking between him and James as if trying to catch them smirking.

James straightened up.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Lily's eyes widened. It finally seemed confirmed to her that they really didn't know where Remus was.

"Where did you see him before the meeting?" she asked, her voice shaking a little. "Was he on the train or the platform?"

"We didn't," Peter said. "We haven't seen him all day."

Lily gasped.

"_Why_?" Sirius pressed her, straightening up too.

"Because— because Remus wasn't _at_ the meeting," she said. "He must not... be here."

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review! They keep me going :)~*~<strong>


	19. Letters for Tombstones

Sirius and James jumped up, both reaching into the overhead compartments for their owl cages. Peter pushed past Lily and headed towards the front of the train to tell the conductor.

"I've got Dumbledore if you've got the Aurors," James said, rummaging to find his quill and parchment.

"I'll send an owl to his parents." Lily stated before running out.

After a minute or two Sirius gave up trying to find new paper and scribbled messily on the back of an old Charms essay.

_Auror Office, Ministry of Magic_

_To the highest authority,_

_Remus Lupin, a sixth year student at Hogwarts, is not on the train to school. The last communication with him was two days ago when he wrote that he would be seeing us today. Word has been sent to Albus Dumbledore, headmaster. Remus lives at Oakhurst Cottage, his father John Lupin is a writer for the Daily Prophet, and his mother Asena Lupin is a Healer at St. Mungos. Please send a team, we have heard no word from any of them._

_Sirius Black_

He realized he was trembling as he tied the letter to the leg of his owl. James had finished tying the other and sent it before Sirius had managed a single knot.

"Fuck!" he yelled in frustration, shaking more with every passing second.

James shoved him away and tied the letter himself before chucking the owl out the window.

"And hurry!" he roared after it before slamming the window shut.

Sirius could feel himself panicking. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins and sweat was gathering on his neck and brow. He looked up and caught James' eye.

"It's not the same," James said. "Don't think about it. This is different."

James knew exactly what he was thinking of. The Fiefal twins and their younger brother had gone missing last year on the first day of term. Their bodies were found a month later but their parents, who had denounced Voldemort and had openly fought against him, were still missing.

Sirius leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't help but think the worst. What if Remus was out there right now, being tortured or held captive or about to be murdered? What if he'd already been murdered while they'd sat around for hours playing chess and exploding snap? He couldn't bear thinking about it… it disgusted him and his gut turned over in his abdomen.

This couldn't be happening… he wasn't gone. He _couldn't _be gone… Any second now, Remus was going to walk through the door and throw himself down on the seat next to him wondering why they looked so gloomy. He'd smile at Sirius and the wind would be knocked out of him. It was like the only reason he lived any more was to make Remus smile… What if he never saw that again?

Panic tore into him again like a burst of flames.

"We have to do something, I can't just sit here not knowing!" he said, jumping up.

James stood up too. He looked pale and sickly.

"Me neither, let's search the train or something just in case—."

"Just in case what? He's found some new best friends and ignored us all day?"

"Just shut up and follow me."

But Remus wasn't in any of the other compartments. The only thing they accomplished by searching the train was that the news of his mysterious disappearance was officially spread to every single student in the entire school. Even the Slytherins seemed to be slightly on edge, keeping their usual insults and sneers to themselves.

An eternity— or, three hours— later, the train was slowing to a halt inside the Hogsmeade station. They had already pulled their uniforms on and were fidgeting. Dumbledore hadn't replied to James' letter and so far none of their owls had returned.

"Maybe he'll be there waiting for us," James muttered to him. "Maybe he decided to Floo into Hogsmeade."

Sirius felt a tiny flutter of hope inside him. It was the only hope he had and he was going to hold onto it for dear life.

The train made one final lurch and came to a complete halt. And at the exact same time—

A sharp crashing noise made them simultaneously jump in shock.

"Bloody hell!" James gasped.

Three wildly fluttering owls had slapped loudly into the window of their compartment, battling tooth and nail with each other to have their letter read first. One was Sirius' owl, one was James', and the other was a small black owl they didn't recognize.

All three of them stood up and reached through the window to grab one, tearing the letters off and reading hastily out loud.

"Dumbledore's issued a warning for all students to stay on the train until he can personally escort them to the castle—."

"The Auror office sent teams to Kings Cross, Oakhurst Cottage, and the Daily Prophet office searching for him—."

"This letter isn't addressed to us… and it has…"

"The sorting will be held privately and the feast has been canceled, he wants us to look for McGonagall, she'll escort us to his office—."

"They've already sent word to the Misuse of Magic office in case they can pick up on his Trace if he's used any defensive spells—."

"It's covered in blood."

James and Sirius stopped pouring over their letters and looked up. Peter was staring at the parchment with wide eyes.

Sirius leaned over and saw what looked like Lily's handwriting addressing Remus' parents about his absence. The seal was broken and it had been slashed with what seemed to be… claws. And splattered across the front was the unmistakable crimson red of human blood.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Soft brown hair slid through his fingers as he tangled his hand into it. He leaned in and kissed the tip of his freckled nose… That adorable little nose of his. It scrunched up and Sirius couldn't stop the bark of laughter that escaped from his lips.<p>

"I missed you," he whispered against the shell of his ear.

The other boy shivered and pulled him closer, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth.

Sirius hooked a finger under his chin and brought his face up. He could stare into those beautiful brown eyes forever. They were something of an obsession of his… every time they caught the light, it took his breath away. Every time a candle flickered in them, it made his heart flutter madly.

"Remus…," he whispered, leaning in to kiss him softly. "You have no _idea_ what you do to me."

The smaller boy lowered his eyes and brought his hand up to undo Sirius' school tie. When it was off, he leaned in and sucked sensually on the exposed skin where his collar used to be fastened. Sirius buried his face into Remus' hair, inhaling deeply.

"If you keep doing that, I'm gonna cum before we've even started," Sirius whispered.

Remus hesitated and Sirius almost laughed again. It was so easy to shake him up… his body was so responsive.

Sirius moaned and pushed him off, pinning the other boy into the wall before falling to his knees and tugging on his trousers. He needed to taste him, control him, suck all those mind-blowing words from his mouth, make him writhe above him. It was the only thing that turned him on anymore… The power of _making_ him say his name… it was a rush like he'd never experienced before in his life…

Remus gasped and threaded his fingers through the locks on top of his head as his cock was freed. The smell of the other boy made his focus faze out for a moment… He leaned in and nuzzled his nose around the base of the leaking shaft before latching his mouth onto it.

Remus tightened his grip in his hair but didn't say anything.

He pulled back, licking along the hardened flesh, and sucking the head of it into his mouth. _Fuck_, he loved the taste of him. He could feel the pulse of his heartbeat in the vein on the underside, and rubbed the flat of his tongue against it. The thighs he was holding on to clenched. He looked up from where he was. Remus was staring down at him, a look of pure ecstasy and want on his features, those bright brown eyes hooded with lust. Sirius felt the hips snap forward, fucking Remus' beautiful prick down his throat. He sucked harder, wanting to hear his name, wanting to hear _anything_ from the boy who had thrown his entire world upside-down.

His own cock was aching with the need for friction and he reached down to rub it through his trousers… He could cum just like this, fully clothed, just like he had that first night they'd kissed…

He sucked harder, bobbing his head as Remus started panting… They were so close to the edge; he could feel the pleasure building in his own groin as the dick throbbed in his mouth and spilled—

"Oh, fuck!" he moaned, his body shuddering and trembling as his orgasm rocked through him, unrelenting, even as his mind was forced back to reality.

Sirius panted, feeling the rest of his spunk pool inside his pajamas. The darkness of the dormitory pressed in on him. By the sound of soft snoring, no one else was awake except him.

He sighed, rolling over onto his back. He was a complete mess… Sticky cum was splattered in his lap and the stench of sex and musk hung heavily in the air around him.

He winced in to the darkness as his eyes screwed shut in agony, wondering if it was possible to die from misery. He just wanted so bad to have him here again… His eyes, his lips, his laughter, his hair, his hands, his voice…

Those brown eyes had been haunting his dreams for two months now… but he never, not once, heard him speak. Remus was as silent in his dreams as he was in death.

In the course of one night, Sirius' life had been shattered.

Remus' parents were found dead in their half-destroyed home, all things pointing to a grizzly fight. The Dark Mark had been cast over their cottage and there was no sign that Remus had even had the chance to leave for Platform 9¾— his trunk was still upstairs in his bedroom, his bed unmade, and his school robes left in a basket of fresh laundry. But they never found his body. The Ministry had recovered his broken wand from the woods that surrounded his family's property, but they hadn't found _him_.

That small significant detail had kept Sirius holding on for the longest time— he knew it had kept the other Gryffindor boys holding on, too. They'd believed so strongly that they still insisted Remus' bed be kept in their dormitory, just in case. He and James had both stormed downstairs to the head table and shouted their way into three weeks of detentions when they realized his bed was missing— but it paid off. His four poster was replaced that same night.

Sirius looked over at the bed in the moonlight. It had close to a thousand letters on top of it, all addressed to Remus, all unopened. They were from almost every student in the school, but mostly from the other sixth year Gryffindors who had gotten into the habit of writing him a letter every week.

Sirius sat up in the dark and checked the time. The sun would be rising soon… He couldn't see the glow on the horizon yet, but the stars were getting harder to see. He reached over and clicked his lamp on, opening up his letter carrier and flipping to a fresh page.

_Remus,_

_It's October again. I know how much you love autumn and I wish you were here to see the leaves change. My journal hasn't glowed red in over two months now, but I still see you every time I fall asleep. If it really is you, please speak to me. I'd give up anything just to hear your voice again._

_I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to you today. They've arranged a grave next to your parents' in the cemetery at Kingwood Springs, and the service is set for two o'clock. I know you'd like it there. They have an apple orchard next to it that's in full season right now, so the air smells crisp and sweet all day. I hope someday we can find you and bring you home to give you a proper burial, but for now your wand and our letters will have to do. _

_James wrote his last letter to you two days ago, and I saw Peter leave you one tonight. We're so ridiculous without you. Three illegal Animagi without a cause. Pallas and Jacob keep side-stepping us like we have the plague, and Lily hasn't been patrolling the corridors on Prefect duty unless Dumbledore walks with her. _

_This is the last time I'll be writing to you. We recovered your journal from your house and it'll be buried along with the other letters. I hope the service isn't too horrid. They asked us if we wanted to stand up and speak before the attendees but we said no. I hope you wouldn't be mad, but seeing us blubbering in front of two hundred sobbing people isn't going to bring you back. Besides, we've already written everything we need to say to you._

_Except for me._

_Wherever you are out there, I hope you're at peace. I hope you know how much I love you. I would have spent forever with you. I would have fought for you and died for you, and I still would if I knew it could bring you back. There're so many things I wish we had seen together and done together. I can't imagine living my entire life without you now, but I have to. I have to let you go. I have to believe that somehow this world will change and the war will be over and I'll be happy again someday. But I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you._

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

_Yours always,_

_Padfoot_

Sirius finished the letter and looked out the window again. Dawn had finally breached as there was a definite illumination over the distant mountains. He closed the journal and brought the cover up to his lips, kissing it soundlessly as burning tears fell from his eyes, before raising his wand and whispering for the last time...

_"Aparecium Rescendio."_

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>He and James raced over the snow covered lawn, tripping and picking up snowballs as they went. Peter was laughing and lagging behind, ducking behind the tombstones to dodge their throws. Sirius reached the plot first, skidding into place and yelling "HA!" in triumph as James collapsed in the powdery snow beside him.<p>

"Well, you had to be first place once, I'll give you that," James panted, clutching a stitch in his side.

Peter chucked two snowballs at their backs and came to a halt behind them. "Yeah, so it's now one: Sirius, four: James, and—,"

"Zero: Peter." Sirius grinned up at him. Peter kicked him and he rolled sideways, laughing as Peter unfolded their blanket and spread it out on the snow.

It was the first week of December. The three of them had made a habit of leaving Hogwarts every Sunday to Floo into the neighboring pub and visit Remus for lunch. They would sneak out under the invisibility cloak so they didn't have to rely on the headmaster's permission. Sirius and James wondered how long it would take for him to realize how they were consistently missing every Sunday afternoon, or if he'd already realized and just allowed them to sneak out anyways.

It had taken them a while to be comfortable enough to do this together. Their grief had been internalized before the graveyard visits… none of them admitted to their nights of crying pathetically into sleep. They never opened up about all their regrets or how guilty they felt not being there to help Remus. They didn't acknowledge leaving class unannounced to sob desperately in the nearest broom cupboard. If they saw the others with blood-shot eyes or blotchy lips, they ignored it. If they heard the soft sniffles and gasps for air in the dormitory late at night, they blocked it out... or broke down silently along with whoever was already crying. But they never spoke about any of it. These visits… they were the only things they'd managed to share together…

Sirius tugged one corner of their large blanket flat before sitting down on it and leaning his back against the right side of the marble tombstone with his legs stretched out in front of him. Peter was unpacking their food basket while James set up the chess set.

Sirius looked to their left.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. I apologize in advance for our foul language, but we do have a reputation to maintain, you know."

"But, of course, your son never cursed or did wrong," James assured them. "He was a perfect little angel."

The three of them snorted and toasted some butterbeer bottles at Remus' parents, drinking to their memory. Sirius took a fourth bottle and some chocolate frogs and placed them in front the tombstone he was leaning against.

"So, Moony," he started, taking another swig. "We finally figured out the proper enchantment that counter-acts that burning charm on the Hogwarts' blueprints. We'll be finished with the map around January, we think."

"And we thought of some additions too," Peter said, biting into a sandwich. "We're going to cast a life-revealing charm on it so we'll know who's in the castle and where they are at all times."

"It's going to be tricky, though," James added. "The magic is more advanced than N.E.W.T. levels, and we aren't positive it will work together with the anti-burning charm. We might have to ask around the Slug Club to see if any of the Ravenclaws know how to do it. We'd try Slughorn himself but, you know, he always asks too many questions."

They paused, staring at the hard grey marble and the etchings that said _Remus John Lupin_. James took another bite of his sandwich and leaned in to move his pawn two spaces forward.

"We're still keeping in contact with Doctor Leibrock, too," Sirius went on. "He's been backtracking through the history files to try and figure out what you found in their records. I told him what you wrote to me, thinking maybe he'd know what was so important that you needed to talk to me about. He seems like a really great man… I can see why you liked him."

"And his grandson says to tell you _'Don't act like you're not impressed'_" Peter snickered.

They all burst out laughing.

"Leave it to you to have inside jokes with a _ten_ year old, Moony," James said.

They continued like this for several hours. They still couldn't use magic outside school but James had brought along a jar full of flames to keep their hands and faces warm amidst the bitter cold. The sound of a practicing Christmas choir inside the graveyard's cathedral helped fill the silence when they couldn't think of anything else to say.

Sirius had still been visited night after night by Remus' memory. He had become the phantom of all his nightmares and fantasies; those brown eyes gazing up at him, that soft smile reassuring him. But even during the day, he had become his obsession.

Sirius was determined to put closure to Remus' life by finding out exactly what had happened to him. He just had this gut feeling that it all started with what Remus had referenced to in his very last letter to him…

"_…I need to talk with you about the werewolf who bit me. I don't know who else to talk to about it and I need to tell someone…"_

It was just intuition. Sirius knew without a shadow of a doubt that something had been discovered that should have been left secret. Some dark history had been unearthed and it had caused the chain of events that led to the attack on Remus' family. Why else would his parents have been left in their home, but Remus been killed elsewhere? It was the only thing that made sense; the attack was motivated by Remus' lycanthropy and not his father's writings in the Daily Prophet like so many had considered as the cause.

Sirius wasn't holding on to the hope they could save him anymore like he had been at first. He'd finally resigned to the harsh truth that Remus was no longer alive. Voldemort never kept prisoners, and missing wizards weren't ever found living.

The only closure they would get at this point was just finding out what happened and bringing him home. And if they could, they would bring his killers to justice. James had buried himself in Quidditch and Peter was spending an uncharacteristic amount of time in the library, but this was Sirius' compulsion. It was the only thing keeping him going anymore, the only thing that gave meaning to his life.

James checked his watch after their food was all eaten and the chess games had become redundant.

"It's almost four. We should be heading back."

They gathered up their picnic and replaced the chocolate frogs by Remus' tomb with a Christmas wreath decorated in holly and golden bulbs. Sirius reached out and wiped the snow off the top of the marble. The setting sun gleamed sideways on the polished surface, giving it a warm glow. They then turned and shuffled out of the cemetery slowly. Their way in to see him was always full of energy and laughter; the leaving was the hard part, thick with mourning. It was like saying goodbye all over again.

Even though he caught James' eye a few times, they remained silent until they had officially stepped foot back inside the castle.

"It's going to be strange… not having him here for Christmas," Peter whispered.

"We should go back to New Sarum this year," James said. "They've enhanced security so the Death Eaters won't bite again—."

"And I heard Lily and Mary have another show planned." Sirius grinned at him.

James tried and failed to keep the wide smirk off his face.

"Oh, really? I hadn't heard that just yet. Maybe she'll finally see what she's missing out on if I, er,… save her from another awful tragedy? Evans' walls are already breaking down; I can sense it. Mark my words, she's gonna be jumping my bones before the year is out—,"

"Is that _so_, Potter?"

The three of them stopped in their tracks and turned to find Lily and the headmaster coming out of the Library.

James spluttered and messed up his hair nervously.

"We've been looking for you three," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling at James. "I received a document from a Dr. Leibrock in Canada. It had a Ministry file attached to it… from _our_ Ministry, no less. And it was addressed to you, Mr. Black."

Professor Dumbledore stepped forward and handed Sirius the parcel. It was an extremely large, heavy parcel of important looking documents stamped with various seals from Ministry and laboratory departments. Everything was tied together with a twine ribbon.

"Why did you get it and not me?" Sirius asked, frowning.

Dumbledore smiled at him.

"Because anything coming in from the Ministry passes through the Floo mail— so it entered through my office fireplace. I assure you I didn't read it, although I _was_ rather curious as to why a sixth year was in communication with the Ministry and a world famous potioneer."

Sirius fidgeted nervously, glancing at the others who looked back at him with sheepish little expressions on their faces.

"I'm just… trying to find out what happened to Remus. That's all, Professor."

The headmaster stared down his nose at him for a moment.

"I assure you, Mr. Black, the Aurors are doing _everything_ in their power to find that out. It is not your duty to help and… it should not be your burden to bear," he added the last line more gently, reassuring Sirius he wasn't in trouble. "But, I will add, if you have any information that could be useful to their investigation, I would urge you to present it to them immediately. While they have the freedom to search vast areas of Death Eater locations for clues, _you_ are still a student confined to the walls of Hogwarts. Keep that in mind."

Sirius nodded.

"I will, sir."

Dumbledore winked at him and turned back to Lily.

"I trust you can find your common room from here? I have some unfinished business to tend to with Horace."

"Yes, professor," Lily said. From the blotchy complexion of her lips and eyes, she looked like she'd been crying. "Thanks… again."

Dumbledore said farewell to them and left.

Sirius looked warily at Lily and ignored her as they headed back to the common room. He couldn't wait to get his hands inside these files. The top stamp on them was from the criminal history files of the Auror office. He frowned at it and tried to make out the faded ink on the name tab.

"Fenrir…Greyback…," he whispered.

Who was that? And what did a criminal have to do with Dr. Leibrock's werewolf records? His fingers were itching to untie the parcel and start reading as they walked, but out of the haze of his distracted mind he could hear James and Lily arguing with each other.

"I wasn't suggesting I could take his place, I'm just saying if you want to patrol the corridors with someone other than the headmaster once in a while, I'd be there for you—,"

"Potter, you have no idea what I discuss with Professor Dumbledore, and I doubt you'd be of any comfort even if you did—,"

"Lily—,"

"Evans. It's Evans to you, Potter."

"Evans, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'm just saying, you know, I'm here for you—,"

"Yeah, to cop a feel, no less—,"

"You think you're the only one who misses Remus? That you're the only one who cries over him?"

"Is that all you think I do? That I just walk around with the headmaster and cry all the time—,"

"Well, yeah, actually, what else do you do—,"

"Ugh, you are so immature," Lily spat at him as they reached the Fat Lady. "You know, I thought maybe his death would have shaken you three up and caused you to _reflect_ a little, but you've gotten even worse now that he's gone. What the hell do you think he'd say about you three? Sneaking out of the castle every Sunday, really, as if _no one knows_ you're leaving. Running around all night long going Merlin-knows-where, sneaking into the grounds and disappearing _every_ time we visit Hogsmeade. You might think you've changed but you're just the same as you always were— just a bunch of marauders!"

She turned and stormed into the common room, leaving the three of them blinking after her.

Sirius turned and looked at James, who looked at Peter, who looked at Sirius.

"A bunch of marauders," James said curiously, as if testing the sound of it out loud. "Yes, we are…"

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><p><strong>~*~ Please Review! I respond to them all eventually, so keep your PM's open :) ~*~<strong>


	20. All the Little Pieces

"Remus… don't go… _please _stay with me…"

The boy was fading… his features slid in and out of focus… he was whispering something back but Sirius couldn't hear it…

"_I need… I can't…"_

"Remus!" he shouted, blinded with terror. He couldn't lose him again, not like this, not when he was so close. "Need _what?_ Tell me, _please!_"

There was echoing… echoing into the empty abyss… dark swirling fog pressed between them until only his silhouette was visible… he was backing up, whispering…

"_Help me…"_

Sirius couldn't stop the tears stinging his eyes in desperate frustration. It was torture, seeing him so close and unable to keep him…

"I tried!" he shouted as his emotions crumbled. "I'm sorry! _I'm so sorry!_"

Remus' outline turned and walked willingly into a dark gaping black hole, the echoes becoming faint until nothing but silence remained.

He was left alone, cold isolation piercing his soul… fear crept into his mind and he sensed… vaguely… the presence of something else… something evil… he turned, his head held high, standing his ground as a monster formed from the mist, it's jaws snapping, hissing and spitting, leaping at him with wild inflamed eyes—

Sirius jerked awake, gasping in shock. He gulped, realizing where he was and blinking the images away.

Lifting his wrist unconsciously, he looked down at his watch.

"Oh no…" he groaned. He'd fallen asleep pouring over the documents some time around four in the morning and had slept so late it was nearly lunchtime. He sat up, rubbing the ache on his neck and wiping the drool from his chin.

He squinted in the harsh morning sunshine, remembering what he'd found out in the first half of the files…

Sirius had started untying the package as soon as he was clear of the portrait hole. There were five tables inside the common room and they were of course all filled with students already. He had waltzed up to a group of three First years and rudely shoved them out of their seats, cursing at them until they had run away utterly traumatized.

The first thing he'd noticed was that more than half the documents were from the British Ministry and not from the laboratory like he had first thought. The only file from the lab was a small one, consisting of about ten papers and a letter written to Sirius from Dr. Leibrock himself.

_To Mr. Sirius Black,_

_Enclosed in this envelope you will find the documents you requested my research team to locate. After much tracking by our staff, we were able to pin point the last files Mr. Lupin read and have enclosed them for you. _

_Furthermore, when we discovered the type of material he had been reading, we thought it would be best to contact your government to provide supplemental documents. We understand their law department has dealt with the situation much longer than us and have copious records on it that go back years before our lab was even founded. _

_We wish you all the best of luck in your research and offer you our condolences with the full assurance that we share an equal part in your grief. _

_Best Regards,_

_Dr. Jérôme Leibrock , M.P. and P. Sc. of the Adrien Leibrock Potions Institute of Lycanthropy_

Sirius looked down on the letter and folded it back up into its original envelope.

"Padfoot!"

He turned.

"Oh, hey." He rubbed his face groggily. "What're you two doing here?"

"Skipping class," Peter said, dropping down into an ottoman as James hopped up to sit on the desk.

Sirius grinned.

"Well, at least you didn't miss the entire morning, I suppose. Why the hell didn't you wake me up?"

"Er… we did. You told us to piss off."

Sirius frowned.

"I don't remember that."

James and Peter laughed at him before looking toward the mountains of paperwork.

"So what'd you find out?" James asked, picking up a file.

"Well—," Sirius sighed, flipping over the first bunch of documents from the lab. "I looked into the British werewolves first but there were none registered around his family's property the year he was attacked."

"You got a list?" Peter asked.

"No— that's what made me ask for all this," Sirius said, gesturing towards the stack of paperwork. "I tried doing my own research but the logs here are shit. It's no wonder Remus wanted to go all the way to Canada to get into their records, it was really the only option he had."

"You'd think the Ministry would keep better track of these things though," James muttered while scanning one of the documents.

"They're too busy hunting down Death Eaters," Sirius said. "But anyways, once he'd gotten his hands on his own record, he had to work backwards. That's what this file is—," he picked up a record with Remus' name on it. "It doesn't say who bit him, just a case number. So he looked into the files of known registered werewolves starting from the British and Irish islands, looking at their victim's lists and matching them up with his number."

Peter looked at him with disgust.

"So Remus was just a case number to them?"

Sirius smiled bitterly.

"Yep. I think it was a way for the Ministry to de-humanize any half-breeds. They have a similar system for vampires."

James frowned.

"But this one _has_ his name on it."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"Yeah, well, look at the handwriting."

The other two leaned in and smiled too when they realized Remus had penned his own name onto his file.

"It seems he didn't like being nothing more than a set of numbers either…"

"That's— our— Remus." Sirius had to change his sentence quickly, catching himself before he said 'my' instead of 'our'. "His number is W25713 in every file."

"And his… attacker?" Peter asked.

Sirius flipped through to another document.

"Number W25589. Fenrir Greyback."

James sat bolt upright.

"I know that name! He's that werewolf that—,"

"That Voldemort has been using to blackmail families with." Sirius finished for him. "Unfortunately, Remus didn't know that. He just knew him as a case number. He didn't know how many other victims there were or that he was one of the Ministry's most wanted criminals. All he knew was that he had attacked him as a child. And from what I can see…"

Sirius trailed off, looking back down at the files.

"He tried to contact him?" Peter asked in horror.

Sirius pressed his lips together firmly.

"I think he was trying to understand him. I think he thought Greyback was sympathetic or a normal wizard like he was."

"What the hell was Remus playing at?" James asked desperately.

"He did his research, but not the right kind." Sirius pulled a folder towards him. "This is a document that lists any dangerous half-breeds in Great Britain. Greyback's name isn't on it, so Remus assumed the attack had been an accident and that he really was just another wizard."

"He's not on the list… but… how is that possible?" Peter frowned.

Sirius smirked bitterly.

"Because Greyback isn't even a wizard. His name isn't on here because he's not a half-breed. You don't have to be a wizard to be infected as a werewolf. If a werewolf attacks a Muggle, they become lycanthropic the same as any witch or wizard would. Greyback is the Squib son of two other werewolves. He's a full-bred magical creature who isn't a wizard, not a half-breed wizard like Remus was looking for."

James and Peter looked aghast.

"Why didn't he just look into Hogwarts student records?"

"Or double check the number with Leibrocks labs?"

"Or let anyone else know who he was writing to before he sent the letter?"

"Or—,"

"Look, I'm not Remus!" Sirius shot back at them. "I don't know why he didn't do any of that, okay? I wish he had too, but he didn't."

The others let their shoulders fall a little but still looked frustrated.

"He wanted so badly to make a connection with another werewolf." Sirius said. "Someone who understood him and what he went through every month."

"He had _us_ for that." Peter whispered.

"It's not the same. He was different from us. We'll never understand what it's like to be forced to live in secrecy, to undergo monthly transformations, to live in constant fear of rejection..."

The other two were silent for a while waiting for Sirius to go on.

"So he wrote him? You're sure of that?" James asked finally.

"Yeah. Look at this."

Sirius pulled out a receipt from the Canadian postal system.

"Owls don't fly overseas so they use the Floo network or Portkeys to get mail from one continent to another and use birds from there. Remus paid two Galleons to have this delivered."

He showed the other two what was written on the slip of paper.

_From: R. J. Lupin, Leibrock Laboratories, Quebec_

_To: Werewolf 25589, Great Britain_

"Oh shit…" James whispered.

"What?" Peter said quickly. "What is it?"

"He told him he was at Dr. Leibrocks lab…"

"So?" Peter asked blankly.

"Don't you get it?" James said. "The most vicious werewolf alive knew Remus was volunteering to find a cure for lycanthropy."

"It probably didn't sit too well with him." Sirius agreed. "And Remus could have told him anything else in that letter too. He could have told him he went to Hogwarts or where he lived so he could write back. He put too much trust in Greyback."

Sirius leaned over and switched files again.

"And _this_ is the complete story of why he should never have trusted him. If Remus had seen these, he would _never_ have written to him."

One file was a stack of old newspapers. James and Peter picked them up and read through them as Sirius looked on.

They put the pieces together themselves— eight years ago, Mr. Lupin had researched the Ministry's dangerous creature regulations and decided to do an inside investigation into the repercussions of having unregistered werewolves roaming freely without Auror interference. His articles were published bi-weekly in an ongoing column of the Daily Prophet. The last article in the series preceded Greybacks attack on Remus by less than two months.

"Damn." James whispered once they were done. "So Greyback has been at this for a while."

"_Why_ didn't Mr. Lupin ever tell Remus?" Peter burst out.

"Maybe he felt guilty. Maybe he felt like Remus would blame him for everything that happened." Sirius shrugged. "No matter what though, if he _had_ told him we wouldn't be sitting here talking about it."

James threw the yellowing newspapers back on the desk and picked up the very last unread file. Sirius rubbed his eyes tiredly as James looked through it.

"What is this?" James said frowning.

"Oh, it's just a list of Greybacks victims; it doesn't help me with anything. What I _need _to find is—,"

"Sirius— I can _see_ it's a victim list. I meant, what is _this_?"

Sirius leaned forward and looked at what James was pointing to.

Next to each werewolf number were scribbled letters in a set of parentheses. Each case number had them and they were written as either _E.C._,_ M.U._ or, the most frequently occurring, _C.U.I._

"They're acronyms," James whispered in wonder. "But what do they stand for?"

Sirius turned back to the desk and launched himself in to the files, hands searching, eyes scanning. James and Peter stood up and started searching on either side of him.

"Those are all from the Lab, they won't have anything—,"

"Can we get all the newspapers over here? Put them in the corner, just get them out of the way—,"

"Okay, look at the bottom, any asterisks—,"

"Peter, that's a lab paper, look at the seal before wasting your time—,"

"Hey don't snap at him— here Peter, read through this and see if anything's there—,"

"Okay, wait! Look, right here, there's the _C.U.I._ again—,"

"Look at the bottom—,"

"I just _did_, there's nothing there—,"

"Flip it over then!"

Sirius snatched the paper from Peter's hands and scanned down the back side of the fading parchment. And there it was:

_M.U.: Murdered Unintentionally_

_E.C.: Escaped Capture _

_C.U.I.: Captured Upon Infection_

They all looked at each other and then grabbed up the victim list again.

"Here's Remus' number," Peter pointed to it. It of course had _E.C. _initialed next to it, but it seemed like—

"He's the only one to have _ever_ escaped Greyback?" James gasped.

But Sirius seemed more disturbed by the more commonly initialed acronym.

"There's got to be close to seventy victims on here! How could they all be captured, what the hell is he doing with them?"

He looked up at the other two who wore equally blank expressions on their faces. Until Peter squinted and pointed at the paper again.

"Wait a minute… there's one other _E.C._ …"

Sirius and James followed his gesture. Next to the very first case number were the same letters inscribed next to it. They double checked one more time, searching for any others, but it was in vain. Only two people had ever escaped whatever Greyback had in store for his victims— Remus and a werewolf known as W25639.

"Who is it?" James whispered. "Could they know anything about Greyback, you think?"

Sirius stared at the paper for a long time.

It was his first victim… someone Greyback might have known… someone who lived close to him as a teenager perhaps?

According to the date, Greyback would have been about fourteen years old when he'd infected the person… that was young enough to still be living with his parents… and if his parents had both been magical, then maybe this victim would have lived in the same wizard village as him…

"This werewolf could know more about Greyback," he said finally. "Look at the dates on his birthday and the attack— he was still a child. What if they knew each other? What if they grew up near each other?"

James and Peter looked skeptical.

"Er... I wasn't suggesting that you... look, you can't go chasing down werewolves, mate," James murmured. "There's a war going on, it's too dangerous—,"

"You mean it's not worth it," Sirius snarled, firing up. "It's no one's problem, is it? Everyone's so busy fighting Death Eaters, who gives a rat's arse about a werewolf—,"

"No one said that!" Peter squeaked. "Remus was our friend too!"

"You can't seriously think that hunting down one of Greybacks victims is going to help find Remus," James said weakly.

"Well why not?" Sirius asked desperately. "What else am I going to do, this is the only lead I have! No one else is going to do it, this is the Aurors last priority anymore!"

"And what if it fails?" James glared at him. "What if this werewolf is dead, or missing, or a criminal worse than Greyback? What are you going to do then?"

"Then I'll keep trying," Sirius' jaw was set. "I'll try again and again and _again_ until I find out what happened to him."

James and Peter glanced at each other. There was a definite aura of pity in both of their eyes.

"No matter what you do, it'll never bring him back," Peter whispered.

Sirius pursed his lips and stared back down at his desk full of files. He'd never felt so pathetic in his life.

"I need to do this," he said helplessly. "Please… I need both of you with me on this."

They both stood there another moment before sitting back down with sighs of resignation.

"We will be," said James.

" 'Till the end," Peter chirped in.

Sirius looked up and smiled at them.

"I'll send an owl to the Ministry during lunch," he said, shuffling the papers back in to neater stacks. "We'll check into this werewolf's criminal history before contacting him..."

"Wait—," James started. "You're not telling them what you've found out? But Dumbledore said—,"

"Dumbledore's not counting on us having two weeks free over winter break," Sirius cut in. "Or your invisibility cloak."

James blinked and looked at Peter who was pale and scared looking. James grinned.

"Up for another adventure, Wormtail?" he grinned.

Peter gulped fearfully, but nodded.

"I said I would be…," he looked down at his lap for a moment. "I miss him a lot," he added in a whisper.

Sirius and James glanced at each other knowingly. It was indeed only their friendship with Remus that they even took Peter in under their wings in the first place.

"We haven't seen him in six months now," James murmured, trying to fill the silence. "I wish I'd known that was the last time I'd speak to him. I didn't even hug him goodbye."

Sirius smiled as he thought back to that night; the four of them cracking jokes and laughing over Mrs. Potters cooking as they soaked in their only day of summer together. Remus had locked eyes with him knowingly over the dessert course before slipping his hand under the table to softly caress the back of Sirius' knuckles, their palms and fingers sliding together in an imitation of the act their bodies so wanted to do. Just thinking about that gentle touch sent shivers down his spine.

"What was the last thing you said to him?" he asked.

James thought for a moment.

"I said… 'See you on the train.'"

They both looked expectantly at Peter who was struggling for his memory.

"I think I said 'Don't stay forever'."

"Yeah, you did," Sirius said, smiling at the memory of Remus grinning at Peter. "'Cos right after that I said 'Yeah, you better come back to us.' And that's when he left."

"No he didn't," James said suddenly. "He hugged you and then picked up his bag."

Peter frowned.

"Why'd he hug you and not the rest of us?"

Sirius was struck mute for a moment and stared into the blue sky out the window. He could feel James looking at him but didn't look back.

What if… he told them?

A part of him had been keeping it tucked inside, ready to take their secret with him to the grave but…

He could tell them… he had nothing to lose anymore… he could tell them everything right now. No one else was in the common room… he had privacy and the perfect opportunity.

There was no more danger of splitting the group up anymore or worrying about his reputation… he hadn't so much as considered another boy in the school since, and his appetite towards girls had certainly increased again. It would be so easy to just tell them… they'd be shocked but they'd finally know the truth… no more secrets, no more lies… he could tell them…

Sirius turned his head and looked over at their expectant faces.

Something inside him slammed closed like a vault and sealed itself shut.

"I dunno."


	21. Venture

"Can we still back out?"

"Peter, shut up and keep your eyes open."

"I can't feel my feet!"

"Neither can we, we're not immune to cold or anything."

"Well, how long are we going to be out here?"

Sirius glanced sideways at James from under the Invisibility cloak and tried to decipher what he was thinking. James looked around worriedly, a small frown between his eyebrows, and looked back at Sirius with an expression that said quite clearly:

_'We shouldn't be here.'_

It was the first evening of winter break and they'd taken a Portkey to the outskirts of a small town in southern Ireland. Buckets of rain were pouring hard around them in the night, the sound deafening. Lightning flashed across the sky and a second later thunder rolled towards them across the drenched countryside.

They stood huddled under the meager shelter of a leafless oak tree, staring across a cobbled street at a cabin. Lanterns flickered in the downstairs rooms and in a single window on the second floor. By all accounts, it was as ordinary of a house as any other.

To the three of them, though, it was far from ordinary.

They were standing in the same village that had been the childhood home of Fenrir Greyback, and also, the still-home of his first victim, werewolf number 25639. The little wizard town known as East Cullaville had a modest population in comparison to most all-magical communities, but that didn't comfort them in the slightest. The more magic was concentrated in single areas, the easier it was for Dark Magic to conceal itself.

In their own country they could gage which areas were more or less likely to be home to Voldemorts forces, but this was unknown territory. They had no idea what to expect from this village, or what to expect from a werewolf who had called this place home for almost two decades.

They had checked to make sure the werewolf identification number didn't match up to any wanted criminals in the Auror records, and the record had come up clean. But when Sirius had sent an owl to W25639 asking to visit, there had been no reply.

"Well, there's nothing else for it, is there?" Sirius muttered to James. "We've come this far."

James turned around to face Peter.

"Wand out?"

Peter nodded.

Sirius threw the cloak off them and they all straightened up, wincing as the freezing rain hit their faces. They moved swiftly over the street to the front walkway of the cabin, their wands lifted and pointing around them in case of traps.

Sirius could see in to the lit windows of a downstairs sitting area. It looked neat and cozy like a normal cabin. He leaned over, squinting inside, and not paying much attention when suddenly there was a loud shrill ringing sound that rent the air.

All three of them jumped, wands lifting to shoulder height, curses on the tips of their tongues. But before their panic could subside, the ringing stopped and the pathway they stood on flooded with light as the front door flew open.

Sirius blinked hard into the glaring lamplight, pointing his wand towards it.

"Who are you?" A voice yelled at them. "What do you want?"

James hit Sirius hard in the arm, forcing it downward so his wand wasn't pointing at the open doorway anymore.

A woman of about thirty years old was standing in front of them, her own wand pointing directly at James' forehead. She was staring at them, eyes darting around and taking in their soaked travel robes, searching to see if anyone else stood behind them. They realized that the loud screeching noise must have been an alarm that notified the woman of any visitors.

"We're alone," Sirius said, glancing at the wand that was still aimed at James. "We're looking for a werewolf identified as number two five six—,"

"Three nine," she finished for him. "What do you want with me?"

The three of them gaped at her. For some reason, although none of them knew why, they were expecting a man.

"Uhm—," James started, a little unnerved. "We're not Death Eaters, we're students. And we don't mean any harm to you."

"I'm not expecting anyone and the only people who would be calling unannounced at this hour are exactly the kind of people who would mean harm to me."

"My name is Sirius Black. I sent you a letter," Sirius interjected. "Did you ever get it? I asked to visit—,"

"You— you're-?- I didn't give you permission to!" She snarled at him.

"You didn't _not_ give us permission either," Sirius reminded her.

She opened her mouth automatically to argue but then shut it, as if struck silent. Sirius grinned at her.

"Please, can we come in?" James turned around, grabbed Sirius and Peters' wands, and offered them to her handle-side-first along with his own. "We just want to ask you a few questions."

She lowered her eyes to look at the wands.

"We've come a long way to see you and it's pouring out here. Just hear us out before you turn us away."

She blinked and her shoulders tensed up as she considered. But after a long moment she sighed, lowered her own wand as she took the others from James and stepped back to gesture them inside.

The woman led them into the sitting room Sirius had peered at through the window. The warmth of the fireplace hit them as they took their seats around it.

She watched them closely as they pulled their cloaks off. Then, with a swift wave of her wand, the curtains snapped closed and the thundering sounds of rain disappeared. She walked over to the fire silently, stoking it as a cauldron of potion bubbled inside.

Sirius looked at her properly for the first time. He had placed her age to be around thirty, but as the flickering light from the fireplace hit her, premature lines and wrinkles were thrown into view. There were dark circles under her eyes and her blonde hair hung dull and lifeless around her shoulders. The robes she was wearing were hanging loosely on a frame that seemed painfully thin.

"I don't know what you three think you're playing at," she said in a heavy Irish accent. "These are dark times to be showing up on anyone's doorstep unannounced. Especially dangerous creatures like myself…"

"We knew you weren't dangerous," James said. "We looked up your number. You've never committed a crime or attacked anyone else."

The woman grinned.

"Well, you've done your homework then, I suppose."

"If you don't mind us asking though," Peter spoke up. "We still don't know your name."

The woman straightened up from the fire, having put a kettle over it, and waved her wand to summon a tray of tea.

"My name is Catraoine ó Faoláin."

She paused, taking in their awkward expressions. Peter tried whispering it back to himself and ended up butchering the vowels.

"You can call me Kate," she smirked with an eyebrow cocked at Peter.

"Well… it's nice to meet you. This is James Potter and Peter Pettigrew."

Her eyes roamed over them and she nodded curtly.

"I didn't answer your letter because you wrote it, Mr. Black. But if you'd had one of your friends here write it, I may have responded."

"But— what? Why?" Sirius frowned at her.

"Oh, please. Don't pretend as if you don't know what kind of impression the name Black makes on people."

Sirius glared daggers at her.

"I'm _nothing_ like my family. Next time check your facts before you judge someone. My scum family disowned me last summer when I ran away from home."

Kate looked at him with a surprised and- _impressed- _expression.

"Well that changes things then," she said, taking the seat closest to the fire. "What did you want to ask me about?"

Sirius and James glanced at each other.

"Well," James started. "In August, our friend Remus Lupin, uhm… was attacked by Death Eaters."

"His mother and father were killed in their home but the Aurors never found Remus."

Kate let out a tiny gasp and clutched a hand over her heart.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said sincerely. "But... how do you expect me to help?"

"Well, you see, Remus was a werewolf."

Kate's eyes widened, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead.

"And he was a _student_? At Hogwarts?"

They all nodded and she whistled in surprise.

"I've heard Dumbledore was a great headmaster, but that's the first I'd heard of anything like that. I wasn't allowed to attend school _here_ once I'd been bitten."

A dark shadow passed over her face.

"I was only ten years old… I'd been looking forward to going to Draíochta Cnoic since my older brother went. I was just one year away…"

They could see tears glittering in her eyes.

Sirius glanced at the other two uncomfortably.

"Please, we need to ask you about the werewolf who bit you," he said. "Fenrir Greyback. We think he might have had something to do with the attack. Remus had written to him not knowing he was a criminal. For the summer, Remus went to volunteer at Dr. Leibrocks laboratories. Greyback knew this and it wasn't even a day after Remus got back that he was attacked. The Aurors are up to their ears in more current cases so… we're trying to solve it ourselves. If there is anything you can tell us that can help, anything about Greyback and the way he operates,… _please_ tell us."

Kate looked long and hard at him as he spoke. There was a calculating expression in her eyes.

"Maybe… if you'd be willing to… could you tell us how you were attacked?" James asked. "Knowing how he operates could help us figure out what he might have done to our friend."

She hesitated for a long while and made a fuss over distributing the tea. Finally though, she reached for a napkin and dabbed her eyes with it before standing up and moving closer to the fire.

"I grew up here," she began. "This was my home as a child. I lived with my parents and older brother. This village has some of the oldest wizard families still in existence… hence why so many Death Eaters have been calling lately. But when I was little, no one here cared about pureblood or half-blood or Muggle borns in this village… we were all the same, equal in each others eyes."

Kate picked up a frame from the mantel and handed it to them. A little family waved at them from the black and white photo. A very pretty little girl with shining hair and a wide smile was peering cheerfully up at them.

"That's me," she said. "I went to primary school with the other magical children in the schoolhouse here. Everyone knew everyone else… and everyone knew about the Greybacks…"

Kate took the photo from them and moved to stare into the fire again.

"They didn't always live here. Our Ministry moved them here to be under tighter magical surveillance. I was about eight when they arrived, moving in to the rundown Muggle shack on the edge of the forest. We heard rumors and, well… you know how rumors spread in a small town. Like poison running downriver. We heard they were in to Dark Magic and had tried attacking Muggles. The house they lived in became something of a legend among us kids… we'd sneak out in the middle of the night and dare the others to get close enough to the front door. We didn't understand why our parents refused to let us outside on full moon nights…"

Kate let out a bitter laugh.

"One day, when I was nine years old, I snuck out of the house with my best friend and three other classmates. We were going to just scare each other around the ruins of the old Muggle castle, but someone thought it'd be a better idea to sneak out to the Greyback cottage. So we did… we got out there and this little boy… Kevin… he dared me to go touch the front porch. I was so scared but I wanted to impress him. I had a huge crush on him and would have jumped off a cliff if he'd dared me to. It was almost midnight… I remember glancing around at the black branches of the trees, terrified they were the arms of monsters about to snatch me right up and take me away forever. The shack was run down and smelled foul as I tip toed towards it. And just when I was about to touch it with the very ends of my fingers, the door swung open."

Sirius and the others were leaning forward in their seats, paying close attention. Kate's voice had dropped so low it was almost a whisper.

"That was the first time I saw him. Fenrir. We knew the couple had a son but it didn't look like a boy at all. It looked like his hair had never been brushed and he was dirty. When I saw him I just froze. My friends screamed and ran away, but Kevin stayed. He rushed forward to grab me by my wrist and drag me away, but I just stood there staring at him. And he stood there staring back at me. He wasn't a child… he was older than any of us, old enough to be learning magic already. He walked towards me and… and… _sniffed_ me…"

"He smelled you?" James asked.

"Yeah… he didn't speak to me at all, he just smelled me, sniffed at my hair and my face. I could feel Kevin tugging on my hand and I remember my heart pounding so hard it _hurt._ But there was something about him that kept me from running. He was so frightening but so… curious. Like he'd never seen another child before… and then there was this sudden movement inside the cabin and I knew it was his parents. He turned, and when he did he crouched down low to the ground like a wolf does when it's about to attack. It was like he was suddenly _protecting_ me… but when Kevin heard the noises from the shack, he pulled so hard on me that I didn't have a choice but to leave."

"He didn't attack you?" Peter whispered.

"No… that was not the night I was attacked. It was a full year after that when I was. I hadn't gone back to the shack where Fenrir lived, but for some reason he had left an impression on me. I didn't understand why I kept thinking of him. There were several nights when I couldn't sleep alone because of the fear he'd somehow be hiding in the shadows of my bedroom, waiting to attack me. But then the sun would come up again and I found myself thinking about him in a different way… I just felt so _sorry_ for him. To be raised as an animal, to be isolated and friendless and alone… and I never forgot the way he turned around in front of me like that, as if he was shielding me from harm…"

Kate paused for a moment as she took a long drink of tea.

"The attack happened when I was ten years old. Although… it wasn't _really_ an attack…"

The other three frowned.

"What was it then?" Sirius asked.

Kate turned back towards them.

"An abduction."

Sirius met her eyes. For a moment he could see the beautiful little girl she used to be behind the wrinkles and emaciated frame.

"I had good reason to be afraid of the dark. One night, I had fallen asleep with my lamp on and he came in through the window. I can still remember his stench when he muffled my screams… he smelled like sweat and dirt and rotting garbage… he held one hand over my mouth and dragged me backwards through the window. My ankles were scrapped raw by the time he'd hauled me across town and into the woods… but we didn't go to the shack he lived at. He pushed me into a tunnel he'd dug under the roots of a tree… it wound downwards, deep into the earth, down where no one could hear me screaming. He had cleared a large chamber that seemed to have been a natural cave and chained me up. It was pitch black down there but he could see somehow… I remember his amber eyes glowing at me in the dark, coming closer and closer…"

Her voice shuddered and died as she broke down, tears spilling from her eyes. James stood up and led her to the arm chair again, refilling her teacup and handing her a fresh tissue.

"Thank you," she sniffed thickly. "It's hard to talk about it… I was so young and terrified… I realized very quickly that he hadn't been protecting me from harm that previous year… he'd been _guarding _his _prey._ I was the first girl he'd ever seen, the first thing he'd ever wanted. So he… stole me. He'd stalked me for months and had been planning it all, down to the last detail. On the second day he kept me, I was begging him for food and water when he spoke to me for the first time. His voice was gravely like he hardly ever used it. But he told me he wanted me to be like him… I didn't understand what he meant because even though we knew the Greybacks were deep into the Dark Arts, we children didn't know they were all werewolves. Our parents hadn't wanted to frighten us or create rumors. Fenrir told me to wait until that night because he had a surprise for me… and then he went and got me food and water and he stayed and he… he… did things to me. He did… terrible things to me down there…"

James was frowning at her as she dissolved into tears again. He looked at the other two in confusion and Sirius winced at him. Reluctantly, he mouthed a word at James whose eyes bugled immediately in shock.

"He forced himself on you?" James gasped.

Kate coughed into her handkerchief.

"He must have thought that was normal. His parents had never taught him any different than hunting and stalking… he must have thought it was the only way to be with someone… I… I don't want to talk about it… I try not to think about it—,"

"It's okay, we understand," Sirius said quickly.

Kate nodded and composed herself before going on.

"That night was the full moon. I don't remember much about the attack, just hearing him transform in the same room… it was so confusing. I didn't understand what he was doing because I couldn't see anything. There was snarling and snapping and screaming… and then I heard him drawing closer to me in the dark… I could feel the warm breath on my skin before everything became a blur… I remember there was a lot of pain… I think he thrashed me around for a while because I remember moving very fast but I don't think it was me running, I think the wolf was throwing me or dragging me… the next thing I remembered was waking up in the middle of the forest, and I was becoming a human again from something else… my bones were snapping and there was hair shrinking into my skin… I was throwing up and my clothes were gone. And so was he. I remember looking around and trying to find him, but he was gone. He must have lost track of me while he was still a werewolf because I don't think he ever intended on letting me go. He wanted to keep me as his own forever. But while he was a werewolf, his mind wasn't in the right place. I followed the river back into town and as I walked I remember looking down at myself. I was naked and covered in blood and open wounds… my own blood. There was this huge shredded bite mark on my thigh and I had large purple bruises on my torso… I remember wondering if I was dead. Everywhere I looked on myself I was damaged… I looked like a corpse or an Infiri. I was scared of _myself. _I fainted by the riverbank from blood loss and one of the other children found me a few hours later. I was rushed to the hospital but there was nothing anyone could do… I was already a werewolf. I didn't wake up for a few days but everyone knew immediately who had done it to me. The entire Auror force of the country descended into our village. They raided the Greybacks shack and arrested Fenrir's parents. They found evidence of extremist dark magic inside the house and plans of a werewolf army that would rise up against wizards. They had maps drawn out and make-shift campsites where they would grow their armies. And they had brainwashed their son into the same ideals. That's where he got his idea of keeping me underground and in a tunnel. It was why he abducted me in the first place, so that I would be his _mate _and start the revolution with him."

She shivered in disgust at the very idea.

"Anyway, even though the Aurors were able to capture his parents, somehow Fenrir escaped from them. I don't know if it was because he wasn't a wizard and they couldn't track him down with the Trace… I don't know if it was because he could blend in so well with the wilderness… but he was gone. He left forever and they couldn't figure out a way to find him. Maybe he went underground. Maybe he thought he should live as an animal while the Aurors were still hunting for him. But he didn't contaminate anyone else for many years. And even to this day, he's never returned to this village. I've heard of him growing stronger in your country, as I was schooled at home and kept in secret. Even now I'm unable to find a job to support myself because of what I am. That's why I still live here with my parents… I'll be a burden to them until the day they die."

Sirius felt a sinking sensation in his stomach.

"So… you haven't seen him in twenty years. You don't know anything else about him? Like where he is or what he's up to now?"

Kate shot him a calculating look.

"I know more about him than any of those trumped up Aurors who've been failing to catch him for two decades. He spoke to me about things down there… plans of building an army… of contaminating Muggles and wizards alike. As I grew older I had these dreams of studying in the Auror academy, of capturing him myself and finally getting revenge for everything he did to me. But those dreams died a long time ago..."

Sirius stood up and reached into the pocket of his travel cloak.

"This is a letter one of our classmates sent into the crime scene as it was happening. It was sent back in this condition— look at the claw marks. Is this something Greyback would do?"

Kate took the slashed letter and stared at the claw marks splattered with dried blood.

"This is him alright," she whispered. "Look at the number of scratches— this was ripped with four claws."

"So?"

"_So_, a true werewolf uses all five nails because their paws are shaped differently after transformation. But Greyback… he would sharpen his nails and harden them with clay so he could use them even when it wasn't the full moon. This is basically his signature."

Sirius' jaw clenched.

"Then he did it. He sold his information to Voldemort and had Remus and his parents murdered. He brought the Death Eaters right to his front door…"

James reached out and gripped his shoulder tightly, trying to bring him back to his senses.

"Stay together, mate," he murmured before addressing Kate. "We're not just here to find out about Greyback's history. We're actually… setting out to find our friend. We need to know everything about where Greyback might have disposed of a body."

Kate's eyebrows shot up her forehead.

"You three are tracking him down?" her eyes darted between them and lingered a little longer on Peters' nervous frame. "By yourselves?"

"It's going on five months and there's been no leads and no arrests," James said. "If we can just give them a solid lead we'll be happy. We just want to find Remus and give him a proper burial."

Kate looked at him blankly for a moment before giving him a weak smile.

"He was lucky to have friends like you," she said finally. "Wish I'd been as lucky."

James and Sirius glanced at each other. They both knew Remus would have done the same for any of them.

"I've been through records," Sirius said. "Greyback has a long list of victims. Almost all of them were captured after being infected. Only a few of them died, and you and Remus were the only to ever escape."

Kate nodded.

"I know."

"And according to what you've told us… that means it's pretty likely that those who were captured have become a part of his forces…"

"Did he ever tell you where he might build his army up?" James pressed her. "Did he tell you what kind of intentions he had on the location?"

Kate sighed.

"Well… he always liked proximity to danger. And he liked being underground. So… the best bet would be somewhere right under the Ministry's nose, and underneath a forest of some kind. I've written to the Aurors here and abroad for years that the caves they search in are useless. Greyback admitted to me he felt more comfortable underground. Those idiots running the cases didn't pay attention to anything I told them."

She looked at them appraisingly.

"How good are you three at Apparating? I can give you some coordinates that you can check first. You'd need to skip around to quite a few places to make any headway. Otherwise you'll just have to wait until the summer holidays, and by then they might have moved you know…"

Sirius and James glanced at each other nervously.

"Well… ehm… we _can_ Apparate… it's just that… uh…"

Kate raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"It's just that _what_?"

James sighed.

"We're not… uhm… of legal age."

Kate stared at them.

"Any of us," Sirius added.

"But—," Kate spluttered. "How did you get here? And how the hell were you planning on searching?"

"We took a Portkey," Sirius told her. "And we weren't quite sure how… we were hoping to get more of an accurate location or something… I guess…"

James and Peter nodded.

"But… you realize that you can't locate or identify human remains without using magic?"

Kate was now talking to them as if addressing particularly slow children.

Sirius grimaced.

"We hadn't… thought that far ahead yet."

Kate threw her arms in astonishment.

"And what would you do if you had to engage in battle? If you had to defend yourselves? If you had to save someone else from harm? If you had to escape?"

They glanced at each other, feeling foolish and unprepared.

"Improvise?" Sirius offered.

Kate sighed.

"Kids these days…," she whispered to herself.

James glanced at the other two before standing up and clearing his throat gruffly.

"Come with us."

Sirius and Peter looked quickly at each other and then towards Kate, who had frozen and donned a weary expression on her face. She immediately began to reject his proposal, her head shaking and every fiber of her attitude seeming to ooze unwillingness.

"Wait—," James started, "Before you say 'no' just… just hear us out."

"_Us?_ James, Pete and I have no bloody idea where you're going with this."

"Fine, hear _me_ out," James glared at Sirius for a moment and started pacing. "We need someone to take us side-along Apparition. You want recognition from the Aurors for all the years you haven't been taken seriously. We need someone to help identify Remus. You want revenge on Greyback for attacking you and making you a werewolf. We need someone to defend us and help us escape. You want to stop Greyback from attacking again. _We_ want closure and justice for what happened to our best friend. And you want closure and justice for what happened to _you_. Don't you get it? It's a win-win situation!"

Sirius and Peter looked quickly at Kate, who seemed to be struggling.

"Please," Sirius said, standing up next to James. "We have two weeks until we're stuck back at school for another six months. I can't just… sit around knowing I haven't done anything… I already know no one _else_ is doing anything."

"But I hardly know you," Kate whimpered. "What if anything happened to you? Do you think I'd ever be able to forgive myself?"

"We know the dangers," James said defiantly. "This is about something more than just _us_! Think about those nameless victims out there that are going to be Greyback's next victims. They still have a chance… do it for them."

Kate opened and shut her mouth. She was considering it.

"If everyone in this war acts for themselves, then we're going to lose," Sirius added. "Someone needs to make this their responsibility and I can't see how any other people in the world are more connected to it than the four of us."

Kate looked hard at him for a moment.

"This won't be easy."

"We know," James said.

"If something happens to me, you three are on your own."

"We understand."

"And if anything happens to you, you have to vouch for me. I don't want to be thrown in prison over this."

"We'd never let that happen."

Kate took a deep breath.

And nodded.

"Alright. I'll do it."

* * *

><p><strong>~*~Please Review! I respond to all of them eventually :) ~*~<strong>


	22. Maps and Mirrors

Dawn came late the next morning. Darkness was still covering the landscape when they got up for breakfast, with grogginess hanging heavily on their eyelids.

They had slept in the shed on three make-shift cots. Kate had put a warming charm on it but that didn't keep the roof from leaking down on them from the relentless thunderstorm.

Sirius stared up at the ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head, listening to the other two get ready.

He'd had another dream about Remus, this time one about a memory. The morning after his sixteenth birthday they had woken up in each others arms. Remus' head had been snuggled into the crook of Sirius' neck and it was so warm and soft that it was almost painful to pull himself away and get ready for class.

He could remember how fucking beautiful Remus was in the soft glow of the morning light… how radiant his smile had been when they'd climbed into the shower and immediately latched onto each other, lathering soap on the others body, shampooing the others hair… he hadn't know he was in love with Remus then, but it was still one of the happiest memories he had and he wished he could dream about it more often. The other dreams… the nightmares with monsters and demons that tore at Remus and took him away… those were too frequent these days.

"How do you think he died?"

James looked over at him as he stomped on his boots.

"Upright and proud like a goddamn Gryffindor. How else would he have died?"

Sirius shrugged.

"I just… think about it sometimes."

"That's really unhealthy, mate."

Peter nodded in agreement.

"I used to think about it too but I had to stop," he said. "It just made it worse."

"I know… I just hope it wasn't painful."

James and Peter exchanged a dark look and then both shook their heads.

"Do you think he'd be mad we're doing this? Risking our lives just to give him a proper burial?"

"Yes," they said in unison.

"But you would have convinced him," James added. "You were always able to."

Sirius felt a swoop of pride hit him at those words and couldn't keep the smirk from sliding onto his face.

"Are you going to lie around all day or get ready?" James snapped at him, pulling him out of his trance. "We still need to plan our first search party when we get there, it's not like we'll have naptime later."

They needed to be up and out of the house early before Kate's parents got wind that they'd stayed the night. She didn't want to give any snooping Death Eaters reason to suspect her family of being involved in their mission.

The three of them sat around after pulling their cloaks on and waited for the sound of Kate coming to join them. Finally they heard a small knock and she entered with her hair dripping and a breakfast tray in front of her.

"Sorry I couldn't fix anything better," Kate whispered as she passed out eggs and dry toast. "We'll get something more to eat for lunch at the Inn."

"Where are we going?"

"Back to your country, actually. Greyback hasn't set foot in this one in over a decade."

The three of them instantly felt relief. Just being back home would put a small part of them at ease.

"You said you all know how to Apparate?"

James and Sirius both grinned sideways at Peter.

"Pete here is still struggling a little. But he can pull it together for side-along."

Peter nodded fervently.

"I can, I will. Especially if we're going somewhere I can picture really easily."

"And where would that be?"

"Diagon Alley… Hogsmeade… my home…"

"Good, we're going to an Inn on Diagon Alley—,"

"Wait! You can't go to the Leaky Cauldron. It's too well known."

"I know," Kate said exasperated. "Give me a little credit here. We're staying in another place at the other end of the boulevard. My brother owns the place and is rooming us for free for the next two weeks."

James glanced cautiously at Sirius and Peter before addressing Kate.

"Kate…. there's something you should know. I know the three of us won't be of much help when it comes to using defensive magic but… well…. if this can help you in anyway, I want you to use it."

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his silvery Invisibility cloak.

Kate gasped.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah… It was my fathers' cloak, and my grandmothers' before him. But anyone can use it and I don't want anything to happen to you."

Kate smiled, holding it in her hands for a moment and appreciating the cold silkiness of its texture, watching the way the threads caught the light.

"I've never seen one in real life before. You hold onto it for now, but that definitely might come in handy. Thank you."

Diagon Alley was almost unrecognizable when they Apparated just outside the brick wall that concealed the Leaky Cauldron. Christmas ornaments and wreaths were strung across every shop window, and glittering snow laid in clumps around the edges of the main street.

"This way," Kate said, ushering them towards Gringotts.

They turned left at the fork, passing beyond the wizard bank and then past some furniture and grocery stores. James stared for a moment into the lit up window of a gift shop that was glowing with Christmas cheer, and Sirius knew he was pining for home.

This was the first time James and Peter would ever be away for Christmas. Peter had told his mother he was staying with the Potters, and James and Sirius had told the Potters they were staying with Peter. It wasn't so much that they knew their parents wouldn't approve of what they were up to, but mostly because it would be too hard to say goodbye in case it was the last time they saw each other.

"This is it," Kate said, pointing at a narrow five story Inn with two Christmas trees flanking the front doors.

They stepped inside, soft snowflakes swirling around them in the dark entry hall. They pulled the hoods off their winter cloaks and saw Kate hugging and greeting a tall man who had the same blue eyes, the same nose, and the same color hair as her.

After a quick introduction to her brother, they were shown into the flat on the ground floor where they would be spending the rest of their holidays. It wasn't a regular hotel room, so they didn't have very much privacy, but the plus side of staying in her brothers own living space was having their own Christmas tree and fireplace.

Sirius could feel his adrenaline started to spark. This was really happening— they were really setting out to take down those bastards who had murdered their best friend and the boy he had loved so hard it was painful.

James kept glancing over to him and grinning. He was quivering in anticipation as well, both of them itching for adventure and action and _finally_ some progress in the case.

He was going over in his head everything he could do to Greyback in revenge— what would make him hurt the most, what could possibly make him feel the same kind of pain that they had felt every day since Remus disappeared?

If Greyback had a mate, if he had replaced Kate's position with another, Sirius could just envision himself torturing that monster with the knowledge that they killed her. If a monster like him was even capable of love, anyway…

"Okay!" Kate said, her cheeks flushed pink with cold as they sat down around a coffee table to plan out their first week of searching. "Let's get to this."

"First of all," she started. "Greyback would never hide in London. The entire underground is controlled and monitored by either Gringotts bank or the Ministry of Magic. Secondly, I know Greyback would want proximity to danger. He told me himself that he would love the idea of being right under the Ministries' nose. So I've thought of several locations he could be besides London. And thirdly, I'm not sure you're aware of this but the majority of his victims have been Muggles. Only three known witches and wizards besides Remus and I were ever attacked by him, and all were captured upon infection. Soooo… while the advantage for us is that only three out of the seventy or so of his forces could use magic against us, the _disadvantage_ is that—,"

"We have no way of knowing by first glance who can and can't do magic," James finished.

"Precisely. Those other victims are also, no doubt, highly skilled. They all have to be adults or otherwise the Ministry would have found them with the Trace. And they all three must use magic on a regular basis to aid Greyback in kidnapping and contaminating his victims. We're dealing with three wizards who are certainly not to be underestimated. No matter how comfortable you may feel knowing the majority of the werewolves can't perform magic, your guard must stay up at all times."

The other three nodded in agreement.

Kate reached into a travel bag and pulled out a large scroll. She untied the sash around it and unrolled it over the table. They leaned in and saw a large detailed map of the country with bright red glowing markers pinned on the names of twenty towns.

"These are the places we'll be searching. All of them have proximity to a Ministry outreach office, an enemy of Greybacks, or a center that has meaning to werewolves and criminals. Before we leave for each of them I'll have a meeting with you three in this room. We'll discuss what the significance of each location is and what kind of things to look out for, so we'll all be on the same page. We'll spend six to ten hours searching in and around every location on this map. But you need to understand… we could search every one of these locations in the next two weeks and still not find the compound."

"That's fine with us," Sirius said quickly. "We'd rather do something and fail than not do anything at all."

"Good," Kate smiled at them. "Also… as soon as we're finished Apparating, you three need to keep your wands in your pockets. The last thing I need is for one casual spell to ruin our entire mission. The Ministry can track you in a split second if you accidentally let slip so much as a _Lumos_. Understand?"

They nodded again, their eyes still roaming over the map and each glowing marker.

"Now… every mission will be different. But hopefully we'll be able to hit two locations on a good day. Our missions will consist of interviewing locals, and _I_ will wipe their memories to cover our tracks. We will always be covering stretches of forest by foot and looking for clues in the landscape for werewolf activity. I'll bring us back here for meals, and you can't stay up all night talking. Lights out means _sleep time_ and not stay up all night plotting."

"Okay," they chimed.

"And also… we need to split up during missions. In two's. You two will be with each other," she nodded to James and Sirius. "And I'll take Peter with me. I should be able to keep track of you, but in case something happens and you need me to come get you, or if you need to communicate with me while we're separated, I want you to use these."

She pulled out two small packages wrapped in brown paper and handed one to Sirius. He undid the paper and pulled out a small rectangular mirror.

"What does it do?"

Kate unwrapped her own mirror and held it up to her face.

"Sirius Black!"

Sirius glanced down and saw Kate's face peering out at him from the glass.

"Wicked!" James grinned, leaning in to look back at her. "Where'd you get these?"

"They used to be my brothers. We'd use them to communicate with each other while he was at school and I was stuck in home studies."

"These are _brilliant_," Sirius whispered, holding it over for Peter to look at.

Kate tapped the reflection of Peters face with her thumb and the mirrors returned to their natural function.

She smiled at their impressed faces.

"You can have them when our mission is done if you want. I never use them anymore."

She set her mirror down on the edge of the map before finishing.

"And finally… we need to discuss what will happen if we actually _do_ discover the werewolf camp. Now, while I may not know the three of you very well, I can with my limited knowledge assume that you are not ones to back down from a challenge or shrink away from battle."

They all grinned at each other, their shoulders squaring as they felt their Gryffindor pride swell inside them.

Until—

"_Unfortunately_, that's exactly what I'm going to have to ask you to do."

The little balloons of pride inside each of them deflated with sad whimpering noises.

"You can't be serious," James said, dumbstruck.

Kate sighed.

"You have to understand… this will be bigger than any of us can take on by ourselves. As soon as we realize that the location is really the compound Greyback has been building his army in, we need to contact appropriate back-up. Heading in on our own could get us killed and leave Greyback without anyone tracking him again. I can't risk that. Once we confirm the location, we will use an owl to alert the Auror office and request fighters and law officials to come to our aid. And you three will _wait here_ while the camp is raided."

"_Why_?" they exclaimed in unison, tempers flaring up.

"Because you're _sixteen_," she seethed through her teeth. "You are not capable of battling Greyback or werewolves or Death Eaters! Why do you think Voldemort uses him and teams up with him? Because he attacks Muggles all the time! You think that the second Greyback realizes he's in trouble, he won't call up Voldemort to help him? Or every damn Death Eater in the country? I cannot allow you three to throw yourselves into the middle of that mess! You are already doing enough helping to find him as it is."

Sirius couldn't believe it. He was supposed to just sit inside, warm and cozy, while the Aurors did all the dirty work?

No.

Kate could reason with them all she wanted, but she could never understand it. She didn't _know_ what it felt like to feel so much hatred, so much hunger for revenge.

Just five months ago Remus had been young and alive and beautiful, and now he was dead. A pile of bones somewhere in the wild was all that remained of him.

She would _never_ understand how badly they needed to ruin the monsters that were responsible.

Sirius could hear Kate speaking to them, but he didn't process it. Her voice sounded indistinct, as if drifting towards them from a far distance as Sirius lowered his eyes to his lap and slowly tilted the mirror in his hand until it reflected James' face.

James glanced down and they locked eyes in the reflection. An invisible beam of understanding shot through them and Sirius tilted the mirror the opposite way until Peter's face was in view. Peter looked down to meet his gaze and gave the tiniest nod of understanding.

"… so you three need to _promise_ me you won't stay and fight."

"We won't," they lied.

"And you will stay _here_ until I come back or until the Aurors deem it safe."

"We will," they lied.

"So no rash actions, no underage dueling, and _no_ playing heroes. Understand?"

"Understood."

"Promise?"

"We promise," they lied.

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review! ~*~<strong>


	23. Closing the Distance

"Sirius!"

"Mmmm…"

"Sirius, wake up!"

"Mmm?"

"It's Christmas!" James hissed at him in the darkness. "Wake up so I can give you your present!"

He reluctantly sat up, unable to see two inches in front of him until James clicked a lantern on and tip toed over to light a fire. Peter was still fast asleep on the other sofa, snoring softly.

"Whu time izzit?" he groaned, rubbing his face. He reached back to grab his pillow and hurled it at Peter's face.

"We've got two hours until our next mission," James said, wrapping a blanket around him again as he tossed two packages out. Peter and Sirius did too, keeping their cold feet tucked under the covers while they tore into the wrappings and listened to the sound of Kate making breakfast in the next room.

Their missions were not being put on hold by the holiday. To make this crystal clear, Kate had planned visits to two locations instead of one, just to keep them on their toes. So far they had covered eight locations on their map, ticking them off disappointedly every time they came back to the Inn.

Their first mission was to a forest that was home to a small research lab that studied all magical half-breeds, sometimes in cruel and controversial ways. They had split up in the village as Kate and Peter left to look for signs of underground activity in the woods, and James and Sirius went to the local wizard pub to try and find out anything relevant. Kate would cast spells on them before heading out, transfiguring their features to look like older warlocks who were just passing through.

To the half-breed testing center— to the homes of Greyback's worst enemies— to a Muggle village plagued by suspicious "lunar" events— to the Auror training university—

This was how all their missions had gone so far. Kate could search vast areas of forest with a single spell that revealed human life. And the other two would gain as much information as possible about the town rumors or anything else they could use. For James and Sirius it had been easy work so far— they were already outgoing and friendly by nature, so to sit in a pub finding out tidbits of small-town drama and piecing clues together to tell Kate about had been a job made in heaven.

For Peters' part, it was much more traveling and much less action. The only advantage for him was that with all their skipping around, Peter was getting better at Apparating than the other two. But the stresses of his daily activities with Kate were wearing heavily on him. He was always more exhausted and hungrier during mealtimes, having searched miles and miles of empty landscape while always staying on high alert.

The three of them finished unwrapping their presents and were chatting loudly over them when Kate came in with the breakfast.

"You three are up earlier than usual," she said, smiling. "Thought you'd want to sleep in. We've got a big day ahead of us."

"Oh come on, what are the odds we'll find the compound on Christmas Day?" James said through a mouthful of Honeydukes candy Peter had given him.

"Hey! Change your attitude, I don't want you to let your guard down for a second."

Kate passed out their plates and then swiped the presents onto the floor to clear the coffee table.

"We'll be traveling farther North today," she said, unrolling the map. The places they had already searched were now marked with glimmering blue pins. "Just off the coast of the North Sea."

They leaned in and looked at the red pin she was pointing at. It was marked over a wizard village on the coast of Scotland.

"What's so special about it?" Sirius asked.

Kate's finger traced from the edge of the coastline, outwards over the North Sea, and stopped right next to an island so tiny that the map only marked it with a single black dot of ink.

"Azkaban."

The three of them leaned in closer for a better look.

"It houses the magical criminals of seven European countries. The place we're visiting today is the docking-place where inmates are boarded onto ships and taken over. There is no Apparating in or out of those waters, the Floo is disabled around the dock, and any transportation must be done with non-magical means. There is _tight_ security around this village. Any idiots trying to break someone out of Azkaban will usually head here first, so there could be many Dark witches and wizards mulling around. We'll need to be extra careful."

James and Sirius felt the prickling of adventure inside them and couldn't keep the mischievous grins from bursting onto their faces. They glanced at each other, frenzied with excitement.

"The pub you two will be visiting," Kate went on, "is known as The Witches Steak. You certainly won't have to try so hard to get information… anyone sitting in a pub on Christmas instead of having dinner with their families are going to be easy targets. They'll probably already be getting drunk and spilling their secrets to anyone who'll listen. Peter and I will have a much larger area to cover, though. The forest surrounding the village is particularly dense. But no matter what, I want to be back here for lunch by two o'clock. I don't want to spend more than six hours in a place with such high security."

The three of them nodded and Kate smiled again, rolling up the map and heading back upstairs.

"This one'll be interesting," Sirius muttered.

"No shit," James agreed. "Finally some real action. If we see an ogre my life is complete."

They met Kate half an hour later at the front door where she held both James and Sirius by their chins to magically transfigure their features.

"Dashing," Sirius joked as he eyed himself in the mirror. He now had blue eyes, a bald spot, and a thick graying beard with deep wrinkles around his eyes.

"At least you don't have a bloody _uni-brow_," James muttered.

Peter laughed openly at them and they reached out to whack him over the head.

Kate fastened a dark green cloak around her neck and grabbed her bag.

"Okay, are we ready?"

They nodded.

"Mirrors in your pockets?"

"Yep."

"Okay, let's go."

They joined hands, focusing hard on the village name, and turning left into the void of Apparation as Kate led the three of them through the spell. Their feet came back in contact with the ground, which was now covered in fresh snow. They opened their eyes and looked around.

A thin layer of frost had dusted every surface of the street they stood in. The avenue led into a crooked shopping street behind them that veered left around a corner. But in front of them it led downward, past several homes and fenced off pastures, down a long sloping hill where they could see, from a distance, the movement of waves rolling gently into a harbor with wooden docks and a swaying fleet of ships. Tall trees of a dense forest loomed ominously over the rooftops, stretching beyond the backyards and covering the surrounding hills.

"The pub is around the corner," Kate said, pointing uphill. "We'll meet back here at two o'clock. Contact me if you find out anything I need to know."

"We will," they said and grinned goodbye to Peter before departing.

"One year ago today we were fighting off Death Eaters," James murmured to him as they rounded the corner.

"And now we're hunting them down," Sirius grinned. "Sort of anyways…"

"Ironic, yeah?" James laughed.

They wiped the grins off their faces as they drew nearer to the pub and composed themselves before entering.

It was dark inside. Polished round tables littered the dining area and a long wrap-around bar took up two walls against the back. Grey broken light streamed in through the dingy windows. There were only four people besides them, but the only person who took any notice of them was the bartender.

"What can I get for you two?" he growled as they drew nearer and took stools at the bar. He looked them up and down suspiciously with dark hooded eyes.

"Two ciders, please," Sirius said.

The bartender grunted and came back a minute later with their mugs.

"You two staying 'ere or passing through?"

"Just passing through," James said. "I'm Charlus and this is Orion. And you are…?"

"I'm known as Blackthorn," he grumbled. His voice sounded gravely, as if he hardly ever used it. "Funny day to be passing through…"

"Funny time for a pub to be open," Sirius shot back. "We're business partners, anyway— we're here on a job."

Blackthorn raised his eyebrows with interest and one of the solo drinkers at the other end of the bar turned to look at them, listening in.

"A job, eh? And what kind of business are you two in on exactly?"

"Welllll," James said, faking an air of reluctance. "We _shouldn't_ tell you. It's top secret and all, you know, for the Ministry. Got to do with some… er… _persons of interest_, let's say. We're in the process of investigating them."

"It wouldn't be anyone living 'ere, would it?"

Sirius and James glanced at each, trying to look grave and serious.

"It may… or may not."

"Well, you know," Blackthorn said, drawing up his own tumbler of ale and stroking his flaming red beard in interest, "we do get a lot o' funny people comin' through 'ere. What with the harbor to Azkaban just down the street. There's some crazies who pass through every month or so, set on breakin' their friends outta there. Raving lunatics, the lot o' them."

"Yes, we've heard."

"We were looking at someone slightly closer to home, though."

"So it _is_ someone livin' 'ere?" Blackthorn grinned evilly.

Sirius and James raised their eyebrows imploringly.

"Oh, I see, you can't tell me," Blackthorn let out a crack of laughter and took a swig of his drink. "Well, it's just that I've lived 'ere me 'hole life and I knows just about everyone. Everyone there is to know, anyways!"

He shook with thunderous laughter and they pretended to laugh along with him.

"Yeah, I think the nuttiest we gots 'round 'ere are the Lovegoods and that mental son o' theirs. They live up in the Marsh Hut. Always ranting on about 'ow Azkaban is really the home o' the Minister of Magic where he keeps the prisoners as his slaves!"

Blackthorn roared with laughter and thumped the bar with his giant fists, spilling some of their cider.

"Ahhh," he sighed finally, wiping a tear from his saggy eyes. "But they're harmless… some o' them pureblooded maniacs up the street might not be so harmless though."

James and Sirius leaned in with interest.

"Anyone who might be in league with You-Know-Who?"

"Ooohhh, definitely," Blackthorn slurred. "And if not, they sure are sympathetic towards him. The Hyatts. They've been up there for a few years. Came over from Austria. Rumor has it they been keepin' some dangerous creatures locked up in their backyard… been doin' some grisly experiments on 'em, doin' cross breeding o' mutant species and mixin' potions and spells with dark creatures…"

"How do you know that?"

Blackthorn smirked wickedly and then turned his head to look down the bar at the eavesdropping stranger.

"Steve 'ere is a longtime customer o' mine. He'll tell ya—,"

"They tried to sell me a Thestral that they'd bewitched to spit fire," Steve called towards them. He seemed like a shady character, with the hood on his brown cloak obscuring most of his face.

"Really?" Sirius grinned. "How much was it going for?"

Blackthorn roared with laughter again.

"It wasn't that I couldn't afford it," Steve said, walking over to sit next to them. "Just that I didn't want no Ministry officials coming in and chucking me onto one of those boats in the harbor."

He toasted with Blackthorn and they both gulped deeply from their mugs.

"And they've just made our forests reputation even worse…"

"Yeah!" Blackthorn boomed righteously. "As if we didn't have _enough_ problems before they showed up!"

Sirius frowned, listening closely.

"They've been setting their experiments lose in there," Steve explained to them. "Everytime something goes wrong or they can't sell something a bit… vicious… it goes running around in there."

James and Sirius looked quickly at each other. Sirius' hand twitched nervously toward his pocket where his mirror was tucked inside. If there was a fire breathing Thestral running around in there, especially if neither Kate nor Peter could see it in the first place, they needed to be warned.

Before James could clear his throat to announce their departure though, something that was troubling him burst from Sirius' lips.

"But you said the forest had a reputation even before the Hyatts?"

Steve and Blackthorn exchanged dark looks.

"Oh _yeah_… I mean… now, we can't prove it or nothing but… there's definitely something goin' on in there—,"

"I been hearin' screams and snarls comin' outta them trees for years now," Blackthorn muttered. "It's worse than the dark forest up where Hogwarts is. I mean, they got giant spiders in there and other creatures, but in 'ere… well, we've had some incidents."

"What incidents?" James said quickly.

"A few years back," Steve said, lowering his voice so they had to lean in. "a couple of Muggles decided to come wandering in. Normally we're pretty good about keeping them out but this time they came up over them hills up there."

"Yeah, they were hiking through, weren't they Steve?"

"Mmm, on some ridiculous scouting mission or something. So they hiked through the woods, taking an old trail, and were heading towards our little village here when...,"

Steve shook his head and took a swig from his mug.

"When what?" Sirius pressed him.

"When some Ministry people down at the docks heard the screams."

"Was the talk of the town for a few months, it was," Blackthorn piped in. "They went to investigate where the screams came from and didn't find nothin'. They found a shoe, but not the person they heard screamin'. Nothin'! Until the sun came up the next morning and they went down to untie the boats at the docks. They found both of 'em there."

"Torn up."

"Torn to shreds! One of 'em was missin' a leg, both o' them slashed to pieces."

"Dead. Horrible bloody way to go, I'll tell ya—,"

"The Muggle reporters who covered the story thought it was some sort of pervert killer. But our people knew better… their slashes came from claws, they did… not a weapon. And the limbs looked like they were shredded off with fangs. Razor sharp fangs."

"Looked like some sort of _werewolf_ got to them—,"

The loud scraping of wooden stool legs against floorboards rent the air as Sirius stood up suddenly, fumbling with his mug of cider in his haste to his feet.

"We uhm… my business partner and I have to— uhm," he gulped, trying to steady himself and failing miserably. He was trembling in shock as adrenaline coursed through his veins.

"We need to go," James elaborated hurriedly.

Sirius threw some coins on the counter.

"But— wait just a second, we didn't mean to frighten you off!" Blackthorn thundered. "We meant no disrespect—,"

"You didn't, we just need to—,"

"We have an important prior engagement—"

"Have a happy Christmas—,"

Fumbling, and with all eyes in the pub now staring at them, James and Sirius half-ran out of the tavern and into the freezing winter wind outside. James pulled Sirius by the sleeve around the corner in the road, both of them slipping on the icy street.

"Wait!" James reached up and snatched the mirror out of Sirius' hand before the other boy could shout Kate's name into it. "_Think_ for a second… if this is for real, we need to figure out how to get back here without our wands."

"_What?_ What the hell are you on about?"

"Because we're not sitting on our arse's while the Aurors take down Greyback, remember?" James hissed at him.

"We're not even sure it's him!"

"And what if it is?"

They stared at each other for a second, both thinking fast.

"The Lovegoods," Sirius said suddenly. "What was the name of their cabin?"

James opened his mouth, made a stuttering noise, and then closed it.

"Shit!" he spat. "It was like… the Marches, or the Marshes—,"

"It wasn't plural, it was two words."

"The Marsh….hut?"

"That's it!"

"But Blackthorn said they were crazy."

"And _harmless_."

They stared at each other for a moment before James lifted the mirror to shoulder-height and called Kate's name into it.

"_James_? Sirius? What's going on, it's barely been an hour!"

"Er… yeah, we need to talk to you. How's the search going?"

"I'm not sure…It's just hard to navigate in here and I've been getting some strange signals with my spell around an oak tree."

Both of them exchanged apprehensive looks.

"Strange signals… how?"

"Hard to explain...,"

By the look on her face, their worst fears seemed to be confirmed.

"Kate, come get us. _Now_. We're standing where you left us."

There was an air splitting crack as Kate appeared out of thin air next to them, grabbed both of their arms and dragged them back into Apparation.

"Duck down," Kate hissed.

Peter was crouching behind a boulder nearby. They hunched over and made their way towards him.

Describing the forest as hard to navigate had to be the biggest understatement they'd ever heard. Not a single foot length of flat, un-slippery land was in sight. The terrain itself was steep and lumpy, and any section that wouldn't have been was besieged with invasive tree roots.

"Merlin, how can you see in here?" Sirius whispered. The dense canopy of branches had plunged them into semi darkness.

"Your eyes'll adjust," Kate said.

"What are we looking at here?"

They were now all kneeling behind the large boulder and facing a rather medieval looking oak, whose trunk seemed to be twisted together from three separate trees. Not only was it immensely thick, but that support also gave it the freedom to be unnervingly tall— it stretched upward so high that it surpassed the tips of the surrounding forest and plunged into the sky where they couldn't even see its top.

"Watch this," Kate whispered.

She pulled out her wand and pointed behind them.

"Homenum Revelio!"

Nothing happened.

"Now look."

She pointed ahead of them, waited until they were all watching, and aimed at the trunk of the giant oak.

"Homenum Revelio!"

All at once, there was a slithering motion and the leaves around one small portion of the roots rustled around.

"Is… that what's suppose to happen?"

Kate sighed, pointed her wand at Peter, and cast the spell.

The leaves under his knees flew up, along with the dirt and twigs around him. The debris hung there in the air for a good five seconds before twirling a little and falling back to the ground.

"You see? It's a very faint signal, but there's still something over there."

They all gazed at the roots for a moment, which were a good thirty yards away from them. Their frosted breaths misting the icy air around them as they lost themselves in thought.

"Kate, we spoke to the bartender and a local in the pub," James whispered suddenly. "They told us about these Muggles who got attacked in here a few years back."

"What happened to them?"

"They were… murdered. Horribly."

"The bartender admitted it could have been a werewolf. They were torn to shreds and dumped on the docks."

Kate turned white and looked back over at the roots.

"This forest gives me the creeps," Peter whimpered.

Sirius fidgeted. There was definitely something over there, and there was only one way he knew of that could quickly sort out what it was without using his wand.

"Oh, fuck this," he hissed suddenly. "Kate, don't freak out, and keep your wand on me."

And with that he stood up, marched around the boulder and morphed into Padfoot as he went.

He could hear James shushing Kate and caught a few words of her exclamation before she fell silent again.

The only thing that was now hindering him was how differently his mind processed strategic thoughts. But the heightened senses of smell and hearing were more valuable to him right now. He lowered his snout and sniffed along the ground, trying to adjust to which smells were part of the earth, which were from Kate and Peter, which were from animals…

An owl hooted somewhere in the distance. Slowly, he approached the base of the enormous tree, creeping silently towards the roots Kate had aimed her spell at.

A wiff of moss… the smells of decaying branches and stumps… an animal had recently crossed through here, a deer perhaps… and there was something else…

Sirius stopped, sniffing hungrily into a spot on the ground, trying to discern what it was. It smelled bitter and tangy and irony…

With a jolt he realized it was blood. Old traces of blood. The ground was frosted over it, but it was there.

Fear streaked through him. He lifted his ears, straining for the slightest sound and heard for the first time… something he hadn't heard before changing shape… something only his canine ears seemed capable of picking up…

It was a soft rumbling, coming from below his paws. There was a source to it though and he lowered his nose again, his guard on high alert as he moved closer.

Sirius jumped when a twig snapped under his paw.

Only one large gnarled root now separated him from his target location. With a surge of bravery, he leaped over the root, crouched down low to the ground, and came face to face with—

* * *

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	24. Into the Fray

From the second Sirius saw it, he knew. Triumph burst inside his chest as he realized what was in front of him.

Sirius found himself facing a large split in the trunks of the twisted oaks. And in the space inside, where the ground should have sat undisturbed, was a black chasm where a tunnel had been roughly dug out. It was large enough for a grown man to comfortably enter without having to crawl, and seemed unnervingly similar to the tunnel under the Whomping Willow.

An evil chill emanated from the darkness within. He stepped forward gingerly, sniffing, and finally locating the smells of fur and blood and musk combined. The faint rumbling was clearer now, coming from deep within the earthy corridor… he could hear other noises too… scratching noises… whimpering… for one heart splitting second, he thought he caught the high pitched sound of cruel laughter.

Terror left him. For one thrilling moment of madness, Sirius could just see himself running headfirst down the tunnel, leaping at Greyback and tearing him limb from limb. But he couldn't… and while he and James had absolutely no intention of keeping their promise to leave the battle, he had sworn to at least try and keep a cool head. And so with much reluctance, he took one more glance at the entrance and turned back to rejoin the others.

Until—

Sirius' ears swivled around before he'd taken so much as two steps away.

What was that sound?

It was getting louder and louder… a soft thudding sound, and the low grumbling of asthmatic breathing… approaching faster and faster, getting louder and louder—

Sirius just had time to register the presence of the bulging amber eyes and salivating jaws snapping at him until the creature had tackled and pinned him into the snow. He yelped in pain as the monster latched it's fangs onto his throat and began to bite down—

"_STUPEFY!_"

The half-man, half-werewolf, was wrenched off him as it was lifted and tossed across the clearing unconscious.

Pain... so much pain...

He knew it hadn't been a full werewolf— the sun wasn't even down yet and the full moon was two weeks away— but those teeth had been as sharp as fangs when they'd pierced his neck.

Sirius had barely enough energy to transform back into his human form when he felt himself being dragged. Two arms had hooked underneath his biceps and pulled him backwards along the ground away from the giant oak tree.

"_Sirius!_ Oh god, hold on, mate," James moaned.

Sirius took a rattled breath. Warm blood was spilling down his throat and into his lungs.

Kate stepped forward, cupped the back of his head, and held it steady as she poured tiny droplets of Dittany Essence over his shredded skin. It hissed and stung as it sealed back together.

Spluttering and coughing up clotted blood, he sat up leaning heavily on James for support.

"Are you alright?" James breathed. He was whiter than usual and the disguises Kate had used to transfigure him had now completely worn off.

"Yeah… I think I'm good. Thanks for getting him off me, Kate."

Sirius didn't like the tense silence that followed his sentence. He looked up and caught James' eye.

"Sorry, mate," James said.

Sirius looked at Peter.

"Not you too?"

Peter looked down at his lap in shame. His wand was still in his hand.

"Great," Sirius spat. "Now the whole bloody Ministry of Magic knows we're out here in the middle of fucking nowhere doing underage combat magic!"

No sooner had the words left his mouth than a large brown barn owl swooped low over them, dropped two envelopes with Ministry seals, and then flew off.

"Oh, fuck you!" Sirius yelled after it.

Kate was busy scrambling in her bag for something, while glancing up nervously at the base of the tree.

"Forget being expelled, you three, and keep your wands on that trunk," she whispered, trembling slightly. She pulled out a pre-sealed letter and waved her own wand once through the air. The barn owl, that had flown high above them and seemed ready to disappear again, flipped over into a mid air u-turn and came to rest next to them on the ground, glaring reproachfully at Sirius.

"This goes to the Auror department," Kate whispered to it. "It's urgent, make sure they understand it's a life or death situation."

The owl puffed up importantly and took flight, vanishing with a little _pop!_ about ten yards away.

"What do we do now?" Peter whispered.

Kate snatched up James' Invisibility cloak, moved closer to the other three and tossed it over their heads. It didn't cover all of them, but it allowed them to look freely over the boulder without anyone who might come up the tunnel from seeing them.

"Now… we wait."

They all turned back to watch for any presence of movement around the tunnel. Kate took a long look at the roots before bursting out furiously.

"Is there anything_ else_ besides Sirius being an illegal Animagus that you three need to tell me?"

Sirius grinned. She was positively fuming.

"Er," James said in a small voice. "Peter and I are Animagus too…"

Stunned silence followed, in which Kate seemed to radiate anger.

"Kate, we might as well be upfront with you," Sirius admitted. "The three of us have no intention of sitting in your brothers' Inn while the Aurors take care of our dirty work—,"

"You wouldn't _dare_—!"

"There's a Floo network up the road, away from the dock, that goes into a wizard home. We know the name of the family and the house and there is _nothing_ you can do to stop us from going through it the second we're near a fireplace."

Kate let out a loud growl of annoyance and clutched her face in frustration. James and Sirius both reach up to clap her shoulders.

"Knew you'd take it well," James said matter-of-factly.

"Shh!" Peter hissed. "Do you hear that?"

There was a grunting noise coming from somewhere near them. With a jolt they realized the werewolf man they'd stunned was coming-to. He whimpered in a very canine-like way, tested putting pressure on his leg, and when it gave out, lifted his head to the sky and let out a loud howl.

"Shit!"

Kate threw the cloak off and took aim.

"_Silencio!"_

She flicked her wand again and ropes sprang out of thin air, bound the werewolf around the limbs and mouth, and left him wriggling on the ground.

But the damage was done.

"They'll have heard that," Kate said, looking again at the twisted trunk. "Be ready, in case those Ministry officials decide to take their sweet time—."

James folded the cloak up and they all stood in silence, listening hard. Sirius realized after a long while that the rumbling sound of voices he'd heard with his ultra-sensitive dog ears were now audible for his human ears.

_CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!_

All four of them jumped violently in shock. Above them, several birds took flight all at once as the continuous air-splitting claps reverberated into the distance.

If they hadn't been standing in the middle of a forest, Sirius would have expected to look around and see fireworks lighting off. The sounds of a hundred Aurors all Apparating into a single clearing in the time space of ten seconds was nothing short of deafening.

Kate immediately threw her wand on the ground in front of her and held her hands up. The other three copied and watched as several Aurors immediately began magically combing the area for hidden spells and traps. Another group of them held out strange silver ornaments that whirred and lit up. The rest just stared curiously at the four of them, muttering to themselves.

One Auror broke away from the rest of the crowd and approached them, followed by a taller Ministry official in crimson robes.

"Are you Katherine O'Falin?" the Auror asked.

"Yes, that's me," she breathed.

He nodded and lifted a golden metal rod from his pocket, passing it up and down each of them as the other man surveyed them with intense scrutiny.

"They're clear," the Auror croaked when he'd finished. Six Aurors had moved forward to interrogate the werewolf bound nearby.

"You may pick up your wands," the Ministry official said.

"We've got positive readings!" one of the Aurors called over to him, holding one of the spinning instruments.

"How many?"

"More than we thought… looks like over a hundred."

When Kate had stood back up and placed her wand in her pocket, the man extended his hand.

"Bartemius Crouch. I'm the Head of the Magical Law Enforcement Department and will be directing the Aurors' operations today."

Kate shook his hand. Crouch all but ignored the other three.

"You are a werewolf, are you not?" he asked bluntly. He watched her closely for her reaction.

"Y-yes, sir… but I've grown up in civilized society."

"So have Death Eaters," Crouch said coldly.

"I'm not a Death Eater."

"So how did you just _happen_ to find this place without an inside connection?"

Kate's face turned red.

"I'm not a spy!"

"That will be for us to determine," Crouch said dismissively.

His eyes flicked over to James and Sirius and Peter, as if noticing them for the first time.

"And _who_ are _you_?"

"We're Kate's assistants," James said quickly. "Our friend was attacked and killed by a werewolf in August. We contacted Kate about searching for Greyback first— it was our idea."

"So if anyone's in trouble it should be us," Sirius finished.

Crouch glared at Sirius for a moment.

"How old are you three?"

"Seventeen," they lied in unison.

"How did you get access to Ministry werewolf records? That is the only way to locate and contact a dangerous magical half-breed."

Kate turned even redder as his brazen comments hit her.

"Through Dr. Jerome Leibrock."

Crouch's eyes widened.

"The Canadian potioneer?"

"Yes."

Crouch frowned at him again, his eyes boring hard into Sirius' grey ones.

"We will need to have a discussion once this is over. For now, either prepare to fight or clear out."

And without so much as a thank-you for discovering the compound, he turned on his heel and prepared to address the force of Aurors.

Sirius scowled at his back.

"What an arse," Peter mumbled.

"Your attention, please!" Crouch called out.

Kate was now engrossed in conversation with one of the Aurors, so the three of them crept around to stand at the edge of the gathering crowd. As silence fell in the group they could hear a dozen more loud cracks as more Aurors Apparated in.

"Everyone listen up! As all of you have been informed, we have strong suspicion that Fenrir Greyback, the most wanted werewolf in Britian, is operating out of these woods in an underground compound that could very well be directly beneath our feet."

Several Aurors shifted, murmuring loudly again to each other. Sirius could feel a rumbling vibration now coming from the ground and glanced nervously over to the entrance of the tunnel.

"Greyback is a known murderer," Crouch went on, "which means capturing him is of the utmost importance. He has managed to escape capture from the Ministry twice already. That will _not_ be happening today."

He put particular emphasis and power into his last sentence, and several of the Aurors cried out in agreement.

"If he wants to, he has the power and means to summon You-Know-Who. Whether he would come to Greyback's aid is debatable, but we will need around twenty to stand guard outside just in case. I will be in charge of the guard, and Alastor here will be in charge of the surge. Before I hand command over to him though, take note— if you need to, aim to kill. I'd rather have a dead werewolf on my hands than a monster at large. If you feel that _any_ spell, technically defined within the realms of Dark Magic or the Unforgivable curses, would help you in taking down these half-breeds, do not hesitate in using it. On behalf of the Minister of Magic and the entire Department of Magical Law Enforcement, you are hereby granted permission to use any spell you deem necessary for the purposes of this raid. Does everyone understand?"

There was a rumbling chorus of confirmation, but the three of them could tell not all the Aurors agreed with Crouch's stance on Dark Magic. Sirius didn't blame them. As far as he was concerned, Dark Magic was Dark Magic, whether it was used by Voldemort or the chief Auror himself.

One of the Aurors in front lifted his wand and cast what seemed to be five bright silver Patronus' that scampered off through the trees.

"Alastor," Crouch said wearily. "I don't think calling the Order of the Phoenix is entirely necessary…"

"I won't get them involved down _there_," a gravelly voice answered, "but they can fight off Death Eaters a damn shot better than you can, Barty."

A vein bulged on Crouch's temple from irritation as the Auror limped forward and took the stage from him.

"I need fifty lead fighters for my first team to gather over here," he yelled out, his heavily scarred face nodding to a clearing on his left. "Thirty back-up fighters, gather around that boulder over there with Dawlish. Anyone who knows how to perform some damn good shield charms, wait where you are, you'll be responsible for getting our wounded out to St. Mungos and reviving anyone who's been stunned. Anyone who's left will wait with Barty and keep an eye out for the Death Eaters. If they show up, they become our _first priority_!"

He barked the last two words loudly and then ordered everyone to move to their posts before limping off.

"Where do you want to go?" Sirius murmured.

"Nowhere," James said, and pulled out his cloak. "We're going in under this."

Sirius grinned wickedly.

"Let's get to Greyback first, you think?"

"Exactly."

Looking around to make sure no one was watching them, they snuck away from the others and gathered close on the other side of a tree.

"Should we go in first? Get ahead of them?"

Peter gulped fearfully as they laid the cloak on top of their heads.

Their feet showed a little bit so James pointed his wand at each in turn and cast a Disillusionment charm. And not five seconds later, a second brown Ministry owl swoop out of nowhere and plopped an envelope on the ground next to them.

"I've got one more warning until I'm officially expelled," James laughed.

"They'll let us back in though, won't they?" Peter whimpered.

Sirius and James roared with laughter at the worry in his voice.

They looked over and saw Kate finish up her conversation with an Auror who had been scribbling away on a clipboard. Sirius watched her with narrowed eyes as she glance around at Crouch, crept sideways towards the oak tree and then stared into the darkness of the tunnel. It looked like she was in deep contemplation. The wind rustled her wispy hair as her gaunt eyes stared glazed over into the chasm.

"Kate," Sirius murmured, wondering what she was up to.

Kate looked round one more time, squared her shoulders and—

"KATE!"

She had run straight into the tunnel alone, and they were running, running as fast as their feet could take them, to stop her, to pull her back. The cloak was tugged around in their haste, and before no time, they had all three ducked down and breached the entrance to the most real example of Hell they had ever known.

The stench of damp fur and body odor assaulted their senses.

"_Lumos!"_

All three of them pointed forward. The temperature had dropped almost twenty degrees inside. Icy water dripped from the ceiling ahead of them.

Now illuminated, they could see the tunnel continue on for almost fifty yards ahead as it sloped steeply downwards. It then split into two forks that veered sharply in the opposite directions. Kate must have disappeared in the split second before their charm. They had no way of knowing which fork she took.

"Anyone got a coin we could flip?" Sirius spat sarcastically as they reached the end of the tunnel.

"Is she right or left handed?" James asked. "Usually you're more inclined to chose based on your wand hand."

But then, right as they stood in the center of the fork, something happened— a rumbling of war cries and cheers, of snarls and howls, of thundering footsteps and the scramble of a hundred feet.

Was Kate being attacked?

They listened hard… all of the noise, which was growing louder, came from the left fork of the tunnel.

The thrill of action swooped inside Sirius. He looked to his right and looked at James and Peter like it was the last time he ever would, giving them both the ghost of a smile before starting into the left tunnel.

As soon as they'd rounded the corner, they hastily extinguished the light on their wands. For just down a second short corridor, they found themselves at the back of an enormous underground room filled with people. Gnarled roots leaked in like giant worms on the walls and ceiling. The orange flickering glow of torches dimly illuminated the crowd.

Sirius had never seen people like them before. They were dressed in the furs of other animals and rags. All of them were smeared with mud. They weren't acting like people at all— instead of sitting or standing normally, they leaned forward on their arms or crouched down like members of an actual wolf pack.

The three of them stared, from under the cloak, as one werewolf crawled onto a raised mound of rocks and mud, and let out another howl of rage. The walls shook and trembled as dozens joined in, lifting their faces skyward.

Sirius pulled the other two by the elbow to inch along the back wall. Sensing the pack was soon going to retreat and march outside, they needed to get out of the way of the entry tunnel. But as they edged sideways towards the corner, they noticed a second passageway that led off the main room. It was an entire system of tunnels that wound together, twisting and turning into other rooms, other corridors. It could have gone on forever, for all they knew… under the entire forest.

As they stood there, peering into the distance of torch-lit hallways, Sirius looked around for Kate. It was obvious she wasn't here— she would have stuck out like a sore thumb in a sea of such uncivilized people. But as he scanned the crowd, something caught his eye.

"Oy," he whispered. "Look at that man over there, the one standing next to the werewolf with the fox tail around his neck."

James and Peter squinted to where he was pointing. As soon as they found him, both of them lit up with realization.

"He has a wand."

Sirius grinned.

The man standing next to the wizard, who was wearing a fox tail like a fiery red mane, leaned over and growled something in his ear. As they conversed, the werewolf on his other side made a sudden movement and lifted— _a wand_— into the air, casting a spell of red sparks. The crowd jeered in a battle cry, their enthusiasm swelling up once more.

"Two wizards flanking him and taking his orders?" James mused. "You know what I'm thinking?"

"Way ahead of you, mate," Sirius muttered.

The three of them looked back over, studying Fenrir Greyback for the first time. He had dark matted hair and light colored whiskers all over his pock-marked face. As he spoke, they caught glimpses of sharp yellowing teeth. A smug expression adorned his wolfish face as he looked proudly at his army and bared his teeth in a horrifying imitation of a smile.

Sirius _hated_ him.

He hated the mane of fur he wore almost like a uniform. He hated his long yellowing nails, the same nails that had splattered blood over Lily's letter when he'd shredded it. He hated those eyes, those eyes that had seen the life leave Remus' beautiful face…

Sirius lifted his wand and before James or Peter could stop him, cried out "_Incendio!"_

Flames— hot burning, hellfire flames— devoured Greyback whole. Sirius could hear him howling in pain as Peter and James grabbed his arms in a viselike grip and dragged him hurriedly out of the room and down the winding tunnels.

Once Sirius had come to his senses, he began to run full-out, the cloak now just barely covering them as they ran as deep as they could into the underground maze. They turned sharply and randomly, trying to lose anyone on their tails, not once looking back to see if anyone was following them. Finally, they rounded a corner and ran headfirst into a dead end, toppling over each other and pressing into the wall.

Panting, James crawled forward on his hands and knees to look around the corner.

"No one… I don't think… I don't think they're following us."

Sirius got to his feet. There was nothing but silence around them. He walked around the edge, tip-toed cautiously to the end of the longer corridor and peered around that corner as well. Peter followed him and together they lifted their wands to cast spells from floor to ceiling.

_"Cave Inimicum!"_

_"Muffliato!"_

_"Protego Totalus!"_

_"Salvio Hexia!"_

_"Protego Horribilis!"_

"That's enough," James panted. He was stretched out with his back against the wall, clutching a stitch in his side. Sirius dropped down across from him, trying to catch his own breath.

"You just… burned someone alive," James breathed.

Sirius' mind was reeling.

"He deserved it."

"I know, but still... I just… can't believe you did it."

"Do you think he's dead?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged.

"I dunno. I hope so."

They sat for a moment in stunned silence. The air was thinner and damper now. An uncomfortable feeling of claustrophobia sank into them as they realized just how far underground they must be.

"_Auguamenti_," Peter murmured, and drank from a stream of water that flowed from his wand before offering some to James and Sirius.

It felt like ages that they sat there, straining their ears for sounds of movement around the corner. Lost in thought, they panted themselves calm, wondering where Kate was and what was going on above them… wondering if they'd ever see the light of day again…

They all knew they couldn't stay there forever. Slowly, they began to mentally prepare themselves once more for battle. But as they began to gather up their bravery again, they finally heard something.

_"James? Sirius? Peter? Anyone!"_

Sirius jumped. He reached into his pocket and couldn't stop the smile from bursting across his face when he saw Kate's face staring out at him from the small rectangular mirror he'd completely forgotten about.

"Kate! Thank god you're alive!"

James and Peter moved over to sit next to him.

"You're all safe!" she said, half crying at them through the mirror. "I was so worried, I didn't realize anyone had seen me enter and by the time I knew you were following me I couldn't turn back!"

"We were under James' cloak."

Kate sobbed and they saw her eyes dart around the room she was in, staring fixatedly on something in front of her.

"Kate, where are you?"

"Are you in danger?"

"No, no, it's not that," she choked. Her voice was thick and she reached up to wipe her nose messily on the back of her sleeve. "I took the right tunnel once I'd gotten to the end of the main one. It was completely deserted and when I backtracked five minutes later to look out into the main hallway I saw all the werewolves emptying out of the left tunnel. They were all rushing into the woods and leaving to fight. So I stayed behind and started looking for any werewolves that were hiding. And I found… I found these sealed off rooms…"

She continued talking but her words became incoherent as she dissolved into fresh sobs, tears now falling freely from her eyes.

"Kate, we can't understand you," James sighed. "Just calm down, alright? Everything's going to be fine."

"I'm sorry… but you don't understand… it's just that I found… I found someone…," she said thickly, and they stared— utterly bewildered— as she choked again on her tears and then… smiled.

"Kate?" Sirius said weakly.

Her smiled trembled a little and she sniffed noisily again before stammering—

"I found Remus."

* * *

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	25. And Then There Were Four

Sirius stared at the mirror with an anguished expression on his face. There were so many emotions rushing through him— relief, sadness, heartache. It was completely overwhelming. Next to him, James let out a deep sigh as the air was expelled from his lungs in shock.

"You found him?" James whispered. "It doesn't look like… it doesn't look like he suffered or anything, does it?"

Kate shook her head and started half laughing, half crying, but before she could say another word the tunnel the three of them were sitting in suddenly trembled.

"What was that?" Sirius whispered, looking around.

Small streams of dirt and sand spilled from a few cracks in the ceiling. A thunderous boom had shaken them at the same time. As they sat there, frozen in shock, another crash emanated towards them, coming from somewhere high above.

"You don't think— it can't be collapsing, could it?"

"You guys!"

Sirius lifted the mirror. Kate was now yelling at them, terrified.

"They're destroying the tunnels! The Aurors— they don't realize we're down here!"

The three of them sprang to their feet at once as a third, much louder, _BOOM!_ shook their corridor.

"Kate! Can you get out safely?"

"Yes, just _go_, quickly! Apparate next to that boulder we were hiding behind, it's a much shorter distance than where I'm going, I need to get to St. Mungos—,"

"_What_? Why do you need to—?"

_BOOM!_

An earsplitting crash rained down on them. Dust filled the air and thick chunks of stone and dirt fell hard, suffocating them as they reached out blindly for the others' hands and turned on the spot, concentrating hard on their destination. Their fingers dug painfully into the others forearms as they all struggled to help each other through the spell. And just when darkness pressed in on them— leaving them wondering if they were going to make it out at all— the air cleared, their feet came back in contact with the ground, and dim sunlight fell over them as they collapsed gratefully into the snow.

Sirius opened his eyes. Spells were flying fast in all directions. As his lungs fought to expel the dust from his throat, his mind registered the presence of several cloaked figures in white masks dueling furiously with a crowd of Aurors. Sirius saw one of them aim their wand at a young man not ten feet from where they lay, and he reacted on instinct.

"_Protego!"_

The spell ricocheted off his shield charm. With a scream of terror, the Death Eater fell to the ground, impaled on his own curse with several bleeding slash wounds across his chest.

The Auror looked around in surprise for the source of the shield charm and ran doubled-over to their fort behind the boulder.

"Thanks mate!" he yelled. "We've nearly got them all now!"

He pulled back the sleeve of his robe and started mending a deep gash on his arm as the three of them looked around.

It was true. While there were several fallen Aurors being tended to, well over double the number of Death Eater's and werewolves were lying unconscious on the ground.

Sirius and James grinned to each other, pulling their wands out and standing up back-to-back to take aim at any remaining Death Eaters in sight.

_"Incarcerous!"_

_"Stupefy!"_

_"Petrificus Totalus!"_

Peter was still crouching down low behind the boulder, keeping a constant Shield Charm alive around them.

The young wizard watched them closely as his wound melted itself back together. When he was done testing his wand arm again, he joined in with the group of Aurors that were busy pummeling spells at the forest floor, continuing their work of destroying the tunnels beneath.

Sirius' arm ached from swirling it so fast. He was dueling harder than he'd ever thought himself capable of. Thinking of revenge, and of his Remus, a surge of power rushed through his fingertips, straight through his wand, and produced a stunning charm so powerful that it blasted through the Death Eater's spell and knocked him unconscious. He moved on to another, ready to take down as many as he could.

There was no better feeling than this, no drug that could take him higher.

As he aimed another stunning spell at a Death Eater though, he saw out of the corner of his eye as one of them shot the Dark Mark into the air.

With a jolt, he realized what they were about to do.

"Damnit!" Sirius yelled loudly as the remaining dozen Death Eaters swirled and Dissaparated away with twelve loud _cracks!_

"Bloody cowards," James spat in disappointment. "I was just getting warmed up."

Peter stopped casting the Shield Charm and stood shakily.

"Thanks Pete," they grinned at him as he leaned against the boulder.

"H-how many did you get?"

James pointed at a Death Eater lying on the ground.

"That one. _Shit_ he was tricky, kept deflecting with a nonverbal spell. I was working on a second when they fled."

"Well, uh," Sirius said smugly, "if you count the one I saved that Auror from, I got two."

"_Well, uh_, fuck you then," James mocked jealously.

Sirius and Peter started laughing and looked around at the bustling crowd of Aurors.

At the exact same time, they all came back to their senses about what they'd been talking about with Kate before having to escape. As their laughter subsided, it was replaced with sorrow and the dull feel of mourning. They had all been through this before, in the months behind them. They were very familiar by now with the affliction of grief.

"At least he's going home," James said depressingly. "On Christmas."

Peter nodded.

Sirius tried to speak but found he couldn't. There was a lump in his throat that had temporarily blocked his voice.

For a long while, they leaned against the boulder and watched Aurors Dissaparating back and forth to the hospital to get their casualties treated.

"Should we get over to St. Mungos, then?" Peter said finally.

Sirius sighed.

"Yeah. I suppose we should find Kate, anyway."

They all straightened up, ready to Apparate together, when the young Auror from earlier ran up to them.

"Are you leaving?" he said breathlessly. "I didn't get the chance to meet you properly. That was some wicked dueling you three did back there. I haven't seen that kind of teamwork in years."

They grinned awkwardly at him.

"And thanks again," he said to Sirius. "It's my first official mission, I would have felt like such a rookie if I'd been taken out like that."

Sirius was struck with a sudden idea.

"What'd you say your name was?"

"I didn't," he grinned. "It's Frank Longbottom, though."

"Well, my name's Sirius Black, and this is James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. And… we could use some help from someone like you."

Frank raised his eyebrows

"Uh… how so?"

James realized where Sirius was going with this.

"We've just been expelled," he said.

"From Hogwarts," Sirius elaborated.

"And we'd really like to _not_ be expelled," Peter finished.

Frank laughed at them.

"You wouldn't be expelled if you were defending yourselves."

"Er," Sirius said. "Well… we were the ones doing the attacking in this case. And not all our spells were defensive."

Frank nodded and put his hands on his hips, thinking. He glanced over at Crouch, who was binding ropes around several fallen werewolves.

"I'll do everything I can," he said finally.

"Thanks," Sirius breathed.

They shook hands with him and stood around one more time, a feeling of accomplishment washing over them.

They'd actually done it. And although it would be a bittersweet achievement, they would finally be able to lay Remus to rest where he belonged. None of them had been hurt, and with some luck, none of them would be expelled either.

"Oh no..." James said all of a sudden.

"What?" Peter and Sirius said quickly.

James sighed dramatically.

"It's just that, now that I'm such a hero, poor Lily isn't going to be able to control herself. She's just going to be _all over_ me."

Sirius laughed openly and shook his head.

"Let's just get to St. Mungos, shall we? You two need to write your parents."

"They need to hear from you too," James frowned. "They adopted you, remember?"

"Yeah, you're right. And they love me more anyways."

James shoved him in the shoulder and together they turned, concentrating on the main entry hall of St. Mungos Hospital as they went. With three loud cracks they landed safely, checking themselves to make sure they were all in one piece.

"We're going to ace those Apparation tests," Peter said, smiling widely.

They'd never seen the waiting room so crowded before. There were many injured wizards who had obviously been on the receiving end of some bad Christmas family feuds (or at least, they could only assume that's how one wizard had gotten a nutcracker lodged up his nostril). But the rest of the room was packed with casualties from the battle. Healers were flitting about with clipboards, mending smaller injuries and directing the Aurors to the proper wards. The line to the front desk stretched halfway across the room.

As they stood there one of Healers came up to them with a clipboard.

"Injured or visiting?" she asked briskly.

"Er— we're looking for a friend. Kate— or Katherine— O'Falin?"

The witch scanned her clipboard, flipped the parchment, and scanned the second page as well.

"Ah, here she is. Miss O'Falin was treated for minor bruising and abrasions and released as a visitor to recuperation ward 46 on the Fifth Floor— Spell Damage."

Sirius frowned at her.

"Visitor to _who_?"

The witch flipped the parchment again.

"A Mister Remus Lupin," she said smartly.

They stared at her.

"Huh?" Peter said.

The witch blinked and looked back down.

"Is that wrong? She's also listed as a visitor to a Miss Jacqueline Kelso," she added.

This only deepened their confusion.

"So… when you say visitor…," James said slowly.

"Anyone visiting a patient currently under treatment," she said crisply.

"Even the deceased?"

The Healer frowned at them.

"We don't deal with the deceased here. If you need to identify someone or arrange a funeral, you need to go our outreach center in Bristol."

They stared blankly at her again.

"Is there anything _else_ I can do for you?" she said pointedly.

When none of them answered she huffed and turned to speak with an Auror nearby.

James turned to Sirius and Peter.

"You don't think—?" he breathed.

Sirius looked hard into his eyes. There was a glimmer of hope behind them that he was feeling inside his own chest.

Time seemed to slow down.

It wasn't possible…

Sirius looked around at the staircases that led upstairs.

"C'mon," he said to the other two.

They ran as fast as they could through the crowd, knocking into other patients and rounding the corner up the first flight of stairs.

Sirius could feel the blood rushing in his ears. He was running on pure adrenaline now… but he didn't _dare_ hope for the best… it was perfectly logical the Healer had gotten the wrong information… and if he thought the entire way upstairs that Remus was alive, then found out he wasn't… it would _destroy_ him… it would utterly ruin him forever…

His legs felt like they were going to give out from under him by the time they'd reached the third floor. His lungs were burning in protest, and a sharp cramp in his side was piercing him like a knife by the fourth floor. But they ran on… they kept running, even through their exhaustion, even in their anxiety, they just needed to know for sure, they had to see it for themselves…

Fifth floor.

Sirius ran up to the floor plan on the wall, panting hard, and searched frantically for ward 46. The other two did the same, tracing their fingers swiftly over the map until they located it on a hallway in the far corner of the hospital.

James hit his shoulder and it felt like a jolt of energy shocked him. They started running again, following the numbers higher and higher… ward 8… ward 13… ward 27… ward 32…

When they turned the last corner, they could see a small waiting area around the recuperation wards. Three people were sitting in the chairs and as they ran closer they saw that one of them was—

"Kate!"

Kate jumped and looked around.

"You made it!" she cried out, standing up and meeting them halfway.

She threw her arms around all three of them at once and their heads banged together.

"Ah!"

"Kate! _gheroff_!"

She let go of them and then stood back, staring at them proudly.

"So you've heard?"

Sirius stopped breathing.

"Is Remus… is he…?"

She smiled at him.

"He's here." She breathed. "He's alive."

Peter let out a mix between a scream and a burst of laughter and reached up to clutch his hair. James yelled _"Oh my God!"_ before struggling with himself and grabbing Kate's face to kiss her full on the mouth.

Sirius just lost it.

All those months of composing himself to cry in bathroom stalls. All those nights of muffling his sobs into his pillow. All that effort to hide his grief and preserve any shred of dignity he had left— it vanished in that moment when he sank into the nearest chair, clutched his face, and cried silently but harder than he'd ever cried in his entire life.

"Oh, Pads," James choked weakly. He dropped into the chair next to him and gripped his shoulder.

It didn't help. There was nothing Sirius could do to hold back the tidal wave of relief and desperation that was seeking release.

"No, James, it's okay," Kate whispered. She kneeled down in front of him and patted his knee. "He doesn't need to hold it in anymore. Just let it go, Sirius. It's over."

He pressed both hands hard over his mouth and kept his eyes shut as the emotions rocked through him. It felt like every ounce of tension was being wrung out as he sat there trembling and trying to breathe normally through the tears.

He needed to _see_ him— he _had_ to see him— he had to—

He felt humiliated when he finally moved his hands away five minutes later to wipe his face with Kate's handkerchief. But James looked at him sideways and gave him a small crooked smile and he didn't feel quite as embarrassed.

"Where is he?" Sirius gulped. "Has he asked for us yet?"

Kate pressed her lips together sheepishly.

"He's not awake right now. When I found him I identified him with _Nomen Revelio_," she smiled widely, "and _then_ I realized he was breathing. But he doesn't know he's here right now, he never woke up."

"Well, is he injured?" James asked. "What are they doing to him right now?"

"They're cleaning him up," she said. "He was a bit of a mess. He had some obvious injuries, but I think they're screening for curses and injuries they can't see by first glance."

Sirius looked around and found ward 46 two doors down. He stood up and walked over to it, looking through the large window.

Long yellow curtains were drawn around two beds and five Healers were scurrying around in and out of them. With a jolt, he saw one of them carry bloody bandages away from one bed and dump them into a basket.

"Who's the other patient?"

Kate sighed.

"There was this little girl in there. I think she's a Muggle. They must have kidnapped her and were about to make her their next victim. She looks to be around ten years old. But she's not a werewolf."

Sirius grinned in relief.

"His next victim… you saved her," he muttered to Kate.

She grinned back.

"I never saw Greyback though," she added sadly. "I wanted to pay him back in kind, if you know what I mean."

"We saw him," James said suddenly.

Kate gaped at them.

"You _did_? Did he— was he captured?"

"Er…" Peter said, and both he and James looked at Sirius.

Kate looked at him too.

"I lit him on fire," he admitted bluntly.

Kate looked at him incredulously.

"You did _what? !"_

James and Peter started laughing at them.

Sirius shrugged guiltily, grinning a little and looking back into the window of ward 46. The Healers were now taking off their gloves and talking amongst themselves. One of them saw Sirius peering inside and walked over.

Sirius stepped back, craning his neck to try and get a better look inside as the door opened and the wizard walked out.

"Are you relatives?"

"We're here to see Remus," he said quickly. "His parents are deceased, we're his best friends."

The Healer nodded.

"His condition is stable right now," he said. "He's been inflicted with quite a few curses over the last few months, and he's had several injuries sustained from his monthly transformations that haven't been treated properly. He'll need to stay here for a few weeks to recover."

"Can we see him?" James pleaded.

The Healer smiled.

"Well, he's not awake yet. We've put him under an intense purging spell that will keep him in a very deep sleep until all harmful curses have been eliminated from his system. But we've cleaned him up. As long as you don't disturb him in any way, you can come see him."

They gathered around and, holding their breath, followed the wizard over to the right-hand bed and through the curtains.

And there he was.

Sirius couldn't keep the smile off his face.

Remus was lying on his back, his upper body propped up slightly by the bed. The sheets were pulled up under his arms and his hands lay gently across his chest. He could have been carved out of marble in his peacefulness.

Sirius moved closer and sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at the boy he never thought he'd see alive again.

He had to stop himself from reaching up to brush his fingers over those lips, over those soft eyelashes, or along the curve of his cheek and jaw line.

And yet, Remus still didn't look quite the same as they remembered.

His brown hair was longer now by several inches. The bones they could see in his face, hands, and clavicle, were defined from a drastic loss of weight. And they could see several new scars around his neck, including four thin slash marks than ran right through his face.

But he was beautiful. Sirius couldn't imagine anyone more beautiful, more fucking _perfect_, than Remus, in the entire world.

All three of them felt some deep innate connection seal up again. Remus had been the glue that held them all together. And now, with him back, they felt like they were complete again.

James looked around at the Healer.

"Can we stay with him? How long will it take for him to wake up?"

The wizard picked up a clipboard.

"He should be waking up sometime in the next two days. But that just covers spell damage. Some of his wounds will take at least a week to fully heal. He's been through a lot. The only good thing we can say is that his mind hasn't been altered or damaged in anyway."

The Healer set the clipboard down and took a deep breath.

"And we're not going to release him until his strength is up to normal standards. He's lost a significant amount of weight, and a lot of it has been muscle mass. If he woke up right now I doubt he'd have enough strength to walk across the room."

Sirius looked back down at him.

_"Oh, fuck it,"_ he thought, before reaching up and gently caressing the locks of brown hair on his forehead. He was so soft and warm and _alive_.

"If we hadn't found him," he said out loud, "how much longer could he have survived?"

James and Peter looked around too as the Healer thought about it.

"I'd say another month. Maybe a month and a half. He couldn't have lived through two more transformations, that's for sure. Whoever was keeping him wasn't healing him or feeding him properly."

Sirius sighed, trying not to imagine everything Remus must have gone through. He felt sick and guilty for having a warm bed to sleep in these last months, for having three meals a day, even for having sunshine.

He looked around wanting to speak to Kate, wanting to tell her a million times how grateful they were for her cooperation and for basically saving Remus' life. They would never have been able to find him without her help.

But she wasn't standing around the bed. He got up and pushed the curtain aside.

She was standing next to a desk in the corner, staring horrified at a copy of the Evening Prophet.

"Kate?" he said, stepping closer. "Kate, are you alright?"

She didn't answer.

Feeling more nervous by the second, he walked over to her and looked down at the headline across the front page.

_MINISTRY RAIDS WEREWOLF COMPOUND: FENRIR GREYBACK ESCAPES AGAIN_

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><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~<strong>


	26. Half the Battle

The sun came up behind a thick icy haze of fog the next morning. As Sirius stared out the hospital window into the bustling Muggle city beyond, lost in thought, Kate's voice drifted in and interrupted his daydream.

"I had no right telling you not to play hero, you know."

He looked around at her. She was curled up in a squashy green armchair, her hair messy from sleep.

"I mean, look what I did. Ran straight in there without a second thought. I'm a right hypocrite is what I am."

Sirius propped his head against his hand and surveyed her.

"Yeah, you are. But you're the bravest hypocrite I know."

She laughed sleepily and rubbed her cheeks. The pre-mature wrinkles on her face seemed a little more obvious in the harsh morning light.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

"No," she laughed bitterly. "But I will be… eventually."

"Just… don't be too hard on yourself. I've been there before, and looking back on it… it's pointless."

Kate shook her head, glancing again at the Evening Prophet.

"Just knowing I was _so close_… and now I'm back to square one."

She sniffed and wrapped her wooly blanket tighter around her shoulders. Sirius didn't know what else to say to her, so he went back to staring out the window.

At nine in the morning their room was now packed with a cozy amount of people. Both Mr. and Mrs. Potter had arrived in the night and settled themselves in the corner around the radio. Kate's brother had shown up as well to bring blankets and food in the early hours of the morning. The only relatives Remus had left, an aunt and uncle and two small cousins, had come to visit and conjured up a large sofa to share. Everyone was still snoozing silently. James and Peter hadn't woken up yet either. Peter was snoring on a make-shift bed he'd made out of three waiting chairs. And James was sitting in another chair, lying forward on his arms on the bottom half of Remus' mattress.

Remus himself continued to lay motionless, breathing softly, having not moved a single inch in the course of the night or previous evening. Neither had the little Muggle girl, Jacqueline, who was under a similar comatose-state until her and her parents' memories could be properly modified.

For a while, Sirius stared blearily back out the window. Every time he'd been close to falling asleep properly, he'd jerked awake, convinced that Remus had spoken his name, had called out for him. He didn't want to miss the moment when those gorgeous brown eyes would crack open and see for the first time that he was free, that he was safe, and that Sirius was _never_ going to let anything happen to him again.

In the faint reflection of the glass window pane, he saw a slow movement as the hospital door creaked open. He frowned and looked around.

"Hello, Sirius."

Sirius jumped to his feet.

"Professor! I— we weren't expecting you."

Kate turned around too. Albus Dumbledore, dressed in sweeping purple robes, slid the rest of the way into the room and shut the door behind him.

"I was contacted hours ago with the information that some of my students were involved in the raid," he said, walking over to the foot of Remus' bed. "They didn't have to tell me _who_ they were, of course. I knew the second they said 'three 6th years'."

Sirius smirked guiltily and shoved his hands in his pockets. Kate cleared her throat and got unsteadily to her feet.

"You must be Miss O'Falin," Dumbledore said, smiling widely and shaking her hand.

She smiled back timidly.

"I'm— I'm sorry I put your students in danger, sir," she said quickly. "I respect you very much, and—,"

"There's no need to apologize," Dumbledore said, waving his hand cheerfully. "I've known these three long enough to know they put themselves in danger no matter what the consequences. It is at least _some_ comfort that this time they had adult supervision."

Sirius edged sideways and kicked James in the shin.

"Huh?" he grunted, lifting his head. He caught sight of Dumbledore and froze. "Oh, shit."

Dumbledore laughed.

"A well-suited response."

James stood up and stepped around the bed to wake Peter. As he moved, Dumbledore looked down at Remus, his piercing blue eyes roving around thoughtfully.

"It's always hard," he said finally, "when I lose one within my Order. It's hard because I know they won't be there to celebrate with us in the end, someday. But to lose a student to this war…"

Dumbledore pursed his lips and sighed out through his long crooked nose.

"Their loss is the hardest to bear. I think Remus especially, because of the injustice and pain he's dealt with all his life… of how much _more_ injustice he doesn't realize is waiting for him out in the real world."

He tore his eyes off Remus and looked up at the three of them standing there, not sure of what to say in response.

"I am… _beyond_ grateful to you three for what you've done to bring him home. But, as usual these days, my feelings on the matter are… not in consensus."

James and Sirius glanced at each other.

"Professor, did you come to visit Remus or…?"

Dumbledore smiled.

"No, you're quite right. I'm not here just to see Remus. I came on orders to fetch you three. You and Miss O'Falin here will need to be questioned by Bartemius Crouch and Alastor Moody in a secluded Ministry office on the ground floor. Needless to say, this has all been an embarrassment for them."

James looked aghast.

"We're being questioned alone?"

"No...," Dumbledore said with a rather mischievous grin, "you will also be joined by the highest ranking law official inside the entire Ministry judicial system. The Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot! —whom I've heard has _quite_ the temper."

James and Peter looked nervously at each other but Sirius just winced at Dumbledore sarcastically, not the least bit fooled.

"Which is you."

Dumbledore chuckled.

"Yes. Me."

Sirius glanced across at Remus again. What if he woke up while they were being interrogated?

"Remus is in good hands," Dumbledore said, reading his mind. "Much better, in fact, than you four are about to be. Along with your discovery of the compound, they will be discussing your pending expulsions."

Sirius bit his lip and nodded.

"We need to head down now?"

"Yes. As soon as you can be ready."

Sirius thought back to all his Ministry and laboratory files… which were tucked under his four-poster bed back at Hogwarts.

This wasn't going to be easy. They'd broken about a hundred rules on top of having nothing to provide to corroborate their story.

He felt a little nudge in his elbow and looked around to find Kate smiling at him.

"C'mon, pretty boy, don't fret about it," she said, reaching up to ruffle his hair. "What are they going to do, chuck us in Azkaban for doing their jobs for them?"

Sirius blinked. Well… when she put it that way…

He just couldn't help but think of how many things could go wrong… if they found out all three of them were illegal Animagi… if they decided Sirius should not only be expelled, but be ordered back to live with his family again on top of everything.

But, just then, he thought again about the dark entrance to Greyback's underground realm. He thought back to every obstacle they had conquered, all the hard work they put forth in research, all the loopholes they had to jump through to find the right place. And then he thought of everything Remus had to endure for months on end, hungry, scared, and completely alone.

In the scheme of things, nothing seemed impossible to conquer anymore.

"Let's just get this shit over with," he mumbled to James and led the way out of the ward.

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>"How'd you think she's coping?"<p>

Sirius shrugged.

"I don't think she's nearly as nervous about the Ministry as she was before yesterday."

James grinned.

"It _was_ one hell of a way to earn her stripes."

They were all sitting in waiting chairs around the closed-off Ministry office on the ground floor of St. Mungos. One could hardly even call it a Ministry office though— it had had nothing but a small Floo that could summon witnesses, solid metal furniture and bare grey walls.

Kate was currently being questioned alone. For the previous hour it had been their turn, all three of them being harassed together about how they had managed to track Greyback's location to the exact spot.

It'd been absolutely exhausting— Crouch had continuously asked the same basic questions over and over again, in different ways and in random order, as he tried to catch them all in a lie. Each of their responses had been recorded in precise detail, and if they answered in a slightly different manner the next time he asked it, the responses were then cross-examined and pitched back to them as Crouch demanded more of an explanation.

And at the conclusion of the meeting, Crouch had ominously mentioned that their expulsions were still pending.

Sirius sighed tiredly and leaned forward, rubbing his face in his hands. Irritation was burning inside him as he thought back to that idiot's words during the middle of the meeting half an hour ago…

"_Mr. Black, is it true you knowingly lied to myself and another senior Ministry officer during the raid about the illegality of your age?"_

"_Yes."_

"_So judging by first impressions, would you assume it justified we take your every word into extreme suspicion?"_

"_Ye— No."_

"_Yes and No?"_

"_No, I meant no."_

"_Well, __**that's**__ convincing…"_

"_It was your damn fault we were even out there in the first place! Underage or not!"_

"_Sirius, calm down—,"_

"_But Professor, they're—,"_

"_Yes, Dumbledore, stay out of it! I'll have you know, young man, that unlike you, we do not have the luxury of running around aimlessly in the forests of the country searching randomly on a whim. We actually have __**protocol**__ and __**laws**__ that we abide by, and a million other more current cases to deal with! Your insinuations that we have not been doing our jobs properly are not helping your case in the least…"…_

Crouch's pompous voice echoed in his ears and then faded away.

They'd been ordered to remain outside until Kate's testimony was given. She needed to first confirm their side of the story before being subjected to her own line of questioning. As they sat there, quietly fuming over the sheer nerve Crouch had, they would all occasionally burst out with angry rhetorical questions, unable to keep their frustrations inside their chests.

"I don't understand _how_ they have the nerve to tell us we did anything wrong," James blurted out suddenly. "Weren't they the idiots who decided it was such a great fucking idea to destroy the tunnels before they'd even _bothered_ checking to see if anyone innocent was down there?"

Sirius threw his hands in a mixture of agreement and equal astonishment.

"Exactly! If Kate hadn't been there, they would have just finished Remus off for Greyback!"

They all seethed in irritation and went back to stewing in their own anger.

Another ten minutes passed… then twenty… then forty…

There was a soft scuffling noise from behind the steel door and then the sound of the lock clicking open. All three of them straightened up and stared anxiously as it was opened and Alastor Moody stepped out, followed closely by Kate and then— Frank Longbottom.

"Hey," he said, grinning.

They grinned back nervously, their eyes darting between Frank and Moody.

"Based on some new… evidence… we're reversing your expulsions," Moody growled. His scarred face seemed a little twisted and it took them a second to realize he was grinning at them.

They all smiled widely in relief and James did a victorious _whoop!_ with his fist in the air.

They couldn't have cared less about being kicked out of Hogwarts— they just realized that if they weren't being expelled, that definitely meant neither Crouch nor Dumbledore had discovered they were all Animagi— something that could have gotten them all in far more serious trouble than just being expelled.

Kate grinned back at them knowingly. Behind her they heard the raised sounds of an irritated voice, the swooshing of Floo being used in a fireplace, and a moment later Dumbledore came out of the room alone with an amused little smile on his face.

"Mr. Crouch wasn't feeling well all of a sudden and decided to head back to his Department immediately," he said politely.

Sirius laughed and thought he saw Dumbledore give him the tiniest of winks.

"Thanks a ton, Frank," James said, stepping forward and wringing his hand in gratitude.

"Anytime, mate," Frank smirked. "I might not be here if it hadn't been for you three."

"Yeah," Moody growled at them. "According to Frank here you'd all make some damn fine Aurors—,"

"I never said that—,"

"Which is saying something cos he's the best new recruit in almost a century—,"

"That's not true either—,"

"I mean, I saw for myself how strong-willed you all were during questioning. With resilience like that, why, I'd be interested in taking you on after you qualify at Hogwarts next year."

Sirius, James and Peter stared at Moody in alarm.

"What— us become Aurors?" Peter said dumbstruck.

"Of course! Constant action and the adventure of taking down more Death Eaters—now tell me that _isn't_ something you'd want to do for the rest of your lives!" Moody glared at them excitedly as if daring them to say no.

They blinked for a moment, considering his words. Voldemort _was_ getting more powerful by the year… and they all did seem born for a job like that… but then again, the Aurors were still a part of the Ministry. A great big building full of laws and rules and restrictions.

Simultaneously, their minds wandered back to Crouch's pretentious attitude and lenient stance on Dark Magic.

"Nope, can't say it is," James piped.

"Nuh-uh," Peter said.

"Just not sure we've got _quite_ what it takes," Sirius added smugly, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't true.

Moody looked extremely put-out and opened his mouth to protest.

"Bad luck, Alastor," Dumbledore interrupted, putting a hand on his shoulder and patting it gently. "Will you two be at the meeting tonight?" he continued with the air of trying to distract Moody from carrying on.

Sirius, James and Peter frowned and glanced between Dumbledore and the Aurors as they spoke.

"If we're not killed before then," Moody growled.

"Right little ray of sunshine, aren't you?" Frank shot at him. "_Yes_, we will, Professor. I'll bring him along in a body bag if necessary. Alice might not make it though, she's working late to cover Dawlish's shift. He's still knocked out upstairs with a great ugly burn on his face, poor thing."

"Yes, yes, poor Dawlish," Dumbledore chuckled. "Have you and Alice set a date for the wedding yet?"

Frank seemed to light up at his words.

"Next August," he chirped, bouncing a little on his heels. "She wants it the same day as the Perseids meteor shower… or something like that. Our invites'll be in the mail sometime next month."

"_Outside at nighttime?" _Moody barked at him. "Just make sure the right safety measures are taken or you're just asking for trouble! Constant and unwavering vigilance must be maintained at all times!"

Frank rolled his eyes and bid everyone farewell before heading down the corridor with Moody limping in toe.

"Professor, were you talking about the Order of Phoenix?" James said immediately.

Dumbledore appeared to stall for a moment.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, but—,"

"Can we come too?" Sirius blurted out eagerly. "We were involved, after all."

"—but we do not accept _any_ members under the age of seventeen, nor any un-qualified wizards. Both of which you all are."

James and Sirius deflated in disappointment. The Order of the Phoenix had an extremely exclusive reputation for being the rebels of law enforcement. They acted outside of the Ministry to combat Death Eaters and anyone else in league with Voldemort. Several articles in the Daily Prophet had been released discussing the intense secrecy in which the Order operated, and how being in the Order of the Phoenix gave you a certain level of prestige amongst Aurors since it only recruited the best of the best. The only downside, of course, seemed to be the abnormally low survival rate.

Dumbledore chuckled at their despondent reactions.

"Don't look so put-out, boys," he sighed. "Perhaps someday when you're ready, you might find the Order a more suitable place for your talents than the Ministry."

They stared at him, hardly daring to believe their ears.

"Just don't be in such a rush to grow up," Dumbledore added. "It's hard enough to be a child in these times, let alone an adult. Take it from someone who knows."

He gave them all a reassuring wink and turned to Kate.

"Miss O'Falin, might I have a word with you… in private?"

Kate nodded fervently, and both she and Dumbledore raised their hands in farewell before strolling away.

"You know, anyone _else_ would have gotten an Order of Merlin First Class for what we did," James spat bitterly as they trudged upstairs again.

"You didn't read the Morning Prophet, did you?"

James and Peter snapped their heads around to look at him.

"I couldn't sleep," Sirius shrugged. "Anyways, they're not saying Remus was recovered from Greyback. They're saying he was _'discovered in critical condition by three of his fellow classmates'_."

"_What_?" James shouted, outraged.

"That makes it sound like we just found him lying in the middle of the bloody road!" Peter exclaimed.

"I think Dumbledore's behind it. He still has to keep Remus' lycanthropy secret as long as he's a student."

James pressed his lips together with a sour expression on his face and muttered something that sounded like, "All those uni-brows…"

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets and walked on in silence.

He couldn't believe that just twenty four hours ago they'd been dueling Death Eaters and werewolves, and had thought Remus to be dead.

In a matter of nine days they'd managed to do what the Aurors hadn't been able to do in years. It still infuriated him, though, that even when they had found the compound, had led them to it, had done all their work for them and basically _placed_ Greyback's in their very hands, the Ministry still failed in capturing him. The negligence of it was eating him up inside.

Now Greyback was still out there, free to attack again, to rise again and to kill again. The fact that he needed to start over from scratch was little comfort… he knew if Greyback had done it once, he could do it again, especially with Voldemort at his side.

Sirius walked through the door to ward 46, engrossed in thought and caught up in his frustrations.

"Dumbledore still should have let us come to the Order meeting," he said out loud, walking past the foot of Remus' bed and kicking the leg of his chair absentmindedly. "It wasn't like coming to the meeting would have meant we were _joining_. It would have just been that— you know— we could tell them everything we found out. I mean, what the hell _else_ are we going to do tonight?"

He glanced at James, wanting some sort of emotional support, but shrank back. James was staring at him with a wide-eyed expression of disbelief and astonishment, and then looked pointedly at Remus' bed.

"Hey, Pads."

Sirius froze.

He hadn't even noticed the group of people now gathered around Remus' bed. He'd been so distracted with his own stupid contemplations that he'd become blind to his surroundings.

And now that he'd come back to his senses, he was paralyzed in the clutches of those brown eyes.

"Remus," he breathed.

Remus was sitting up with his arms wrapped around his knees, looking vulnerable and entirely worn-out. He stared up at Sirius, chewing on the corner of his bottom lip… and time seemed to stop.

James and Peter rushed forward and embraced him, laughing and exclaiming loudly. Remus laughed too, but looked like he was fighting down a large lump in his throat. There was a pained expression in his eyes as he clutched at their shoulders, his eyes searching their faces as if terrified they would vanish at any second.

Sirius' feet seemed to move on their own accord, carrying him closer until he had sunk down into the mattress next to him and wrapped Remus in his arms.

The first thing that just _killed_ him was how much smaller Remus was now— there was hardly anything to him anymore. Sirius could feel the bones in his ribs and shoulders as he held him tighter, and the arms that wrapped around him in return were painfully thin.

But his warmth was so _real_; the softness of his light brown hair against his cheek was so silky. Shivers broke out across his skin when he felt Remus bury his face into his neck and mumble a soft little sentiment that was muffled by Sirius' robes.

"Hi."

Sirius choked a little and let out a bark of laughter.

"Hi," he said back, pulling away and grinning down at him. "How long have you been awake?"

"He woke up around half an hour ago," Remus' aunt answered for him. "We've been trying to fill him in on everything, but he was a little startled, naturally."

"What was the last thing you remember?" James asked.

Remus winced.

"I think I've been out for a few days now."

The three of them noted how Remus didn't properly answer the question, but they weren't going to push the issue in front of everyone.

"I'm sorry we weren't here when you woke up," Sirius said. "I was afraid you'd come-to while we were downstairs…"

Remus smiled at him a little.

" 'S alright, Pads."

Sirius' heart fluttered and his breath caught in his chest. Even after all this time, a smile and a whisper was all Remus had to do to get under his skin.

His aunt slid forward to sit next to Remus and hug his shoulders comfortingly. Sirius had to stop himself from scowling at her— now that she had moved in it would have been inappropriate to stay where he was, so he moved reluctantly next to James instead.

Remus' sunken eyes roamed slowly over everyone staring at him— his family, the Potters, two Healers, and Kate's brother— before he addressed the other three.

"You aren't in trouble, are you? They told me the Ministry was questioning you."

His voice was frail and kept wavering in volume as he spoke.

"We weren't expelled, if that's what you mean," James grinned. "Even if we did break a million rules to find you."

Remus nodded and lowered his head to rest his chin on his knee. He stared down at his sheets drowsily.

"You guys are idiots," he sighed finally.

Sirius doubled over laughing with James and Peter.

" 'S not funny," Remus slurred sleepily.

"We're not laughing at that," Peter chuckled.

"We just really missed you," James grinned.

Remus blinked and then gave them a tiny smile.

"I missed you too. I never thought I'd see you again."

He sighed tiredly and avoided everyone's eyes.

"My parents…," he whispered after a long while, "…they didn't suffer too bad, did they?"

Everyone glanced around uncomfortably. Remus' uncle was the first one to speak.

"They fought with everything they had in them, Remus," he said. "But no, they didn't suffer. They weren't tortured or anything… they were just out numbered in the end."

Remus stared down at his sheets again and didn't respond. His small arms wrapped themselves tighter around his knees as he scrunched into a more compact ball.

One of the Healers cleared his throat and everyone turned to look at them.

"Well, everyone," he said started. "Now that the worst phase of spell damage has been taken care of, we'll be working with Remus on his rehabilitation. St. Mungo's afternoon visiting hours begin at noon and end at one thirty. Since we've only got an hour until noon, you can all just stay here for now, but will need to leave at the end of the visiting period."

"But—," Remus said, looking desperately at James, Peter and Sirius.

"We can't stay with him tonight?" Peter asked frowning.

"We will… discuss it," the wizard said unconvincingly.

The other Healer pointed her wand at the desk in the corner and summoned three bulging platters of sandwiches, fried chips, and cake.

Remus straightened up to looked over at it and Sirius laughed when he saw the nostrils on his freckled nose flare out.

"I'll get your plate for you," he said, standing up. "I got you a box of chocolate frogs, too."

"You didn't," Remus breathed, his face lighting up for the first time.

Sirius couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled so hard.

He could recall distantly, well over a year ago, the reason he'd developed an attraction to Remus in the first place. It was some innate calling to protect him, to heal and comfort him, and to do _anything_ in the entire world just to make him smile. He couldn't even put into words what it felt like to be able to do it again, after he'd thought for so long that all hope was lost.

When he sat back down at the foot of the bed five minutes later with an overflowing plate, he watched in rapt fascination as Remus ate ravenously. Sirius looked around in time to see Peter and James grinning too. Even the tiniest sign of strength from Remus was a relief to see.

But just like himself, he knew that James and Peter were itching to speak with Remus alone— they were unusually silent, and every time they did open their mouths to speak, they'd stop and stutter themselves silent.

All three of them wanted to just let loose and tell Remus everything— about all they had done since they had last seen him, about their mission to find him, and everything that had gone on in the world. And they had so many questions for him too… what had really happened when he was captured, and what had happened to him in all the months since?

There was an entire puzzle that needed to be pieced together and it was hard to contain their questions until they had privacy.

Remus' relatives on the other hand were chatting loudly with Mr. and Mrs. Potter about possible living arrangements for him during the Holidays. Remus wasn't listening in much, and Sirius had a feeling that his mind was still dwelling too hard on the issue of his parents' death.

Slowly, and making sure no one else was watching, Sirius slid his hand over the mattress and gripped Remus' baby toe affectionately through the sheet, caressing it gently with his thumb.

Remus blinked down at it for a moment as he chewed on a large bite of sandwich. Then, after a half glance around at his visitors, his toes curled inward, trying to grip Sirius' fingers in return.

They both looked up at each other and linked eyes.

"Tonight…," Remus murmured so that no one but Sirius could hear, "… don't leave me on my own. No matter what… please..."

An intense and almost _unbearable_ urge to kiss Remus practically knocked the wind out of him.

"I won't," he whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~<strong>


	27. Hell and High Water

Sirius crept down the hallway slowly, trying to keep as quiet as he could. It was nighttime and the hallways were especially dark. Every room was silent now, with nothing but the dim flickering of candles for illumination. The entire hospital was almost asleep except for a few dwindling visitors and Healers on their night shifts.

Sirius stopped in his tracks suddenly when he heard the sound of hurried footsteps. Looking around for a door to dash into, he couldn't find one. He had only a few seconds to think of what to do, and in that tiny space of time the only plan he could think of was to step to the side and try to look—

"Aw, how cute!"

Sirius barked cheerfully up at the little girl in pigtails and nudged her hand affectionately. She giggled and scratched his head.

"Lucy! Stop petting that dog right now, what if it bit you?"

"But _Mum!_"

Sirius raised his hackles and growled menacingly at the two snooty parents.

"You see?" the father said pointedly. "That's why you shouldn't trust strange pets, they can turn on you at any second."

Sirius barked at him a few times before dashing around the corner and scurrying up the hallway.

It was now almost midnight and he was on his way up to see Remus for a few hours before heading back to the Potters. He and James had struck an agreement with the Healers earlier in the day that would allow them to visit Remus for one hour in the morning, an hour and a half for lunch, and for two hours before his bedtime.

This schedule would start tomorrow though because, for the previous evening, Remus had been put through several strength tests to gauge where they needed to start therapy. He'd also had an entire list of potions to take that would counter-act some of his deeper injuries— he'd apparently been forced through several Dark curses during the previous months, which had included more than one powerful Mind Possession curse that had left some residual foreign magic inside him.

So at one thirty they'd reluctantly said goodbye to him and headed back to the Potters' house for dinner with Remus' family, and Kate and her brother.

Kate hadn't arrived in time to meet Remus. When they'd met up with her on the ground floor, she wouldn't spill if she'd been invited to join the Order of the Phoenix, but she did tell them that she'd be staying in St. Mungos for the next year on an assignment.

Amongst the arrested werewolves there were almost thirty teenagers and children. Controlled for years by the Imperius Curse, all of them were hurt, emotionally damaged, and in need of someone who could give them guidance— so Kate was now their personal counselor and caretaker. Her job was to listen to them and help them learn to trust the world again.

With a special team of Healers, she would be placing them back in secondary schools to finish their education, and then prepare them for the years ahead as they live as magical creatures in a Muggle world. Dumbledore had already contacted Dr. Leibrock to send assistance. It was a process that could take years, and it was the first job Kate had ever been given in her life. According to one of the chief Healers, if she succeeded in the project she could be given the opportunity to stay on as a long-term counselor and eventually be trained as a Healer for the Creature-Induced Injuries Department.

Her excitement couldn't have been more obvious. The disappointment about Greyback's escape, which had weighed heavily on her in the morning, was now fading. She looked relieved to have something she could contribute to… and for the first time in her life, she could support herself like any normal witch.

Now, hours later, she was sleeping down in the Healer's wards after having moved Jacqueline out of ward 46 and into a room closer to the other children. Jacqueline was scheduled to wake up tomorrow around noon when her memory would be altered and she would be reunited with her Muggle parents.

Sirius padded into the visitor's waiting room outside ward 46. He lowered his nose to the ground and sniffed. The scent of both Healers had dissipated slightly, telling him that they'd gone home hours ago. He turned his head and listened for any sound inside, but there wasn't any.

Wagging his tail once, he rose up onto his hind legs and pressed down on the door handle. It sprang open and he entered, kicking it closed behind him and bounding over to Remus' bed.

Remus was turned on his side, sleeping peacefully. Trying not to disturb him, Sirius morphed back into human form and slowly lifted the sheet to lie down next to him.

He bent one arm under his head to prop it up, and with his other hand traced his fingers over the contours of Remus' face, sadly caressing the thin white scars that now marred his beauty. That _bastard_ Greyback couldn't have just left his face alone— it wasn't enough to kidnap him and utterly destroy his life, he just had to mark Remus' face too as an eternal reminder of his captivity. But nevertheless, the scars were a part of Remus now and he knew that he'd come to accept them in time.

Sirius ran the pad of his thumb over his bottom lip and leaned in to kiss it softly before nuzzling his nose into Remus' cheek. As he raked his nails lightly over the brown-haired boy's scalp, a soft breath of contentment suddenly wafted over his face.

"Sorry," Sirius murmured. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

Remus sighed.

"Will you still be here when I open my eyes?" he whispered.

Sirius leaned in to kiss at the skin beneath his earlobe.

"Yes."

Remus didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around Sirius' torso and pulled him closer.

"Prove it."

Sirius trembled and pulled him in closer, mouthing eagerly at his neck and listening to the beautiful whimpering, gasping sounds that escaped Remus' throat. As he sucked the soft earlobe into his mouth and scrapped his teeth over it possessively, Remus reached up with both hands to cup his head and maneuver them until their faces were aligned, until their lips were claiming each others', until they were kissing so desperately that nothing else in the universe could have torn one of them from the other.

Sirius could hardly breathe. An aching _need_ burned inside his chest as he continued to snog Remus into the mattress, pressing him down and sliding on top of him. He couldn't remember kissing this hard before— it was as if he wanted to completely devour him, _ruin_ him for anyone else. Their teeth clashed together painfully as their mouths opened and sucked, claimed, tasted, and poured their feelings into every little ministration.

Remus made a small "oomph" as Sirius ground his rock-hard erection into the smaller boys' pelvis, and— had Sirius _not_ previously memorized what every sound meant— he would have thought it was the reaction of mutual arousal. But drawing from memory, he knew immediately it wasn't and pulled back, panting hard, to stare down at him.

"I'm just… sore," Remus apologized.

"Sorry," Sirius said, laughing softly. "I got a little carried away and… shit… I _missed_ you so much. I can't believe how new this feels again… and you don't realize how much I've dreamt about this."

He whimpered the last line and then cringed in shame. He hated being so fucking vulnerable, even when it was just Remus. Offering his heart over without knowing how it would be treated was terrifying.

But Remus just slid his hands through his raven hair and gazed up at him knowingly.

"Okay but it's hard to breathe when you're on me like that."

Sirius shifted and put his weight back onto his legs.

"Better?" he breathed.

Remus smiled and pulled him down for another kiss, this time slower and steadier. Sirius met his tongue with a tender insistency, his hands now moving down to message Remus' torso.

Remus gasped into his mouth when he reached down and fondled the bulge of his trousers, stroking the growing hardness as Remus fought for air.

"Uungh… wait… Sirius, I haven't…," he moaned.

Sirius paused to scrutinize him for a moment as he squirmed underneath him in need. Remus' cheeks were crimson in embarrassment and he was wincing. There was something stirring behind his eyes, as if trying to tell him something telepathically…

And then it hit him. Like a sudden epiphany, Sirius realized with a jolt what he was talking about.

He hadn't done this at all since August. Of course not, though… he'd been possessed by Dark Magic, starved, and thrown inside a small dirt cell alone. It must have been impossible for him to even contemplate the very idea of arousal.

If Sirius thought all this felt new, he couldn't even imagine what it must feel like to Remus, who hadn't had the release of a single orgasm in months.

"It doesn't matter," he whispered, trying to calm the other boy. "I _want_ to do this for you. Just let me."

Remus sighed. Sirius saw the tension release from his shoulders as he laid back on the pillows and swallowed hard in anticipation.

Sirius relaxed too. This moment was what he'd been waiting for. The sign of sweet surrender when Remus would forget everything, all of the torment and pain, and just give himself over to sensation. A wicked smirk spread across his face as he lowered his mouth to Remus' neck again and went at it mercilessly.

His fingers worked on the buttons of the pajama top and then spread it wide open, trying to access as much skin as possible. He glanced for a fraction of a second at Remus' jabbing hip bones and emaciated ribcage before completely ignoring them and turning his entire attention on the hardened nipples. Rolling one between his teeth, he heard Remus moan his name again and he lapped sinfully at it with his tongue, trying to illicit another response. Remus trembled and slid his hand back into Sirius' hair to pull his mouth closer.

As he moved onto the other nipple, Sirius reached down slowly to untie Remus' pajamas and then dragged them lower, down his thighs, down his calves, and then off his ankles, all the while trailing wet sloppy kisses on the newly exposed flesh in front of him.

Remus muttered something incoherent and bit his bottom lip. Sirius couldn't help but marvel at how much _heat_ was emanating from him, how even in the dead of winter they were drenched in sweat from the friction of their bodies and the arousal that burned inside them.

Sirius put both hands on the inside of Remus' knees and pushed them out, spreading his legs and lowering himself over the weeping erection. For a moment he just closed his eyes and inhaled Remus' musky scent, breathing open-mouthed over the base, ghosting his lips over the tightened ball sack.

When he felt Remus wriggle in need, he came back to his senses and reached up to wrap his hand around it, stroking it slowly as his eyes glazed over in lust. The other boy had a fucking gorgeous prick— perfectly proportioned with unblemished creamy skin that made Sirius' mouth water. He just loved how it could get so hard that it curved upward toward Remus' navel, like it was doing right now.

He knew Remus was close to bursting and, given everything that had happened, Sirius didn't want to make him beg for it. This was all for him and Sirius wasn't going to tease him unnecessarily when the only thing he needed right now was comfort and release.

Panting in exhilaration, he stared up at Remus and maintained eye contact as he slid the flat of his tongue up the entire length and then engulfed the sensitive head with his lips, sealing it in his mouth and reaching up to fist the remaining length in sequence with his mouth.

Remus exhaled sharply and threw his head back in ecstasy.

"_Ohh_," he choked. "Sirius…"

Sirius hallowed out his cheeks and _sucked_ harder, harder, swallowing and gulping—

"Oh _god_, Sirius!" Remus gasped, his glistening chest arching off the bed, his fingers gripping into the mattress for dear life.

— harder and harder, until he could feel the prick throb in his mouth and hot salty semen spurted forcefully down his throat.

It wasn't until he could taste Remus, and hear his own name moaned from those lips, that Sirius was forced back into focus of his own body.

He hadn't realized how fucking _turned_ _on_ he was until he felt the muscles in his groin contract, at the same time feeling a clenching wave of pleasure that had his lungs struggling to breathe properly. He slipped Remus' wet member from his mouth in time to look down and see his own cock throbbing and cum gushing out as his legs trembled violently in the force of his climax.

"Guh," he moaned in shock, reaching down and milking the rest of his seed from his prick. An incredible sense of nirvana was still thrumming in his veins in the aftershocks.

"Oh, _fuck_," he moaned. "I just came."

Remus, who was still numb and breathing shakily, didn't seem to understand his point.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's just… I didn't even touch myself…"

Remus lifted his head and looked down his body at him.

"Seriously?"

He pressed his forehead into Remus' pelvis and closed his eyes as the delicious after-effects buzzed in his muscles.

"Uhg… what have you _done_ to me?"

He took in several deep breaths and just laid there for a moment. One of Remus' hands lifted off the mattress and slid softly into his black hair, the buds of his fingertips dragging lovingly over Sirius' scalp and down to the base of his neck.

"Well… we didn't waste much time with that, did we?" he laughed softly.

Sirius grinned and crawled back up his body, kissing the tip of his nose affectionately.

"You don't mind, do you?"

Remus lowered his eyes and shook his head lightly.

"Will you stay with me?"

Sirius opened his mouth to answer but then hesitated. He dragged Remus' pajamas back on and didn't respond until he'd fastened the last button on his shirt.

"You need to sleep, Moony."

He looked up and saw Remus staring down and past him, a haunted expression in his brown eyes.

"Just… until I fall asleep?"

Remus' eyes flicked up and stared at him pleadingly.

_Fuck_.

He sighed in defeat and pulled the sheet back up before lying down— but instead of facing him on his side and wrapping Remus in his arms, he stayed lower on the bed, draping his arm over the other boys' stomach and resting his head directly over Remus' heart.

"Are you comfortable?"

Remus muttered an affirmation and held onto Sirius, plunging one hand into his hair again and resting the other over his draping forearm.

"Why are you lying like this?"

Sirius closed his eyes as his head moved up and down in pace with Remus' breathing. In his right ear he could hear the strong unwavering beat of Remus' heart as it drummed rhythmically inside his chest.

"No reason."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>James bounced on his heels and fidgeted nervously outside the door. Morning visiting hours were about to start and the three of them could see the Healers bustling around through the window as they prepared breakfast and lined up potion vials on a tray.<p>

"I hope he's feeling better," Peter said. He was clutching the large box of chocolate frogs they'd bought in the upstairs gift shop.

One of the Healers drew the curtain back around Remus' bed and they saw him sitting up, now dressed in ivory hospital robes, speaking with the witch carrying the potion tray. She said something and a smile broke out across his face as he laughed and then said something in return. It was a drastic change to the previous afternoon, when Remus had barely had enough energy to stay upright and had spoken only in short exhausted sentences.

The other Healer walked over to the door and opened it.

"We're all set in here," he said, gesturing them inside. "Just remember you need to be out by eight, no extensions."

"Got it," Sirius said, striding past him.

Remus straightened up as they entered and slid his legs over to sit on the edge of his mattress.

"Hi," he grinned. "Where's everyone else?"

"They're just coming for lunch," James answered, throwing himself down on the bed next to Remus. "We've got you all to ourselves for the morning and evening visits."

James opened the flap on his satchel and reached in for four bottles of butterbeer. As one of the pockets was disturbed, a small golden snitch zoomed out and whizzed joyfully around the room in freedom.

Remus glanced at Sirius and gave him a small knowing smile.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah," Remus murmured, tapping his feet absentmindedly. "I'm just so bloody _worthless_ though. I couldn't even get dressed on my own."

Remus kept his eyes in his lap during his last statement.

"Well, we figured you'd be weak," Peter said. "I mean you look like—,"

"—Like shit," Remus laughed.

"You just need to be fed up!" James frowned.

Remus sighed.

"I saw myself in the mirror for the first time this morning."

The other three glanced nervously at each other. It was clear Remus was talking about the slash scars that ran straight through his face.

James was the first to speak.

"I think the chicks'll dig it."

"Yeah!" Peter chirped. "It makes you look, you know… rough and macho."

Remus snorted and shook his head.

"It scared me. I wasn't expecting it. I don't actually remember it happening, so I don't know who did it… I might have just up and done it to myself for all I know."

The other three could sense that the atmosphere had shifted ever so slightly. Sirius glanced at the other two before testing the waters.

"I don't know if you want to talk about it— about what happened to you— but if you need to… we'll listen."

"We won't even respond if you don't want us to," James added.

Remus shook his head.

"They told me… this morning… that there was a special counselor…"

"Oh, that's Kate!" Peter said. "She's the one who helped rescue you— we wouldn't have even found you without her help."

"She actually pulled you out of there when you were still unconscious," Sirius told him.

Remus stared down at his feet.

"I think I'd rather talk to her first."

He swallowed hard and the crease of a frown was visible between his eyebrows.

The other three stared at Remus, struck silent and unsure of what to say.

They all knew what he'd gone through was unimaginable, and that it should be his choice on how to cope with it… logic could tell them that it was probably best Remus get consolation from an independent source… but 'logic' didn't change the fact that they all felt suddenly rejected.

It was as if someone had punched them in the gut. They were his best friends and it felt terrible knowing that Remus wasn't trusting them to hear his story first.

When they didn't say anything, Remus looked up and saw the expressions on their faces.

"You're not mad, are you?"

If anything could have made them feel worse, it was the worried tone in Remus' voice. All three of them suddenly realized how selfish they were being and snapped out of it.

"No!" Sirius practically shouted.

"We don't care," James insisted. "Whenever you want to tell us what happened, we'll still be here."

Remus smiled in relief.

"Thanks, guys."

He looked over towards the breakfast trays and then at Sirius.

"Can you help me walk over there? I need to practice walking."

Even though he'd only spoken to Sirius, all three of them jumped to their feet eagerly. Remus winced at them in amusement and held onto Sirius' arms as he slowly stood up.

He sighed through his nose in frustration as his knees wobbled. His left leg almost gave out and he reached up quickly to grasp Sirius' bicep for better leverage.

"Wanna dance?" Sirius smirked.

"Oh, shut up."

James laughed and reached up to snatch the golden snitch out of the air with impressive reflexes.

"If you come to my Quidditch practices I'd whip you right into shape, Moony."

Remus snorted.

"I highly doubt the captain would approve of that."

Remus tried to take another step but Sirius didn't move with him. The three of them had all froze.

"Remus… James is captain."

Remus gaped at him.

"You _are_? When did—? I didn't know!"

They all laughed and James released the snitch to fly around the room again.

"No worries, mate," he grinned. "We'll get you all caught up in no time."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Almost fifty chocolate frog wrappers littered the bedspread amongst empty bottles of butterbeer, Daily Prophets from the previous months, and scrunched up wrapping paper from Remus' belated Christmas presents.<p>

"…and so there I was, just sitting around waiting for my parents to get home when I heard my visitor detector go off, just completely _blaring_, and I thought some Death Eaters had come up to my house, so I got my wand ready and opened the door and came face to face with _James_, who looked like a drowned little rat all soggy with rain—."

"You didn't curse him, did you?" Remus grinned.

"_No_, I didn't, but I was sure close to, I'll tell you that. I mean who the _hell_ comes knocking on a door after nightfall in the middle of the pouring rain?"

Remus doubled over laughing at their stupidity.

"We _had_ written to her in advance!" Sirius interjected defensively, but Kate just ignored him and carried on with her story.

It was now evening of the following day and Kate had come up to visit Remus for the first time. She'd been so busy with all of her cases during the previous two lunch visits that she hadn't had the opportunity to meet him yet. She'd arrived at the perfect time though— just at the point in their story when she became a part of it.

Remus had listened intently over the last two days as they told him everything that had gone on since his disappearance. They poured as much detail as possible into it, trying to keep Remus distracted from his own demons. According to the Healers, he'd been plagued with nightmares and hadn't got much sleep the night before.

It was a strange thing to recall their own experiences— everything they had done seemed so exhausting now that they looked back on it. From the terror they had felt during the train ride to school, how their entire lives had completely turned upside down… to the letters they had all written… to going to class without him and trying to focus on school work with him gone… to shouting at Dumbledore and every other professor at the staff table over Remus' missing bed in the boys dormitories… to his parents funerals, and then eventually his… and then to Sirius' search for answers and their weekly visit to the graveyard in Kingwood Springs…

Remus had been stunned to hear he actually had a grave site. He'd known his parents would be laid to rest somewhere, but the idea that there was a casket and headstone with his name on it seemed to completely unnerve him.

Somehow they all knew they'd crossed a line with him, so in order to keep his mind off it they'd brought in several distractions for the two-hour-long evening visit.

Every copy of the Daily Prophet they could find, dated within the last four months, was stacked in a pile beside the bed, with some of the most memorable strewn open on the mattress. Flipping to the strangest stories they could find, they'd read each one aloud while trying to melodramatically mimic the voices of those interviewed. Remus had then skimmed through the more serious articles, newly fascinated with the comings and goings of everyday life.

They had also gone shopping in Diagon Alley between lunch and dinner to buy Remus the biggest and most elaborate Christmas presents they had ever gotten him— Peter had spent close to ten galleons on a package of assorted sweets that weighed over 20 kilograms. James had bought every glossy leather-bound adventure novel in Remus' favorite series from Florish and Blotts. And Sirius had gone to the Apothecary to ask for the best owl they had— which turned out to be a highly affectionate one-year-old barn owl, with a handsome honey-brown and white plumage, and a kind heart-shaped face.

It had cost Sirius a small fortune because it came with several perks— it was young, raised on a special training farm, and its wings had been magically tipped with goblin silver that enhanced its speed and agility. They had spent a good hour flicking through Remus' new adventure novels for a name and finally settled on Leo.

Remus continued listening to Kate's story while cupping some small owl treats in his hand for Leo to feed on. The owl nibbled for a bit and then nuzzled its flat majestic face into his wrist and Remus beamed down on him.

"… so we started searching at least one location a day, sometimes two if we had time, and I would always keep this pre-written letter with me that called for Ministry assistance, and I'd placed a charm on the location line so whenever I moved around, the address inside the letter would change longitude and latitude coordinates, that way no matter where we were they could Apparate to our exact location…"

Remus leaned forward in interest and asked which spell she'd used, but before Kate could answer there was a soft knocking on the door and they all looked around. One of the Healers had poked their head inside the door.

"Five more minutes, boys," he said.

Kate deflated in disappointment.

"I was just getting to the good part!"

"Welcome to the club," James mumbled. "That happens to us every single time."

"We should have just written it down in a storybook for you," Peter said as they all started cleaning up the mess they'd made.

"_Or_ they could have given us an entire day to spend here," Sirius added bitterly.

Kate stood up to throw several handfuls of trash into a bin and turned back to Remus.

"I'll see you in the morning!" she said, leaning over to hug him goodbye. She grinned at the other three and messed up James' hair before leaving.

Leo hopped around curiously as they finished tidying the room and then perched himself on the window sill, tapping lightly on the glass with his beak.

Remus caught sight of him. He stared at the floor for a moment, seeming to gauge the distance. Finally, he bit his lip and swung his legs over the mattress and— slowly— stood up and walked over to the window to open it for him. Leo nipped gently at his hand in appreciation before soaring into the night.

The three of them grinned at Remus as he concentrated hard and walked back to his bed unassisted before collapsing on top of it, breathing heavily. The Healer who was setting up more vials of potion in the corner had observed the whole thing.

"Well done Mr. Lupin!" he praised. "We hadn't expected to see that for another week now!"

Remus smiled a little and glanced hopefully at Sirius, James, and Peter before responding.

"Well… the next term at Hogwarts starts on the sixth. I was… really hoping to go back in time."

The Healer straightened up with a frown between his eyebrows.

"I'm not sure... You'd have to prove to us you could climb a flight of stairs and walk a hundred yards unassisted, first."

Remus' shoulders fell a little.

"You can do it," Sirius urged, sitting down next to him. "Yesterday morning you couldn't even walk to the desk without help, and now you just walked three times that distance on your own."

Remus sighed and avoided his eyes. Despite his insecurities, he _did_ look much better now than during that first morning visit. His face wasn't quite as drawn or sunken— and it actually looked like there was more than just a skeleton beneath his robes.

"C'mon, at least try," James said.

The Healer came over and set a tray down on the nightstand.

"If you get to walking a single corridor length on your own, we'll let you go out for some fresh air," he went on. "Anywhere you want. We've found that venturing outside is an essential part of any rehabilitation."

Sirius swung his bag over his shoulder and stood up.

"We could take you to London for New Years," he bribed, grinning down at him.

But Remus didn't seem to have heard him. He stared out the window, where Leo had vanished, with a contemplative expression on his face.

"You said my parents were buried in Kingwood Springs?"

"Yeah."

Remus blinked and turned back to Sirius.

"I'd like to visit them."

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>It wasn't the New Years any of them had hoped for— while millions of people across the country were celebrating with large parties and booming fireworks, the three of them were completely silent as they led Remus through the graveyard towards his parent's resting place.<p>

Something about Remus had changed. When they'd arrived to pick him up that morning, he hadn't smiled or said more than a few words during breakfast.

They'd predicted he would be a little somber, but they had never seen him so utterly depressed in the entire five years they had known him. Some sort of invisible door had shut closed inside him that was blocking off any emotion— and trying to guard against any more damage that could possibly be inflicted on his already fragile state.

Remus trudged alongside James, looking around at the scenery. He was now walking steadily on his own without any assistance. The only milestone he hadn't conquered yet had been climbing an entire staircase. But his reflexes were all up to standards now too, and it was looking like he'd be cleared to return to school on the 6th of January.

The snow crunched under their feet as they walked, and frozen wind stung their cheeks. Remus' eyes roamed over the quaint cathedral and apple orchard, now dripping crystalline icicles on its bare branches.

"It's a far sight better when the trees are blooming," James quipped.

Remus didn't respond. He read a few headstones and then carried on after Sirius and Peter.

Finally, almost halfway across the cemetery, Sirius stopped in front of the headstones they had come to know so well and stepped to the side. Remus had been trying to search for their names in advance, but hadn't caught them. He seemed startled to be coming to a halt, and then turned pale when he looked past Sirius at the grave sites.

Mr. and Mrs. Lupin were side by side each other, sectioned off with a short hedge and a two-foot-tall black iron fence. They shared one large plaque which also stated their marriage date and a quote that read '_Were it not for Hope, the Heart would break.'_

Remus' was right next to theirs, with a slightly whiter marble headstone and no fence around it. The dying remnants of a Christmas wreath lay wilted against the base, obscuring the bottom half of a quote.

Remus frowned and stepped forward to move the wreath aside.

'_Beloved son, Thou art with us now.'_

He stared hard at it for a moment and then moved to stand in front of his parents' grave.

Sirius, James, and Peter backed away a fraction of a step, as if giving Remus more space to mourn. They weren't sure how to react to this new disposition of his and didn't want to cross any lines.

Remus gazed at the headstone. They couldn't see his face now, but after a long while they heard him sniff stuffily and he reached up to wipe his face with his hand.

It took him a while to calm down. His shoulders were shaking and every so often a throaty sob would rent the air. Eventually he turned his head slightly and they all stepped forward, taking it as an invitation to join him.

"You alright?" James whispered, grasping his shoulder.

A tear slipped down Remus' cheek and he nodded, hiccupping slightly.

"This isn't exactly the first time I've cried about it," he choked out. "I've known… all this time. But it's still hard…"

Sirius didn't know what to say. He'd never had parents worth crying for. He couldn't imagine what kind of loss this felt like. He wanted to just abandon all pretense and wrap Remus in his arms… to hold him close and allow him to break down, allow him to release the sorrow inside so he could move forward with healing…

"We'll have to get your letters out somehow," Sirius said. "Everyone back at school who wrote to you… you should read their letters."

Remus sniffed again and looked back over at his headstone.

A dark shadow crossed over his face.

"They'll remove it, of course," James said quickly, noticing the change in his expression.

Remus stepped towards his grave again.

"Prongs… can I see your wand for a moment?"

James frowned and glanced at the other two.

"Er…,"

"It's just for a moment," Remus interrupted. His voice was stronger now, more determined.

Sirius caught James' eye and jerked his head in a _'just do it'_ kind of way.

Reluctantly, James pulled his wand out of his pocket and offered it over. Remus took it with a small murmur of thanks and rolled it between his fingers.

Looking back on it, they weren't quite sure what they had expected him to do. Perhaps they'd thought for one moment that he'd brush the snow off the top, like they used to do on Sundays. Maybe they'd expected him to revive the dying Christmas wreath and place it on his parent's tomb.

All they knew was that it came with extreme surprise that their Remus— strong-minded, introverted, gentle Remus— raised the wand through the air and directed it at his marble headstone.

"_Reducto!"_

A deafening explosion shattered the silence. While the other three jumped in shock and raised their arms as shields, Remus just stood there, completely unfazed as the rest crumbled into a pile of rubble in the snow.

Sirius lowered his arms, heart hammering in his chest as he stared around. The blasted remnants were now strewn for several yards, and a small crater was still smoking from the blast.

As they stood there struck speechless, a Ministry owl swooped out of thin air, dropped an envelope in front of Remus and flew off. But not a moment later, a second owl appeared, soared down to snatch the envelope up, and then vanished. It seemed like the Ministry had decided to grant him some leniency, considering the circumstances.

Remus turned towards James and tossed his wand back before leading the way out of the cemetery.

"Thanks, mate."

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><p><strong>~*~ Please Review!~*~<strong>


	28. It Beats Only For You

Sirius watched as Remus' eyes traced along the length of the sentence, flicked back, and then read the next line. The light from the window caught in his eyes, illuminating his brown lashes and the golden flecks in his irises. He reached up to scratch his nose absentmindedly and then, instinctively, glanced up and caught Sirius staring at him.

Sirius looked hastily out the window again. The rolling country hills outside were covered over in a thick white blanket of snow. January sixth had arrived sooner than they had expected. It didn't even feel like they had been on holiday at all, what with the exhausting mission and then Remus' physical recuperation after.

With some special potions from Dr. Leibrock, Remus had been able to climb a flight of stairs for several days now. His recovery was still on-going, but the rest of his strength-building would take place at school under the guidance of Madam Pomfrey and Kate, who would be visiting him for counseling every other weekend.

He'd been released to go to Diagon Alley the day before for new school supplies and a replacement wand, and had managed the entire trip with only a brief rest outside Florence Fortesque's Ice Cream Parlor before he was on his feet again. The Healers had admitted that his recovery had been a little rushed, and that they didn't expect his endurance to last very long over the next few months. But overall he was recovering well and they had no reason to keep him from his studies any longer.

And so here they were, sitting in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, and virtually drowning in a sea of letters piled in stacks around them. Someone from the hospital had exhumed Remus' casket the previous day and delivered the contents to ward 46. It had been filled with the hundreds and hundreds of letters to him, Remus' broken wand, and an album of pictures of him from the time he was a child. It had also held the linked journal that he shared with Sirius, which was now lying beside him on the seat under Leo's cage.

As he read, Remus suddenly leaned forward in his seat and pointed at a cursive word on one of the letters.

"What does this say? I can't figure it out from context."

Sirius squinted at it.

"I think it says 'forever'."

Remus frowned, re-read the sentence, and then smiled.

"Yeah, that's it."

Sirius grinned.

"Who's it from?"

"Pallas."

From the corner, James let out a burst of laughter.

"Oh god, now they can start talking to us again."

Remus looked over at him.

"What'd you mean?"

"They've been avoiding us like the plague," Peter answered. "Thought we were all suicidal delinquents without you."

Remus glanced curiously at Sirius for a fraction of a second and went back to the letter.

A few students walked by the compartment and lingered for longer than necessary, staring through the window of the sliding door at Remus. Sirius sighed, stood up, reached over, and pulled the blind down over it.

"I don't mind them," Remus mumbled quietly without looking up as Sirius collapsed into his seat again. "They're the ones who wrote me all of these."

Sirius crossed his arms and leaned back.

"Well then they should grow some manners and come inside to say 'hello'. It isn't nice to stare."

Remus raised his eyebrows at him.

"Uhm, hi pot, this is kettle— you're black."

Sirius smirked and kicked him in jest.

But Remus dropped the letter suddenly and clutched at his leg in extreme pain.

"Oh, shit!" Sirius hissed, jumping in alarm. "I'm sorry! I didn't… er… mean to…"

He trailed off as Remus abandoned the pretense of being in pain and roared with laughter. James and Peter doubled over too as they realized he had been joking.

Sirius just sat there, dumbstruck.

"Bastard," he spat.

"Your… _face_…," Remus choked out between peals of laughter.

The hours trailed off and the sky outside grew dimmer as they traveled farther north. Some students would occasionally come knocking on the door to welcome Remus back. To Sirius' intense jealousy, Mary had come in, blushing furiously, and asked to speak with Remus alone. When they exited together, James had watched Sirius with an odd expression, as he had thrown several insults at Mary behind her back and then glared furiously at her when she walked Remus back in and departed.

"So what'd she want?" Sirius demanded. "A good 'thank-god-you're-alive' snog?"

Remus turned scarlet and glared at Sirius.

"It's none of your business, actually."

"So she _did_ want to snog you—,"

"I didn't say that! Stop making assumptions—,"

"That little _flirt_ brings it upon herself—,"

Remus' face contorted with fury, but it wasn't his voice that rang out in anger.

"Why do you _care_?" James burst out angrily.

Sirius started and looked around. Both Peter and James were looking at him like he'd gone mad.

It was only then that he realized how ridiculous he must seem to the other two, who still had no idea about their relationship. A strictly-platonic friend was supposed to be _trying_ to get his best mate laid, after all, not sabotaging him. And so, ignoring Remus' satisfied smirk, he made up a lame excuse and avoided the subject for the rest of the trip.

Sometime after the food trolley had rolled by, Sirius excused himself to go to the loo and slid the door open.

Half a dozen students who were mulling around outside fell silent and scurried away as he stepped into the corridor and made his way down the car. As he passed from one car to the other, a girl's voice rang out at him.

"Sirius!"

He turned.

Lily Evans was coming up the car towards him, her dark red hair flying behind her. She had been in their compartment earlier to greet Remus and had ended up crying all over James' shoulder (as he had patted her solemnly while trying to conceal a shit-eating grin).

"What's up, Evans?" he said stiffly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

She stopped in front of him and bit her lip.

"I didn't get to say 'thank you' to you earlier," she said.

"Well, you're welcome, then" he dismissed quickly, turning away and trying to shake her off. He didn't have a clue why she was thanking him, and he couldn't care less.

"Wait!"

Sirius gritted his teeth and faced her again, wincing.

"For rescuing him, I mean," she elaborated. "I know you three didn't just _find_ Remus by coincidence."

"And who's to say we didn't?" he shot at her.

She laughed at him knowingly.

"You don't have to admit it. I don't give a shit if you tell me or not, cos I still know you did. Somehow you three managed to rescue him."

She paused as if waiting for him to deny it. He just stared at her.

"I don't think anyone's ever been rescued from the Death Eaters before," she went on, "and it must have taken some real skill to find him. And, well… I know I've been hard on you for breaking rules before, but… you're not all that bad. So I just wanted to say thank you."

Sirius' glare had slowly slid off his face during her speech.

"Er… right," he said finally.

She grinned at him and extended her hand.

"Truce?"

He looked at it for a moment and then, cautiously, took it.

"Yeah… sure. Truce."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>If James and Sirius had been famous pranksters before Christmas break, it was nothing compared to their popularity on the first day of term. They were the talk of the entire school. Everyone in the hallways would break out in whispers as they passed by with Remus— all wondering what had happened to him, how he'd escaped, and where on <em>earth<em> those slashes came from.

It also seemed like no one believed that the three greatest troublemakers in Hogwarts history simply _stumbled_ upon Remus. Lily wasn't the only one who could see right through the Daily Prophet's cover-up story. Fortunately for them, the alternative rumors about how they found him were so far-fetched they weren't worried in the least about anyone actually discovering the truth.

The rumors swirling about how he got his scars were even wilder; they ranged from a terrifying Infiri attack, to Voldemort personally slashing him across the face with talon-like fingernails.

Anyone with the nerve to actually comment on them though had been made an example of— the final being Snape, who, after sneering in front of the Slytherin 6th years about how Remus' new scars would look even more dramatic in the _moonlight_, had been hit with several boil curses by James and Sirius and then stuffed headfirst into a toilet.

No one had commented on them since.

Remus had never been the subject of so much attention before and was having trouble dealing with it. More than once, Sirius had to pull him into a broom closet and kiss away all his frustrations, while running his hands up and down Remus' arms for comfort, trying to calm him. On top of it all, he was so physically exhausted by third period that it took every vial of potion Sirius had in his pockets just to get him through Ancient Runes and down to the Great Hall for lunch.

Their last class of the day was Transfiguration. Remus was too tired to take notes so Sirius had placed a charm on his pen to make an exact copy on Remus' parchment. As they finished up the lecture portion of the class and moved on to applying their technique into the spell, Professor McGonagall passed out several pincushions they were supposed to be transfiguring into porcupines.

It was easy enough work for James and Sirius. James was always the best at Transfiguration, and before three minutes were up, he was the first student in the class to accomplish the spell. Sirius was second, although he took an extra few minutes. Their porcupines blinked around at everyone else and flexed their impressive brown needles for McGonagall to see as she awarded each of them ten points.

Sirius turned around to see how Remus was managing… and felt his heart sink.

His head was propped sideways on his hand, eyes shut, completely exhausted.

"_Moony!"_ he hissed as McGonagall lectured Jacob and Pallas on their wand movements. James looked around too and chucked a balled-up piece of parchment at his shoulder.

But it seemed Remus had fallen asleep. Sirius glanced around and saw McGonagall moving towards Peter and Remus' table. Before she could turn her head, Sirius pointed his wand hastily at Remus' pincushion and whispered, "_Oritus Acus!"_

"Miss Winston, you're pronouncing it wrong, do look at your notes again—."

McGonagall froze. She looked down her nose haughtily as she took in Remus' closed eyes, his wand lying abandoned on the desktop, and the porcupine gazing up at her with watery black eyes.

She blinked.

This was probably the first time a student had ever even _dared_ fall asleep in her class.

But as she stood there, with Sirius and James staring at her in anxiety, her pursed lips softened and she smiled sadly down at Remus for a moment. She then waved her wand at the porcupine, which morphed immediately back into a pincushion.

"Mr. Black!" she barked suddenly. "Five points from Gryffindor," she turned towards him and held up the cushion. "Some of the needles were still silver."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p>Sirius fell back into his pillows six hours later, utterly exhausted. Spending the day under the gossiping scrutiny of a thousand students had definitely taken its toll on him.<p>

Bolder classmates had come up to interrogate them during mealtimes on what had _really_ happened over Christmas break. Fortunately though, Remus had come up to the dorms after just five minutes at the dinner table and had been sound asleep ever since, so he'd missed the brunt of it all.

Sirius hoped dearly that the interest surrounding Remus' return would dissipate soon… he hadn't counted on it being this hard, and he got the impression Remus was feeling the same way. His difficulty performing even the simplest of spells showed clearly how much stronger he needed to get. Perhaps he should have spent another week in St. Mungos after all…

Sirius laid there for a while, staring up at the crimson canopy of his four-poster bed, thinking...

James had snuck down to the kitchens for some extra food for Remus, taking with him their rough-prototype map of Hogwarts to test its accuracy. Sirius kept his eyes open, waiting for Peter to get out of the shower so he could jump in after him.

His mind drifted in and out of daydreams. The flickering shadows cast by the lanterns were his only company now. As he lay there, he absentmindedly glanced around at Remus' bed and saw the curtains drawn around it.

He had figured they would be. Remus must have wanted some privacy so he could get a full night's sleep and wouldn't be disturbed by—

Sirius sat bolt upright, staring at Remus' curtains.

What _was_ that?

Right as he had been about to look away, a bright ball of blue light about the size of a Quaffle had bounced around inside the drapes of Remus' bed, causing them to flutter wildly. But just as he'd seen it out of the corner of his eye and done a double-take, it was gone. The strange bouncing light vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and Sirius was left sitting there with his mouth gaping open wondering if he'd gone crazy.

Was Peeves snooping around Gryffindor Tower? Or had he just imagined that? Maybe the isolation of the dormitory had played tricks on his mind… but it had sure looked real.

"Er… Remus?"

The curtains around the four-poster didn't budge. Frowning, he slowly slid off his bed and tip-toed over to the edge of Remus' mattress. Feeling extremely foolish, he lifted his hand and carefully parted the curtain a fraction of a centimeter.

Sirius realized immediately it hadn't been his imagination.

Remus was sitting up in bed, holding his wand aloft and jabbing it irritably through the air with a defiant expression on his face. Their NEWT-level Charms book was lying open on the mattress in front of him and as Sirius watched, Remus glanced down, traced along a paragraph in the book with his finger, and then waved his wand in their air again. His lips were moving but Sirius couldn't hear his voice or the sound of the bed springs. Remus must have placed a Silencing charm on the curtains.

Grinning, he moved to the headboard and parted the very end of the curtain before slipping through them and climbing onto Remus' pillows. As soon as he was inside, the sound of the book pages rustling and Remus' spell-casting filled his ears.

"_Monstrair!"_ Remus cried, unaware of Sirius' presence as he concentrated.

Sirius lowered himself directly behind Remus and leaned against the headboard. As Remus looked down at the description again, Sirius stretched his legs out on either side of the other boy and slid his arms around Remus' waist.

Remus jumped a little and tried to look behind him. Sirius took the opportunity to kiss under his ear and then look over his shoulder at the book.

"You're pronouncing it wrong. Should be _Mon_-strair. Not Mon-_strair_."

"Shit, Pads, you scared me," Remus whispered. "So now even my Silencing Charm doesn't work?"

"No, it does. I just got suspicious when I saw a blue ball of light dancing around your curtains."

Remus sighed and leaned back into him as Sirius wrapped his arms further around Remus' body.

"I'm completely useless," Remus spat. "I can't pull off a bloody Revealing Charm to save my life."

He kicked the book away in irritation and tossed his wand to the side.

Sirius didn't say anything. The Revealing Charm had been the first spell they'd mastered at the beginning of the school year and it was supposed to be a ball of purple light, not blue.

If Remus was still struggling with _that_ spell, it meant he still had twenty six other spells to master before he'd caught up with the rest of their class.

"Don't worry about it," he said finally. "I'll help you catch up, it'll be fine."

Remus shook his head.

"I can't hold you back, too. Maybe I'll just… not take as many classes next year. I could drop Care of Magical Creatures or something…"

"No! After all the effort you put into raising those Griffin hatchlings last year? You can't just throw all that away!"

"How am I supposed to get caught up then?" Remus shot back. "Unless you've got a Time-Turner in your pockets, there's nothing you can do to help me."

Sirius thought for a moment. Remus let his head fall back on his shoulder and Sirius tipped his head sideways until their temples were resting together.

"I know today was hard on you…" he said finally."But it's _going_ to get better. I'll tutor you if you'll let me, and I can brew some extra potions to get your strength up."

"Sirius…"

"No, _listen_ to me— every day for an hour after dinner we can practice spells— and I'll take you out on the weekends to the Quidditch pitch so we can go running when James is in practice. You'll be back in top-form in no time."

Remus didn't say anything for a while.

"I've never practiced Apparating, either. We're supposed to take our tests over Spring break, remember?"

Fuck.

Sirius hadn't thought that far ahead yet.

"Well… we have three lessons before then. And if I can get you ahead in all of our practical classes, you'll have more time to focus on Apparition."

Sirius lifted his wand and flicked it.

"_Flagrate!_"

For a minute, Sirius drew six red boxes in the air in front of them and labeled them January through June.

"These are the dates of our Apparition lessons," he said, writing the dates inside each respective box. "By the first of February—," he labeled it, "you'll have every spell in the first two chapters of Charms, Transfiguration, and Defense class mastered. Chapters three and four by March first," he labeled it," and chapter five by Spring break. Three months and you'll be caught up. If _Peter _can master an Animagus transformation before OWL's, _you_ can do this."

Remus snorted.

Sirius lowered his wand and both of them stared for a moment at the hovering calendars. He could tell Remus was considering the amount of work ahead of him and doubting his own abilities.

"C'mon," Sirius murmured, pressing his lips into the nape of Remus' neck. "Trust me. You can do this."

Remus swallowed dryly and then nodded.

"I'll try. Just don't be too disappointed if I fail, alright?"

Sirius smiled in his neck.

"Alright."

He trailed his lips higher until he was nuzzling his face into Remus' soft brown hair. It smelled like shampoo and ink and chocolate.

"Did you get any sleep earlier?"

"Yeah. But then Pallas came storming in for something an hour ago and woke me up. So I just started reading my letters for a bit before practicing spells."

Sirius looked down and saw three letters torn open on the mattress beside the pillows. Remus' brown leather journal was poking out underneath it.

"Did you… ever get around to reading my last few letters to you?" Sirius asked tentatively.

Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"No… the third letter was really depressing and I just…can't really deal with it right now. I don't even want to think about anything that's happened unless it's in a session with Kate."

Sirius scowled even though Remus couldn't see him.

"So you're what? Bottling it all up until every other weekend?"

Remus rubbed his forehead irritably.

"You don't get it."

"Yeah, I don't," Sirius shot back at him. "You haven't told us anything so it's not like I _would_."

"I don't want to talk about it!" Remus said forcefully. "You three are the only distractions I have! Why can't you just… just shut up and help me forget about it?"

Remus had tensed up in his arms.

Sirius cringed. He knew he should apologize... he needed to… it would be the right thing to do… he even opened his mouth, ready to say it, the words on the tip of his tongue— but then stopped. There was an intense squirm deep inside his abdomen.

He _hated_ apologizing for anything, even when he knew he was wrong.

So he opted for the next best thing. If Remus wanted to forget...

Slowly, he slid the palms of his hands up Remus' chest, lingering longer than necessary as they passed over his nipples. Pressing his lips once into the other boys neck, he then grasped his shoulders and started messaging them gently, working up a good pace as he felt the muscles relax under his fingers.

Remus closed his eyes.

"Merlin, that feels good," he sighed.

Sirius could feel the warmth of Remus' skin through the thin pajamas he wore. The air around them slowly turned heavier, more intimate.

As he moved his hands higher up Remus' neck, shivers broke out across the soft creamy skin. He felt his body react instantly, his erection hardening as it rubbed ever-so-slightly where his groin straddled Remus' back.

"Gods, I want you," he breathed hotly directly in the shell of Remus' ear.

A small moan escaped Remus' throat as Sirius moved his hands lower, rubbing along each side of his torso. Sirius smirked when he peered over Remus' shoulder and saw a rather obvious tent in his pajamas. He slid his palms around to caress Remus' abs and then gently stroked over it, eliciting another needy breath.

Remus gulped and felt around for something. Sirius thought he was about to flip around and face him, but he didn't. Remus was fumbling with the letters next to them and then pulled their linked journal onto his lap.

"Read it," he croaked, his voice gravely with lust.

Sirius frowned.

"Uhm… Moony, those letters aren't exactly…"

"Not _those_ ones—," he pulled the journal open and flipped to a letter marked March 5th.

"This."

Sirius looked down and felt his ears heat up.

_Those_ letters… those letters they had written to each other in the _one week_ of their relationship, which contained so many filthy promises and confessions.

Sirius couldn't count the number of times he had jerked off over the notes Remus had written back to him. That whole week had been one spell of bad luck after the other— they hadn't been able to properly get their hands on each other due to James and Peter's near-constant presence. So to satisfy their sexual urges for the other, these letters had been written…

Remus pressed the cover into Sirius' hands, and as he took it, Remus reached down and untied the drawstring of his pants before sliding them over his pelvis. His engorged cock sprang free and he grasped it in his fist, spreading the pre-cum around the shaft and tipping his head back on Sirius' shoulder again.

"Read it," he breathed again.

Holy, fuck-

Sirius trembled in arousal, trying to keep his eyes in focus as they watered in lust.

"D-dear Remus," he whispered against the smaller boys' earlobe. "It took everything I had not to... to rip your clothes off in Potions today. I don't know if it was the fumes in the air, but... but I... I couldn't fucking _breathe_ next to you."

His throat caught and he had to clear it before continuing.

"All I could think about was the way your... _cum_ tastes in my mouth. I wanted to sh-shove you in the supplies cupboard and..."

He trailed off, listening to Remus' breath flutter as he jerked himself.

"...go down on you, s-swallowing your whole prick down my throat."

Remus whimpered, thighs trembling.

"Your— your balls clench up every time I suck... and your precum is so sweet. I want to _fuck_ you with my fingers the next time I suck you off and feel you clench around me…"

Sirius lowered his voice and breathed the words against the shell of Remus' ear, trying to make it as dirty as possible.

Remus moaned as his hand flew faster over his cock. Sirius stared in awe at him for a moment, an intense wave of need coursing through him knowing that it was _his_ voice doing this.

He paused for a moment to reach down and slid his hand lovingly across his inner thigh, achingly close to Remus' erection.

"Spread you legs for me," he whispered. "_Wider_... yeah, that's it. Stroke the length, not just the head. Fuck yeah… jerk it for me…"

Remus was panting and arching back into him. Sirius shifted his groin closer and rubbed himself against Remus' backside as he went on.

"Dear Remus," he moaned. "I d-dreamed we were fucking last night, and you were on top _riding_ me. Your dripping cock was bouncing up and down as you slammed onto me. So fucking tight and hot and wet inside, and you'd go wild every time you'd drop down, like you were_ starving_ for it."

Remus keened and stroked himself faster, breathing shakily. Sirius pressed his lips into the soft brown hair and growled, "Move your hips like I'm fucking you… _Oh god_, yeah…like that. Want you to cum _screaming_."

Remus squirmed and Sirius saw his toes curling before he forced his eyes back on the page to finish reading.

"I reached up to jerk you off and your head flew back, your hair sweaty and your hips bucking faster and faster, until your dick _throbbed_ and you shot all over me, drenching me in your cum. And I came _so_ hard, right when you clenched around me, _fucking_ yourself on me as my cum filled your tight—,"

"_Sirius!"_

Sirius closed his lips on the skin below Remus' earlobe and mouthed eagerly on it as Remus gasped and convulsed. His milky semen squirted forcefully up the length of his body as he climaxed, gaping open-mouthed at the ceiling in ecstasy. Sirius sucked harder on Remus' neck— the pressure and friction in his groin had grown too unbearable and he shuddered hard into his own orgasm, his legs quivering on either side of Remus, boxers now soaked and sticky.

Sirius dropped the journal and wrapped his arms back around Remus' chest, clutching him tighter and closer to his body than before. Both of them were still trembling. Remus reached down to wipe his hand on the mattress and then craned his head sideways to catch Sirius' lips with his own.

In that moment, it didn't really need to be said. It could have gone completely unspoken and Remus would have understood his feelings. But as they kissed slowly, their heart rates returning to normal and butterflies squirming in their stomachs, the words spilled from his tingling lips and into Remus' mouth.

"I love you."

Remus' lips paused. He pulled back a little, brown eyes staring desperately into his own, and nudged the tips of their noses together. A tiny smile was playing at the corner of his mouth as he whispered back—

"Love you more."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>BANG<p>

Sirius lowered his wand and strode through the flapping wooden doors of the Hospital wing alongside James and Peter, heading toward Remus' bed at the end of the ward. Remus was sitting up in bed with a book lying open in his lap and grinning at them.

"You three don't ever change, do you?" he smirked as they drew closer.

"No need to change what's already perfected," James quipped.

Sirius scowled at him as he sat down on the mattress at the foot of Remus' bed and pulled out some fireworks.

"That coming from the boy who earned twenty points in classes today and then didn't even do anything to lose them."

"There weren't any opportunities."

"We saw Snivellus _three times_ in the corridors. There was plenty of opportunity."

"Lily actually _spoke_ to me today if you didn't notice—,"

"All I noticed was that you're getting all responsible and shit, and I don't like it."

Remus doubled over laughing at them.

It was the day after January's full moon and they were visiting for lunchtime. It had been an eventful night, sneaking into the grounds and exploring almost a mile into the Forbidden Forest. They'd ran into a couple of unicorns in a clearing and even fought off a giant tarantula that was creeping around the edge of the Black Lake.

It was exhilarating to have Remus back. They had to be extra careful with him after he'd transformed back, though. The weakness he was still burdened with was going to hinder his transformations for several more months to come. Sirius had made James in charge of covering Remus with the cloak so that he could immediately administer strengthening potions when Remus had stopped heaving. And almost as soon as he'd gulped down a slab of Honeydukes chocolate, he'd passed out into a deep sleep from exhaustion, unable to even feign interest in the conversation about their nighttime adventure.

Over the last week, classes had slowly become easier to manage. But it was a constant struggle. Sirius had taken him out the previous Saturday to push him around the wide dirt track inside the Quidditch pitch, trying to get his strength up before the full moon. His spells were also becoming better— and as Sirius pointed out, much of it was probably due to his new wand, which needed to be properly broken in over time. Sirius' after-dinner tutoring sessions with him were helping this, since it was a much different wand than his previous.

To help keep up with everything, he'd kept Remus on a continuous plan of food, strength potions, and ten hours of sleep. And all those essays they'd copied from Remus in the previous years were now being paid back in kind, as the three of them stayed up late into the night finishing Remus' homework for him. It didn't seem fair to them anyways that he would be given the same amount of coursework, but since no one really knew what had happened to him besides the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix, the professors had no real reason to excuse him.

All of it seemed to be working. It was now only noon and, after a quick six-hour nap, Remus didn't seem worn out at all by the previous night. There weren't any dark circles under his eyes and he looked eager to speak with them.

James pointed his wand at Madam Pomfreys office door and cast _"Muffliato!"_ as Sirius chucked a firework on the floor and lit it off.

"So—I've found a spell that might help label disguised beings on the map," Remus said, staring for a moment at the crackling red and silver sparks before turning to the book in front of him. "_Nomen Revealio_ combined with the Plotting Detector enchantment hasn't been showing you under your cloak, Prongs."

"What's so bad about that?" Peter said, trying to light another firework.

" 'Cos if someone _else_ had a cloak, we wouldn't be able to see them."

Remus turned his book around and pointed to the page.

"I think if we used this Matter-Detecting charm on the map before the other two, it might make the parchment perceive beings at a deeper level than just visibility. And… I was also thinking of placing a Writing-Essence charm on it… just to add some personality."

Sirius frowned at him. There was a Speaking-Essence charm which was usually placed on portraits. It was used to mimic a person's personality long after the witch or wizard had died, like in all of the Hogwarts paintings. But he had never heard of a Writing-Essence charm before.

"Why would we do that?"

But James had perked up and burst out with the answer before Remus could respond.

"So we could write to people through it— and keep it hidden from anyone who shouldn't see it!"

"Actually, I was just thinking we could tell them to turn left or right—," Remus said nervously.

"If Snivellus ever _touched_ it," Sirius interjected as he caught on, "it could throw all sorts of insults at him—"

"And we'd only let _real_ troublemakers see everything—"

"Yeah, we can combine it with a Concealment Curse so any professor would just see it as a piece of parchment—"

"Or they'd have to swear they were up to no good before they could use it!"

Sirius grinned around. Remus was staring at them with a "What have I done?" expression on his face.

"Brilliant idea, Moony!" James said, lighting off several spinning fireworks.

"You should re-write it though, now that you're back," Sirius added as he pulled out a chess set. "The Marauders Map that Wormtail drew looks like shit."

"Hey!" Peter squeaked.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

"The _Marauders_ Map?"

"Lily gave it to us," James said casually, with the air of talking about a current girlfriend. "She just… _gets_ me."

Sirius roared with laughter and James chucked a chess piece at him irritably.

"_One_ of these days, Mister Padfoot, even _you_ are going to find someone who makes your knees weak and your blood boil and your mind numb, and when that day comes you're _not_ going to be laughing anymore."

Sirius' hands slipped and he knocked over five chess pieces on accident before glancing uncontrollably at Remus.

The other boy had raised the book to cover the lower half of his face, but his scarlet cheeks were still visible over the top. As Sirius stared at him, Remus glanced up. The understanding in his bright brown eyes hit him like a jolt of electricity.

"Are we playing, or what?" James interrupted, shoving the chessboard towards him. "It's been almost half a year since we've done this, and I'm ready to kick all of your arses halfway to Sunday before the hour is up."

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review! ~*~<strong>


	29. Killing Demons

"_Psst! _Padfoot!"

Sirius stopped scrubbing a large golden trophy and wiped the sweat off his brow before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his mirror. He looked around for Filch once and then smiled down at James' face.

"What's up Prongs?"

James lifted his hand and flexed it, wincing in pain.

"I've done a million lines for Sinistra, my hand feels like it's gonna fall off," he moaned. He turned his mirror to show the parchment of lines he'd written, which said repeatedly _"I will not steal the Telescopes and throw them in the girls lavatory"_ over and over again, all the way down the page.

"Yeah well at least you're not stuck polishing trophies for Filch. He didn't even let me use magic."

"That bastard."

"He's such a squib."

"He's such an arse-licking ponce."

Sirius snorted.

"Where is the old hag, anyways?" James asked.

"That's the best part," Sirius whispered, an evil grin spreading over his face. "He got a _kitten_."

James stared at him like it was Christmas.

"You're _joking!"_

"And he's named it 'Mrs. Norris'," Sirius sniggered.

"What the fuck kind of name is that?" James said, roaring with laughter.

Sirius shook his head and tossed the trophy aside.

"D'you know what the time is?"

James' mirror twisted upside down as he flipped his wrist over to check his watch.

"Pushing ten o'clock."

Sirius yawned widely and rubbed his face.

"Uhg, I'm so bloody exhausted. At least Moony's getting better at spells, all these hours of tutoring are givin' me no room to sleep."

There was a slight pause and then, with a rather odd tone, James mumbled, "Mm-hmm."

Sirius scowled.

"What was that _Mm-hmm_ about?"

"Nothing," James said innocently, watching his face closely for a reaction. "Sometimes it just seems like… well…"

James cast around for the right words but then shook his head.

"Nevermind."

" 'Sometimes it seems like' _what?"_

James chewed on his lip for a moment.

"You two aren't keeping any secrets from us, are you?"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat.

Shit— had they really been that obvious?

Or was he referring to something else? It _had_ to be something else— how could he have possibly found out? He hadn't caught them at it, had he?

"Er… why do you ask?" he murmured finally.

James was scrutinizing him.

"Do you really want to know?"

Sirius froze. He couldn't blink or breathe or speak or think.

James seemed to notice and went on without waiting for permission.

"That first night back, when I went down to get Moony some food from the kitchens, I was looking on the map and saw you two in the dormitory… at first you were both in separate beds, but the next time I looked at it, you were in his bed— right with him. By the time I came back, though, he was asleep and you were in the showers."

Sirius' mind was racing, trying to formulate a logical excuse in a fraction of a second.

"It just seemed strange to me that you—,"

"I was just helping him with spells. He was practicing the Revealing Charm. I was just helping him practice."

James stared at him.

Sirius tried to think of how he would behave had he in fact _not_ been getting off with Remus. But the rush of anxiety was getting to him and he couldn't process logical thoughts properly.

James looked down and away from him for a moment and then opened his mouth, taking a breath of air as if about to say something, and then reconsidering it.

But then he burst out with it anyways.

"On the train ride here… you said something about Mary that just struck me as a little odd. You've never even talked to her before, but you kept insulting her... I mean— it _would_ have been funny, but then you kept at it even when Moony got back. It was really strange…"

Sirius didn't say anything. His voice had been struck dead.

"Look, I don't care," James said quickly, realizing how panicked Sirius was. "You don't have to tell me. But I keep noticing these weird little things and wondering if there's something going on that you two aren't telling me."

The defensive side of Sirius sprang up again.

"What do you mean by '_something_'? What do you even think is going on?"

James shrugged.

"Well… I've noticed how protective you are of him. Two weeks ago after the full moon, you kept staring at him… and the way you took care of him right after he transformed. And on top of it all, I heard this morning that he turned Mary down to go to the Valentine's Day Hogsmead visit…"

"He did?" Sirius said, a wide grin spreading over his face completely beyond his control. He then caught himself and coughed gruffly, trying to force it away.

But James had seen.

Slowly, a hardened expression of disbelief formed in his features. His eyes bored hard into Sirius', unsmiling, almost fearful of the truth.

"You and him… you're not…?"

Sirius stared back at him with the same fear and anticipation.

"_Are you?"_ James demanded.

Sirius sighed.

"Okay—Prongs… don't flip out…"

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Sirius dashed across the dark corridor with James, exhilaration pumping through his system, and crouched down behind a large statue of Trapdin the Timid. He muffled a bark of laughter with his hand and both he and James looked back across the wide expanse of stone floor to where Remus and Peter were huddled in the darkness, looking around for Filch.<p>

"_C'mon!"_ James hissed at them.

The silver rays from a skylight shone down directly in the center of their route, illuminating their path. They saw Remus reach up and place his hand on Peter's upper-back before dragging the other boy up and dashing over to their hiding place.

"Mew! Mew!"

Remus stopped and looked around.

Peter kept running for it until he had dove ungracefully behind the statue, but Remus held his wand aloft, starring around for the source of a strange high-pitched squeaking noise that had rent the air. His eyes scanned into the darkness just beyond the dim light of the moon.

Until—

They all froze. A fluffy brown kitten hopped into the moonlight and pranced right up to Remus. Dumbstruck, he continued to aim his wand at the little thing in astonishment.

"Mew! Mew!"

Both Sirius and James doubled over laughing, clutching their stomachs and pressing their fists into their mouths.

The kitten looked up at him pompously and cocked its head to the side before reaching out with a tiny paw to bat at Remus' shoe lace.

James squirmed from hysteria and knocked hard into Sirius, who was forced sideways out of their hiding spot. He coughed, trying to compose himself, before walking over and grabbing Remus by the forearm to haul him away.

Remus laughed too and rubbed his eyes.

"I thought it was some kind of detector Filch had set up—,"

"Reoowwrrr!"

All four of them froze.

Sirius turned back, frowning, and saw the miniscule creature sitting down calmly, staring up at them.

"Did that _thing_ just—?"

"REOOWWRRR!"

The kitten had opened its little jaws and let out an air-splitting yowl that echoed into the silence of the castle long after it was finished.

Remus stared at it in disgust.

Heart hammering, Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out their map, searching frantically for—

"Filch!" Remus whispered, pointing at the grand staircase. His black ink dot was at the bottom of it, and as they watched, it moved swiftly up several steps at an alarming rate, heading directly towards the second floor corridor they were standing in.

"_Move!"_ Sirius shot at the other two, and then ran full-out in the opposite direction as he searched the parchment for any other professors.

James caught up with him and pointed at a tapestry half way down the corridor that concealed a hidden shortcut to the fourth floor. Sirius skidded to a halt before it and wrenched it aside, letting the other three pass before flying up the staircase after them.

They were almost to the top when they heard it for a third time.

"REEEOOOWWWRR!"

Sirius turned on his heel and looked down the long passageway at the kitten who was now sitting politely on the bottommost step.

"Why you _little fucking_—,"

"Padfoot, no!"

James grabbed his upper arm and tried to drag him away again, but he resisted and raised his wand to blast the pint-sized feline into kingdom come.

"Caught them, did you, my pet? Oooh, _we've got them now!"_

Sirius' spell died in his throat. He stumbled backwards and James tossed the Invisibility cloak over his head.

Remus and Peter had already made it safely through the tapestry at the top of the stairs, but James knew he and Sirius couldn't have made it with Filch's voice so near— and before they could even take two steps upstairs again, Filch had torn the second-floor tapestry aside and peered upwards, a lantern swaying in his hand.

They froze, barely breathing, knowing full-well they had nowhere to go. If they ran for it, Filch would surely hear it and catch them all. Sirius looked sideways at James under the cloak and mouthed "What do we do?"

James grimaced and shook his head.

Well— at least Remus and Peter would get away…

"I got you brats now!" Filch wheezed, ascending quickly. "Think you can befoul the House tapestries and upside all the tables? Not in _my_ castle you can't!"

The evil kitten let out a few mewls of agreement and hopped up the stairs, it's gleaming yellow eyes staring directly at them, leading it's master to their exact position—

"_Diffindo!"_

The heat of a spell soared past them and hit one of the steps below with a loud snapping sound. The kitten, which had been mid-hop when the spell made contact, let out a terrified yowl of surprise as it dropped right through the floor and landed with an enraged squeak in the classroom below it.

"Mrs. Norris!" Filch screamed, diving headfirst into the missing step. "Mrs. Norris! AARRGHH! NOOO! HEEEELP!"

Sirius and James roared with laughter as Filch struggled to dislodge his head and shoulders from his position. Mrs. Norris was still mewling angrily from somewhere below their feet.

As they tore the cloak off their bodies, they looked up and saw Remus standing at the top of the stairs, his wand by his side.

"Nice one, Moony," James smirked. He then pointed his own wand at the step and cried, _"Servare Incantatum!_"

"Oh _come on_, Prongs, do we really want to be jumping that step forever?" Remus whispered as they finished climbing the staircase to join him. Peter was right around the corner, keeping a lookout for teachers.

"Just think of how many students'll fall right through it tomorrow!" James sniggered.

Sirius laughed too and imagined the surprise on Snivellus' face when he'd step unknowingly on the trap...

"It's _brilliant_! Why haven't we thought of a trick-step before now?"

"Better yet, why couldn't you do it on the last day of our seventh year," Remus muttered darkly.

Sirius tossed the Marauders map to Peter, who took it and walked ahead of them, scanning for professors. He then slung his arm around Remus' shoulders as they made their way back up to Gryffindor Tower.

"You're aim is getting better— and thanks for having our backs," he murmured.

Remus flipped his wand in the air and then twirled it between his fingers, grinning appreciatively. But when Sirius didn't remove his arm from around his shoulders, he looked sideways at him and then half-glanced pointedly at James.

Sirius smirked and looked around too. James averted his eyes quickly before speeding up to join Peter.

"He knows," Sirius whispered so that only Remus could hear.

Remus' eyes bulged and he forgot to move his left foot. Sirius had to stoop to catch him before he hit the floor and Remus quickly fumbled to support himself again as Peter and James looked around.

"Uh— I, uh— tripped on the— uh— a stone—," he stuttered. Sirius supported his forearm and could feel him trembling in shock.

Peter frowned at them in confusion, but James looked uncomfortably away.

"Did'you check the fifth floor, Pete?" he said unnaturally loudly.

As James steered Peter ahead again, Remus assaulted Sirius with his eyes.

"_How?"_ he mouthed furiously.

Sirius smirked and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"He was getting suspicious. So I told him."

Remus stared blankly ahead of them as they climbed another staircase. Then, glancing again at James, he leaned in to whisper back—

"What'd he say? Is he alright with it?"

Sirius grimaced and shook his head. He slowed down and they fell ten yards behind the other two.

"Not—exactly… but I think it's cos he's my best mate," Sirius whispered. "You know how it is."

Remus' eyes widened worriedly.

"Look, it's been a week and he hasn't acted any different so far—,"

"A _week?!" _

"_Sh!_ Honestly, I think a part of him already knew… the hints he was throwing out right before I told him pretty much said it all."

Remus rubbed his face in irritation. His forehead was wrinkled up in stress.

"Shit," he breathed.

Sirius shrugged and tried his best to act like it didn't matter to him.

"We couldn't hide it forever."

Remus sighed testily.

"I know… just… _shit_."

Sirius let out a breath of laughter. As they rounded a corner, something about the stress in the other boy caused Sirius to do something he'd never done before— he reached out and firmly grasped Remus' hand in his and held it tight, interlacing their fingers as they walked on.

Remus was struck silent. He looked down at their hands, back up at Sirius, and then back at their hands. His palm was soft beneath Sirius', his long graceful fingers hanging limp in the embrace.

Sirius grinned awkwardly at him. But after a short look of disbelief, Remus gave in with a small smile of his own and clutched Sirius' hand in return. Sirius beamed uncontrollably and stroked the pad of his thumb over Remus' knuckles as they came to a halt in front of Gryffindor Tower and looked up.

James was standing there, his arm outstretched to hold the back of the Fat Lady's portrait open for them— with his eyes staring directly at their entwined hands.

His face was uncomfortably stony. As both of them froze, his hazel eyes flicked up and darted between their faces.

"Too much?" Sirius winced at him.

James sighed and jerked his head irritably, signaling them to come inside.

"Just don't start _snogging_ in front of me and I'll be fine."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Remus raised his arm and focused at a large throw-pillow on the floor. He twirled his wand upwards expertly and then reached out to grab the pillow as it soared across the room and into his hand.<p>

"Brilliant!" Sirius cried. "Knew you could do it— you got that faster than the Shrinking charm."

Remus smirked and tossed the pillow on the ground again.

"It _is_ getting easier," he admitted.

He pointed his wand at Sirius and preformed the same movement. Sirius felt himself pulled forward several steps and let out a burst of laughter, pulling Remus in for a kiss.

Remus blanched and started laughing too.

"You need a shave, you mutt."

Sirius smirked and rubbed his stubble-covered cheek into Remus' smooth one before striding past him and over to the desk.

It was Friday evening of the week after Valentine's Day, and they were practicing non-verbal charms for an hour in the Room of Requirement before Remus needed to get to bed. He'd spent the first twenty minutes on the Silencing charm and another twelve attempting to shrink a porcelain vase— it kept shattering as it shrunk before Remus finally got the wand movement right. But his Summoning charm had taken him less than ten minutes to get right.

Even though Remus had been steadily improving week after week, it was actually a surprise to Sirius how well he was doing for today— since breakfast, he'd been glum and sulky, at times downright depressed. He hadn't spoken much during classes, hadn't returned any of Sirius' affections, and hadn't even eaten that much at mealtimes (when he was usually ravenous).

Confused, Sirius had passed several notes to him under the desks trying to get a response out of him, but it was in vain. Some sort of dark spell had come over the other boy and it was only in the heated moments of their tutoring that he'd finally come out of his shell.

Sirius bent over the mahogany desk, searching for their schedule. He finally found it amidst their essays and spell books, and ticked off three spells from the list.

"You're ahead," he praised. "We could keep going if you're up to it?"

Remus shook his head silently and sank down in a squashy red armchair.

"Not… tonight."

Sirius shuffled their essays around.

"You're almost caught up to the rest of class, you know."

Remus didn't say anything. Sirius glanced up and saw him staring down at a copy of the Evening Prophet that was protruding from Sirius' satchel. A frown creased between his eyebrows and he reached down to tug it out.

Sirius huffed through his nose and went back to the calendar, adjusting some of the notes to fit Remus' progress. For the third week of February, he was doing better than expected, even if he was lagging on some of their more current spells.

Sucking for a moment on the tip of his quill, he looked over at their weekend homework assignments and scanned through them.

"How did you manage that Blinding hex in Defense today?" he asked absentmindedly.

Silence.

"Moony—?"

He looked up again. Remus didn't acknowledge the address at all.

Scowling, Sirius straightened up and strode around to the back of his chair to see what he was reading.

He had flipped it open to the Political section. The first article was splashed with a black-and-white photo of none other than Bartemius Crouch. He was at a podium giving some sort of energetic speech, standing next to a young witch with a fussy bow in her hair and a toad-like face. The headline above it read _GREYBACK ESCAPE PROMPTS STRICTER WEREWOLF REGULATIONS._

Sirius started.

"That _bastard_!" he seethed, reaching out to grab the newspaper and bring it closer to his face.

"Who the _hell_ does he think he is?" he spat, scanning the article for quotes to rage over, "— _'the dangers all werewolves pose to society can no longer be ignored'— 'untrustworthy Dark creatures'— 'employers should conduct thorough background checks before hiring potential criminals'_—, Merlin, I can't _believe_ this shit!"

Remus sat silently, listening to his rambling. He hadn't even flinched when Sirius had grabbed the paper from him.

"This _can't_ last much longer, I mean Dumbledore would _never_ let this stand—,"

"I'd like to go to bed now."

Sirius looked up. Remus had got to his feet and slung his messenger bag over his torso. His was staring away, intentionally avoiding any eye-contact.

Sirius surveyed him in surprise.

"You… you don't want to talk about it?"

Remus tensed up.

"I'd rather not discuss it right now."

Sirius gaped at him.

"But—,"

"Please. Don't."

Sirius felt like he'd been punched in the face. He'd never heard Remus' voice so hardened before, so _cold_.

"Remus…," he said weakly, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

The smaller boy flinched away from the touch and crossed the room to wait by the doorway. He scuffed the stone floor with the tip of his shoe and stood silently, staring downward.

Sirius set the article down and leaned against the chair. Something told him this wasn't just about the article…

"Look, I can't just leave it off like this," he said gently. "You need to tell me what's going on, you've been on edge all day."

Remus chewed on his lip and shook his head.

"I'll talk with Kate about it."

Sirius blinked.

With Kate…

He would talk with Kate about it…

Kate.

Not him.

After an entire day of ignoring his demons, of neglecting any confidence in his friends, and reading such an article in the paper, he was going to wait _two days_ to speak with his bloody counselor about it?

Something deep inside Sirius that had been festering, something that had been pushed down and ignored and neglected suddenly bubbled up and burst inside his chest like lava exploding from a volcano.

"You'll talk with _Kate_ about it?"

Remus looked up. The anger in his voice must have frightened him, but Sirius didn't care.

"What the fuck does she ever say to you that I wouldn't?!— or James, or Peter? Do you have any idea what it feels like to know you can't trust me enough just to listen to you?! Do you have _any_ idea how that screws me up inside?!"

Remus' face twisted in frustration.

"Don't start on this, Pads. You think I _want_ all that weighing on every conversation I have with you three? I'm not just doing it out of spite— I'm not telling you cos I know it would change everything."

"Well, it's changed everything by you _not_ telling us!" Sirius shouted. "I'm not the only one with trust issues anymore!"

Remus looked affronted.

"It's none of your business what happened—,"

"It's _all_ of our business!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"Then fucking listen! You haven't told us shit, and now that anything new comes up, you just give us the cold shoulder and say you'll wait to speak with Kate!"

"I do that for a reason—!"

"Why don't you just spit in my face next time, it might be less of an insult—,"

Remus gaped at him.

"You don't know what you're talking about—,"

"I _would_ if you'd just _tell_ me!" Sirius shouted, not giving in to any sign of weakness from the other boy. "What happened this morning? Why have you _been_ like this all day?"

"I'm not—,"

"TELL ME!" Sirius roared. "I'm sick of you keeping everything from me, I need to know what's going on with you, I feel so bloody useless! Tell me _something_, tell me _any—_"

"FINE!"

Something about Remus' character seemed to shatter. The calm, sweet, rational boy was gone. All traces of kindness left his eyes, and the only thing left of his expression was pure undiluted agonizing pain.

He wretched the strap of his school bag over his head and drew a letter out of the pocket before throwing it viciously on the ground.

"I got told today that I inherited my parent's house. The house they _died_ in! Now when summer comes around and everyone else is enjoying themselves, I get to go back and live in the house where they were slaughtered! So excuse the _fuck_ out of me if I didn't go running to you!"

Sirius' mind was reeling but he stood his ground.

"Why— why couldn't you have just _told_ me bef—,"

"Because you didn't love your parents!" Remus screamed. A wave of hot energy seemed to swell around him and the floor beneath them trembled. "You didn't _lose_ them, you ran out on them! There's no _way_ you could ever understand! You have _no_ _idea_ what it feels like to know the parents who protected you are DEAD _because_ of—,"

"It wasn't your _fault_—,"

"YES IT WAS!"

Several glass and porcelain objects around the room shattered. Sirius had never seen Remus like this before. Every cell in his body was fuming with self disgust, and Sirius could distinctly see the monstrous essence of the werewolf on his human face.

"If I hadn't been so _stupid_," he raged, pacing back and forth, "if I had just waited until I could research at the Ministry, if I hadn't jumped to conclusions that my attacker was just a normal wizard, just like me, just like—,"

Sirius stepped forward to grasp his shoulder.

"There was no way you could have known—,"

Remus shoved him off.

"I _should_ have known! I should have taken the time to _realize_ how much was at stake, and I'm _never_ going to forgive myself—,"

"You didn't kill them—,"

"THEY'RE DEAD BECAUSE OF _ME!_"

Sirius' voice caught in his throat as Remus turned on him.

"Is this what you wanted?!" Remus yelled hysterically. "For me to fall apart and for you to somehow be the knight in shining armor who comes to the rescue?! You can't just RESCUE me from everything, Sirius! What ELSE do you want to know?!"

Sirius shook his head but Remus went on storming at him.

"You want to know what they did to me down there?! You really want to know?! FINE: They _tortured_ me and _possessed_ me and _starved_ me! And they'd string me up in front of the entire group and humiliate me! So now you can run off and tell James and Peter all about how they'd lock me up on full moons with innocent Muggles, and I'd wake up in their bloody remains the next morning!"

Sirius couldn't breathe with the horror of it. Gods, Remus had been right, he _didn't_ want to know any of this…

"And you know why they did it?! It was all in revenge for me trying to live a normal life and go to school! Every day it was something new, something worse, and the entire time all I could think about was that my parents were dead because of _me_ and I deserved _everything_ they did to me—"

"How can you think that?!" Sirius shouted.

"You have NO IDEA what I go through every day! You can _never_ understand the burden on my shoulders, knowing I killed them in my stupidity!"

Furious tears spilled from his eyes as he completely broke apart, every wall crashing down as he raged on.

"Every _night_ I dream about losing you and James and Peter, about all of you dying because of something I've done, something _I've_ caused! If I ever lost you— if I— you don't _realize_ how scared I am of losing you— you should have just LEFT me down there and let me—!"

"DON'T!" Sirius shouted, "Don't you DARE say it!"

Remus panted heavily and seemed to cast around for words. He tore his palms across his face to wipe the tears of rage from his cheeks.

"And on top of everything, I'm fucking _useless_ in class!" he spat. "You asked me how I managed the Blinding hex? Well I _didn't_—,"

"It doesn't _matter_, you're still ahead of schedule—,"

"I'm ahead on my CATCHING UP schedule!" Remus vented. "I'm still _behind_ everyone else, I'm still struggling to stay level! You don't _get_ it! You think it's so _easy_, but you've never tried performing a spell from first year and found you _can't_ any longer! That you have to re-learn a spell you've known for five years! You have NO IDEA how humiliating it is!"

Remus was pacing again, glaring at his surroundings.

Sirius was struggling for words that could pull him back together.

"You do a lot better when you have an ounce of confidence in yourself—"

"Oh, okay," Remus laughed bitterly, "I'll get right on that, between my nightmares and—,"

"You saw yourself just ten minutes ago, as soon as you'd forgot about that bloody letter you managed the Summoning charm in no time—,"

"WHO CARES?" Remus bellowed, the glass in the window pane next to him cracking. "I'm still unprepared for what's out there! As soon as I _leave_ here they're going to be after me again and I'll be worse than a sitting duck! And this time I'll lose even _more_ than I lost last time—!"

"Just shut UP!" Sirius yelled finally. "I'm not _going_ anywhere and neither is James or Peter—!"

"Say's YOU, the top bloody student of our year! Not all of us have everything handed to us on a silver platter, some of us have to actually _try_ to learn spells, we're not all perfect like you—!"

Snapping in frustration, Sirius raised his wand and cried, "_Pedes Lapsus!"_

Remus realized what he was about to do a split second before he did it and raised his wand with lightning speed through the air. A loud whipping sound emanated between them as Remus deflected with a nonverbal Shield charm and then stared at Sirius like he'd gone mad.

"What—?" he breathed in confusion.

Sirius glared and waved his wand at Remus, thinking _Levi Corpus!_

"What are you _doing_?!" Remus shouted, deflecting again.

"I'm trying to prove to you that you're stronger than you think you are!" Sirius shot back. "I'm sick of you doubting yourself all the time!"

Remus gritted his teeth.

"Tell that to the werewolves who're gonna be hunting me down the rest of my— STOP IT!"

Sirius, not wanting to hear any more of it, had sent a leg-locker curse at him as a distraction.

"Then fight back!" he roared. "I _know_ you have it in you, you just need to stop doubting yourself!"

Remus opened his mouth to retaliate and Sirius shouted "_Incarcerous_!"

Remus slashed his wand in fury and deflected. He breathed heavily, staring hard at Sirius like he was seeing him clearly for the first time.

His eyes darkened, a feral shadow stirring within their depths.

Neither of them knew who raised their wand first— all they knew was before they could think twice, they were dueling harder than they'd ever battled in their lives.

"_Stupefy!"_

Sirius blocked it and waved his wand in a wide circle, crying, "_Glacius Ventus!"_

Frozen wind with sharp ice crystals hurled at Remus, who whipped his wand and yelled, _"Aestus!"_

The crystals turned to mist and he cast, _"Vulpesortia!"_

Three red foxes blossomed from his wand and then charged at Sirius, fangs bared as Remus commanded _"Oppugno!"_

Sirius flicked his wand hurriedly and thought, "_Evanescere!" _at two of them, but he was too late to get the third. It leaped at him and sank its jaws into his forearm, tearing and yanking at the fabric.

Yelling in rage, he slammed it into the stone floor and stepped on its tail, casting a Stunning charm at Remus before stabbing his wand into the fox which shattered into wisps of red smoke.

Remus aimed his wand at the exact time Sirius raised his and their spells met in mid air. Gold spell collided with violet, causing an almighty blast that consumed the room in a deafening explosion.

If anyone had been standing outside looking up at the seventh floor of the castle, they would have seen several windows shatter from a small room on the south end, and bursts of light soaring out the jagged glass for several more minutes. The sheer sound that rang out from their hidden room was enough to call the Slytherins from their dungeons. Explosions shook the topmost towers and the rumble of deflected and colliding spells rolled through the ancient stone floors and shook the steel on the suits of armor.

Inside their room, not a single feature was left unscathed. Every delicate trinket was destroyed, every cushion shredded or burning.

Plumes of black smoke rose up from the ruins of the mahogany desk and the squashy armchair. It filled the roof, building towards the floor, until Sirius suctioned the cloud into his wand and morphed it into a black marble canon ball and blasted it across the room towards Remus.

Remus flicked his wand and the stone smashed into the charred desk as it flew up to shield him. He then aimed his wand at the burning chair and turned it into a ball of flames which bounced twice on the ground in sync with his wand and then flew at Sirius, who ducked. It soared out the window and fell flickering into the glassy surface of the lake below.

Sirius turned back, whipping his wand to fire three Boil hexes across the room. But right as he dislodged his leg from a fallen stone and lifted his wand to deflect Remus' next curse, Remus blasted through all three of his hexes with a scream of rage and hit Sirius with a Disarming spell so powerful he was thrown backward into the cracked wall. His wand flew across the room and clattered loudly on the floor into the sudden tense silence.

Sirius groaned.

He lifted his hand to feel the back of his head. Warm stickiness was matting up his hair and his fingers were crimson when he brought them back. Panting heavily, he stared around at their battlefield.

Dust was settling in the air. The soft crackling from two burning cushions was the only sound besides their breathing. A cold night breeze flowed into the room from the shattered window panes and three craters in the wall.

He blinked and coughed harshly into his fist, spitting out clots of blood and dust. His arm was aching from the fox bite, and he was pretty sure he had at least one broken rib.

Swallowing, he looked up at Remus.

He was still standing there with his wand raised, frozen in the same position in which he'd fired his last spell.

They stared at each other for a long moment, the enormity of their actions finally crashing down on them. Slowly, Remus' arm fell to his side. His eyes had lost their hatred and fury. They were now searching Sirius' vulnerably as the orange embers of the fire glittered in his irises.

Tension swelled up, their emotions racing, their hearts hammering in their chests as they gazed at the other from across the ruins.

And then they snapped.

Sirius forced himself to his feet hurriedly as Remus chucked his wand on the floor and tore across the room at him, both speeding up as they drew nearer before smashing their lips together fiercely and falling to the floor in the passion of their embrace.

Remus fell hard on top of him, Sirius' already injured head smacking into a fallen brick. Stars burst under his eyelids in pain but he kept clutching at Remus, pulling him in closer and moaning insatiably.

Sirius opened his mouth and tried to devour more of him, whimpering as he felt their groins rub together. Excitement burned inside his abdomen as his cock hardened and he rutted up into the needy boy as they snogged wildly into the floor.

He reached up and slid his hands into the rumpled brown hair, nipping his teeth on the smaller boys bottom lip before plunging his tongue in again. They moved rhythmically in unison, their sticky lips sliding in equal pace and strength, ravenously consuming each other.

Remus finally pulled up and away from him, gasping hard for air. His fingers worked frantically at Sirius' chest, snatching as his clothes. A growl escaped his throat and he tore the fabric apart, shredding it open and dipping his head down to bite hard into the exposed skin.

"_Fuck_, Remus…"

The blood rushed into his cock as a warm wet tongue flicked at the wound. Remus grasped his torso and pulled him nearer as he sucked around one of his nipples.

Sirius tried to push him sideways and onto his back. He was usually on top and in control, after all— actually, he was _always_ on top and in control.

But as Remus realized what he was doing, he growled dangerously and threw him back into the floor, glaring up menacingly as his mouth trailed lower.

"Remus," he breathed.

The smaller boy ignored him and sucked harder on his flesh.

His prick was _aching_, straining against his trousers in confinement. Remus cupped the bulge and Sirius moaned as his hand moved softly across it, stroking through the fabric. Then, without stalling for a second, Remus reached up with both hands, curled his fingers under the waist band of his pants, and yanked them down hard over his pelvis.

Sirius gasped in pain as the buckle bruised into his hip— but then they were past his thighs and past his ankles and quickly cast aside onto the floor.

Remus raised himself over Sirius as he writhed in need, and surveyed him with smoldering eyes. His breath hitched as he took him in, all messy and disheveled and wounded, his swollen cock throbbing in arousal.

Remus reached down to touch him lightly with the tips of his fingers, as if making sure he was real.

"Do you have _any_ idea how beautiful you are?" he whispered achingly.

Sirius felt something swell in his chest. His need for the other boy increased tenfold and he squirmed beneath him, completely exposed.

"Have me, then."

Remus licked his lips and slid both of his hands onto Sirius' pelvis, staring at his leaking member with unhidden desire.

"So beautiful," he murmured quietly, before bending down to suck the glistening tip into his mouth.

Sirius gaped and closed his eyes in pleasure.

Remus lowered his head onto him and sucked steadily, rubbing the flat of his tongue into the slit to get more precum out.

He grasped Remus' brown hair for support and started thrusting up, slowly fucking his mouth as it bobbed on his dick. Remus was trembling and it took Sirius a moment to realize he was jerking himself off as he sucked.

"_Harder_…" he begged. "Suck it… _harder_…"

He could feel release boiling up inside him, his balls clenching as the wet heat of Remus' mouth pulled him over the edge—

"Oh, _fuck_!" he screamed at the ceiling— not in completion, but in frustration.

Remus had pulled off him and sat up, wiping his mouth sinfully on the back of his hand and grinning wickedly.

"Nnguh…" Sirius moaned, eyes shut tight— it was fucking _torture_ to feel so much straining pleasure without the fulfillment of release.

"I didn't realize you were so close," Remus breathed, hands gliding over his thighs to comfort him. A large surge of precum dribbled onto Sirius' abs, his cock now a dark pink from all the pooling blood.

It took an extreme amount of control on his part not to reach down and finish himself off as he saw Remus twist around and reach for something on the floor. Sirius squeezed his hands into fists to restrain himself from jerking his aching member just _once_ to end his agony.

Remus turned back towards him, now grasping his wand.

"What's the spell?" he breathed.

Sirius froze in fear.

_Oh, shit…_

He'd never done this before.

He'd _never_ given himself over to anyone before.

And that loss of power was, in a word, terrifying.

He stared at the wand in Remus' hand, wondering if he could pretend he'd forgotten the spell—

—Until shallow needy breathing reached his ears. Tearing his frightened eyes off the wand, he glanced back up at Remus and all his fears seemed to vanish as he was overwhelmed with desire.

Remus, unbeknownst to Sirius watching him, licked his bottom lip with his tongue and reached down to stroke himself. His eyes were hooded and he moaned desperately, staring down at Sirius' body in lust.

Sirius felt his cock _throb_ as he watched the muscles flex in Remus' torso. A glistening string of precum was leaking from his gorgeous prick onto Sirius' perineum.

Sirius' jutting cock bobbed as he bucked his hips uncontrollably and seethed hurriedly, "It's _Voluptatem Totalus_, but use _Purgare_ first, they're both nonverbal."

Remus coughed dryly and pressed his wand against Sirius' pucker, casting both spells. Sirius held his breath as they both hit him and his heart rate sped up rapidly, fingers scrabbling against Remus' outer thigh to urge him closer.

Remus ran his hands up Sirius' sweaty body, lips parted achingly in need, and whispered against his collarbone.

"Lube?"

Sirius gritted his teeth and growled, "_Glissant!"_ at Remus' cock. Slippery clear gel coated it from tip to base, and Sirius' mouth watered as he saw the liquid glistening and dripping off his swollen balls.

Fisting his hands into the mussed up brown hair, he nipped harshly on Remus' bottom lip and snarled at him, "_Fuck _me, Remus,_ do it_ and don't make me beg_."_

A wild, untamed look of surrender lit up Remus' face as he positioned himself over Sirius, spread his keens farther apart, and thrust in without hesitation.

Sirius arched back with shock— holy _fuck_, this spell was good. No wonder Remus had made him keep going the last time— there was _no_ higher pleasure than this, no orgasm that could possibly compare…

Remus snapped his hips forward, releasing a pent-up scream of ecstasy into Sirius' shoulder as he pounded into him hard, arms trembling as they struggled to support himself.

"Oh,_ god yes!_"

Sirius clutched at Remus' shoulders, thrusting upward, eyes watering from the intensity of it all. His leaking cock slapped hard into his stomach as the brown-haired boy rammed into him relentlessly and leaned up to pressed their foreheads together.

"So… _tight_…" he breathed as he dragged their wet lips together. One of his sweaty hands came up to wrap itself around Sirius' prick, stroking hard and fast as his groans became louder, signaling his peak.

It was too much for Sirius— a wrenched scream tore through his throat as the pleasure coiled in his groin and he shot all over Remus' pumping hand. His toes curled under and his neck arched back as the tremors rocked through him, giving himself over completely to Remus.

As he stared down at Sirius with undiluted fascination, Remus bucked three more times, incomprehensible curses and sentiments spilling from his lips as he came too, spilling inside the other boy. Trembling, he hung his head and collapsed against his body, panting hard, still sheathed inside him.

Their arms entwined around their bodies, holding each other closer and listening to the loud rhythmic beating of their hearts.

Stars had blossomed in the night sky and Sirius reached down to pull his shredded robes around Remus as they slowly sat up, groaning from their injuries and aching muscles.

Remus gasped as he slipped out of Sirius. Their eyes connected and Sirius reached up to brush a damp lock of hair away from his eyes.

"You're so incredible," he whispered, smiling widely.

Remus' mouth hitched up and he hesitated before letting out a burst of laughter and positively beaming down at him.

"You're not too bad yourself."

* * *

><p><strong>~*~ Please Review! ~*~<strong>


	30. Antics and Escapades

Sirius awoke earlier than usual to the sound of paper flipping.

Groaning, he cracked his eyelids and saw Remus lying next to him on the pillows. One arm was bent behind his head, the other holding their linked journal open on his chest as he looked down on it, reading silently. The curtains were shut but a sliver of space between two of them let in a stream of morning light.

"Good morning," Remus whispered. His eyes were still sliding slowly along the page.

Sirius rubbed his face in fatigue.

"Mmm… was I snoring?"

"Yeah, a bit," Remus smirked.

Sirius grinned.

"Well, good morning to you, too," he slurred.

Remus turned his head to look at him, an eyebrow cocked up.

"Anything _else_ you want to say to me?"

Sirius scrunched up his face defensively.

"Huh? What else would I have to— oh," he groaned and turned his face into Remus' arm where it met the mattress.

"Happy birthday," he muffled into the sheets in shame.

Remus sniggered.

"Thanks," he whispered back. "I finally got around to reading that letter of yours."

Sirius lifted his head and looked down at him.

"Oh," he said.

Remus' eyes flicked up and they held each other's gaze for a moment.

Remus had been breaking through several barriers recently, ever since their explosive argument in the Room of Requirement just over two weeks ago. They'd gotten into the habit of falling asleep together every Friday night, when they knew the others would get up later than usual the next day.

In those late night hours, under the cover of complete darkness when Sirius couldn't see his face even with their noses touching, Remus had poured out all his memories. Everything that haunted and tormented him from his time in captivity, it all came spilling out in painful detail.

Most of it was hard for Sirius to hear, but he was at least thankful for the darkness. He didn't have to worry about controlling the disgust and anger that seeped into his expression.

Amidst all of it though, Remus still hadn't gotten around to reading that final letter. Sirius had all but forgotten of it, mostly because he was more concerned with hearing what Remus needed to say than putting any added burden onto his shoulders.

As they laid there, both waiting for the other to speak, Sirius held onto his amber eyes and flushed in apprehension. Remus broke contact first, glancing over and lifting his hand to ghost the back of his fingers over Sirius' ear.

"Your ears are all red," he whispered. "What's the matter?"

Sirius shivered from the touch and cleared his throat gruffly, shaking his head.

"Nothing. That letter's just really…. personal..."

Remus looked down again, chewing the inside of his lip.

"Do you actually want to spend the rest of your life with me? Or was that something you only meant in hindsight?"

Sirius blinked.

"I don't think I would have ever _said_ it if I hadn't thought you dead," he admitted. "But I meant it. And I still do."

Remus paused for a moment and then smiled, not looking at him, and moved his fingers over a spot on the page. Sirius turned his head and saw the pads of his fingers tracing the words _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

"I meant that, too," he said, turning back and grinning broadly.

Remus smirked.

"And what happens when you get tired of me and feel like shagging… I dunno… Lola, or someone?"

Sirius laughed.

"Moony, I love you, but… I'll always want to shag Lola."

Remus snapped the journal shut and wacked him over the head with it.

Sirius ducked and laughed loudly into Remus' neck.

"Hey! I said I _want_ to, not that I'm _going_ to."

"Bugger off."

"Don't pretend you never gawk over her cleavage, I've caught you at it."

Remus opened his mouth to protest, but then reconsidered.

"Fine. I don't bloody _gawk_ at her though—,"

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius yawned, nuzzling closer into Remus' shoulder and pressing his lips into the tanned freckled skin.

Remus sighed and leaned into him.

"Sorry you had to go through all that… thinking I was dead and all…," he whispered

Sirius shook his head, running his lips along the smaller boys shoulder.

"It's nothing compared to what you went through."

Remus reached up and slid his hands into Sirius' rumpled hair, pulling him closer until he was on top of him.

"It could be just like this, forever," he sighed. "Just take me _away_."

Sirius paused for a moment, looking down at the brown haired boy in the dim morning light, all mussed up from sleep and completely fucking gorgeous.

"Would you want to move in together?" he asked.

Time itself seemed to stall as Remus froze, like a deer trapped in the headlights, and Sirius immediately began building a brick wall around his heart to protect it against any harm...

But then, almost inaudibly, Remus' breath hitched. His eyes darted back and forth between Sirius' until… a small grin hitched on the corner of his mouth and, ever so slightly, he nodded.

Sirius beamed and leaned down to capture Remus' mouth with his own.

In seconds they were ravishing each other, tearing frantically at clothes and sheets and hair, and _god_ just needing to be closer. Sharp gasps for air and moans escaped them as they writhed against the other. As their lack of air peaked, Remus reached up and pulled roughly on Sirius' hair, yanking his head back and biting hard into the nape of his neck.

Moaning, Sirius ground his hips harder down into Remus' growing erection, almost thrown over the edge by the pain and pressure of Remus' teeth gripping onto him. Something untamed released inside his chest, overpowered by the pure animalistic lust that only Remus could bring to the surface.

He fumbled and reached down to grasp the other boys erection, stroking it roughly as he arched up in response.

"_Oh_…," Remus moaned, staring down with an almost pained expression as Sirius slicked his hand with precum and began pumping the shaft in a steady rhythm.

Wet, indecent sounds filled the air as his hand moved faster and Remus began panting harder, his eyes closing, head tipping back in ecstasy. His hand came up to brace himself on Sirius' shoulder and his hips began thrusting upwards in sync with the other boys strokes.

Not wanting it to end so soon, Sirius slowed his hand and rutted hard against him once before leaning up and capturing Remus' lips in a fierce kiss. The other boy pulled him in closer, crushing their mouths together hungrily.

Remus' fingers scrambled against the mattress and then snatched up his wand to place a silencing charm on the curtains.

Sirius had reached for his own wand, ready to perform their usual spells, when Remus blocked it with his hand, shaking his head.

"It doesn't work anymore."

Sirius frowned. Remus grinned almost guiltily.

"That spell only ever worked by turning pain nerves into pleasure. But we've been going at it too often these last few week's… ," he sniggered, "it wouldn't hurt anymore, so that spell has no effect."

Sirius scowled, calculating something.

"So it won't feel good for you? You won't feel anything from now on?"

Remus shrugged.

"It might. I dunno. But I can't feel anything with that spell masking all my nerves, so it's just better to go without it."

Sirius lowered his eyes.

"Oh…" he said. "…well…I'm still doing the cleaning charm…"

Remus burst out laughing. His lithe body wriggled as Sirius, grinning wickedly at his amusement, stripped the rest of his clothes off.

Licking his lips, Sirius leaned up and placed a quick affectionate kiss on Remus' mouth. As he moved lower again, Remus held onto the brim of his black t-shirt and peeled it off him.

"There you are," Remus breathed, staring at the newly exposed chest.

Sirius shivered under the hunger of his eyes. They gazed lower until they were fixated on the trail of black pubic hair that disappeared into the drawstring of his pajamas. He reached to push them off his hips, then pulled Sirius forward until their erections were flush-against each other.

"Uunnggh," Sirius moaned, tipping his head into Remus' neck and bucking desperately into him.

The friction against his cock and Remus' moaning breath in his ear had Sirius reeling. Electric pleasure shot through both of them with each thrust, Remus' fingers digging painfully into Sirius' back as he held on. Both of them were panting and sweating, their hair plastered to their foreheads, trembling in need.

Remus seemed to notice Sirius shaking more and more, and slid his hand down to stop his motions.

"Not so fast, love," he whispered hotly into his ear.

Sirius pulled together all the self-control he had and pushed himself up to straddle Remus' hips.

"You sure you don't want that spell?" he breathed.

Remus shook his head, casting a lub charm on Sirius' member and egging him forward.

Extremely aware of the absence of any pain-relievers, he crouched forward to kiss Remus tenderly as he pushed in slower than he ever had before. And_ fuck_ it was so warm and tight, and all he wanted to do was pound into him relentlessly, but he needed to somehow make this good for him too…

Sirius ended their kiss when he was completely sheathed inside and wrapped his hand around the base of Remus' member, grinning as the other boy arched his back, hair splayed on the pillow, lips falling open with a small whimper.

Biting his lower lip, he began thrusting and stroking in rhythm, gazing at Remus' face to read his reaction.

"Oh… _oh_….," Remus moaned, eyes fluttering closed in ecstasy. His own hips began thrusting involuntarily with Sirius' strokes.

Sirius felt his knees slipping on the sheets and pushed forward for better leverage, when—

Remus' eyes flew open and he convulsed forward, gasping in shock.

"Wha—? Oh _shit_, I'm sorry!" Sirius said hurriedly, pulling out and grabbing Remus by the shoulders to comfort him.

"No, it's not—,"

"I didn't mean to—,"

"It didn't—,"

"I'm _so sorry_—,"

"Sirius!"

Sirius cringed away but stopped talking, expecting Remus to push him off and forget about finishing. But instead, he pulled Sirius in roughly by his hips and moaned wantonly against his lips.

"For the love of _god_, do that to me again."

Sirius blinked.

"What?"

Remus had a silly euphoric expression on his face and a grin tugging on the corner of his mouth.

"I don't know what the _hell_ you just did, but it was incredible," he breathed.

Sirius felt his heart skip a beat as Remus hitched his leg around Sirius' thigh to pull him closer, and then rolled his hips up until their cocks dragged together.

"_Please_," he begged longingly.

Sirius, a little unnerved but more turned on than he'd ever been in his life, adjusted himself again and thrust in. And then, trying to mimic what he'd done the last time, he leaned up on his knees until Remus' pelvis was at a slightly higher angle.

Face set in concentration, he thrust in a few times, shifting slightly each entry until—

Sirius grinned as Remus' cock visibly pulsed. A surprised "_Uh!_" escaped his mouth and he clutched at Sirius in blind desperation.

"You like that?" Sirius whispered sinfully, pulling back and slamming back in pointedly.

Remus' beautiful face was contorted in pleasure as he moaned insatiably. Sirius sped up until the headboard was slammed into the wall and his muscles were cramping from the strain, but he was too lost in arousal. The very sight of Remus losing all control was too provocative for Sirius to bear, and he could feel his cock hardening and the pressure building too fast too soon—

"Remus— I'm gonna—," he moaned.

But Remus was still ahead of him. Reaching down, he grasped his leaking member, breath hitching every time Sirius thrust into him until his body clenched around Sirius' cock and—

"_Sirius_…" he choked out, and then he was cumming and _cumming_, spurting hard as Sirius hit that spot one more time—

Sirius lost it. Eyes watering from the pleasure, his orgasm rocked through him and Remus had to reach up to hold him as he pitched forward. Delicious ecstasy washed over his body as he thrust into completion, the ache in his cock receding as he slowly came down from his high.

"Remus," he sighed, lifting his head to look down at the other boy. "That was…"

He cast around for the right words but couldn't finish. Remus grinned and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah… it was," he whispered back.

Remus pulled him in by the back of the head to snog him senseless, rolling them over until he was straddling Sirius' waist before pulling up.

"I need to shower," he said breathlessly. "If the others aren't around, meet me in there in five."

And with a mischievous grin, he pulled his robe around him and grabbed a towel before slipping out the curtains toward the bathroom.

Sirius laid there as the minutes slid by, head still buzzing in euphoria. He'd never imagined it would be that incredible without all their usual spells… he needed to figure out what _hell_ that thing was inside Remus that made him go wild, and see if he had it himself…

"Padfoot? Are you in there?"

Sirius jumped at the sound of James' voice outside the curtains.

"Hold on! I mean—," he grabbed up his wand and uttered the counter-spell to the Silencing Charm. "Just a second!"

Pulling his pajamas on frantically, he cast his wand around, throwing cleansing charms at the sheets and then tried to smooth his hair flat. He snatched up Remus' crumpled clothes and shoved them under the pillows before clearing his throat and pulling back the curtains.

"Yeah?"

James looked around suspiciously at the bed and then half-glanced at the bathroom door where the sound of slapping water on shower tiles could be heard.

"Moony doing alright?" he asked, sitting down and leaning against the footboard. Sirius settled back against the headboard and shrugged.

"I guess so, you see him as often as I do."

James arched an eyebrow at him.

"I just saw him sneak out of here and into the bathroom," he said bluntly.

Sirius froze, trying to think of a good excuse. James saw the expression on his face and let out a burst of laughter.

"You're fuckin' terrible at lying."

Sirius grinned.

"Sorry..."

James stopped laughing and fiddled with a string on the bedspread.

"So you two… are you… getting serious?"

Sirius considered him for a moment.

"Yeah, I guess so. And actually… we're probably going to be moving in together this summer."

James blinked and stared at Sirius like he'd just sprouted tentacles.

Sirius fidgeted uncomfortably.

Shit… this was harder than he'd thought it would be…

James' eyes darted around, wearing a troubled calculating expression on his face.

"Are you in love with him?" he said finally.

It was almost an accusation.

Sirius winced. He didn't want to touch the subject of "love" with a ten foot pole around James.

"Look, Prongs… this isn't going to change anything. It's not like I'm replacing you."

James' animosity slipped for a second, seemingly reassured. But then his brow furrowed as he realized Sirius hadn't properly answered his question.

"You two _aren't_ in love… are you?"

Damn it.

"Why do you _care_?"

James just looked at him, and Sirius knew he could see right through him. He didn't even know why he bothered trying to hide anything from James anymore. They'd been together for so long their minds might as well be telepathically connected.

Looking down again, James pulled the string out of the blanket and rolled it between his fingers. For some reason, something about him seemed softened.

"Did you ever have a secret _girlfriend_ I never knew about? Or have you always been bent?"

He wasn't angry anymore. He was smirking across the bed at Sirius in jest.

"I'm not _bent_," Sirius said, kicking him. "And I never _wanted_ to like him. I never wanted any of this before it happened, so don't go judging cos you don't know how _weird_ it feels—."

"You think I don't?"

Sirius blinked and then realized he was talking about Lily.

"Oh."

James resumed his fiddling with the stitches.

"Look, mate, she'll come around…"

James scoffed.

"Fat chance."

Sirius hesitated. He really didn't know what to tell him.

"She's changed, though. I think she's already starting to get used to you."

James continued to brood, but in spite of himself, glanced up at Sirius hopefully.

"You think so?"

Sirius nodded.

"Wait…" James said frowning. "I thought you hated her?"

"Nah, I don't hate her," he said, thinking back to their conversation on the train. "She's not so bad anymore. At least she's not friends with Snape now, cos that was a deal-breaker."

James nodded, but seemed lost in his own thoughts. Sirius glanced around and, not seeing anyone else in the room, decided to ask James something that had been nagging at the back of his mind for a while.

"_You_ don't hate that I'm with Remus, do you?"

James looked up at him. His expression was one of extreme uncomfort, but then his eyes darted sideways for a moment, staring into the wall in contemplation. Finally, after twitching his feet and pulling a few more threads from the bedspread, he responded hesitantly.

"It _is_ hard to get used to…"

Sirius' stomach lurched and his spirits sank in disappointment.

"… but…"

Sirius looked back up and saw James surveying him.

"... if you make each other happy, then…I'm happy for you… really. I am."

Sirius raised his eyebrows as if asking _"You sure?"_ and then burst out smiling. James grinned back and shook his head again, swinging his legs over to climb off the bed.

"C'mon, you flaming queen. Our 'Spitting Tea Spoons' just came in from London and they're not going to put themselves on the Slytherin table… "

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>Sirius reached up to wipe the sweat from his brow before looking down to check the time and distance on his watchband. It was later that afternoon and he was jogging steadily beside Remus. They were making their rounds of the Quidditch pitch, just like they had every weekend since the middle of January.<p>

They had began, all those weeks ago, by just walking around the track, then working up to climbing the stadium bleachers, then to light jogging, then to running. Sirius made sure to brew several batches of potions that would make the work-outs easier, and potions that helped lock-in any muscle mass Remus gained. It was definitely paying off. If he hadn't seen him in the worst of it, Sirius would never have known anything bad had happened to him. He was just as healthy now as he had been a year ago, and he was going to prove it right here and now.

Reaching up to adjust a dial on his watch, he waited until they drew closer to the white starting mark on the track before pressing the dial inward and speeding up.

"C'mon, race me," he called over his shoulder as he swept past Remus and ran full-out around the curve.

He heard Remus speed up too, drawing even with him as they flew past the half-way mark. He glanced sideways and saw Remus' face set in concentration, his breathing more even-paced than it had ever been before during these sessions. Sirius pushed himself to go faster, trying to get Remus to catch up. But he was startled when Remus not only stayed at his level, but then passed him as they came back around to the white starting line until he had finished first with a good two-foot gap between them.

Winded, Sirius padded to a stop as Remus sprawled down on the dirt and crossed his arms behind his head, heaving for oxygen.

"Damn," Sirius breathed, utterly impressed. "Not bad, Moony."

Remus grinned and reached down with one hand to clutch a stitch in his side.

"How… far… was that?" Remus panted.

Sirius straightened up and checked the final counts on his watch.

"Five miles in fourty-eight minutes, but that isn't including our warm-up. And that last half-mile took less than four minutes."

Remus, still completely out of breath, burst into a smile.

"Here," Sirius said, pulling a vial from his pocket and uncorking it. "One last potion and then we can head in. I think there's a birthday cake waiting for you upstairs."

"Oh, _please_ tell me it's chocolate," Remus moaned before taking the potion and throwing it back, still lying sprawled on the ground. Immediately his breathing slowed to normal and he stopped holding the cramp in his side.

"I believe it's dark chocolate with strawberries on it," Sirius grinned, offering his hand to Remus who took it and pulled himself up.

Remus swayed a bit as he regained his balance but then grinned, reaching out to grab Sirius' face to place a solid, smacking kiss on him.

"I feel… _really_ great right now," he breathed woozily.

Sirius, never able to keep himself pulled together when Remus kissed him, started babbling.

"I think that's the endorphones or the pheromones or the— hormones? Or the… I don't know what I'm talking about right now…" he trailed off as Remus roared with laughter and dragged him by the arm towards to Quidditch locker rooms.

Sirius regained his full mind as they entered the shower area and pushed Remus down into one of the wooden benches.

"We still have some time to kill…" he said, kneeling down before him between his legs. "What do you want? Anything."

He breathed the last word, quivering in arousal.

Remus tipped his head sideways, reaching up to run a hand through Sirius' hair, grinning at him.

"This morning was… _amazing_," he said. "But…" he whispered softly, leaning in and pulling Sirius closer by the back of his head, "this time… I want to ride you."

A shiver ran through his spine at the sultry tone in Remus' voice.

"_Gods_…," he whispered, reached down and struggling with the drawstring on his running pants.

Remus leaned in to capture his lips, fighting for air as their arousals grew. In mutual sexual frustration they both abandoned their struggles to remove their clothes and just latched on to the other, pulling closer, caressing torsos and shoulders and necks as their mouths drew feverishly together. Sirius' hands slid down and stroked over the hardened bulge on Remus' crotch.

"Uhnng…," Remus moaned, breaking away with his eyes closed tight in desire.

"Does that feel good?" Sirius asked, wrapping his hand around the member through the slippery athletic fiber. "Yeah? You want to put it in my mouth?"

Remus buried his face in Sirius neck, moaning and thrusting into his hand. Sirius smirked to himself. Remus definitely had a thing for dirty talk…

"I love how big your cock gets like this… _fuck_, I want to taste you… do you want me to suck your cock? Do you want to slide it in my mouth and fuck my throat with it?"

Remus whimpered as if in agony, shaking with desire as he clung to Sirius for support.

Swiftly, Sirius reached for his wand and adjusted the temperature in the room. The air turned hot and sticky as he directed his wand at the nearest shower faucet, turning it on until warm water streamed around them, steam rising, fogging their senses deliciously.

"Sirius…"

Sirius flicked his wand at their bodies and their clothes vanished. He threw his wand aside, pushed Remus roughly into the tile wall and then leaned down to suck the length of his burning hot member into his mouth.

He didn't need spells anymore. He just wanted to taste Remus, raw and undiluted, savoring the intoxicating essence of his arousal. Sucking hard, he slid his lips slowly down the shaft until Remus' scent was filling up his senses and the slick head was thrusting in and out of his throat.

"_Guh_… wait… shit, _Sirius!_"

There was a hand in his hair, pulling him up and away forcefully. He reeled back and saw Remus reach down to squeeze the base of his cock, tensing up cautiously. After a moment though he sighed in relief and then lunged forward, pushing Sirius back onto the floor of the steaming shower tiles as he climbed on top of him and straddled his hips.

"God, I just want you _inside_ me," he moaned deliriously, grasping Sirius' member and positioning it against himself.

Sirius almost came right then as Remus rolled his pelvis and eased himself down onto him. Biting his lip, he rose up on his knees and then lowered, circling his hips as he tried to find the same spot they'd discovered earlier that morning.

"Oh, yeah… fuck yourself on me," Sirius breathed, placing his hands on either side of the smaller boys hipbones and watching as his member slide in and out of Remus' tight hole.

"Oh!" Remus gasped suddenly. "I think… I found it…"

He lifted up again and then slammed back down, this time moaning wantonly, his cock twitching and spurting a droplet of precum.

"What's it feel like?" Sirius whispered, trying his hardest not to cum. He wanted to see Remus get off using his hard dick, and he was going to do everything in his power to stave off ejaculating until then.

"It feels like…" Remus moaned again as he moved back down. "It feels like you're stroking my cock, but in my arse…it just feels… _so_… _uungh_…"

Remus leaned forward and braced himself on Sirius' chest as he began fucking himself up and down faster and harder than before, his beautiful features screwed up in desire.

"_Yes_," Sirius hissed through gritted teeth, watching their hips, eyes focused now on Remus' bobbing member.

"Keep talking," Remus moaned. "_Please_…"

He reached up to clutch his hair brown with one hand, completely lost in sensation as he rode Sirius relentlessly, lashes fluttering madly as he tried to keep his eyes open.

This was the side of Remus that Sirius lived to see— the Remus no one else in the world knew except for him. This wild, untamed creature Remus turned into when he let down his guard and forgot about all pretense. It was the _hottest_ thing in the world to see his sweet, mild little Remus transform into a writhing, cock-hungry slut who came undone from the filthiest words. Nothing else on earth turned him on like the way Remus got when he was like this…

Refocusing his attention, Sirius began thrusting back uncontrollably and tried to speak.

"Want you to cum in my mouth," Sirius groaned. It was the first and only thing he could think of right now as he gazed at the boy on top of him. "I wanna feel your _cum_ sliding down my throat."

"_Oh_…,"

Remus abandoned his attempt to keep his eyes open and reached up to rub his palm into one of his nipples.

"Yeah, that's it… ram yourself on me till you can't fucking _breathe_ anymore…"

Head tipping back, Remus arched his spine and rolled his hips hard into Sirius' pelvis. Gasping in shock, Sirius forced his mind to think about the most unpleasant situations his imagination was capable of to keep from losing all control.

"_Shit!" _he seethed, digging his nails into the creamy skin of Remus buttocks. It felt _incredible_ and Remus looked sexier than all hell doing it.

Sirius felt his peak rising dangerously fast. There was too much pressure on his cock with Remus grinding into him, stimulating his balls and squeezing him deliciously as he rolled his hips and reached down to stroke himself over the edge as well—

"Fuck!" Sirius burst out as his cock exploded and his thighs trembled uncontrollably. Wave after wave crashed through him, every cell in his body lit on fire with the force of it.

With as much mental force as he could muster, he beckoned Remus forward with his hands, trying to pull him up his body as he begged, "_Please_, cum in my mouth... _Please_… shoot it down my throat, I want to swallow it."

Remus fell forward and, with Sirius pulling his hips upward towards his face, jerked his prick achingly until it throbbed in his fist and he came forcefully on Sirius' face and mouth. Licking what he could up, Sirius lifted his head and sucked the rest of Remus' orgasm from the tip before swallowing hard around him.

"Uungh…" Remus choked, the arm supporting his body shaking violently.

Panting hard, Sirius let Remus' spent cock slip from his lips. He ran his hands soothingly up and down Remus' still-clenching thighs as the other boy sat back onto his chest and reached up to stroke his face.

An exhausted little smile formed on Remus' features and he shook his head bemusedly before breathing,

"You've _got_ to try this sometime."

* * *

><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

* * *

><p>"Pete, you've already had three pieces, how can you possibly still want more?"<p>

"They weren't very big pieces."

"It's a four layer cake with filling, I assumed the height would account for the width."

Remus shoved Sirius in the shoulder and grabbed the knife from his hand to serve Peter another piece.

"Here, Wormy, don't listen to this idiot. He doesn't appreciate how good chocolate is."

"Yes I do…"

"No," Peter said with a mouthful of cake. "You _really_ don't or you'd never stop eating this."

It was close to eleven and they were lounging around the Astronomy Tower waiting for their mid-term test to begin at midnight. They'd snuck up earlier than everyone else to set off fireworks, play a few games of chess and exploding snap, and finish off the rest of the cake and butterbeer from their earlier party. A small enchanted blue fire glowed in the center of their circle, keeping them warm from the chilly springtime breeze. Earlier, Sirius and James had slipped some vomit-inducing potion into Filch's dinner goblet, which kept him and his cat at bay for the evening.

Sirius lit off another sparkler and sent it up into the night sky, where it burst and multiplied into three other fireworks. They danced and skittered around before fizzling out and dropping silently into the inky blackness of the lake.

He glanced sideways and saw Remus follow its progression, the golden embers glittering in his brown eyes. Sirius' mind wandered for a bit as his eyes took in Remus' lips, his little freckled nose, and the soft brown hair that blew around in the wind. One lock fell forward into his eyes and he reached up to tuck it back, turning his head and—

"_Damnit_," Sirius thought as he looked away quickly. That must have been the fifth time Remus had caught him staring in the last hour alone.

"You almost ready for these exams, Moons?" James asked over a game of chess he was playing with Peter.

Remus went back to his book and nodded.

"I think so. Care of Magical Creatures will probably be the hardest since I wasn't here to actually tend to those pregnant unicorns."

"I don't think Kettleburn is going to test you on that, I heard him speaking with Slughorn about it," Sirius said as James' Queen pummeled Peter's Bishop. "But I'll write it all up for you to study anyways."

"Are you sure? When did you hear him say that?"

"I had to steal some ingredients from the potion supply closet and he was in the classroom with Slughorn. Slughorn's not letting you off the hook though, so you better know all your potions."

"Loony bastard," James muttered and Sirius grinned at him.

James leaned forward and pulled the Marauders Map out of his satchel.

"We're almost finished, mates!" he said, unraveling it and scanning the face for teachers.

"What else needs to be done?"

"Just a few spells to keep it hidden from teachers. And then let's see… we need to fix that glitch with our Animagus forms, our names haven't been appearing after we've transformed. Oh and, just so you all know, it's been listening to our conversations since yesterday."

James took a swig of butterbeer and, when no one responded, casually glanced up.

All three of them were staring at James as if he'd gone mad.

"What?" James yelped defensively.

"It's been _listening_ to our _conversations_?" Peter repeated, eyebrows raised.

"Well, yeah, it needs to get a sense of our personalities. If, say…. I dunno… _Snape_ for example gets his greasy hands on it, I want it to say something like— _mind your own business, you ugly git_."

Sirius roared with laughter.

"Why can't you just have a message that tells him to keep his nose out of other people's business?" Remus said, rolling his eyes but grinning anyways.

"Nah, this ways much more fun," Peter said. "We should have it say _wash your hair, you slimeball_."

"It probably _will_ now that you've said it, it's still recording everything," James grinned as the others doubled over laughing. "But anyways—_Mister_ Moony, would you do the honors?"

"What's that?"

"It needs a few spells. I'll read them off and you cast them."

Sirius glanced over and saw Remus reach out to accept the parchment from James, his face set in determination. Sirius caught his eye for a moment and gave him a fraction of a nod for support.

"Alright then. Ready." Remus straightened up with his wand held aloft.

James flipped through one of his books, eyes scanning.

"This has two parts to it— _Veritatum_ to keep it from lying and _Perdere Imaginatio_ to keep from inventing details. Follow them with _Servare Incantatum_, and at the very end put the _Perpetuum_ charm on it."

"I can't do _Perpetuum_—,"

"Yes you can," Sirius interjected.

"No I can't_—"_

"He can," Sirius whispered to James.

Remus did a double take indignantly.

"I can _hear_ you, I'm sitting _right_ _here_—,"

"Just get on with Moons," James laughed.

Remus glared at Sirius before clearing his throat and casting each spell. The parchment sat quite still during the process, with the only signals of disturbance being the swooshing sound of magic and the tiny balls of light that erupted from Remus' wand before disappearing into the surface of the map.

James read off several more spells— to guard against Dark Magic, to repeal revealing charms, to safeguard it from burning, and to place its trust only in true troublemakers— before James announced they were done with spells for the night.

"Alright then. Cast the _Perpetuum_ charm and I'll finish up the cover art tomorrow. I'll need to do some more research to figure out how to keep our names when we're Animagus, though."

Sirius observed Remus expectantly. The smaller boy narrowed his eyes at him.

"That spell is beyond N.E.W.T. level. I can't do it," he reiterated point-blank, enunciating the last sentence for emphasis.

"You bloody well _can_ so just shut up and cast it."

"Fine!" Remus spat impatiently. He jabbed his wand through the air, cried _Perpetuum! _forcefully in anger, and then rounded on Sirius.

"You s_ee_, you great prat, I can't—."

Remus stopped short and turned to stare at the parchment, frowning. The sound of a magical seal had just rent the air and the parchment glowed bright gold for a moment before darkening and returning to normal.

"Ha!" Peter barked before dissolving into peals of laughter.

"Note to self," James announced. "When in need of a difficult spell, get Moony seriously pissed off."

Remus was still blinking in disbelief at the map. Sirius sniggered in amusement at the astonished expression on his face until the brown eyes found their way to his.

"Told you," Sirius smirked.

Remus grinned despite himself and shook his head in bemusement as he tossed the parchment back to James.

Sirius leaned in to grab another firework to light off, and as he did so, Remus looked at him again and a beam of understanding shot between them.

Sirius knew how hard it was for Remus to trust in himself. In all their years on this earth, not one of them had experienced more pain, suffering, or self-hatred than Remus had in the past year alone. Fear and doubt would hang on his shoulders for years to come, and it was going to take constant positive reinforcement to rid it entirely. But no matter how hard it was going to be for Remus to get through these next few months, Sirius was going to be there.

There was no way in hell anyone was ever going to touch his Remus again. And there was no way in hell Remus would ever fail in his ambitions, not if Sirius had anything to say about it.

Tapping his wand once against the firework to light the fuse, he turned it over and, before it could fly off, muttered an alteration charm on it before throwing it skyward.

"Oy, look over there, is that one of Hagrids acromatulas?"

As James and Peter looked around curiously, Sirius swiftly leaned backward, twisting around to place a silent kiss on Remus' cheek, then whispering "Look up."

Remus, a bit surprised but not missing a beat, glanced upward and saw an exact replica of the Christmas mistletoe they had shared their first real kiss under more than a year ago bursting into sparkling embers as the firework exploded. Grinning, he turned back to Sirius and leaned in to capture his lips, kissing him tenderly for a moment.

"I don't see it! Where are you talking about?"

"Oh, sorry mates, I think it's just some gnarled root over there by the lake," Sirius grinned, pulling away and turning back around.

"Oh," James said in disappointment, sinking back on his knees. He looked up to see the firework and frowned. "Funny looking shape, that one."

"Yeah, what's it supposed to be?" Peter asked, cocking his heads sideways to see it at a different angle.

Both he and Remus doubled over laughing.

James and Peter looked at them curiously.

"What the hell? What's going on?"

"Nothing," Remus smirked.

James cast them an exasperated look, lifting his eyebrows suspiciously. Sirius just smiled back cockily.

"Where's the map? You check it for teachers again?"

"Yeah, looks like Sinistra is heading to her office," James muttered, scanning the surface. "And Evans— I mean, the rest of class— is already in the common room. We've got another five minutes before they're all up here."

They reached around, pulling their belongings into their bags and cleaning up the mess of their empty butterbeer bottles and cake remnants. When they had finished, Remus straightened up and stretched out his arm to James.

"Let me see that."

James handed it over.

"What are you planning on doing with it? We've already finished up all our mischief tonight."

"Yeah…," Remus murmured absentmindedly. He pulled out his wand and tapped the surface a few times. "Have you put any protective charms on it yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Well," Remus said smartly, flicking his wand in a complicated intricate motion, his eyebrows pulled together in concentration as he strung a slew of interlinking charms together. "Since our nightly escapade is over, let's just saaay…"

"Mischief managed," Sirius offered.

Remus grinned at him, looked back down at the map, and then tapped it one more time. A bright ray of scarlet shot from his wand and sunk itself into the ink on the page as he repeated,

"Mischief managed."

**.x~The End~x.**

* * *

><p><strong>:::Authors Final Notes:::<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Well here we are. At the end. *sniffs*<strong>

**I'm making a big deal about it cos this story is my baby :) **

**This story has been a long time coming. I've been mulling the ideas of it over in my head for about four years now. So my hope for it now that it's finished is that some of you will add it to your Favorites list and come back to it years later, the same way I go back to MY favorite stories years later and reread them like comfort-fiction. Thank you to everyone who has followed this story from start to finish. Thank you to those few who have reviewed each chapter as they finished reading them (I love raw reactions!). Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added it to their Alerts and Favorites lists. Thank you to my beta's JesseBarbieHeart and DistantLands, and everyone who has helped find my little grammar errors (they are **_**still**_** being found, and until I find the last this story is technically still a work in progress). **

**And if I haven't thanked you yet, just… thank you for reading :)**

* * *

><p><strong>~*BEHIND THE SCENES DETAILS*~<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>::Kate's Epilogue::<strong>

**In my little world, Kate succeeds in her program and goes on to become a Healer at St. Mungos before being recruited by Dr. Leibrock. She moves to Quebec a year before the First Wizarding War ends and lives the rest of her life there. She never marries but she does adopt a three year-old girl in 1991 who had been bitten and then disowned by her family because of her lycanthropy. When Voldemort is defeated in 1998, her adopted daughter grows up in a world that is more accepting of werewolves, and she does not struggle to find work or social equality like Remus and Kate did. Kate dies in 2009 at the age of 64, which for a werewolf is a very good age to get to.**

* * *

><p><strong>::Kate vs Kevin::<strong>

**My character Kate was originally going to be an Irish man named "Kevin". I figured because I had already created a girl OC (Mary) I should branch out with a male OC. But no matter how I tried it, it didn't work. A freak accident where a "Kevin" was bitten wouldn't have revealed to him why Greyback hides underground or how he operates. But as soon as I re-thought the character and replaced it with a female, everything fell into place. It just made sense that a 14 year old Greyback, who'd been raised in a cruel environment and conditioned to favor the dark arts, would do something like capture a young pretty girl. It made sense that he would do everything to a **_**her,**_** instead of a **_**him**_**. It suited Greyback's personality much better, since in canon his dialogue has a tint of sexual threatening anyways. So "Kevin" became "Kate", and there ya go :P**

* * *

><p><strong>::Major Blooper::<strong>

**As commented by Ron Weasley in the fifth Harry Potter book, the wizarding world does not recognize nor understand the meaning of the title "Doctor". When I was casually flicking through my old worn out books on a camping trip in June, I saw this and immediately burst out laughing at my mistake. But it's also kind of too late to change it, sooo… it's staying. Dr Leibrock is stuck with "Doctor" because frankly I'm just too lazy to go back and correct it :P**

* * *

><p><strong>::The Spells::<strong>

**First of all, I love Wandplay!Sex. A lot. It's much cleaner than real sex and the possibilities are endless.**

**With that being said, I don't bullshit anything. So when I needed spells, I didn't just invent them randomly. I would look up real spells invented by JKR and then pull up another tab with Google translate, changing English-Latin. Most of my original spells can easily be translated back by simply going to Google and switching it around to translate Latin-English. Some of them are a weirder combination: for example, my fox conjuring spell Vulpesortia was inspired by Serpensortia, a mixture of the Latin word for snake and the French word Sortir for "to leave/come out of". This was of course used by Draco Malfoy in the second HP book. I liked it a lot, but I needed a less-evil creature that Remus (as a Gryffindor) would choose to conjure. So I settled on the idea of a red fox. I substituted the Latin snake word for the Latin fox word, Vulpes. Oppugno, used to make the foxes charge, is a spell from the books and is the Latin word for "attack". **

**I hope you enjoyed all my little spells, cos it was a lot of fun making them! :)**

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><p><strong>::Frank and Alice's age (which in my story is not the same as the Marauder's)::<strong>

**JKR has never said when Frank and Alice attended school, but I think a lot of fan fiction authors like to portray them as school mates to the Marauders because they think Frank/Alice/Neville are supposed to mirror James/Lily/Harry exactly. But to me that doesn't make any sense. For them to graduate in the exact same year, get married around the same time, and then to have baby boys on the exact same day of the exact same year is completely unrealistic to me. Also, JKR has stated that it takes 3 years of training to become an Auror, so if Frank and Alice had been attacked at the age of 21 like Lily and James had, then they wouldn't have even had the time to become the "well respected Aurors" that Dumbledore calls them in the books. They would have literally graduated from training and then been tortured into insanity the next day practically. In my story, Frank is supposed to be 22 years old (having taken 3 years to become an Auror and then another year before they put him out into the field) and Alice, who is currently his fiancé in here, is 20 and still in training (which is why you don't see her during the battle). So in this reality, Frank and Alice are attacked by Death Eaters at the ages of 27 and 25 respectively.**

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><p><strong>::Remus and Sirius' sexuality (in MY story)::<strong>

**They are both straight. With the exception of each other. You know that whole expression "Love is friendship set on fire."? That's what I was aiming at here. So yes, somewhere down the road in this reality, Remus still gets married to Tonks. I told you guys, it's canon. And for the record, I think Remus and Tonks are adorable. She's such a badass and is basically Sirius in girl-form (not as hot though). I know, it sucks, because their fates in canon are so god damn depressing it should be illegal, but KEEP IN MIND that they don't actually exhist in real life in the first place and therefore can have any happy ending we damn well want them to. So ha HA, take that miss Joanne-I-treat-my-best-characters-like-shit-Rowling! Take. That.**

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><p><strong>::Random Dedication::<strong>

**I would like to dedicate the Dom!Remus smut scene in chapter 29 to the anonymous troll who sometimes goes by the names Liz and Susan. I've seen this troll before (who apparently only posts a review to whine about how it, quote "sucks big time" that Remus is on top) and I deliberately re-wrote that entire scene to have Remus on top just for her. I wanted to see if this troll was reading my story and was ECSTATIC to find out she was. You see, trolls like this need to be put in their places. I do not want trolls like this as a part of my fan base, and am very pleased that I pissed her off. Something about the stupidity and the intolerance of her comments just really got on my nerves. My goal was to weed her out and it worked! So hopefully she is now gone and will never read this. I have not deleted her comment either and will wear it as a badge of honor for as long as this website survives. After all, to be insulted by a moron is the highest compliment anyone can hope to receive :)**

**p.s. to Katy: Thanks for the support girl, but she's not worth getting so **_**mad**_** about! Just laugh at her stupidity and move on :) *goes into happy zen-like place and hums like a Buddhist monk* :P**

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><p><strong>.x~*~x.<strong>

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><p><strong>~*Next Story*~<strong>

**I'm writing another story right now. It is full of smut. LOTS of it. And it's really AU (and, as promised to Lizzy0308, this one will have a happy AU ending). Here is the preview/teaser that will hopefully get you all interested in reading it:**

.x~*~x.

(Sirius' POV)

How had he not realized it _before_?

There were so many hints, so many clues that he had never bothered piecing together.

Remus, for the entire seven years they'd known him, had never made jokes about wanking off. He would appear annoyed whenever the subject of erections came up at all. Even Sirius' lewd posters of half-naked girls, while greatly appreciated by the other members of their dorm, seemed to do nothing but irritate him.

So as Sirius stared down at the mind-blowing paragraph on werewolf sexuality in the library's copy of '_Werewolves: Life Processes'_, everything seemed to snap into place like an incredible epiphany:

"_From the moment a werewolf is confirmed as contaminated, a special magical operation is preformed on their reproductive organs. As a way of containing the werewolf population and ensuring their condition is not passed onto a baby, Healers in five countries around the world cast the Delere Libidinem spell. It is classified as a spell, but some werewolf activists consider it to be a curse. Whatever classification, though, Delere Libidinem is an extremely complicated enchantment which, when preformed right and alongside the Perpetuum charm, completely eliminates all sexual arousal in the patient. While their body still develops normally and goes through puberty, their sexual desire, lust for mates, or excitement of any kind in their genitalia never occurs. This spell should not be confused with Magical Castration, but it acts in a similar way to suppress all urges to reproduce. Delere Libidinem keeps the werewolf in a pre-puberty state of mind, even as their bodies develop naturally. Their thoughts are not drawn to members of society to which they would normally be attracted to, and chemicals which are usually released to stimulate sexual arousal are permanently blocked. _

_For the full history of the debate over its curse vs. spell classification, see Chapter 14, Werewolves: Civil Rights Struggles_

_The five countries which enforce the spell on all newly contaminated werewolves are as follows: South Africa, Brazil, Spain, United States, and United Kingdom."_

Sirius finished re-reading and stared horrified at the article.

"Padfoot?"

He looked up.

Remus was sitting across from him at the library table, bending over his NEWT level essay on the elements of a Corporeal Patronus.

"What are you reading? You look terrified."

.x~*~x.

**So there it is! The story is going to focus on Sirius reversing the **_**Delere Libidinem **_**spell and then teaching Remus about all the sexual fun he's been missing out on! And somewhere along the way, he falls for Remus. **

**Smut Forever! Woot!**

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><p><strong>Nothing left to do except beg for your final opinionsreactions to Silver and Bullets. So without further ado:**

**~*Please Review!*~**


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